ok here we go........

[PurpleHippo]

my self esteem is pretty much non existant, i look up to girls and i have never spoken to a girl in real life(unless she spoke to me first) i feel like i am not worthy of speaking to them(a censored version of what i really think.......i really hate myself) and i dunno this is really hurting me, not having anyone to speak to because i cannot get a girlfriend where some pretty horrible guys can i compare myself to them and because they have a girlfriend and i do not then i start to hate myself more

i have a weird perception that guys should get girlfriends and make them feel like the most important girl on the planet and because i am not doing that it makes me hate myself even more

sorry for my insanity btw

EDIT: i apologise if i put this in the wrong section

 

[Rolo]

my self esteem is pretty much non existant, i look up to girls and i have never spoken to a girl in real life(unless she spoke to me first) i feel like i am not worthy of speaking to them(a censored version of what i really think.......i really hate myself) and i dunno this is really hurting me, not having anyone to speak to because i cannot get a girlfriend where some pretty horrible guys can i compare myself to them and because they have a girlfriend and i do not then i start to hate myself more

i have a weird perception that guys should get girlfriends and make them feel like the most important girl on the planet and because i am not doing that it makes me hate myself even more

sorry for my insanity btw

EDIT: i apologise if i put this in the wrong section

Well, most guys would feel the same way about girls as you do (or guys, to be all inclusive), and again there are some that feel that they are not worthy of speaking to them. Problem is, its hard to get the girl when theres not enough confidence there to speak to them in the first place. Oh and the arseholes that seem to get all they want? Yeh there are plenty of them around-but try do what i have started doing- dont look at them and feel down- look at them and think why do they behave the way they do ......... you cant compare yourself to them, as in most cases they are just too different. (its not a bad thing like).

Sometimes, people have to wait longer than others to get that one person they want to be with. Sometimes people dont get what they think they should. Sometimes life seems just **** unfair. Being here may lead you to finding other people that have been in the same situation or that still are, so maybe you may pick something up from them that you can use in your life...a bit of inspiration perhaps....

 

[trZ]

Thats actually very normal. You have taken it to a somewhat extreme degree, but its not unusual.

In my opinion, you should put the "girlfriend"-thingy away, and start working on yourself. Work out, work on being more social, smile a lot, get out of your house, eat healthy, get a hobby, work towards your goals. Be the person you really want to be, instead of thinking you are stuck with sitting at home feeling worthless. When you have worked out who you want to be (and really is on the inside), your self esteem will be at a point where talking to girls isn't really a problem because you have confidence in your worth as a person. Then its time to get experience in chatting with people, and from there on, finding girls to have fun with (and a relationship if stuff works out) should be a breeze.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Apples to Oranges my friend, Apples to Oranges. First of all stop comparing yourself to people who you are not. That is just stupid, to put it bluntly. Yeah you can sit and wonder how the heck can they get a girl, but to compare yourself to them is just wrong. Those so called horrible guys get the girl because they are not afraid to talk to them.

Women are not something to be feared, actually they can be much more fun to talk to them guys. There's no macho whip it out and compare it going on. Now taking it a step further and asking them out, that can be scary.

 

[PurpleHippo]

There's no macho whip it out and compare it going on. Now taking it a step further and asking them out, that can be scary.

so thats the problem i have been having talking to woman.........

in all seriousness thank you for all your replies i used to do karate which involved lots of working out so i'll do more of that and try to work on myself so things are easier, i also need to stop judging myself based on how successful i am with girls

 

[trZ]

Well there you go you know frickin karate man, go practice it!

One of the MAIN attractions to a girl is that the guy has a LIFE. Goes out with friends, have stuff to do, hobbies etc. She will feel that she is worth something to someone special when you make time for her in your busy schedule. She won't feel that from someone who sits at home, waiting for her to become available. If you work on yourself and what you do, it works as a natural attraction to girls. Its in the way you walk, talk, everything.

The person you are now is not the person you need to be. For myself, I only realized that I was really a cool guy once I got out of my lonely hole. Its not about changing your personality as much as it is coming out of your shell. Your life up on til now has probably had something small or big that made you feel the way you do, and it is stopping you from being who you really are. Your irrational emotion can't stand in the way of you man, its the saddest thing in the universe. Coming here will hopefully help you get a certain overview of things, make connections as to why people are lonely and not happy with their life. I hope you take action and get going!

(I realize I make loads of guessing about who you are as a person here, I'm talking somewhat generally about lonely people that are unhappy with their life's (dudes that is))

 

[PurpleHippo]

Well there you go you know frickin karate man, go practice it!

One of the MAIN attractions to a girl is that the guy has a LIFE. Goes out with friends, have stuff to do, hobbies etc. She will feel that she is worth something to someone special when you make time for her in your busy schedule. She won't feel that from someone who sits at home, waiting for her to become available. If you work on yourself and what you do, it works as a natural attraction to girls. Its in the way you walk, talk, everything.

The person you are now is not the person you need to be. For myself, I only realized that I was really a cool guy once I got out of my lonely hole. Its not about changing your personality as much as it is coming out of your shell. Your life up on til now has probably had something small or big that made you feel the way you do, and it is stopping you from being who you really are. Your irrational emotion can't stand in the way of you man, its the saddest thing in the universe. Coming here will hopefully help you get a certain overview of things, make connections as to why people are lonely and not happy with their life. I hope you take action and get going!

(I realize I make loads of guessing about who you are as a person here, I'm talking somewhat generally about lonely people that are unhappy with their life's (dudes that is))

you are 100% right, the problem is i dont have much self confidence to do anything and when i have a girlfriend and everything is going really well then i have all the self confidence in the world so i just thought i would get a girlfriend and then be able to do everything else like get a job and such pity it does not work like that and the self confidence has to come first

 

[trZ]

Yeah but see, it really isn't a pitty! You are in no rush to get a girlfriend, that will just end bad for you. Too many guys think that if they just get a girlfriend and dodge the whole "hooking up with girls"-thingy they will be happy ever after - NOPE. You need the experience, you need to get comfortable with it all. You are, as I said, in no rush to get a girlfriend. Life has so much more to it than settling with a girlfriend. Get going with your life, talk to women as you go, gain experience.

 

[PurpleHippo]

thats very true i guess i just want to stop this lonelyness as soon as possible but that could pretty much be the worst thing i could do, i only know 2 girls so maybe i just need to meet more with the mindset of being their friend and nothing more and something will naturally develop im hoping anyways

 

[trZ]

Yeah. How are things looking on the bro side of things? Do you have a good social network with guys?

 

[PurpleHippo]

zero guys also, i used to know 2 but we lost contact(hell one of them was the reason why i did karate) thank you so much for the help

 

[trZ]

Then I'd suggest to start working with getting a better social network. If you have absolutely no connections, then the first step is to get some. Someone at the karate class, at school/work, whatever. Be friendly and positive, chat and smile. People will feel comfortable and want to be in your company. From there you branch on with people you meet. Get facebook if you don't have it, chat with people to the point where adding them on facebook is appropriate, and then you can view them as acquaintances. People who you like to be around you should try to get together with more often. Poker nights, nights out etc etc. When you have several acquaintances, you meet people you know more often, and it just snowballs from there.

 

[PurpleHippo]

thank you i will try to do that

 

[Pomato]

This is more or less my situation too. In terms of how I see/think about girls at least. Very good advice trZ, but as usual, easier said than done.

 

[trZ]

Its easier said than done at first, if that makes any sense. You really don't have an option, unless sitting inside and rotting is something you are ok with (which you shouldn't be!!!!!)

I came from a very similar situation just 6-7 months ago, if anyone want to talk about it, just PM me.