not even one close friend

[Guest]

Just one close friend. That's all I wish I had. Just one, at the least, and I could be happy.

 

[downgrade]

I had one. A friend that would have given her life for me if she had to. I gave her up in a heartbeat for my girlfriend, because I was afraid that my girlfriend wouldn't be there for me all of the time. And it seemed like my ex-best friend had started to develop feelings for me... So I got scared.

Now I feel like I have a big gaping hole that can't be filled. I'd do anything to have a friend that I could count on again.

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

i know how you feel guest...i never ever had a close friends...i have "friends", but at the first occasion they would betray me and make me cry...but then again we should also think that sometimes we are the same with other people...but talking about close friends, yes this is one of the most pretious things in this messed up life!!!
downgrade...in my oppinion you really did your biggest mystake, yes, your girlfriend is important but your best friend is the best!!! with your girlfriend you'll quarell and you will break up, but with your best friends you can quarell thousand of times and you will still be best friends!!!

 

[downgrade]

Yea, I know it was a huge mistake... Sometimes when I get into a depression it always goes to the regret of doing that and to the jealousy of my girlfriend.

Like... When I first had my major depression I told my EBF (ex-best friend, shortened for laziness) that I loved her. And ever since then (until my girlfriend and myself got really serious), every time I got into a depression those feelings would return. That is another reason I got scared and let her go.

And now I'm jealous of my girlfriend because she has that person that she can count on. And sometimes I'm scared that her BF will always come before me (she has told me she won't). She told me that I am second to her best friend, but only because she knows that there is a chance that I will leave her, and I won't be there for her and her BF will. I'm jealous of that because 1. she has a BF, and 2. she can do something I can't... and that is put someone in front of her/me. She is always my number 1 and always my priority, but I am not to her.

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

regreting is a terrible feeling
time is a terrible thing
if you could return back in time, would you let your best friends go?
your girlfriends is right when she says:

She told me that I am second to her best friend, but only because she knows that there is a chance that I will leave her, and I won't be there for her and her BF will.

you should have thought the same way about your best friend...did you love her? it's just curriositty...
but your girl friend is wrong because she makes you feel like this...she should be more attentive to you.....i don't really know...it just doesn't seem right to me!
sorry if i haven't helped

 

[downgrade]

Would I let them go? I don't know. I have always had a problem with pushing people away and trusting people. I'm scared of getting hurt and betrayed so I only trust people that are like me; the ones that need someone else to get through and know what real trust is. I don't even talk to my father about anything because of that. I don't trust my own family.

Did I love her? No. Not the kind of love that would make me want to marry her and have a family with her. But I did want her in my life until I died. She was probably the strongest influence I have ever had in my life, excluding my girlfriend. We both would do anything for each other; both would have took a bullet for each other.

My girlfriend doesn't really cause this. She is as attentive as she can be; I tell her everything I use to tell my best friend, but there is always that time when she can't be there or help me. I just gave everything up because I want to be with her and marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. She feels the same way, but she wouldn't give away everything so quickly.