On being worthless.

[Lynx]

I apologize beforehand if a post regarding this has already been made.

I have recently made the revelation that a lot of my social troubles, if not all of them, are the result of my own behavior, which is the manifestation of my perceived self-worthlessness. In reading a lot of the posts in this section, I can see that many of you here also have similar problems, which can lead to even worse, more socially destructive behaviors, like passive-aggressiveness.

My whole life I've been bullied and taken advantage of, because I never stood up for myself. I feel, and always have, that these people have the right to step over my (non-existent) boundaries because they are better than me, they are human and I am less than.

It's subtle, how this attitude affects all of my interactions, but other people will sense it and use it to their advantage. I avert my eyes. I keep my head down. I apologize when someone bumps into me. I do not feel offended when someone cuts in line, because I do not have the right.

"Shy" does not begin to cover it.

"Shy" is a socially polite euphemism for a problem that nobody knows how to fix.

Being aware of it has helped, but the belief in so ingrained within me that it will take a while for me to feel deserving of existence, and that I am allowed to be alive.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Why are you apologizing? Don't apologize. First step in loving yourself is to stop apologizing for percieved insults which havent occured.

I used to say sorry all the time as well, but, I stopped. I also used to not have an opinion or a voice. So, yeah, i do think stopping apologizing unless it's neccesary is a good first step.

 

[Lynx]

Why are you apologizing? Don't apologize. First step in loving yourself is to stop apologizing for percieved insults which havent occured.

I used to say sorry all the time as well, but, I stopped. I also used to not have an opinion or a voice. So, yeah, i do think stopping apologizing unless it's neccesary is a good first step.

Well... yes :shy:. Thank you. I hate appearing unaware of things, so apologizing for it is like insurance I suppose.

 

[blackwave]

All people are equally worthless. Everyone who has power in life will eventually die, and their importance will be no greater than any other corpse.

I have also let people push me around my whole life. Recently I've come to realise, you have to let people know they can't fresia with you. If they think they can, they will take advantage of you to the full extent of their powers.

 

[A new life]

Try this:
Next time you and someone else collide in the store or wherever,
give them a big grin and say "Hello!, fancy meeting you here"
or something silly like that.
They'll probably laugh.

I don't fancy myself as an attractive man, and there's no doubt that I'm fat.
But I have a lot of short and pleasant conversations in stores with all kinds of women
because I give them a big grin and just say something.
The other day two women were helping me with tea that is supposed to help you sleep.
I just asked one of them if she'd ever tried it, and the next thing I knew I was talking to two.

I know a woman at work who would be gorgeous if she'd just smile now and then.
Try it, you'll like it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

All people are equally worthless. Everyone who has power in life will eventually die, and their importance will be no greater than any other corpse.

Life is about the journey, not the destination. o.o

 

[Lynx]

Try this:
Next time you and someone else collide in the store or wherever,
give them a big grin and say "Hello!, fancy meeting you here"
or something silly like that.
They'll probably laugh.

I don't fancy myself as an attractive man, and there's no doubt that I'm fat.
But I have a lot of short and pleasant conversations in stores with all kinds of women
because I give them a big grin and just say something.
The other day two women were helping me with tea that is supposed to help you sleep.
I just asked one of them if she'd ever tried it, and the next thing I knew I was talking to two.

I know a woman at work who would be gorgeous if she'd just smile now and then.
Try it, you'll like it.

Great reply, thank you.

 

[Poueff]

I was similar to that some time ago,but I decided to become a "troll" (by internet terms) for a month and see how it-d work out

Life became so much funnier

 

[sierra]

Try this:
Next time you and someone else collide in the store or wherever,
give them a big grin and say "Hello!, fancy meeting you here"
or something silly like that.
They'll probably laugh.

I don't fancy myself as an attractive man, and there's no doubt that I'm fat.
But I have a lot of short and pleasant conversations in stores with all kinds of women
because I give them a big grin and just say something.
The other day two women were helping me with tea that is supposed to help you sleep.
I just asked one of them if she'd ever tried it, and the next thing I knew I was talking to two.
I know a woman at work who would be gorgeous if she'd just smile now and then.
Try it, you'll like it.

I agree with this. Everybody looks better with a smile. I will talk to almost anyone smiling where I avoid people who look all grumpy and angry. No one is worthless. But some people make themselves very hard to approach and be nice to. Smile!

 

[epic fale boy]

society has decided i am worthless

therefore i am worthless

 

[Lynx]

society has decided i am worthless

therefore i am worthless

My point.

 

[epic fale boy]

society has decided i am worthless

therefore i am worthless

My point.

sorry, i got the impression that you have an underlying feeling of worthlessness which other people pick up on and so treat you as worthless

for me, it was the other way round.

(the last time i was actively involved in social situations what i found was that other people seemed to consider themselves more important than me (not the best description, it was a complicated mix of other people being better at talking about themselves and me not having many pleasant things going on in my life to talk about) so they talked - a LOT in some cases - about themselves and their lives and didn't really show any interest in listening, and then after a while they didn't know anything about me and i was having trouble sustaining any desire to listen to them go on about themselves again and again, so i stopped trying and stopped socialising, and because they didn't know anything about me (not having been interested in asking) they started making stuff up, then on the basis of the stuff they made up - none of it very flattering (or true!) - they started treating me as if i was the worthless scum they'd decided i was. Social truths become more true than fact. And then that made me feel pretty ******* worthless, which affected the way I related to people, which confirmed their worst suspicions... god **** it feels good letting that out!)

 

[sierra]

epic fale boy, society is like reading a tabloid. You need to take what they say with a grain of salt and see what makes you special anyway. Everybody has something special to offer.

 

[Limlim]

Currently I am toying with a solution which involves having an extreme apathy towards other people and their concerns. For instance, the other day I was tasked to go help and paint the walls inside of a building at work. I'm not a painter and and very nervous about anything involving maintenance / repair of a structure.

So I gave it a try, I started painting and sure enough someone came by at one point and said "Omg you're using too much paint here and its causing drips *grr angry*"

My reply:

"Lolz, I don't give a honeysuckle. You want a good job? Hire a ******* painter instead of making me do it."

The look on his face was priceless. I felt really good about myself for some reason after that, though I am quite certain that this was a very negative attitude for me to have. Just the same I think it's something I'm going to roll with. Being very unapologetic about my own faults.

The old me would have been nervous every day leading up to it and tried desperately to find an excuse to avoid doing the job, then been extremely worried about any mistakes made in the process and how others thought of my work. Finally making an excuse or apologizing for what happened. Ultimately though I decided I'm not responsible for doing good work on something I'm not trained at and have no interest in doing.

Another thing I started doing was stop dodging people on the street. If I'm walking down the sidewalk, and I see someone up ahead who sees me and we're on a collision course, I used to move out of the way. Now I've started putting my hands in my pockets and bracing for impact. If we collide, they're generally the ones that will get knocked over or pushed aside due to this preparation. Of course I'll still say sorry if it happens. Bet hey, bet you wish you moved don't you?

I can't really explain this feeling, but I worry it just means I'm becoming an ******* instead of more confident. I don't think I *want* to be a dick, I'd be just as happy if they had moved out of the way like I had done for others so many times before.

Sorry, not meaning to hijack your thread lynx, I felt it sort of topical because it hovers around the same feeling of being less than everyone else, where you're the one that needs to move out of their way, or that you should feel sorry for your existence. Believe me, I know what you're going through.

 

[epic fale boy]

sierra, thanks for the thought but I live in a democracy.

the people have spoken, and this was no hung parliament. the unanimous decision is overwhelming. i still feel ok in my own world, but that's because doesn't have any other people in it to challenge the feeling.

but thank you.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Hey Linx,

I completely understand. Back when I started posting here in my angry days, I was told that I basically deserved all my problems, when it needs to be acknowledged how cruel and evil people are. PM me if you ever wanna talk?

 

[sierra]

society has decided i am worthless

therefore i am worthless

My point.

sorry, i got the impression that you have an underlying feeling of worthlessness which other people pick up on and so treat you as worthless

for me, it was the other way round.

(the last time i was actively involved in social situations what i found was that other people seemed to consider themselves more important than me (not the best description, it was a complicated mix of other people being better at talking about themselves and me not having many pleasant things going on in my life to talk about) so they talked - a LOT in some cases - about themselves and their lives and didn't really show any interest in listening, and then after a while they didn't know anything about me and i was having trouble sustaining any desire to listen to them go on about themselves again and again, so i stopped trying and stopped socialising, and because they didn't know anything about me (not having been interested in asking) they started making stuff up, then on the basis of the stuff they made up - none of it very flattering (or true!) - they started treating me as if i was the worthless scum they'd decided i was. Social truths become more true than fact. And then that made me feel pretty ******* worthless, which affected the way I related to people, which confirmed their worst suspicions... god **** it feels good letting that out!)

I saw your specialness right in that post. You have it all figured out. They made up a whole other story about who you are and it became THEIR truth but not yours. People love to go on and on and on about their lives and if your quiet they step right over you. But you saw this and understand it. You just need to meet up with other quiet people who will wait patiently and hear what you have to say. I think it would be very interesting.

 

[Lynx]

Thanks Socrates.

To Fale Boy the reason I made that comment is because you illustrated the point I was trying to make with your first post. Because you feel worthless, you act like you are worth less, and are thus treated as such. You can say that society thinks you're worthless, but you can't know that for sure, and regardless, it's how you feel and present yourself that dictate a large portion of how others treat you.

 

[bdsgr]

You're probably more attractive than you think you are.

Try this:
Next time you and someone else collide in the store or wherever,
give them a big grin and say "Hello!, fancy meeting you here"
or something silly like that.
They'll probably laugh.

I don't fancy myself as an attractive man, and there's no doubt that I'm fat.
But I have a lot of short and pleasant conversations in stores with all kinds of women
because I give them a big grin and just say something.
The other day two women were helping me with tea that is supposed to help you sleep.
I just asked one of them if she'd ever tried it, and the next thing I knew I was talking to two.

I know a woman at work who would be gorgeous if she'd just smile now and then.
Try it, you'll like it.

 

[Ladysphinx]

I know the feeling of feeling worthless. Most of my childhood I heard that sooooo many times. My mother constintly told me how worthless I am and how I never do anything right. It made me act and feel more worthless for yrs. It was a down ward spiral for yrs but then I got tired of it and started to 'fight back'. I held up my head and looked ppl in the eye. I also learned to fake being okay untill I was okay. All ppl are just as pathetic as you and you are just as special as all ppl. I don't allow ppl to see me when I'm 'weak'. I have learened that in the animal kingdom such as dogs they have a certain behavior. When there are a group of dogs if one dog as low self-esteem(yes they somtimes do) The leader will pick on the weak dog, relentlesly attacking it sometimes kill it. The other dogs will join in as a group. Humans are much the same, thats why even when some one says something I won't let them see my hurt. I wait till I'm alone to allow the hurt. It has really changed the way ppl treat me, they think I'm strong and confident and so on but in some way I'm still me just don't show it.