Not feeling great.

[annik]

I never know what to say here but I'm having a really hard time right now.

I'm going to turn 30 in a few weeks and this panic keeps washing over me. My life is no where near what I hoped, wanted or expected it to be. I feel stupid and useless. I'm just getting older and uglier and wasting away.

I'm terrified I guess.

I don't have any real friends and the ones that did matter I just let drift away. I'm in love with a man who hardly cares that I exist and I can't really remember the last time I even went out.

I know I need to sort this all out but I don't know where to start and everything I try doesn't work out.

Its just getting harder and harder to keep going.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Try facing 45 and think the same thing Annik- you have plenty of time.

I do to come to think of it. Guess we both better get our backsides in gear.

Not trying to make light of your concerns Annik, I'd just like to point out that you have lots of time to accomplish many good things. Anything in particular you want to get going on?

 

[annik]

Try facing 45 and think the same thing Annik- you have plenty of time.

I do to come to think of it. Guess we both better get our backsides in gear.

Not trying to make light of your concerns Annik, I'd just like to point out that you have lots of time to accomplish many good things. Anything in particular you want to get going on?

Well I guess my biggest fear is come 45 I'll still be where I am right now. Not a lot has changed or improved in a long time. I think it's really starting to hit me I'm wasting my life now I'm almost 30.

I just want a life. Crappy job, a place, a man who loves me, film in my camera...

I always wanted to be married in my 20s. I think I'm mourning that. It's never going to happen that way. I just need to deal with it.

 

[beans]

I really feel you, annik.


I am 29 this year and am facing the same problems.

Let's start with this one question.

What makes you happy/feel good?

 

[Limlim]

It's weird, I'm in the exact same situation in that I am turning 30 this year, am renting an extremely small apartment and have no significant other / kids.

But I look at all the divorced guys I work with who aren't allowed to see their kids who are nothing more than human ATMs now, and I can't help but think I dodged a bullet. Still I sometimes wonder if I should have? (In the "now what?" stage of my life)

Anyway Annik, 30 is the new 20! You're just entering your prime, so you don't have to worry just yet.

 

[Sci-Fi]

What Limlim said. I'm turning...uh...37 this year (really?)...oh man...ugh...anyway I have no girl no kids, which I'd really like to have. There was a time back in high school where I couldn't imagine any of those things for myself, I honestly thought I'd never live to see 20 or even finish high school. I have no idea why I thought that way. Then as life went on I started to imagine those things. Then, like Limlim said, I see things around me, I had a friend who went through a divorce and let it rip her life apart, a cousin who's also gone through a divorce, all kinds of crazy stuff where I think, thank god that's not me.

It's just all about living life and hopefully one day, when it's your time, it will all come to you.

 

[blackdot]

I am barely holding on myself at 38. Once I hit 40 though, it will probably quickly go downhill. The only social outlet I have is a community service group. unfortunately you age out at 40. At that point my body may just cut off.

 

[Tiina63]

I am in my fifties and still on my own (and am starting to give up hope of ever meeting anyone), so you still-from my perspective-have so many years ahead to sort out your life. I remember turning 30 though and feeling old-the teens and twenties somehow went together in my mind, while the thirties was a whole new step up. So please don't think I am minimising your situation.

 

[Lonely in BC]

I am barely holding on myself at 38. Once I hit 40 though, it will probably quickly go downhill. The only social outlet I have is a community service group. unfortunately you age out at 40. At that point my body may just cut off.

I have to call bullshit on this. I have several years on you and I can say without hesitation that you don't "age out" unless you choose to.

 

[grainofrice24]

Im 25 so I appreciate the amount of time I have to get things sorted out but....

I just wanted to say that regardless of age, I think we all have those bad times where hope is hard to find. It's there, you just have to look for it. There are changes that you can make to yourself that will make a difference. You know...those really hard ones that seem impossible. Make the change and stick to it no matter WHAT! No compromising. I guarantee life will reward you for it.

Nobody deserves to be lonely. To quote a famous fellow Canucker - "I'm pulling for ya...we're all in this together!"

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Stop looking to the future and look to the now. I find if you have no plans you cannot be disappointed. The best laid plans can always go wrong so do not think too much about it. Pick out your flaws and determine how you are going to fix them. If you keep yourself busy you will be less aware of what is going on and how much life sucks.

 

[annik]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm sorry I'm late with answering. I don't know why I make threads like this I just stress about not knowing what to say.

Anyway I can see what most people are saying and it does make me feel better that I'm not alone and that people understand how I feel.

I guess I'm just having trouble coming to turns with the fact my life will never be the way I hoped it would. Its hard not to feel like a failure.

I really never thought I'd be one of those people who freaked out at turning 30 but now I am it feels horrible. I feel like I should be grown up by now and be settled. There are so many stupid and boring adult things I have never done.

I just don't feel my age or look it I could still probably pass for 20 because of my stupid unwomanly baby face. I'm scared I don't know how to be "30"...

It's hard to watch family and friends getting married and having kids while I seem to be finding it so hard to even exist.

Honestly I know it could be worse and I thank god I'm not going through a divorce or something. I just wish I even knew where to start with sorting my life out and having a future. It's not about getting my dream life its just about getting a life! My own place, a few friends, a man and some terrible job I can moan about would do me. I could never be accused of being over ambitious.

I really don't need to stop making plans as I have none.

Wow that was just a headache induced ramble sorry...

 

[SophiaGrace]

This makes me glad I am having my crisis right now in my early twenties. Maybe when I get my college degree I will gain more faith and confidence in myself, well, enough that I don't seriously think I will hurt myself at least. I would like to look back at this and say "whew, glad that's over!"

Id like to be competent. Id like to finish what I have started.

Has annik taken courses in photography?

 

[annik]

Has annik taken courses in photography?

Nope I haven't. Unless you count my last "boyfriend". Who helped and explained a lot to me. He's the reason I have any confidence with film. It's a shame we didn't last, it would have been fun learning more and borrowing his huge collection of cameras and stuff.

 

[whispers]

Hi Annik,

To tell you the truth, my thirties were the best years of my life, hard but life changing. I am turning 40 in two weeks and i am so proud of everything i have accomplished. At age 32, i started changing my life, i am 39 and finaly feel i have reached my goal. You know what you want isnt always what is best for you, i have learned to take life as it comes and make the best of it. Trying to controle certain aspects of our lives just makes us struggle and most of the time, we have no power over it.
When you feel unhappy, change it...if it takes a few mistakes to find the right solution... its ok, its life. There are no failures, just learning opportunities.
Time does not exist, there is no timelimit to achieve what you want. I found my best friends in my thirties, we were a bunch of housewifes bored, we formed a sisterhood lol, had coffe every tuesday morning, and we did not gossip, we helped each other cope with life. Everyone should have that kind of support it saved me... Anyway there is so much i could say about this subject, but, ill have to write a book.

Be happy Annik

 

[annik]

Hi Annik,

To tell you the truth, my thirties were the best years of my life, hard but life changing. I am turning 40 in two weeks and i am so proud of everything i have accomplished. At age 32, i started changing my life, i am 39 and finaly feel i have reached my goal. You know what you want isnt always what is best for you, i have learned to take life as it comes and make the best of it. Trying to controle certain aspects of our lives just makes us struggle and most of the time, we have no power over it.
When you feel unhappy, change it...if it takes a few mistakes to find the right solution... its ok, its life. There are no failures, just learning opportunities.
Time does not exist, there is no timelimit to achieve what you want. I found my best friends in my thirties, we were a bunch of housewifes bored, we formed a sisterhood lol, had coffe every tuesday morning, and we did not gossip, we helped each other cope with life. Everyone should have that kind of support it saved me... Anyway there is so much i could say about this subject, but, ill have to write a book.

Be happy Annik

Thank you, I was kind of touched to read that. I know myself I'm being kind of silly about this. I'm not going to wake up in a week suddenly different, its just 30 is kind of a milestone. I'll be fine once its happened I know just now I want to cling to my 20s like mad.

I'm sort of the youngest person I know in "real" life. My parents are both older ( ) and my sisters 33 (today!). My ex...who I still talk to is 32 and my only friend about 36. I'm not getting much sympathy over my panic I must say.

I don't think I'd feel as bad if I had anything planned for the day or even the hope I could do something. My 18th was a wash out, my 21st not much better and here I am again at 30.

It's just a question of letting go of how I saw things in my head. Things can still be good (I guess) only different from how I imagined. I know I wasted a lot of my 20s through insecurity and fear I really don't want that to happen to my 30s. I need to make them the best years of my life.

Maybe thats why I'm terrified...