Need a job, niceness wanted pls

[Batman55]

So the title says it all. I just need a job, any job will do for now so long as it's "agreeable." I'm having a very hard time motivating myself to find one, let alone look for one. I have of course been employed before but generally just with crap jobs, and even those caused a lot of anxiety and pressure, with my social anxiety and attention problems making it all worse.. I just made a lot of mistakes at work and couldn't learn as fast as most people. That's why I'm in this situation, out of work but very apprehensive about getting back into the groove, because it's quite frankly very nerve-wracking. Yes, even crap jobs are difficult for me, and that's the truth. Of course, it doesn't help that there's a large gap between the last time I worked, and now. That just adds to the pressure.

So that's why I said "niceness wanted," instead of tough love and shouting, lol, that's when I leave the forum and hide. So I have low-to-no skills and no college degree. But there must still be jobs available, even odd jobs and people just looking for help, willing to pay under the table.. those must be around. But I need ideas, where should I be looking? It's possible I could try to acquire skills or improve myself, but when I'm feeling useless and I'm just hiding from everything, that ain't gonna happen. I need to get back out there. Constructive/creative ideas sought. Even ideas for an online job. Anything.

Thanks,
a great person

 

[Alienated]

Well I see you are in Penn. and your still young. There is always construction . I used to be a handy man till I just got worn out, it's hard work. I have dug ditches to painting what I thought were master pieces. I tries to start a pressure washing business a couple of years ago, but get this... I couldn't find anyone that wanted to work.

If you are willing to sweat, there will always be work for hard workers. Have you thought about going to the areas that got damaged by Sandy ? There is all kinds of clean up work there, and I bet all the homeless aren't willing to do the freaking work.... They want hand outs. Just a suggestion man, get ahold of some clean up crews in the area and see if they are hiring ?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hmm, Alienated gave some nice suggestions there. When it comes to looking for a job, I don't think I have much experience in it. I've been in only little minor jobs before I got this current major one that I've been on for close to 5 years. So for that part, can't really suggest. But as for acquiring skills and improving yourself, I'm pretty sure there are many different ways. I could help if I was more local in your area. :\

Keep at it, you'll find one. Even if it's one that you don't quite feel good with at first, at least it starts off somewhere and you can find another one then.

Good luck!

 

[Tiina63]

Maybe online work, as you suggested yourself, would be a good option for you. You wouldn't have to deal with people and could maybe find something you could do at your own pace. There will be websites where you can find out about the opportunites available.
Or what about house painting? My dad was a house painter and he had a very shy personality and found that working either alone or with just one other man was a blessing.
Going out to work can be nerve wracking and I hope that you find something which is not too stressful for you.

 

[Garbageman]

Hmm the great search for work, that can be tough but not impossible. I know some people who have had some social anxiety work related issues who have had some success in landscaping. You can start out really basic and just do some of the basic yard clean up for people not interested in hiring a full landscaping crew. Or for jobs that a lawn mowing service dose not provide. Blacktopping/ sealing driveways, my mom used to do this when we were kids for some extra spending money, we would go help her sometimes. Its not difficult, it just takes a little practice, there may be some instructional videos online.

I worked as extra help in a florist shop, I found that to be a relaxing job, mostly cleaning, prepping and putting away flowers. But when we were slow they would teach me about making flower arrangements. I found it kind of therapeutic. Or maybe a green house/garden center. Well thats all I have right now. Best of luck, and I am sure if you keep at it you will find something workable. Take care

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

A job is a job. It isn't social hour. It isn't about having fun, socializing or any of that. A job can be as unpleasant or pleasant as you decide it to be. You can focus on the good things about having a job (aka income, benefits, pride in doing a good job, etc) or you can focus on the negative like petty politics. Find a job, and focus on working the JOB. Keep your nose to the grindstone and focus on your work. Don't get involved in the petty BS and whining and kvetching all around you. If you happen to make some new friends along the way, great. If not, you are getting a check and that is what work is all about.

 

[Batman55]

Maybe online work, as you suggested yourself, would be a good option for you. You wouldn't have to deal with people and could maybe find something you could do at your own pace. There will be websites where you can find out about the opportunites available.

Is there any chance you could provide any more specific ideas about an online job, or perhaps a specific website?

I looked long and hard into it a while ago, and found that generally these were all skilled jobs--for example, with writing, you need wide-angle knowledge on a variety of topics, which is a skill in and of itself. Not to be a pessimist, but while I'm a good writer, I'm not very knowledgeable and I'm not even an expert in anything.

Then there was Mechanical Turk, can't believe I actually thought I would try that. I think the best you can do on Mechanical Turk is $40.00 per month, lol. Good for lunch money but nothing else.

Or what about house painting? My dad was a house painter and he had a very shy personality and found that working either alone or with just one other man was a blessing.
Going out to work can be nerve wracking and I hope that you find something which is not too stressful for you.

You are not suggesting my own house painting business, are you? That would take a lot of business acumen that I don't have the time or the skills to acquire.

As far as simply painting houses, it doesn't need training courses or some other qualification does it? If that's the case, how would I go about finding this kind of job?

---

A job is a job. It isn't social hour. It isn't about having fun, socializing or any of that. A job can be as unpleasant or pleasant as you decide it to be. You can focus on the good things about having a job (aka income, benefits, pride in doing a good job, etc) or you can focus on the negative like petty politics. Find a job, and focus on working the JOB. Keep your nose to the grindstone and focus on your work. Don't get involved in the petty BS and whining and kvetching all around you. If you happen to make some new friends along the way, great. If not, you are getting a check and that is what work is all about.

Well if a job has always caused anxiety for me, do you expect me to suddenly go find another one and have no problems at all with it? I've been reading posts like yours for years and even take medication for social anxiety, and yet still, there I am sweating at the simplest of jobs. Of course finding another job, after being out of work for so long, will be intimidating for one such as me.

I've known even ordinary people without social anxiety/shyness to get overstressed in their work. It seems to me you're not acknowledging the concept that some people find working more difficult than others, we all have a different stress threshold.

It reminds me of the time some naive woman said my brother should not be stressed out because he was living at home and he didn't have a girlfriend or kids. I wasn't there when these words were said, but had I been, I think someone might have learned a lesson that day

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

We ALL have anxiety. Some people struggle with it more than others. But, so what? It is part of life. If you want to have a successful life then you have to face your anxieties and learn to manage them. I have had anxiety issues as well. Sometimes you have to "do it afraid". You will never conquer or overcome if you don't try. And, what i have learned over the course of my life is that i can CHOOSE to focus on all the potential negative scenarios and over exaggerate the possible negatives and conveniently ignore and focus on the positives. If you think you are going to live an anxiety free life, you aren't. But, if you choose to succumb to it and allow it to rule you, then that is really your decision.

 

[ladyforsaken]

We ALL have anxiety. Some people struggle with it more than others. But, so what? It is part of life. If you want to have a successful life then you have to face your anxieties and learn to manage them. I have had anxiety issues as well. Sometimes you have to "do it afraid". You will never conquer or overcome if you don't try. And, what i have learned over the course of my life is that i can CHOOSE to focus on all the potential negative scenarios and over exaggerate the possible negatives and conveniently ignore and focus on the positives. If you think you are going to live an anxiety free life, you aren't. But, if you choose to succumb to it and allow it to rule you, then that is really your decision.

I do agree and I feel this way most of the time. But I also have realised that for some people, it is a little harder for them to do this, for a variety of reasons.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Yes. For some people it is harder. And isn't that true of absolutely everything in life?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yes. For some people it is harder. And isn't that true of absolutely everything in life?

Of course, no denying that.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Well, so you might have to work harder at one thing like anxiety issues but someone has to work harder at something else. Yes, it's hard, now what? You keep working at it or you lay down and give up. Those are our choices in life for any number of things.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, so you might have to work harder at one thing like anxiety issues but someone has to work harder at something else. Yes, it's hard, now what? You keep working at it or you lay down and give up. Those are our choices in life for any number of things.

Yeah, everyone works differently. Some just has it harder, unfortunately. :\

 

[Batman55]

Forget it, sorry. My fault. I apologize.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Batman, take some credit here from me that you are improving well. Small steps, remember. I think the suggestions given in the earlier posts were really good. And as mentioned, I think you could try signing up for agencies. I would think you could discuss with the agencies what sort of jobs you'd be comfortable to look into.

I'm pretty sure there will be something for you along the way.

 

[Punisher]

Join a job agency. I did a few months ago and now I have a job I have no degrees, no experience (apart from working in kitchens and selling life and home insurance for a day), haven't worked for years, and never been employed by someone that wasn't a family member.

The woman there knows I'm a freak, so she looked for jobs where I can be comfortable and not have to interact with too many people.

I think they can help you find something suitable.

 

[Batman55]

Join a job agency. I did a few months ago and now I have a job I have no degrees, no experience (apart from working in kitchens and selling life and home insurance for a day), haven't worked for years, and never been employed by someone that wasn't a family member.

The woman there knows I'm a freak, so she looked for jobs where I can be comfortable and not have to interact with too many people.

I think they can help you find something suitable.

Yeah, unfortunately, it is a very similar situation in my case. I think the job agency idea is good, despite having some slight concerns about it, which I'll mention here.

You say the woman there knows you are a "freak," does that also mean she is condescending, or perhaps acts differently toward you in some way?

Which leads in to the next question. Are you allowed to put everything on the table with job agencies? I have been told many times by virtually everyone, if you get an interview for a job, you MUST hide any and all problems you have. So I've always used that advice, but it is a bit dishonest.

In my last job it became clear I had difficulty with certain social situations and also with paying attention/learning at the expected pace. Nobody said anything, but I felt ashamed to keep asking for help from people, you know, and there were times when they got annoyed.

With a job agency, can I mention some of these issues? I'm wise enough to know I shouldn't embellish my problems and make it seem like I'm just a lost cause, but I mean, when you're looking for help finding an appropriate job, then it's foolish to pretend like you have no problems. Honesty, right?

 

[Punisher]

Join a job agency. I did a few months ago and now I have a job I have no degrees, no experience (apart from working in kitchens and selling life and home insurance for a day), haven't worked for years, and never been employed by someone that wasn't a family member.

The woman there knows I'm a freak, so she looked for jobs where I can be comfortable and not have to interact with too many people.

I think they can help you find something suitable.

Yeah, unfortunately, it is a very similar situation in my case. I think the job agency idea is good, despite having some slight concerns about it, which I'll mention here.

You say the woman there knows you are a "freak," does that also mean she is condescending, or perhaps acts differently toward you in some way?

She treated me special I think she thought it was cute me nodding and and going mhm instead of talking

Which leads in to the next question. Are you allowed to put everything on the table with job agencies? I have been told many times by virtually everyone, if you get an interview for a job, you MUST hide any and all problems you have. So I've always used that advice, but it is a bit dishonest.

No interview for the job I got. It was just listening to someone talk for a bit, then answering a few questions on paper. I wouldn't of got the job if it was an interview

In my last job it became clear I had difficulty with certain social situations and also with paying attention/learning at the expected pace. Nobody said anything, but I felt ashamed to keep asking for help from people, you know, and there were times when they got annoyed.

Same happened to me today. But lots of the people were nice and helped me. Just have to get used to doing things, then it should be ok.

With a job agency, can I mention some of these issues? I'm wise enough to know I shouldn't embellish my problems and make it seem like I'm just a lost cause, but I mean, when you're looking for help finding an appropriate job, then it's foolish to pretend like you have no problems. Honesty, right?

Should tell the agency, and they will try to find something you want. But you shouldn't mention it at the place you work if they find you a job.

You can always leave if you really don't like it.

 

[Peaches]

Is there any chance you could provide any more specific ideas about an online job, or perhaps a specific website?

I looked long and hard into it a while ago, and found that generally these were all skilled jobs--for example, with writing, you need wide-angle knowledge on a variety of topics, which is a skill in and of itself. Not to be a pessimist, but while I'm a good writer, I'm not very knowledgeable and I'm not even an expert in anything.

Then there was Mechanical Turk, can't believe I actually thought I would try that. I think the best you can do on Mechanical Turk is $40.00 per month, lol. Good for lunch money but nothing else.

What about trying from another angle:
is there anything that you absolutely LOVE doing, from watching TV/playing videogames to gardening or birdwatching? Maybe there is some way that can be transformed into a job, or that you are motivated enough to improve your skills (yes, watching tv can be a skill, depending on how you do it)

also the job agency sounds good

---

Is there any chance you could provide any more specific ideas about an online job, or perhaps a specific website?

I looked long and hard into it a while ago, and found that generally these were all skilled jobs--for example, with writing, you need wide-angle knowledge on a variety of topics, which is a skill in and of itself. Not to be a pessimist, but while I'm a good writer, I'm not very knowledgeable and I'm not even an expert in anything.

Then there was Mechanical Turk, can't believe I actually thought I would try that. I think the best you can do on Mechanical Turk is $40.00 per month, lol. Good for lunch money but nothing else.

What about trying from another angle:
is there anything that you absolutely LOVE doing, from watching TV/playing videogames to gardening or birdwatching? Maybe there is some way that can be transformed into a job, or that you are motivated enough to improve your skills (yes, watching tv can be a skill, depending on how you do it)

 

[Batman55]

What about trying from another angle:
is there anything that you absolutely LOVE doing, from watching TV/playing videogames to gardening or birdwatching? Maybe there is some way that can be transformed into a job, or that you are motivated enough to improve your skills (yes, watching tv can be a skill, depending on how you do it)

also the job agency sounds good

Yeah, oddly enough, those four things you mentioned are things I enjoy doing. Really good at any of them? Probably not. As it happens I'm just not exceptional in anything. I'd love to say otherwise but I don't see the evidence for it. Good at some things, perhaps, but generally not in a useful way.

About improving skills, it could be done but it always depends on whether my executive functions allow the improvement, or not. For example I've spent years drawing, on and off, and if you compared what I did 5 years ago, to do what I'm doing today, there is only slight improvement. The bottleneck? Once again, executive functions--difficulty planning, organizing thoughts, learning from mistakes.

I'm considering the job agency idea, we'll see what they can find for me. Hopefully not another crappy customer service job.