My parents and my wedding

[Tuppence]

You're right, ladyforsaken. They won't be there. They told me today. I've done nothing but cry ever since. The girls are with their dad. I hope I'd have been able to keep it together for their sake. I'll find out when they get home, I'll do my best for them. My fiancé is making more tea. I don't know if it really helps, but it's nice he wants to. He's upset too. He thinks he must have done something wrong. But I'm the one who's wrong.

How do I stop caring, Vanillacreme?

Thank you to everyone who replied.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm so sorry to hear about that Tuppence. *hugs*

Use the hurt.. and anger.. to stop caring. Not sure if it's a healthy way of it.. but I use it to do so.. cos I find it hard not to care.. in any situation.

You're not wrong, your fiance is not wrong.. it's just that your parents can't give you the support and care you yearn for. Like I said.. no point.. can't change them. Now make the best of your life with your family.. and make them happy the way you couldn't be by your parents. :\

 

[VanillaCreme]

You're right, ladyforsaken. They won't be there. They told me today. I've done nothing but cry ever since. The girls are with their dad. I hope I'd have been able to keep it together for their sake. I'll find out when they get home, I'll do my best for them. My fiancé is making more tea. I don't know if it really helps, but it's nice he wants to. He's upset too. He thinks he must have done something wrong. But I'm the one who's wrong.

How do I stop caring, Vanillacreme?

Thank you to everyone who replied.

I don't think you can stop caring, as much as it is you'll realize eventually that they'll be who they are regardless. They might do this with every person you introduce them too. I'm not about to put blame on your guy, because he seems to be treating you kindly, and at the end of the day, isn't that all you really want anyway?

Just by what you told Lady, I say don't let him go. Seems like you've found someone who cares about you, and who can stand your family enough to stick with you. Many people would have walked away. So it comes back to me saying, do what's good for you. You may never stop caring, but hopefully you'll see through their words and action and keep ticking to your clock. This is no one's time but yours and your guy's.

 

[Tuppence]

As things stand, the wedding is off. We only have one guest left. The only person who wants to come is the girls' dad. Maybe he should bring his girlfriend. They can be my witnesses and he can give me away.

There must be something wrong with me. Not even my parents want to come to my wedding. It's devastating. My fiancé has no one to invite, his mother died a few years ago and I believe his father is also dead, but he left when my fiancé was little, he hardly talks about his dad. He's sad his mum won't be there, but he says he'll be happy just to be with the girls and me.

He's being very kind. So kind, I feel guilty for not being happy, but he says that's all right. I had a cuddle with the girls when they got home. They're in bed now, but they won't be asleep all night! I do love them. I don't want them to grow up too fast, but I love the thought of them getting married one day, I'll be so proud and happy.

Thank you, ladyforsaken and Vanilla for replying. I'll just have to try, I suppose. I hope over time it will hurt less. I am angry as well as sad. So far, I've always forgiven them no matter how much they've hurt me. This will be harder to forgive. Maybe this is what will finally make me realise nothing I do will ever be right. But I have a new family, they're the important ones. I don't want to hurt them because I'm too hung up on my parents. There are 3 people who love me. I shouldn't want or expect more.

I need to do some things around the house, I've done almost nothing today. But I'll come back later if I can. You've done so much for me, I'd like to help you.

 

[Limlim]

Instead of a wedding you can always just get a JP to sign you off on it. No need to cancel everything.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not to be mean, but do they have to come? I mean, if they don't support you or want to come, let that be on their shoulders. Don't put your life or happiness on hold because of them. You really don't want to look back and regret not going for something because people want to be selfish and stubborn.

I'd tell them, "Look, I'm sorry you don't agree with it, and I'm sorry that you refuse to be happy for us, but I'm doing this. And whether I have your support and good blessings or not, I'm doing this for myself."

Because let's face it, even if they didn't like it one bit for whatever reason, they should still slap on a smile for you. I dislike my brother's wife immensely and I wasn't rude or miserable at their wedding. That was their day. That was her time. And regardless of me disliking her (I would say hate, but she's not worth the effort), I still didn't ruin it for them.

 

[Edward W]

I can understand you wanting your parents approval, and to have them there, (and I can't understand why they wont), but you are creating a new family, a new future. I still think you should go ahead.

Route planner reckons you are approx 130 miles away, (depending on where you live, I used the golf course as my end point), if it comes to it and there's no one else, I could possibly come instead.

But only if there's cake...

But seriously, this is YOUR life - YOUR family - Do what is best for YOU!

 

[Tuppence]

aw Edward, thank you That's so kind of you, I appreciate it so much. 130 miles sounds like a long way, but I really appreciate the thought., But there will be cake, don't worry.

Limlim, thank you for the suggestion. I didn't know about JPs. We really wanted a church wedding, but the most important thing is who I'm marrying, not where. I suppose I don't really need to walk down an aisle. It's just a bit of floor. Though I hope my girls can still be my bridesmaids. A wedding in a church with one or two guests might be awkward.

They don't have to come, Vanilla. I just really thought they'd want to. You're right, I don't want to look back and regret anything. The marriage matters more than the wedding. But I wish they could be there. I wish they loved me. I've always dreamed of my wedding. But maybe they'd spoil it more if they were there than if they weren't. They'd probably keep reminding me it was really nice of them to be there, and what a great inconvenience it is. Maybe it's a good thing they won't be there.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it would be awkward. There are more people than you would imagine who have small weddings in churches (large or smaller churches) with just a few people. So, I wouldn't say that was awkward at all.

I think it's sad, and like Edward said, I also do not understand why they refuse to support you two. I have no idea. I'm a completely stranger to you, and I'm cheering for you two. I really don't understand.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

What is the rush to get married? It's not going to change your current situation that much and may make it even worse since there seems to be a lack of support for it.

It sounds like you really haven't been with your current guy for that long and have recently moved in together. Why not give it some time to allow the people who matter to you to see that it's for real and not a whimsical thing. If they see the commitment from both of you they'll be more inclined to be supportive in the future.

Try to look at it from a perspective other than your own- you've got two very young children with one guy, live with another that seems a recent addition to your life and who, judging by posts you've previously made in other threads, you don't really seem to express any kind of a passion for- it comes across as convenient. Is that what you want?

If I'm wrong, so be it, but this whole thing comes across as "I don't have any better offers so I'll settle....".

 

[Tuppence]

Vanilla, thank you. It's so nice to know that someone is, it's a lovely thing to say.

Wilderness, that's a really hurtful thing to say, but maybe that's what my parents think. Of course I love him, and if all I wanted was 'convenience', I'd be marrying someone with a job. He wanted us to get married before we moved in, we compromised with an engagement and a fairly quick wedding. He suggested putting it off today, he wondered if it might make a difference to my parents. But I don't know.

Time to get off this site, I think, and make sure he knows how incredible he was today. And every day.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't see it as a rush at all. I have no idea where WWC got that from. I just think it's two people ready to become husband and wife, yet don't have the support from either and/or both families. I see not a hint of rush there. Besides, no one's to say what rushing is to anyone else. Some people get married 6 months later... Some marry 16 years later. I see nothing wrong with either.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Putting off the wedding won't change the way your parents think or they way they treat you.

I think you should stop expecting or wanting them to be there to support you. I think you should just accept the fact that there won't be anyone around.. as painful as it sounds though. Shame though, like Edward, if I was nearer, I'd support you with it.

Don't allow them to continue hurting you. You can stop it.. by not expecting them to be part of your life events. They don't seem willing to be involved anyway.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I have no idea where WWC got that from. I

Well...from previous posts, the OP implies that her and her fiancee' haven't been together very long. That's probably what he means.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I have no idea where WWC got that from. I

Well...from previous posts, the OP implies that her and her fiancee' haven't been together very long. That's probably what he means.

Ah, I see that. Still though, amount of time depends on the person I suppose.

 

[Tuppence]

I spoke to my parents and they've decided they will come to the wedding

They'll probably change their minds a few times before it happens (in October), but I'm so happy.

Thank you for all the support

 

[ladyforsaken]

Just don't get your hopes up too high, as you said, they might change their minds again. Good luck, Tuppence, and hope the preparations are going all right.

 

[Edward W]

Yeah, sounds good - All my best wishes too!