Nothing will change this.....

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

I don't want to hurt anybody. I have always thought that I was a kind, kindred, and selfless person. Or maybe was that who I wanted to be? Lately, I've found myself being numb towards other's feelings or troubles. Breaking promises, knowing that I am hurting them. I breaks my heart to know that I am breaking them but I can't stop. I am being this selfish, ******* arrogant *****. I am catching myself being just like my mother. I never wanted to be like her, I have sworn not to be. BUT there are so many signs showing things I am her. So, I decided to push out everyone in my life that I love. I refuse to hurt them anymore. I don't want to be a whore, lying to guys for my own sick game like she does, make people feel like honeysuckle, or live so dishonest without any shame. I am my mother's daughter. Her blood is running in my veins, It's starting to show. I don't want to have kids because I don't want to even risk being the "mother" she was. fresia no. I do promise, I would rather die than be my mother.

 

[Montreal Skye]

I found myself recently emulating my sister, which horrified me in hindsight. She was cruel and mean, mix that with my impulsiveness and anxiety and I know I hurt someone. I'm quite disgusted with myself because I vowed to never be like any of those people from my family and in a time of self-perceived crisis, I did just that. It's not set in stone though, every time you find yourself acting like your mother, it's a chance to change the behaviour. It's not going to happen overnight because it's a learned behaviour and figuratively in your blood. I've changed a lot of things I find mirror my mother and sister, but sometimes that behaviour just seeps in without warning out of pure instinct, the best we can do is recognize it, make amends and keep it in mind to change it the next time it might rear its ugly head.

 

[Tealeaf]

Even the best of us get worn down and terse. It's how we think and act when we're at our worst and have to face our wrongs that shows our true colors, not whether or not we do wrong in the first place. There's people who excuse and justify their actions, and those who feel guilt for it and a desire to do differently.

We grow throughout our entire lives, you know, and I think we have a good deal of control over the direction we grow in. But it's growth, which like that of a plant may often seem slow, and not just a change.

 

[Parabolani]

I hope my little boy dosn't grow up like me.

 

[Wrath_1134]

to be honest with you i find myself becoming more and more numb as the days go on im filled with hate and anger always have been but now everythings starting to go away and thats what scares me most of all so i try and hold onto whats left because hate and anger are better than nothing at all but then again i think to myself maybe it would be better just to be numb

 

[Gutted]

I think you're already not like your Mother. You know something is up. Something that she may have missed or not caught on time. You have time to change, even if you have done some things that she has done. She has time to change if she is still around too.

 

[strife]

hmm nothing like your mother? That's not possible.

Let me tell you something, you can't push people away and expect them to stop caring it just doesn't work trust me i've done it.. they always come back (the real friends) the moment you need them. And when you tell them how sorry you were for being an ass they just laugh at you and tell you that honeysuckle happens and they can't even remember why you fought in the first place.

Something triggered this btw, so if you want advice you'd have to figure that out first. If you're just ranting... then rant away

 

[Veilside05]

You can change how you want to react towards other.
Appreciate them or hurt them - the choice is yours.