My Therapist told Me To Go For Quiet Guys

[mintymint]

Is there a different therapist you can go to? In a therapist-patient relationship it is important that some level of respect is there at least. Otherwise it is money thrown out the window, as far as I'm concerned. :/

Yeah, I don't get why people waste money on a therapist they're not crazy about. They should really shop around.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I start therapy (again) tomorrow. Doc says I HAVE TO DO IT.

I really dont like this woman, and she only lectures about things I already know.

How can I tell her to STFU gracefully.


lol. IDK.

Or, giving this more thought, once she starts lecturing you on things which you already know (to use your words) you could say to her "I hear what you're saying and I understand, but are there any concrete suggestions you can make for me? What, specifically can I do to help? What changes can I make?" etc

My own issue with the talk-therapy based clinicians is that they tend to ramble on and on about issues and place great emphasis on expressing one's feelings - all of which is valid - but that it is not a style of therapy which is very strong on the "concrete steps to improvement" front. That is, many of these therapists would be totally happy to sit back and let you ramble on for 50 minutes about what's bugging you, what's on your mind etc and leave it at that, with no action plan,. no suggestions for actually making a ******* move forward.

fresia, I could do that, just sit back and let someone go "blah-blah-blah" for an "academic hour," get paid and leave without making the first concrete suggestion. WTH.

We have to be proactive and advocate for ourselves.

Ok, then.

*climbs off soapbox*

 

[eris]

Well, I have to go to the therapist that the doctor uses. I really kind of like my doc, as he really understands my condition.

My own issue with the talk-therapy based clinicians is that they tend to ramble on and on about issues and place great emphasis on expressing one's feelings - all of which is valid - but that it is not a style of therapy which is very strong on the "concrete steps to improvement"

exactly.

She talks about caffiene, and relaxation methods.

" Oh, you mean caffiene can keep you awake ? OMG I REALLY NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE "


*rolls eyes*


But, I dont pay anything for this. I have good health insurance and I dont even have a co-pay. If I want my doc to keep giving me meds, i have to do it.



.

 

[VanillaCreme]

How can I tell her to STFU gracefully.

Tell her to kindly shove her over-sized, overbearing, unnecessary mouth with grape jelly and burnt toast bits.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

But, I dont pay anything for this. I have good health insurance and I dont even have a co-pay. If I want my doc to keep giving me meds, i have to do it.

It is a gift, though, basically free therapy.

Take this for what it's worth - free internetz advice - but since you are mandated to go and it costs you nothing, I say be proactive. Ask her how you can take steps to imnprove whatever it is you're there for. But really mean it. For every bit of regurgitated honeysuckle which you already know coming out of her mouth, there might be a pearl of wisdom that you can actually use, and THAT is priceless.

Tell her to kindly shove her over-sized, overbearing, unnecessary mouth with grape jelly and burnt toast bits.

Again with the toast! *tummy grumbles*

 

[eris]

CTF and Vanilla - Youre BOTH so right. I am just going to tell her that I want to talk about something else. i tend to be kind of standoffish sometimes IRL. Im really going to try to NOT be like that tomorrow. And Im going to try to look for some "pearls of wisdom"

I have seen her a few times before, a long time ago, and the doc figured out I wasnt going and told me I must. I really dont like how she looks in books to see what to say about facts of my condition. I could look in a book to see what to say about my condition.

They say "once a week".

once a frickin week ?

i hope I can learn to like this woman.


Now I want some toast.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

CTF and Vanilla - Youre BOTH so right. I am just going to tell her that I want to talk about something else. i tend to be kind of standoffish sometimes IRL. Im really going to try to NOT be like that tomorrow. And Im going to try to look for some "pearls of wisdom"

Eris, you know you can guide the session by choosing what to talk about. Now, presumably you know what your issues or triggers (or whatever your doctor thinks you should be discussing) are. You can lead her to them by talking about it in a roundabout way and letting the conversation go there. Do not be afraid to speak up. ((Eris))

Now I want some toast.

You and me both, hon.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I start therapy (again) tomorrow. Doc says I HAVE TO DO IT.

I really dont like this woman, and she only lectures about things I already know.

How can I tell her to STFU gracefully.


lol. IDK.

Or, giving this more thought, once she starts lecturing you on things which you already know (to use your words) you could say to her "I hear what you're saying and I understand, but are there any concrete suggestions you can make for me? What, specifically can I do to help? What changes can I make?" etc

My own issue with the talk-therapy based clinicians is that they tend to ramble on and on about issues and place great emphasis on expressing one's feelings - all of which is valid - but that it is not a style of therapy which is very strong on the "concrete steps to improvement" front. That is, many of these therapists would be totally happy to sit back and let you ramble on for 50 minutes about what's bugging you, what's on your mind etc and leave it at that, with no action plan,. no suggestions for actually making a ******* move forward.

fresia, I could do that, just sit back and let someone go "blah-blah-blah" for an "academic hour," get paid and leave without making the first concrete suggestion. WTH.

We have to be proactive and advocate for ourselves.

Ok, then.

*climbs off soapbox*

My therapist lets me talk but then helps me set goals for myself.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

My therapist lets me talk but then helps me set goals for myself.

See? Now that is how a therapist-client relationship ought to work.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Yeah, I don't get why people waste money on a therapist they're not crazy about. They should really shop around.

like. totally.

 

[VanillaCreme]

How can I tell her to STFU gracefully.

Tell her to kindly shove her over-sized, overbearing, unnecessary mouth with grape jelly and burnt toast bits.

 

[eris]

thanks everyone for your support. CTF I really am going to try to guide the conversation. I really need to keep an opn mind about such things.

Still waiting on that toast, Vanilla

 

[cheaptrickfan]

CTF I really am going to try to guide the conversation. I really need to keep an opn mind about such things.

Best of luck, Eris.

 

[Bluey]

So tell me. Where do you hang out?

Besides ALL .

And besides...behind computer screens.

Why do I get the feeling you guys mostly hang out at home away from society?

However am I supposed to find you if you're doing this?!?! D:

No seriously, tell me, how do I find you?

How do I tell which guy is a genuinely nice guy and which guy is a ****** that is trying to trick me into believing he is a nice guy? Do I have to plant a microphone on him and listen to what he says around his guy-friends to figure it out?

Help me out here.

A Quiet guy huh. Well that's me out haha. Am not normally Quiet around ppl i like I am normally nice still though x
Nice tell I get what am after! *Evil laughter*

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

i would say trust your intuition sophia.

'what kind of guy to marry', is a long way down the road. i only got a BA in some psych but i'm pretty sure i don't remember the personality type 'quiet' in any of the text books. if it were me and i valued my therapists opinion then i would want more information about her thinking.

as to how to avoid partnering up with someone like your father, know that you have much experience of that type of personality by virtue of you having experienced it. you know the energy, and what makes you uncomfortable so you already have a lot of knowledge and therefor power to be able to leave quickly if you so much as got a hint of someone who behaves like that.

so i would say, trust your intuition and that you can't control everything so risk is a part of the game. try to give the benefit of the doubt but don't be gullible... i think it's some sort of a balancing act as you hurtle on a rollercoaster ;]

@eris. i don't have much experience with therapists but i did have the thought that maybe her looking in her text books is not as bad as a therapist who pretends to be all-knowing and in their arrogance makes mistakes of indifference.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So tell me. Where do you hang out?

Besides ALL .

And besides...behind computer screens.

Why do I get the feeling you guys mostly hang out at home away from society?

However am I supposed to find you if you're doing this?!?! D:

No seriously, tell me, how do I find you?

How do I tell which guy is a genuinely nice guy and which guy is a ****** that is trying to trick me into believing he is a nice guy? Do I have to plant a microphone on him and listen to what he says around his guy-friends to figure it out?

Help me out here.

A Quiet guy huh. Well that's me out haha. Am not normally Quiet around ppl i like I am normally nice still though x
Nice tell I get what am after! *Evil laughter*

Oh I am so scared Bluey.

You're such an evil guy.

 

[ShybutHi]

So tell me. Where do you hang out?

Besides ALL .

And besides...behind computer screens.

Why do I get the feeling you guys mostly hang out at home away from society?

However am I supposed to find you if you're doing this?!?! D:

No seriously, tell me, how do I find you?

How do I tell which guy is a genuinely nice guy and which guy is a ****** that is trying to trick me into believing he is a nice guy? Do I have to plant a microphone on him and listen to what he says around his guy-friends to figure it out?

Help me out here.

Thats a hard one, just by looks? I dont know.... go for the geeky looking ones or the ones with obvious low self esteem.
Perhaps the shy looking guy sitting by himself on a park bench for no real reason apart from having a lonely cigarette. lol

 

[A new life]

I think you will have better luck in the coffee houses than the bars

 

[Cosmo]

So tell me. Where do you hang out?

Besides ALL .

And besides...behind computer screens.

Why do I get the feeling you guys mostly hang out at home away from society?

However am I supposed to find you if you're doing this?!?! D:

No seriously, tell me, how do I find you?

By... uh... stalking? Ionno? *shrug* I met my last two serious to semi-serious girlfriends online in a forum a bit like this one. If the shy lonely introverts are anywhere they are online. Or unreachable unless you like... go door to door I suppose. That'll set the neighbor's tongues a-waggin. =P

How do I tell which guy is a genuinely nice guy and which guy is a ****** that is trying to trick me into believing he is a nice guy? Do I have to plant a microphone on him and listen to what he says around his guy-friends to figure it out?

Help me out here.

All guys are a mix of nice guy and "******." Just go for the ones you think are nice and if they start to be douchey call them out for it and stand up for yourself. If they continue into doucheland then drop 'em and move on.

And just, you know, keep an eye out for your own doucheyness as well so when it comes time to air grievances you can hold your head high and all. Anyway, It isn't just guys who are like that.

Best you can do is hope the other person is trying to not be one. And then hope that you get what you want out of a relationship. Sometimes a person can be nice... but not make you happy. So even the "nice guys/girls" can be a crap shoot and it's all very subjective.... to a point.

 

[ShybutHi]

How do I tell which guy is a genuinely nice guy and which guy is a ****** that is trying to trick me into believing he is a nice guy? Do I have to plant a microphone on him and listen to what he says around his guy-friends to figure it out?

Help me out here.

Go for the shy type that like to smile! They are your safest bet.

There is something that i dont think alot of people really think about when they are looking for a partner and trying to judge someone's character... I really think that if the person has a big interest in something or multiple interests, especially if its creative, it is a good sign the person is more likely to not be a "******". Also if they are not very materialistic it is a good sign in my opinion too.

I find that quite a large majority of people who go through life without proper hobbies or interest's seem to be a bit dramatic or even overly emotional sometimes. Perhaps because of this lack of interest in anything some sort of subconsciously create thrill, usually in the form of drama, to make their life seem more interesting. Perhaps they dont really know themselves well enough to be able to control themselves and know what they want and like.

Anyway that isnt a sure sign but i think it atleast has some credit.