Nobody ever cares...

[Fvantom]

Why does it seem to come so easy to everyone else? Even on here I see that people have good friends, even though theyre online, Ive never had anyone truly care about me, I cant even remember the last time anyone told me they loved me and meant it....all I want is for someone to be there and help me when Im feeling bad, but it seems like thats too much to ask of most people.

 

[Angel52]

Why does it seem to come so easy to everyone else? Even on here I see that people have good friends, even though theyre online, Ive never had anyone truly care about me, I cant even remember the last time anyone told me they loved me and meant it....all I want is for someone to be there and help me when Im feeling bad, but it seems like thats too much to ask of most people.

You aren't the only one, I am exactly the same.

I don't come on here much but felt I had to answer you because although it doesn't help you I suppose, I just had to tell you that no one cares or loves me and when they did it wasn't for very long or came with conditions. I find it hard to make friends, I don't seem to be able to communicate on forums either.

Plus Christmas time is the worst time of year for feeling lonely.

I'm sorry that you feel this way because of others, what can we do? I just don't know!

Angel

 

[Sci-Fi]

No offence meant to you, but if you are like this in real life all the time then maybe that's your problem. I don't know you that well and you don't really post much on the forums, but a lot of the threads or posts I've seen you make, have mostly been the same theme. No one cares, your worthless, the basic my life sucks stuff over and over. That can push people away, even ones that do care about you. What they start thinking is "oh god here comes depressed moody fvantom" or "oh what now". People can only take so much before they cut you out of their lives. I know it's hard to see the positive things in life when you are feeling so down, but there has to be. I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

What I'm trying to say is to find some happiness in your life, something that you enjoy that makes you feel better and latch on to that. Milk it for everything you can to try and pick yourself back up. Stop feeling like no one cares. If nobody ever cared I wouldn't be replying to you. See, don't really know you, but cared enough to come in with some "tough love".

 

[Equinox]

No offence meant to you, but if you are like this in real life all the time then maybe that's your problem. I don't know you that well and you don't really post much on the forums, but a lot of the threads or posts I've seen you make, have mostly been the same theme. No one cares, your worthless, the basic my life sucks stuff over and over. That can push people away, even ones that do care about you. What they start thinking is "oh god here comes depressed moody fvantom" or "oh what now". People can only take so much before they cut you out of their lives. I know it's hard to see the positive things in life when you are feeling so down, but there has to be. I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

What I'm trying to say is to find some happiness in your life, something that you enjoy that makes you feel better and latch on to that. Milk it for everything you can to try and pick yourself back up. Stop feeling like no one cares. If nobody ever cared I wouldn't be replying to you. See, don't really know you, but cared enough to come in with some "tough love".

+1

 

[Nolife Princess]

No offence meant to you, but if you are like this in real life all the time then maybe that's your problem. I don't know you that well and you don't really post much on the forums, but a lot of the threads or posts I've seen you make, have mostly been the same theme. No one cares, your worthless, the basic my life sucks stuff over and over. That can push people away, even ones that do care about you. What they start thinking is "oh god here comes depressed moody fvantom" or "oh what now". People can only take so much before they cut you out of their lives. I know it's hard to see the positive things in life when you are feeling so down, but there has to be. I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

What I'm trying to say is to find some happiness in your life, something that you enjoy that makes you feel better and latch on to that. Milk it for everything you can to try and pick yourself back up. Stop feeling like no one cares. If nobody ever cared I wouldn't be replying to you. See, don't really know you, but cared enough to come in with some "tough love".

+2

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

Ahem, but this is EXACTLY what the original poster will do. He will put on a mask and say "I'm fine." or "i'm good" everyt time someone asks him or her how they are. His true, troubled, and depressed self will get repressed. It will still be there, just like a repressed gay person's gayness is still there. He (or she - i'm just going to refer to Fvantom as he from now on). They still feel like crap. They still feel miserable. Only, now, they cannot be themselves. Not being yourself can invoke several negative feelings.

1) of disconnection from those around them. (which is actually a risk factor for suicide)
2) Added feelings of stress from having to keep the mask on
3) Feeling like no one actually cares about their pain because they're subtlely forced not to express it or face the consequence of losing their friends, their work, and any little support they have. So the person feels invalidated and that no one cares.

I am not saying that the OP should not try to actively deal with their depression. I encourage them to do so.

I also disagree that the problem lies within the OP because they have problems. have you ever thought that maybe the problem lies within those that respond to the OP in the sense that all of us are laypersons? We do not know how to therapeutically listen to others, and we do not know therapeutic techniques. We do not extensively know the nuances of how mental illnesses can present themselves.

Maybe it is US that should learn how to talk (or at least talk better) to those that suffer from chronic depression/feelings of loneliness, rather than those that are suffering, being forced to wear a mask and yet still be in pain. Maybe it is a problem with US for not knowing how to actually help them or talk to them (since they keep coming back).

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask

http://www.potw.org/archive/potw8.html

 

[Nolife Princess]

I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

Ahem, but this is EXACTLY what the original poster will do. He will put on a mask and say "I'm fine." or "i'm good" everyt time someone asks him or her how they are. His true, troubled, and depressed self will get repressed. It will still be there, just like a repressed gay person's gayness is still there. He (or she - i'm just going to refer to Fvantom as he from now on). They still feel like crap. They still feel miserable. Only, now, they cannot be themselves. Not being yourself can invoke several negative feelings.

1) of disconnection from those around them. (which is actually a risk factor for suicide)
2) Added feelings of stress from having to keep the mask on
3) Feeling like no one actually cares about their pain because they're subtlely forced not to express it or face the consequence of losing their friends, their work, and any little support they have. So the person feels invalidated and that no one cares.

I am not saying that the OP should not try to actively deal with their depression. I encourage them to do so.

I also disagree that the problem lies within the OP because they have problems. have you ever thought that maybe the problem lies within those that respond to the OP in the sense that all of us are laypersons? We do not know how to therapeutically listen to others, and we do not know therapeutic techniques. We do not extensively know the nuances of how mental illnesses can present themselves.

Maybe it is US that should learn how to talk (or at least talk better) to those that suffer from chronic depression/feelings of loneliness, rather than those that are suffering, being forced to wear a mask and yet still be in pain. Maybe it is a problem with US for not knowing how to actually help them or talk to them (since they keep coming back).

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask

http://www.potw.org/archive/potw8.html

While you do make a valid point.. there has to be a different way to approach ones loneliness, sadness, depression, and even anger.. yes we have forums to be with hopefully like minded peers, with similar issues, that we can identify with, understand, and discuss, but it can't always be heavy, sad, and depressed. we are here to support each other in positive ways. but there is a time to share, rant, or just 'say what you are feeling' but it is also important to have a lite side, show some happiness, love, kindness, support, give of yourself laughter, hope, and even silliness... when it is always sad and dark, of course people are more apt to walk away because there is nothing more that can be said.. especially if the said issue has already been addressed.

My heart goes out to my peers who struggle daily life.. but they are not alone. we all have daily struggles.

***this post is not intended to offend, insult, or anger anyone reading***

with that said......
chin up, a smile , and find a connection with your self first.. then go forward.

 

[Equinox]

Maybe it is US that should learn how to talk (or at least talk better) to those that suffer from chronic depression/feelings of loneliness, rather than those that are suffering, being forced to wear a mask and yet still be in pain.

Absolutely; and not just the US. But how things should be and how they actually are at present time are two different things. Which results in us lonely, depressed and negative people having to choose:

A) Be ourselves 100%, no matter how miserable and negative we are, thus probably scaring people away, or
B) Wear some sort of mask. Not necessarily to completely hide who we are, but perhaps just to cover up our issues, at least some of the time. That's what I do. I sometimes let my friends know that I'm having a hard time, but not always, because that would be too much for them to cope with. I had a run where I let all my negative emotions and insecurities run wild, and lost several friends because of it. Naturally, I'm being more careful now with the ones I've got left.

I don't see myself as repressing my negative feelings when I'm with my friends, as much as I actually forget about them. I allow people to cheer me up with whatever positives they have, instead of pulling them down to where I'm at.

Friends aren't therapists. They can't support me 100% of the time, or listen to my endless complaints when I'm in a bad place. The moment a friend brings more negatives into your life than positives, it's time to let them go. I actually find that perfectly reasonable. Everyone looks out for themselves first.

 

[SophiaGrace]

of course people are more apt to walk away because there is nothing more that can be said.. especially if the said issue has already been addressed.

If it has already been addressed but not fixed, then something went wrong.

Sometimes people express their emotions and do not ask for advice, but then people give them advice anyway, and then these advice givers become offended and angry when their advice isn't taken.

OR, the original poster asks for advice and the cognitive distortions that make up their mental illness or their logic structure makes it impossible for them to be open to this advice. (this is assuming that the advice is good and that there is scientific basis behind it being effective if taken/acted upon, NOT what people THINK might be helpful)

Let's take someone who is paranoid for example. These people have several good cognitive structures which make their illogic very long lasting. Should we give up on them because they won't "listen to reason" or should we reassess how they are treated and go at it from a different angle?

 

[Nolife Princess]

Sometimes people express their emotions and do not ask for advice, but then people give them advice anyway, and then these advice givers become offended and angry when their advice isn't taken.

OR, the original poster asks for advice and the cognitive distortions that make up their mental illness or their logic structure makes it impossible for them to be open to this advice. (this is assuming that the advice is good and that there is scientific basis behind it being effective if taken/acted upon, NOT what people THINK might be helpful)

Let's take someone who is paranoid for example. These people have several good cognitive structures which make their illogic very long lasting. Should we give up on them because they won't "listen to reason" or should we reassess how they are treated and go at it from a different angle?


When a poster puts it out there for all to see, then whether advice is ask for or not, there will always be someone who is going to offer.. either take it or leave it.. and the one who offers should have no ill feelings, his advice is only his own and maybe some will agree with it or not.
Advice from one to another is objective, what is good advice for one, may not work for another.

My Normal may not be your normal, and likewise .. if I offer, you have 2 choices, take it or leave it.. there will always be another poster to offer support in other ways.

 

[SophiaGrace]

*fixed your mistake*

Sometimes people express their emotions and do not ask for advice, but then people give them advice anyway, and then these advice givers become offended and angry when their advice isn't taken.

OR, the original poster asks for advice and the cognitive distortions that make up their mental illness or their logic structure makes it impossible for them to be open to this advice. (this is assuming that the advice is good and that there is scientific basis behind it being effective if taken/acted upon, NOT what people THINK might be helpful)

Let's take someone who is paranoid for example. These people have several good cognitive structures which make their illogic very long lasting. Should we give up on them because they won't "listen to reason" or should we reassess how they are treated and go at it from a different angle?

When a poster puts it out there for all to see, then whether advice is ask for or not, there will always be someone who is going to offer.. either take it or leave it.. and the one who offers should have no ill feelings, his advice is only his own and maybe some will agree with it or not.
Advice from one to another is objective, what is good advice for one, may not work for another.

My Normal may not be your normal, and likewise .. if I offer, you have 2 choices, take it or leave it.. there will always be another poster to offer support in other ways.

 

[Fvantom]

I'm not saying to have to start being a fake happy person, but you really need to work on what you are going through and pull yourself out of it. If not you will lose every last single person in your life. Even here on the forums you'll soon see people will stop replying to you, they get tired of trying to always build people up. There comes a point where even though many of us know what you are going through we need a break.

Ahem, but this is EXACTLY what the original poster will do. He will put on a mask and say "I'm fine." or "i'm good" everyt time someone asks him or her how they are. His true, troubled, and depressed self will get repressed. It will still be there, just like a repressed gay person's gayness is still there. He (or she - i'm just going to refer to Fvantom as he from now on). They still feel like crap. They still feel miserable. Only, now, they cannot be themselves. Not being yourself can invoke several negative feelings.

1) of disconnection from those around them. (which is actually a risk factor for suicide)
2) Added feelings of stress from having to keep the mask on
3) Feeling like no one actually cares about their pain because they're subtlely forced not to express it or face the consequence of losing their friends, their work, and any little support they have. So the person feels invalidated and that no one cares.

I am not saying that the OP should not try to actively deal with their depression. I encourage them to do so.

I also disagree that the problem lies within the OP because they have problems. have you ever thought that maybe the problem lies within those that respond to the OP in the sense that all of us are laypersons? We do not know how to therapeutically listen to others, and we do not know therapeutic techniques. We do not extensively know the nuances of how mental illnesses can present themselves.

shes right, thats exactly what I feel like I have to do now, no ones going to want to deal with me if Im depressed, even on a forum where everyone else is going through the same problems and should understand, so now I have to pretend Im happy or nobodys going to care, I mean come on, am I really that bad? Does my sadness seriously make people HERE feel uncomfortable?

 

[SophiaGrace]

..

 

[Fvantom]

Does my sadness seriously make people HERE feel uncomfortable?

Sadly, obviously it does. let me PM you a link to a forum where no one is uncomfortable with sadness....

Well thats just fantastic isnt it, this was the only place I had to come and talk about this kind of thing, now Im being shunned here as well...

 

[SophiaGrace]

now Im being shunned here as well...

*thinks* Well, you aren't being shunned by me, though I have gone through that feeling many many times in different areas on the internet.

Sci fi, do you remember when you felt suicidal, were depressed and cut yourself when you had your old job?

How would you feel if I told your old you "sorry, you're too depressing. I don't want to hear about your problems. It's your fault you have them."

and then walking away?

 

[Fvantom]

thanks...the last few weeks have been especially hard for me, and the last thing I need is for people to tell me that I'm being "too depressed" especially on here, its not like you guys know me very well, I guarantee you, if you think I'm being some mopey downer, I challenge you to send me a PM and talk to me, about anything, for a while, and youll see who I really am.

 

[Nolife Princess]

thanks...the last few weeks have been especially hard for me, and the last thing I need is for people to tell me that I'm being "too depressed" especially on here, its not like you guys know me very well, I guarantee you, if you think I'm being some mopey downer, I challenge you to send me a PM and talk to me, about anything, for a while, and youll see who I really am.

Nobody is saying you are too depressed.. what I personally am trying to say is simply, don't make it to heavy, as some things said DO indeed make other feel uncomfortable. not everyone know how to handle certain 'life's' situations.
We as a whole have all sorts of strengths, and weakness. Some of us are better listeners, some of us are better counselors, and some of us are just... just.
Of course we sympathize with a hurting soul, but don't always know how to show it.
Just because I don't say anything on your post, does not mean that I didn't read it, or have empathy for you.

with this I struggle everyday... some days I do better than others.
I do care about you and my other peers here.

as for PMing- I would be happy to chat you up, things is, I am not sure how to connect to you?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Here is something cute to distract:

 

[Sci-Fi]

Okay, what I said is being interpreted more then just what was said. I'm not trying to shun anyone here at all. I'm not trying to put the blame on (you) Fvathom. There are always two stories, their is ours and then there is the one from those around us.

When I was depressed and going through a bad time in my life I felt like NO ONE cared about me, just like the OP. I was always moody and my mom got sick of it, and so did my brother. They didn't know how to deal with me other than to tell me to "suck it up". I was so angry at them, especially my mom, she's been through rough times in her life, as I felt she should have understood. I was so bad I couldn't even fake being happy. I was a mess in job interviews, I failed at everything I tried. It came to a point where I had to make a decision, either self destruct or pick myself back up, I decided to pick myself back up for no one but me, to be happy again.

Over a year ago I had to deal with a friend who went through a bad time in her life, someone I really cared about. She came to me for advice, to vent, to help pick her up, to be a voice of reason, an emotional doormat. It got to the point, where I wish I had told her, to stop being so depressed and suck it up. I understood how my mom felt though I have a lot more patience then she does so it took me longer. My friend was always so depressing, it just sucked all the life out of me and was very difficult. She didn't want to do anything to help herself, she expected everyone to do it for her. She knew of the rough time in my life, she knew how I pulled myself out of it. She couldn't make that decision herself. After she stabbed me in the back I broke off all ties with her, I just couldn't do it anymore.

This is what I am trying to get at, you can't constantly put it on everyone else. YOU have to do something to pick yourself back up. You have to take some kind of responsibility for yourself. The only person who can truly fix you is YOU. No one else has to care about any of us if we don't care about ourselves. I've been there, when I thought no one cared about me, I didn't care about myself either. I see that all now, having been on both sides of the fence. We can't expect other people to always be unyielding caring, it drains people to do that, to have to always be there for someone who doesn't want to make any effort on their own. People give up, sad but true. They give up before you pull them down with you.

I still have my down times, like a few months ago when a tornado tore apart the town I live in. That was rough, and I talked about it here. My part timer didn't like sad me, he wished I would cheer up. I had to finally do that on my own, there were people who listened when I talked but I had to find other ways to get myself out of that funk. I joined this site over a year ago to have a place to talk to people who've been there, done that, who are going through similar things. I don't like hearing about how sad people are. I tell my stories like everyone else does to give hope and maybe inspire people. I give my advice to hopefully help open peoples eyes and see the bigger picture around them. A lot of times when we are depressed we don't see that, we have this tunnel vision where we don't realize what is going on around us.

Do I blame you Fvathom? No I don't, I don't know what has happened to you, I don't know the whole story why you feel the way you do. But I've been there, I've been you, I've been the person on the outside. I don't blame anyone for what they are going through, we can't always control the circumstances that bring us there. I'm just trying to bring a wider perspective here, a bigger picture from my own experience.

 

[Equinox]

I don't think anyone is shunning you, Fvantom. I'm certainly not. The great thing about forum posting is that the things people write, don't go away (unless they delete it). There are days when I'm not up for reading about other people's problems and commenting on them, because I'm piled up dealing with my own. However, I can always come a few days or weeks later, when I'm feeling better, and then have a look at things, offer advice or whatnot - without my "I hate everything and everyone" glasses.

I also think this thread is headed in the wrong direction. Sci-Fi never said anything about not caring, or shunning, or blaming people for their problems. All he did was offer the advice to focus on the positive aspects of life, because constant negativity will usually scare off potential friends one might want to approact. Wasn't that the main issue of the original post - the lack of friends? For that purpose, the advice was solid, and it was true. It might have been hard, and we may not like it, but it's true - when we meet people in real life, they will stay away if all we ever do is display negativity and issues.

You're not "too depressed" to be on this forum, Fvantom, and nobody has said that you are. We just want you to find something positive about yourself, so you'll feel better. That's all.

And one more thing: If none of us cared, we wouldn't be writing these replies. True story.