New here.

[MellyVinelli]

Hello fellow lonely people.

I'm here because...well...self explanatory.

I'm chasing companionship that seems to allude me. I am in a relationship. In fact, I am engaged...for the past 3 years with no sign of setting a date. I love this girl and I would say that I got lucky as she's out of my league. She makes me feel that way.

For a long time now, I've been unable to be myself around her, express my interests and share my love for her. No intimacy, nothing. To the contrary, she tells me to stop being such a pussy or grow some balls, stop being such a man child, useless...etc.. Bullies, i've coped with all through school. The woman I love, it truly breaks my heart.

I spend most of my time playing black ops 2 which gets annoying quickly or playing guitar. And funny I just noticed today that all the songs I'm playing and singing to myself are country songs about love or the lack thereof.

Society puts an immense amount of pressure on men to be macho Clint Eastwood cowboys when it comes to handling emotions and stress. I'm not a cowboy, far from it. Sorry you had to read all that...

 

[ZynischeWirklichkeit]

Hi and welcome! I am sorry to hear about what you are going through.

It sounds as though your girlfriend is really rude to you Have you told her how that makes you feel? You deserve much better treatment than that!

I hope you enjoy this place!

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm chasing companionship that seems to allude me. I am in a relationship. In fact, I am engaged...for the past 3 years with no sign of setting a date. I love this girl and I would say that I got lucky as she's out of my league. She makes me feel that way.

For a long time now, I've been unable to be myself around her, express my interests and share my love for her. No intimacy, nothing. To the contrary, she tells me to stop being such a pussy or grow some balls, stop being such a man child, useless...etc.. Bullies, i've coped with all through school. The woman I love, it truly breaks my heart.

Hey MellyVinelli, welcome to the forum.

I got sad from reading your post.. especially the part quoted above.

I'm curious to find out.. what happened really? Why did she ask you to grow up and all that? Why did you feel like you couldn't be yourself around her? What changed in your relationship? Did you work things out with her?

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I'm chasing companionship that seems to allude me. I am in a relationship. In fact, I am engaged...for the past 3 years with no sign of setting a date. I love this girl and I would say that I got lucky as she's out of my league. She makes me feel that way.

For a long time now, I've been unable to be myself around her, express my interests and share my love for her. No intimacy, nothing. To the contrary, she tells me to stop being such a pussy or grow some balls, stop being such a man child, useless...etc.. Bullies, i've coped with all through school. The woman I love, it truly breaks my heart.

Welcome to ALL

When I read your intro this image came to mind....

....it's not judgement but I ask you this- what are you getting out of it? If she belittles you and you can't talk to her about anything, what's the point?

 

[ladyforsaken]

....it's not judgement but I ask you this- what are you getting out of it? If she belittles you and you can't talk to her about anything, what's the point?

.. I'd wonder the same

 

[9006]

Welcome to the site.

 

[MellyVinelli]

Hey all. Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm still with her because she has the capacity to make me feel good. Unfortunately, that is rare. I cNt be myself because we have drastically different tastes and personalities. She is opinionated and judgmental and she does not hesitate to let me know that she doesn't enjoy what I enjoy. However I'm expected to tolerate her top 40 music in the car and at home. I've provided everything for her financially and she complains I don't have a job. She's been able to afford her new car because she doesn't have to pay rent.

She believes I have been spoiled and can't manage money. But I feel if I am supporting her she can't be telling me that. Any time I defend myself it turns into an argument so I have resorted to just going into my room to play guitar.

Another thing in frustrated about is the fact I am not able to be removed the way most men do and be completely emotionless. I wish I was tougher and less of a "pussy" as she would like to call it and "grow a pair". As a guy, it is unacceptable to hit a girl and I definitely abide by that. But she had no problems emotionally abusing me.

I stay in it also because I have invested everything I have into it and it is difficult to let it go. And like many, my game was pretty weak to begin with and if I let it go now, I don't know if I'll ever get another relationship. It is so easy to give advice around here. But to follow through with it myself is tremendously difficult.

 

[ZynischeWirklichkeit]

This relationship sounds really toxic. Just as she has the right to enjoy what she likes and wants, YOU also have the right to enjoy what you like and want. It sounds like she refuses to compromise at all and that's not a healthy relationship.

If you did get out of this relationship, there are so many possibilities! You could find a lady that is much nicer to you, one that gives you some respect! You would be able to enjoy life so much more!

She has taken your rights away and from what it sounds like, she runs your life.

Another thing - If a woman hits you, then she can take what she dishes out. I think it's funny how so many women have cried and begged for their rights and then they get them, and they take over. You have every right to defend yourself if a woman is trying to beat you up. It's not right for women to get away with hitting men, but yet men can't hit women! That's not right at all. You have the same rights as women do, not any less. It is really best for people just to not hit each other at all....

I know that this relationship would be hard for you to let go of. I understand that you have invested so much into it, but I really think that you should just think about getting out of the relationship. I'm not saying that you have to, but please, try to keep an open mind to this idea. I really would like to see you feel better and have a better chance at enjoying life again.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm still with her because she has the capacity to make me feel good. Unfortunately, that is rare. I cNt be myself because we have drastically different tastes and personalities. She is opinionated and judgmental and she does not hesitate to let me know that she doesn't enjoy what I enjoy. However I'm expected to tolerate her top 40 music in the car and at home. I've provided everything for her financially and she complains I don't have a job. She's been able to afford her new car because she doesn't have to pay rent.

Were you attracted to this personality of hers initially? Or was she different before? Didn't quite show her true colours till much later?

She believes I have been spoiled and can't manage money. But I feel if I am supporting her she can't be telling me that. Any time I defend myself it turns into an argument so I have resorted to just going into my room to play guitar.

Dude, that's no good.
But I know, it's easier for others to say, but when you're actually going through it.. it's not that easy. With your own emotions involved and the fact that you love her, you'd just want to find the easy way out.

You're right though, if you're supporting her, she should at least talk or discuss with you about finances instead of just pointing out that you suck at managing it.

Another thing in frustrated about is the fact I am not able to be removed the way most men do and be completely emotionless. I wish I was tougher and less of a "pussy" as she would like to call it and "grow a pair". As a guy, it is unacceptable to hit a girl and I definitely abide by that. But she had no problems emotionally abusing me.

Sometimes I feel like this way too. I'm too chicken just because I'd feel bad hurting other people. This was the case with my ex.. I couldn't leave the relationship partly cos of this.

I stay in it also because I have invested everything I have into it and it is difficult to let it go. And like many, my game was pretty weak to begin with and if I let it go now, I don't know if I'll ever get another relationship. It is so easy to give advice around here. But to follow through with it myself is tremendously difficult.

I can't agree more with the bolded.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, Melly. But I guess you already know what needs to be done to improve the situation? You seem to understand what's going on.. but you just can't make the move to stop this toxic cycle that'll just continue to bring you down.

Do you really see yourself being married to her?

 

[MellyVinelli]

In the outside world, I've observed her and she isn't that dominant. But at home she is the alpha and I only tiptoe around the perimeter.

I'm the kind of guy that doesn't make a huge stink about anything. I'm quite passive and if I revolt, it's a silent revolution.

I have been talking my head off about that no fap thing and I'm sure some of you may be sick of hearing it. But it is a way for me to exert some control back into my own life. Our sex life is completely dead and if I even reach in for a hug its 'objectifying' or 'sexualizing' her. It didn't used to be like this.

So I no longer want a lack of sex to dictate my moods. And by following through with the program, I do get angry and short, but hopefully eventually I can conquer it and not be bothered by it anymore.

I applied for a college program that will move me away for the next four years. If I get in, I am considering ending the relationship then. It is really competitive though so no guarantees.

I have always been the one that wanted to be married and have children. But clearly she doesn't respect me enough to consider my desires. I've considered her needs and wants (usually financially) such as by buying her a new motorcycle that to be honest greatly heightens her sex appeal. She cried with joy when I surprised her and that was one of the happiest moments of my life. Now it's back to the same old same old, except my bank account is almost empty and my balls are blue as ever.

We'll see if I can 'grow a pair' to boot her when I move on to other things.

 

[EveWasFramed]

We'll see if I can 'grow a pair' to boot her when I move on to other things.

Do you really think waiting until you have another "crutch" and THEN booting her is growing a pair?
Have you ever spoken with a therapist about some of the issues you speak of?

 

[Smokey]

 

[SophiaGrace]

We'll see if I can 'grow a pair' to boot her when I move on to other things.

Do you really think waiting until you have another "crutch" and THEN booting her is growing a pair?
Have you ever spoken with a therapist about some of the issues you speak of?

Yes couples therapy may be a good thing.