Nothing ever happens or Don't know how to flirt

[MentatsGhoul]

I've gotten a bit better at "socialising". Making small talk, jokes, etc. More people have started to respond positively to me lately, as opposed to just shutting me down every time I open my mouth. And I am actually good looking, definitely for my area. I'm not gonna claim any girl "likes" me without having them having explicitly told me so (or obviously tried to hook up with me or something), but some definitely seem, I don't know, welcoming, for lack of a better word. Obviously some are just being friendly, maybe even all of them, but there's a possibility that I have a chance at least, I think. 

But, nothing ever happens, nothing has ever happened. Like we'll laugh, exchange lots of looks and smiles and... that's always it. I guess, I just don't really know how to flirt? At least without coming off as a creep. I think the more "aggressive" girls avoid me, because despite being much more sociable than I used to be, I'm still a laid back, kind of distant guy, so no girl has ever made a move on me, at least not obviously. And, I don't know how to flirt without coming off as creepy. Honestly, I've developed too many trust issues and been hurt too much, so it's a bad idea for me to look for a relationship, but, it would be nice to at least be able to feel like someone is attracted to me and maybe go on a few dates for the experience. I just have zero idea how to make it happen. It seems to come so naturally to everyone else around me :/

 

[Restless soul]

I hear where you are coming from. By the way
How are you? And the simplest and better route to try
From my experience would be online dating stuff. I.e tindr and other apps like that. People tend to me more open to chat, flirt. That is one plus when it comes to online vs real world. Try it

 

[MisterLonely]

You are overthinking flirting, flirting isn't about cheesy one-liners, it's making small talk, telling jokes and just the way you look at eachother.
You have probably been flirting with allot of the girls that seem welcoming without thinking of it as flirting, and they might think the same things your thinking right now, why didn't anything happen.

Don't overthink it, don't be pushy and don't be afraid to get it wrong, if you like someone and think it's mutual just ask if you can have her number or if she would like to go do something with you sometime.
If you get shut down at that point, don't make a big deal about it.

 

[Tealeaf]

I agree that flirting has to be personal because it's about what feels good between two people. I don't think flirting is strictly necessarily to developing a relationship, though, especially not the obvious kind. Like a good talk it just helps warm people up to the idea of getting to know someone better.

 

[BeyondShy]

I would love to get some tips on flirting. God knows I need it.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

You are overthinking flirting, flirting isn't about cheesy one-liners, it's making small talk, telling jokes and just the way you look at eachother.
You have probably been flirting with allot of the girls that seem welcoming without thinking of it as flirting, and they might think the same things your thinking right now, why didn't anything happen.

Don't overthink it, don't be pushy and don't be afraid to get it wrong, if you like someone and think it's mutual just ask if you can have her number or if she would like to go do something with you sometime.
If you get shut down at that point, don't make a big deal about it.

Well the first part is essentially what I've been doing. So, you think I should just explicitly ask them on a date or for their number? With no real build up? Another issue I have is differentiating between friendliness and flirting.

 

[Sun35]

But, nothing ever happens, nothing has ever happened. Like we'll laugh, exchange lots of looks and smiles and... that's always it. I guess, I just don't really know how to flirt? At least without coming off as a creep. 

Ok, so what if you don't know how to flirt? you don't have to know that, it's not a must as such. You being true to yourself, your personality itself should be enough. However I think flirting is a technique, it's a skill and if you really want to learn, there are lot of sources from where you can learn.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not for nothing, but you might be flirting or whatever it is you do to ladies who don't pick up on it. Which is completely possible, because I'm that type. It registers with me way after the fact, if it does at all. I don't flirt myself, and I barely pick it up from others unless it was super obvious.

 

[MisterLonely]

You are overthinking flirting, flirting isn't about cheesy one-liners, it's making small talk, telling jokes and just the way you look at eachother.
You have probably been flirting with allot of the girls that seem welcoming without thinking of it as flirting, and they might think the same things your thinking right now, why didn't anything happen.

Don't overthink it, don't be pushy and don't be afraid to get it wrong, if you like someone and think it's mutual just ask if you can have her number or if she would like to go do something with you sometime.
If you get shut down at that point, don't make a big deal about it.

Well the first part is essentially what I've been doing. So, you think I should just explicitly ask them on a date or for their number? With no real build up? Another issue I have is differentiating between friendliness and flirting.

That was exactly my point, you already are flirting, but you are right that there should be buildup, if you think it's too soon to ask for a phonenumber, ask her if you can get her a drink instead.

The thing is, eventhough they don't like to admit it most women (not all!) expect you as the man to make the first move.

I know giving advice is easy (eventhough i don't take this lightly!) I myselve have had many occasions where i thought the same thing your thinking, why didn't it go furter? After allot of selfreflection i came to the conclussion it was because I didn't dare to "strike out", I didn't dare to be wrong... and so i never tried.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

You are overthinking flirting, flirting isn't about cheesy one-liners, it's making small talk, telling jokes and just the way you look at eachother.
You have probably been flirting with allot of the girls that seem welcoming without thinking of it as flirting, and they might think the same things your thinking right now, why didn't anything happen.

Don't overthink it, don't be pushy and don't be afraid to get it wrong, if you like someone and think it's mutual just ask if you can have her number or if she would like to go do something with you sometime.
If you get shut down at that point, don't make a big deal about it.

Well the first part is essentially what I've been doing. So, you think I should just explicitly ask them on a date or for their number? With no real build up? Another issue I have is differentiating between friendliness and flirting.

That was exactly my point, you already are flirting, but you are right that there should be buildup, if you think it's too soon to ask for a phonenumber, ask her if you can get her a drink instead.

The thing is, eventhough they don't like to admit it most women (not all!) expect you as the man to make the first move.

I know giving advice is easy (eventhough i don't take this lightly!) I myselve have had many occasions where i thought the same thing your thinking, why didn't it go furter? After allot of selfreflection i came to the conclussion it was because I didn't dare to "strike out", I didn't dare to be wrong... and so i never tried.

I think you might be right. Easier said then done, of course. Hmm... Will probably have to just look out for an opportunity

 

[ardour]

Why not just sidestep all that and ask someone out instead? Sun35 is right in that your personal qualities should be enough.

 

[Sun35]

Sun35 is right in that your personal qualities should be enough.

Yes, that is correct. Your personality should be sufficient for a woman to find you attractive and to get attracted to you. Flirting is not a must, one doesn't have to know how to flirt, it's not a necessity. However yes, if the person knows how to flirt then it is a plus point. 
Not knowing how to flirt or not wanting to flirt or not wanting to know how to flirt is a choice of that person but then not flirting, or being incapable will also have some consequences so that person should be ready to accept that as well, they should be prepared for that.
That's what I am trying to say, flirting is a skill, it's a technique, so if that person wants to know or learn they can do that well, that is also a choice.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

Sun35 is right in that your personal qualities should be enough.

Yes, that is correct. Your personality should be sufficient for a woman to find you attractive and to get attracted to you. Flirting is not a must, one doesn't have to know how to flirt, it's not a necessity. However yes, if the person knows how to flirt then it is a plus point. 
Not knowing how to flirt or not wanting to flirt or not wanting to know how to flirt is a choice of that person but then not flirting, or being incapable will also have some consequences so that person should be ready to accept that as well, they should be prepared for that.
That's what I am trying to say, flirting is a skill, it's a technique, so if that person wants to know or learn they can do that well, that is also a choice.

I somewhat agree, but you're kinda missing the point of this thread in my opinion (no offence).

The point is, it's NOT enough on it's own. I mean, I talk fine, make jokes everything. I don't "play a character" or whatever. I am very much myself with most people. But as the title says, nothing ever happens. Sometimes it seems like certain girls are attracted to me, but it's impossible to tell for sure. And I don't quite know how to move things forward. In an ideal world, yes, it would be awesome to just be able to sit down with someone and "bond" based on how much chemistry we have, but that's not my reality. I'm a student, in an environment where most of the people I meet I see once a week or so, if even that, and most people have a very casual attitude towards dating and relationships (and as I said, I'm not even sure I want a serious relationship at this stage). I'm sorry but, no, i can't just get a date based on my "personality" in a world like this.

 

[ardour]

"most people have a very casual attitude towards dating and relationships (and as I said, I'm not even sure I want a serious relationship at this stage"

If you're looking for something casual or a hook up then, I hate to suggest it but...Tinder. At least the people you meet will be of 'like minds'.

 

[Xpendable]

"most people have a very casual attitude towards dating and relationships (and as I said, I'm not even sure I want a serious relationship at this stage"

If you're looking for something casual or a hook up then, I hate to suggest it but...Tinder. At least the people you meet will be of 'like minds'.

I think he meant that most people drive between relationships in a very natural way. Not that is not serious, but that it comes up as natural for them, in a casual way.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

****, this is a lot of pressure. I really can't rely on my instincts on this one. Seems I'm always wrong

 

[MisterLonely]

****, this is a lot of pressure. I really can't rely on my instincts on this one. Seems I'm always wrong

It sucks when it feels that way, but everytime you get it wrong your one step closer to getting it right, when you take a chance it might not work out the way you want it to, but you'll never think back about missed oppertunities, you'll never think "what if ..." you'll always come out stronger for having tried, even if you feel like crap at the moment.

Please keep being brave, and don't let a setback keep you down.