No one cares

[tuna_the_best]

I think this is the worst part for me.

I've really tried with people but I have lost every friend I had.

It's mostly happened when they got a partner and I was dropped like I never existed.

My self esteem is really battered right now. I cannot imagine trying to date and facing rejections. I have been rejected once but that was bad enough. Couple that with a lack of friends, and I think I may be alone until my untimely demise.

I just can't see a way out of this guys. I would immerse myself in a career, but I don't really have any passions, only interests.

I graduated this year so perhaps I should travel and explore what is out there, but I have no idea how to go about it and I bet I will get really lonely.

I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I exist in a world that hates me.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Do you think you can turn any of those interests into passions? There must be one that really gives you some stimulation.

Many people tend to drop their friends after finding a romantic partner. It seems odd to me, though. There's no guarantee the friends will return if a relationship happens to run its course. I know you said you have fears of trying to date, but would you feel comfortable attempting to create new friendships?

 

[tuna_the_best]

Thank you for the reply.

I'd like to create some new friendships but I'm quite isolated at the moment. My plan is to get a part time job, then take up some social activities. I think this is the way forward, I just find it diffcult to put into action because of my anxiety.

Yes, I don't understand how or why a friendship can be discarded so easily. If certain people were to get in contact with me again, I'm not sure I would return the favour. In fact I've been thinking of changing my number and email. I don't think this is me being bitter, I think their actions speak volumes.

 

[Veruca]

Tuna, I understand how you're feeling. So many of my friends forget me the minute they get a bf/gf. I used to feel bitter about it too until I realized that this is very normal. And while it sucks and isnt exactly a nice thing to do, its better to accept it. Because if you dont, you're likely to end up completely friendless because pretty much everyone starts to ignore their friends once they get into a relationship. Who knows, we might do the same ourselves?

It helos to forgive them and accept that their romantic partner has now become the centre of their universe. Perhaps you can make the effort to meet up instead. Thats what I do. And it helps to communicate that your friends need to set aside time for you too.

Some years back my good friend got a bf and totally forgot about me. Even when I texted her to meet up she would always bring her bf along so hanging out was never the same. I stopped talking to her because I was so hurt.

When she broke up, she came back to me and we had a confrontation. She explained that people do stupid things when in love and often forget priorities.

Perhaps you might consider this line of thought and action instead? I for one know that its much better to just forgive these people than to be mad at them. Waste of our energy you know? =)

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Thank you for the reply.

I'd like to create some new friendships but I'm quite isolated at the moment. My plan is to get a part time job, then take up some social activities. I think this is the way forward, I just find it diffcult to put into action because of my anxiety.

Yes, I don't understand how or why a friendship can be discarded so easily. If certain people were to get in contact with me again, I'm not sure I would return the favour. In fact I've been thinking of changing my number and email. I don't think this is me being bitter, I think their actions speak volumes.

Hmm. It's a tempting idea, certainly, and you may even feel temporary happiness over burning those bridges, but how do you know this won't happen if you find a new group of friends? This isn't a pattern you'll want to repeat time after time. Following Veruca's lead and explaining how you feel may be a preferable option.

As for the possibilities of a job, a lot of companies are still hiring for seasonal positions. This may work for you if you think you can't handle a long-term commitment. Perhaps you can begin by filling out one or two applications a day. Starting out small, seeing what it's like...

 

[tuna_the_best]

Ultimately I will probably cut contact, I think it is best for me.

Well I'm hoping to get a christmas job, it's just the majority of these are customer facing and / or involve being a cashier. With social anxiety it seems a big jump, but I can only try.

 

[ThatZealousOne]

I wouldn't cut contact just yet. Unfortunately when one gets a partner, a lot of their social time is spent maintaining that relationship. It's regrettable, but it's just something that happens. We only have so much time to spend on socialising after all. Perhaps try talking to them and asking to meet up or something. If they don't want to know, then there's your answer. I don't know, I wouldn't give up on them too easy. It could be like I said, they're just busy.

Still, other suggestions seem to be good as well. Trying to find a passion would be great, or perhaps trying something new and finding a passion. Travel is also a good option and you don't have to have money to do it. It's certainly possible to work and travel at the same time. Something to think about perhaps.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Then you haven't figured out what people want out of you. There is no such thing as unconditional love. People will only be with you if ou give something to them. I am not talking about money or materialistic property. I may be happiness, expectations, too.

What are you giving to them? Nothing? Not a problem. Problem is when you have nothing to offer. That's the problem with me too, and so many others..
If you don't give something, you wont get anything. Never. Unconditional love does not exist.
If you are good looking, you are making them feel good. So the give you attention.
If you have a good voice, you are making them feel pleasant. So they talk to you.
If you are donating money, you are providing their basic needs. So they respect you.
If you are a singer, you are driving their emotions. So they notice you.

You may say that what about the unconditional love between parents and children? The love between husband and wife?
Well, there are conditions here, too. The child is the one who will carry on the process of reproduction to keep their generation alive. So he is given attention, care, etc.

You see the love between father-son and grandfather-son. Why does a grandfather love the kid of his son more than his own son? Because the father has completed his duty of reproduction and is of no biological importance. He is just required to raise the kid so that he can continue the reproduction.

Same is the love for husband and wife.

YOU WILL GET NOTHING UNLESS YOU GIVE SOMETHING. AND its not a problem that you aren't giving anything, because you can give it when you want to or need something in return. PROBLEM is, when you have nothing to offer, you will not get anything.
Example: My uncle has three sons and a daughter. A son and a daughter are running a business. They are respected by their father. The third son failed in studies and father asked him to find a new life away from them. He was most caring. More than the first two. Fourth has problem called infertility. He is ignored by his parents, because there is no cure for him they can afford.

See, here first two are providing him the potential heir, so they are respected. Third one, not even seen his parents for years. I miss him Why? He offered me care. Fourth one, automatically explained.



ALL I AM SAYING IS, GIVE SOMETHING IN ORDER TO GET THE REQUIRED THING.

 

[Jafo]

I think this is the worst part for me.

I've really tried with people but I have lost every friend I had.

It's mostly happened when they got a partner and I was dropped like I never existed.

My self esteem is really battered right now. I cannot imagine trying to date and facing rejections. I have been rejected once but that was bad enough. Couple that with a lack of friends, and I think I may be alone until my untimely demise.

I just can't see a way out of this guys. I would immerse myself in a career, but I don't really have any passions, only interests.

I graduated this year so perhaps I should travel and explore what is out there, but I have no idea how to go about it and I bet I will get really lonely.

I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I exist in a world that hates me.

Right there with you. It's too late for me, but I hope you get out of this rut.

 

[theidiot]

I like listening to other loners laugh at themselves about once a week, it gives me perspective.
This miserable earth was not made well for a lot of us, remember that and you may find comfort in your isolation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

This miserable earth was not made well for a lot of us, remember that and you may find comfort in your isolation.

Or maybe you didn't make yourself well for this earth....

 

[theidiot]

This miserable earth was not made well for a lot of us, remember that and you may find comfort in your isolation.

Or maybe you didn't make yourself well for this earth....

I didn't make myself. Everyone is being themselves perfectly all the time. Fitting in is for ants and jigsaws.

 

[TheRealCallie]

This miserable earth was not made well for a lot of us, remember that and you may find comfort in your isolation.

Or maybe you didn't make yourself well for this earth....

I didn't make myself. Everyone is being themselves perfectly all the time. Fitting in is for ants and jigsaws.

You make yourself every time you get out of bed in the morning. You can remake yourself every time you get out of bed in the morning. You can change what you don't like, you can accept what you can't change.

More often than not, most people are NOT being themselves, they are being what they feel others, the world or society expects them to be.

 

[theidiot]

I don't make myself when I get out of bed, I was already there in my sleep. Nice motivational speech, but you've got the wrong audience. I'm not trying to be anything for anyone, nor do I intend to.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't make myself when I get out of bed, I was already there in my sleep. Nice motivational speech, but you've got the wrong audience. I'm not trying to be anything for anyone, nor do I intend to.

Yet you blame the earth for whatever issues you have? You decided to do that. You can decide to do something else to make your life better. The choice is yours and when you want to change your life, you will. Until then, there's not much that can help you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

This miserable earth was not made well for a lot of us, remember that and you may find comfort in your isolation.

Or maybe you didn't make yourself well for this earth....

I didn't make myself. Everyone is being themselves perfectly all the time. Fitting in is for ants and jigsaws.

I'm not perfect. But I am myself. And I fit like an elephant inside a circus tent.

 

[theidiot]

I don't make myself when I get out of bed, I was already there in my sleep. Nice motivational speech, but you've got the wrong audience. I'm not trying to be anything for anyone, nor do I intend to.

Yet you blame the earth for whatever issues you have? You decided to do that. You can decide to do something else to make your life better. The choice is yours and when you want to change your life, you will. Until then, there's not much that can help you.

I don't know why you have decided to look at my existence as a problem that needs fixing, but that isn't helping anyone. I didn't blame the world for my problems, but I am blaming you right now for being a self righteous a hole.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't start arguments. If you don't like what someone says, ignore it.

 

[theidiot]

Don't start arguments. If you don't like what someone says, ignore it.

You started the argument by passing judgement on me based on my world views. Please leave me alone after your next pointless retort attacking me, you toad.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Don't start arguments. If you don't like what someone says, ignore it.

Why does this apply to just the one person, though?