October
Member
Some things about me and my lonely life.
I am a lone man, but not altogether lonely. I am the wall standing between a ‘normal’, socially active life, and the one I live. My outlook on life has always kept me partially isolated from others. I used to fake it, by assuming the necessary personality to fit in, but over time I have learned to live my life, my way, within the laws of society. Because I choose to be antisocial, Some people think I have an elitist attitude, and place myself above the human race, on the contrary, I am very humble and respect and love people more than anything else in this world. I just haven’t figured out a way to socialize with them…yet.
I am the master of ‘small talk’ in real life, to the point of being annoyed with myself. It is great for work though, my employers love the fact I don’t gossip or waste time on Monday morning talking about my Friday night adventures at the local pub. I am friendly enough, but at the same time I can see that people feel frozen from what they assume is a cold shoulder.
I am quirky, Not in a ‘don’t invite this guy to dinner’ kind of way, but in a ‘he is just a little different’ sort of way. Trying to make sense out of the would has consumed a good portion of my time, and it shows. I tend to over analyze people in an effort to find the real meaning behind their actions, this has hampered my love life, my family life and the majority of my relationships.
Example: I was in the market yesterday and the cashier said to me, after I purchased a can of coffee and some bananas, “make sure to get out there and enjoy the day.” He leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice. Then said “This is, after all, god’s country”. This may have been the meaningless conversation of an overworked grocery clerk, but it struck me in a strange way. I spent the next few hours trying to pick it apart, like a dog trying to scavenge the last piece of meat off a thoroughly chewed bone. Was the cashier implying that I am wasting my life? Was he making the assumption that I don’t take each day as a blessing? Was he trying to push his faith on me? Could he tell, by just looking at me, that I am a reclusive man with no friends? How could he tell, having no prior knowledge of me, and judging by my small purchase, that I don’t seize each day by the haunches and pound it into submission? I was confused, and trying my best not to over think it….I failed. Needless to say I will go through his line again, and again, and again, and yet again, trying to piece together his assumption of me. I don’t care what he thinks, really, but It is like a puzzle for me.
All in all, I am pretty happy. With my discovery of the internet 3 years ago I have found a way to socialize without searching for meanings behind everything. Text/online based relationships are a refreshing breath of air for me. I don’t search for hidden undertones of malice or envy, joy or sadness. I don’t pick apart the conversations for hours/days/weeks until finally settling on the fact that I am nuts!
That is all I have for now. Can’t wait to get more involved in the community, and maybe I’ll swing by the chat someday, too!
I am a lone man, but not altogether lonely. I am the wall standing between a ‘normal’, socially active life, and the one I live. My outlook on life has always kept me partially isolated from others. I used to fake it, by assuming the necessary personality to fit in, but over time I have learned to live my life, my way, within the laws of society. Because I choose to be antisocial, Some people think I have an elitist attitude, and place myself above the human race, on the contrary, I am very humble and respect and love people more than anything else in this world. I just haven’t figured out a way to socialize with them…yet.
I am the master of ‘small talk’ in real life, to the point of being annoyed with myself. It is great for work though, my employers love the fact I don’t gossip or waste time on Monday morning talking about my Friday night adventures at the local pub. I am friendly enough, but at the same time I can see that people feel frozen from what they assume is a cold shoulder.
I am quirky, Not in a ‘don’t invite this guy to dinner’ kind of way, but in a ‘he is just a little different’ sort of way. Trying to make sense out of the would has consumed a good portion of my time, and it shows. I tend to over analyze people in an effort to find the real meaning behind their actions, this has hampered my love life, my family life and the majority of my relationships.
Example: I was in the market yesterday and the cashier said to me, after I purchased a can of coffee and some bananas, “make sure to get out there and enjoy the day.” He leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice. Then said “This is, after all, god’s country”. This may have been the meaningless conversation of an overworked grocery clerk, but it struck me in a strange way. I spent the next few hours trying to pick it apart, like a dog trying to scavenge the last piece of meat off a thoroughly chewed bone. Was the cashier implying that I am wasting my life? Was he making the assumption that I don’t take each day as a blessing? Was he trying to push his faith on me? Could he tell, by just looking at me, that I am a reclusive man with no friends? How could he tell, having no prior knowledge of me, and judging by my small purchase, that I don’t seize each day by the haunches and pound it into submission? I was confused, and trying my best not to over think it….I failed. Needless to say I will go through his line again, and again, and again, and yet again, trying to piece together his assumption of me. I don’t care what he thinks, really, but It is like a puzzle for me.
All in all, I am pretty happy. With my discovery of the internet 3 years ago I have found a way to socialize without searching for meanings behind everything. Text/online based relationships are a refreshing breath of air for me. I don’t search for hidden undertones of malice or envy, joy or sadness. I don’t pick apart the conversations for hours/days/weeks until finally settling on the fact that I am nuts!
That is all I have for now. Can’t wait to get more involved in the community, and maybe I’ll swing by the chat someday, too!
