No university social life

[meekthoughts]

I started living in a university residence/dorm, and I don't know anyone in my entire building. I only made one sort of friend but I only talk to her in that one class. Does anyone else have problems making friends in university?

A usual tip would be to join clubs. I joined two! I met one person from each club, but again we only somewhat converse during club meetings.

Post here about your experiences.

 

[kamya]

How old are you? Don't you at least have a roommate? I hear leaving your door open works, but if you aren't in the younger people's dorms then it might be harder.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I joined a club, but I didn't make any friends there until I went out on a field trip with them and got to know one guy there. Otherwise, I actually kinda talked to people in university computer labs, and that actually made me more friends.

 

[kamya]

Personally I failed hard at making friends when I was in college. I was living an hour away by bus off campus though :/

 

[LonelyClothar]

You have to remember if you are a freshman,? it could be rough da 1st year.More opportunities will come for you to expand your social circle.

 

[RJLJD]

i'm a college senior now and never really did a good job making friends at school. part of that is that i drive to school every day and don't live on campus. part of it is that i still have some of my old friends that i associate with a lot. however, another part of it is that i've always just been too shy to try to put in the effort to get to know people. i talk to a few people in my classes, but that's just as far as it goes.

try to engage someone in a class and see if they later want to do something out of school. or try to find out where the people that live on your floor like to hang out maybe and see if you can join them.

 

[Ak5]

You live in a dorm right? Talk to your roomate!

Or be more open.

 

[sonu]

i preferred to stay quiet in college.. and people came to me and asked why am i quiet.. why don't i talk to everyone... i was like that's my attitude.. i don't approach anyone first.. if you want to talk to me.. come to me.. and well they liked my attitude.. and i had selected bunch of friends and they all were good..

 

[whocares]

College can be rough at times. It can be lonely.

BUT, remember why you're there. You are there to get a degree. PERIOD. That should be the number one priority. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to make friends but if that's all you're trying to do, you didn't have to go to college to do that. study

 

[meekthoughts]

Thanks for replying guys!

How old are you? Don't you at least have a roommate? I hear leaving your door open works, but if you aren't in the younger people's dorms then it might be harder.

I'm an 18 year old freshman, and I live in a single room so I don't have a roommate. I think if I leave my door open now there isn't a point since everyone already seems to be in their own groups now. I'm also a girl living in a building with guys too, so my parents would freak if they found out I did that. It must have been so much harder for you since you didn't live on campus.

[...] part of it is that i still have some of my old friends that i associate with a lot. however, another part of it is that i've always just been too shy to try to put in the effort to get to know people. i talk to a few people in my classes, but that's just as far as it goes.

try to engage someone in a class and see if they later want to do something out of school. or try to find out where the people that live on your floor like to hang out maybe and see if you can join them.

That's what really sucks - I'm at a university only a city over from my home city, but for some reason none of my friends or people I was acquaintances with go here. It's as if I went overseas and have to start all over. And yes, it does take a lot of effort to talk to people in class as a shy person. I haven't had to make new friends since middle school so I feel lost. Even if I do meet someone, I always think that they probably have other friends to hang out with and wouldn't want to hang out with me... I know that's bad to think and I'll never make friends like that, but I can't help it. Of course, making friends isn't everything - I went to university to study. But it sure would be nice to talk to someone... besides my parents on skype...

And now I feel like I'm rambling about myself too much. >_<

Or be more open.

Haha, easier said than done. ^_^"

i preferred to stay quiet in college.. and people came to me and asked why am i quiet.. why don't i talk to everyone... i was like that's my attitude.. i don't approach anyone first.. if you want to talk to me.. come to me.. and well they liked my attitude.. and i had selected bunch of friends and they all were good..

That's great, people went up to you and you became friends. You must be a pretty intriguing person. =)

---

College can be rough at times. It can be lonely.

BUT, remember why you're there. You are there to get a degree. PERIOD. That should be the number one priority. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to make friends but if that's all you're trying to do, you didn't have to go to college to do that. study

Right you are. I have never forgotten that, but humans are social creatures (which is what my psych prof keeps rubbing in) and studying and life in general would be nothing if there was nobody to share it with. I studied way too much in high school (although that's mostly good), and now I need to start thinking about other things too.

 

[whocares]

Right you are. I have never forgotten that, but humans are social creatures (which is what my psych prof keeps rubbing in) and studying and life in general would be nothing if there was nobody to share it with. I studied way too much in high school (although that's mostly good), and now I need to start thinking about other things too.

I understand BUT just remember, life doesn't end after college. As far as I'm concerned it's just beginning. Of course you should have some fun but always keep things in perspective

 

[meekthoughts]

I understand BUT just remember, life doesn't end after college. As far as I'm concerned it's just beginning. Of course you should have some fun but always keep things in perspective

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. ^_^

 

[IgnoredOne]

I understand BUT just remember, life doesn't end after college. As far as I'm concerned it's just beginning. Of course you should have some fun but always keep things in perspective

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. ^_^

And don't wait for the common room to become empty before going in to eat. That is where you get to force people to interact with you

 

[meekthoughts]

And don't wait for the common room to become empty before going in to eat. That is where you get to force people to interact with you

Haha, you read that. xD; I guess I have to get over my shyness in order to start meeting people, but it's rather hard to change.

 

[ensom]

I'm in my last year of university and in three years I've only made a handful of acquaintances I rarely talk to -- no one I could honestly call a friend. So unfortunately I don't have much advice for you, but I can say I relate. I'm rubbish when it comes to making friends; like you, when I got to university I hadn't had to make friends for several years, so I felt very lost.

The school year is still new and you're only in your first year, so you've still got plenty of time to make friends. I suggest you seize as many opportunities as possible to socialize; don't be like me and just go to class, sit through it without saying a word to anyone and then go home. You're living in the dorms, so you should have ample opportunity to socialize (I commute). You said you've joined two clubs already. That's a great start. Something I never did but should have.

From someone who is near the end of the line and regrets doing so, don't pass up opportunities to socialize! Just keep at it and the friends will come, I'm sure. Good luck.

 

[RJLJD]

^ its a pain in the butt to travel back and forth, or sit and wait around for club meetings when you commute though. that's why i never really got into clubs or anything.

is it just me, or does it kinda seem like stability in friendships in middle/high school years leads to having a harder time making friends in college? i mean, if one has a good group of friends in those years of their life, they don't have to worry about going around and making friends, and those elements of ourselves then are out of practice and we are out of touch with them. whereas, people who maybe had fallings out with friends and had to make new ones through those younger years have used those skills more recently, plus they are probably more ready and willing for a fresh start in college. hence they do better in making new friends in college.

just a thought.

 

[sonu]

another thing.. i was great in studies in my college.. used to come first most of the times.. and people used to wonder how i managed to get such good marks.. and they used to come to me and ask for help during exams.. that way also we got to know each other.. and then college culturals.. i mean like parties and competitions.. i used to take part and get to know lot of people.. so if you want to then concentrate on studying hard.. who knows great marks can get you great friends !

 

[meekthoughts]

Thanks for sharing your story, ensom. I know I am probably least qualified to say this, but you also are not at the end of the line! Perhaps those acquaintances you made are more of your friends than you think? For me, I didn't truly appreciate how well me and my closest friend in high school connected until recently. Some people have no problem connecting with others, but I feel that it's a really special thing. I'll try harder to be sociable, especially since I might commute starting next year. Good luck to you too. =)

is it just me, or does it kinda seem like stability in friendships in middle/high school years leads to having a harder time making friends in college?

That's absolutely true in some cases. I still prefer having a close small network of friends nonetheless. Either way though, everybody will eventually have to go through the hardship of starting over socially - just at different times of their life.

another thing.. i was great in studies in my college.. used to come first most of the times.. and people used to wonder how i managed to get such good marks.. and they used to come to me and ask for help during exams.. that way also we got to know each other.. and then college culturals.. i mean like parties and competitions.. i used to take part and get to know lot of people.. so if you want to then concentrate on studying hard.. who knows great marks can get you great friends !

Wah, so smart. I'm good in my studies, but I also go to a school where everybody else is just as good even in a class of 1500 students. ^_^" I'm also not a party person.. I don't drink, dance or anything like that. Not saying all parties are like that... but most are. Kudos to you though for being able to do all that!

-----

I just want to say that this isn't my first forum I joined in my lifetime, but it's definitely the first time I've had so many replies on my own thread.

Thanks guys. =)

 

[IgnoredOne]

Which clubs did you join?

 

[meekthoughts]

Which clubs did you join?

I joined the anime club and kendo club. Yes, I am oriental.

The anime club is very sociable (except when we're watching anime) but it's very difficult for me to join in a conversation so I just listen from the sides. I did approach one other girl who was just as shy as me, but we just basically kept each other from being alone.

In the kendo club, I've only been instructed so far but I will be attending the real club events soon. I will try to be sociable, but again it doesn't come naturally to me at all so I think I might end up on the sidelines again. >__>;