Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends, Once More...

[TheSkaFish]

Twice in eighteen months,  The first time broke me.  I was going under a train.  Mind made up.  

This time won't break me.  You can't break something already broken.

I noticed it had been awhile since you were around, but I didn't know this had happened.

Hope you're feeling at least a little better.

 

[ardour]

Because this is a forum for venting feelings, you ******* simpleton.  Don't try me.  Not in the mood.

Might not be the best attitude to take if you're expecting some vaguely worthwhile responses.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

I'm not here to be liked or to have my ego built up.  I'm here to share my honeysuckle, and maybe, hopefully, some others might understand. ALL has become a harder, more brutal and unforgiving place since I knew it.  You show a soft underbelly, and you used to get sympathy.  Now, you get the boot put in when you're down.   I no longer have much interest in this place.   And if I point it out, it's my fault.   Well, QED.


You're all a pack of arseholes.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I'm not here to be liked or to have my ego built up.  I'm here to share my honeysuckle, and maybe, hopefully, some others might understand. ALL has become a harder, more brutal and unforgiving place since I knew it.  You show a soft underbelly, and you used to get sympathy.  Now, you get the boot put in when you're down.   I no longer have much interest in this place.   And if I point it out, it's my fault.   Well, QED.


You're all a pack of arseholes.

And?

Your point being...?

 

[Sci-Fi]

I'm not here to be liked or to have my ego built up.  I'm here to share my honeysuckle, and maybe, hopefully, some others might understand. ALL has become a harder, more brutal and unforgiving place since I knew it.  You show a soft underbelly, and you used to get sympathy.  Now, you get the boot put in when you're down.   I no longer have much interest in this place.   And if I point it out, it's my fault.   Well, QED.


You're all a pack of arseholes.

You can share you honeysuckle without the name calling and insulting other members. I guess it's time for you to have a little time off to think things over.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I'm not here to be liked or to have my ego built up.  I'm here to share my honeysuckle, and maybe, hopefully, some others might understand. ALL has become a harder, more brutal and unforgiving place since I knew it.  You show a soft underbelly, and you used to get sympathy.  Now, you get the boot put in when you're down.   I no longer have much interest in this place.   And if I point it out, it's my fault.   Well, QED.


You're all a pack of arseholes.

You can share you honeysuckle without the name calling and insulting other members.  I guess it's time for you to have a little time off to think things over.

Full ban, or just suspension?

Personally don't think the latter will work, but anything was warranted.

 

[Joturbo]

Feel personally gutted about the loaded and his suspension this week.l remember the encouragement he gave me on my intro post over a year ago.Really made me feel welcome and encouraged me to just be myself and not worry how I come across to people...won't forget that.

Also understand the all enveloping pain of being left by a woman and possibly like me for another man and his need to vent on here I'm positive I would have done the same.

Anyway he deserves the right others have had to come back ,so hope we see him again if he even wants to come back.

 

[user 139760]

I know it's a bit late Andrew, but for what it's worth now, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you, if I could, when you needed it. Wherever you've gone, I hope things are better.
Once, you called me a mensch and explained to me it was a high compliment coming from you. I return it to you. Take care.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You like to make a lot of assumptions based solely on avatar/sig preferences, haha.

Here's a thought -

what if he didn't just call you a teenager just because of your avatar or sig - what if it was because of the way you're acting, as well. Intentionally provoking anger in others to try to assert dominance or superiority, or as a form of entertainment, is a behavior that is usually associated with teenagers and children who haven't gained enough emotional intelligence to understand that what they're doing is wrong, or who know it is wrong but choose to do it anyway because it makes them feel powerful. Guessing your age based on one trait might be an assumption, but two is starting to paint an unflattering picture - especially taking into account the fact that you've treated multiple other people like this. It's not a one-time thing, it's clearly a behavior pattern.

But if you don't like being called a kid, there's a simple solution: stop acting like one.
Unless of course, you "don't want to do the work", because you can't be bothered to do any "self-improvement" and "introspection", because you don't think you should have to change because you don't think it's a problem, or because you just don't wanna. No, we're all the bad guys for having the same problem with you, you're right, we're all wrong. Where have I heard that before?
Come on, dude. Stop blaming others. Where's that personal responsibility you're always talking about?

He's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to talk to you, he knows you're being insincere about helping and are just annoying him, yet you insisted on taking a facetious attitude to his real problems and shamelessly ignoring his repeated requests for you to leave him alone while you continued to harass, disrespect, and mock him for your own amusement. Why that was allowed and condoned when it's so obvious what you're doing, is beyond me. And why you're defended when you act this way, when you've done this multiple times, is something that makes even less sense.

I think you know full well the way you treat people is wrong, but you don't care because you think it's the Internet, you're anonymous, it's safe, there's no real consequences, as well as thinking that you don't owe any common decency to people you think you're "smarter" or "better" than. I doubt you're this brazen offline, where talking to people the wrong way means real problems. You're the kind of person who thinks they can mistreat others if you feel like it and if you can get away with it, and someone gets hurt by it, it's their fault, they should have seen it coming, they should have been smarter. You confuse criticism, contempt, and insensitivity for intellect, sophistication, and maturity, when in fact it's just being mean and there really isn't anything smart about it at all. I'm guessing that you were in the "gifted" program as a kid, as many guys with certain interests seem to be, but it was also your only high trait so you defended it extra hard, and you didn't fit in with your peers, which you rationalized as being "smarter" and "superior" to them, and confused meanness for intelligence. For someone who makes a big show about others not wanting to do "hard work", you engage in some pretty lazy thinking. And without consequences, or someone to make you treat people nicely, you have no incentive to treat people with common decency. Again, that's a maturity problem. As you're so fond of telling others, and I quote - "the issue is you".

Perhaps you're just bored. Too much "precious time", not enough to do. Luckily, I have some ideas:

Find something useful to do.

Learn to have some emotional intelligence.

Grow up.

---

I know it's a bit late Andrew, but for what it's worth now, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you, if I could, when you needed it. Wherever you've gone, I hope things are better.
Once, you called me a mensch and explained to me it was a high compliment coming from you. I return it to you. Take care.

^That goes double for me. I tried to help, because I recognized what was happening, I know this game very well, I've analyzed it to a point where I understand it fully because it's happened to me both here and it used to happen growing up, and I never want to have this problem again. And since I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of this problem, I thought I'd pass along my knowledge to anyone who could use it. The problem is that there are some people in the world who enjoy picking at other people's emotions to try to provoke an angry response. They do it to try to feel stronger, smarter, and better than others so they can feel better about themselves and their own weaknesses, lacks, and shortcomings. Or they do it because they're bored and don't have enough to do, or they try to cause pain in others because they think they're better and it's their right, or they just think it's fun. It's Bullying 101. It's an immaturity issue, and when you understand that and recognize it for what it is, it's easier to not explode at it but just dismiss it. It's because they are the ones with the issue, not you, so pay it no mind, or just brush it off with sarcasm rather than rage if you feel like you have to respond at all. But I couldn't articulate it well enough to get through in time.

---

Why did I bring this up again? Because it's been bothering me since it happened. And while I don't want to argue, I feel like I have to say my peace so I can let it go. I have an opinion on this, I have to resolve my issue with it. There is something worth talking about here. I feel like this is a basic matter of right and wrong, that goes beyond anything else.

This is a personal matter to me, but I will make an effort to talk about it like an adult - without rage or swearing, but still saying what I feel needs to be said.

Folks shouldn't be treated like OP was, especially in a support space of all places.
To be treated like this in a support space, it's not just wrong, but it makes a mockery of this place. Frankly, the way OP was treated was shameful and offensive.
I don't see how anyone can actually read this thread, and still come to the conclusion that OP was in the wrong, without taking some very creative liberties with what actually happened.
It's a pretty cut-and-dry situation. The only way to blame OP, is to intentionally choose that over the truth.
That, or only focusing on OP's last post and not bothering to read the rest of the thread to see how it got to that point.

Being treated like this in life is one reason people look for support spaces in the first place.
But as a direct result of the way he was treated in this thread, OP left the community.
OP came here seeking support, opening up about something personal and serious. Instead he was disrespected, harassed, and mocked just for childish kicks. When he had a problem with this, which is more than reasonable, he was instead treated like he was the one with the problem.
As a support space, the site failed him.

Someone is not a bad person when they lash out in anger after being repeatedly harassed to the point they run out of reasonable restraint, and after repeatedly and politely asking to be left alone, only for his requests to be willfully and blatantly ignored - ESPECIALLY when, as OP stated, he was in a low and dark place emotionally.
OP tried politeness, it didn't work - as is often the case with those determined to bully and harass others. Trying to act civilized with people who don't respect that, is going to get you nowhere. OP grew angry when his wishes were disrespected and his feelings were treated like a game.
It's worth noting that no one with any power did anything to help OP, despite what was going on being obvious.
When politeness doesn't work because you're not dealing with a reasonable or mature person, and authority doesn't work because it doesn't care, and someone is still harassing you, you get fed up and want to take matters into your own hands, because you know that no one else will solve the problem. The only other option was to just let it continue, when OP was clearly in a bad mood in the first place.
It's like an animal is not a bad animal if it is tormented to the point that it lashes out in self-defense.
If you kick a dog and it bites you, that doesn't make it a bad dog.
It's on others to have the sense and maturity to entertain themselves in a non-destructive way. And to have a sense of common decency. If we're supposed to treat each other with respect here, it has to be a two-way street, otherwise it's meaningless. It's unfair and cruel to demand that one person have the patience of a saint and turn the other cheek, while letting another treat people badly just for fun, because they haven't grown up and gained any emotional intelligence. That is actually, literally enabling, defending, and rewarding anti-social and just bad behavior, and encouraging it to continue, because it was rewarded with defense last time, so why not keep doing it? I don't think that's right at all, or see how that is in line with what this site is supposed to be about.

I don't see how the swearing is the issue, but not the obvious tormenting and disrespect, which is what the swearing was a reaction to in the first place, which probably wouldn't have happened without the tormenting and disrespect. If the point of this site, and the rules, is to create a respectful environment where people can feel welcome, I don't feel like handling things this way achieved that. In fact, it undermines it. I'm sure OP would agree. OP broke the rules because the way he was being treated was disrespectful and didn't make him feel welcome, after opening up about something he was clearly feeling emotional about. Nothing within the rules was helping. The person antagonizing him made him feel disrespected and unwelcome, but was careful to do so within the rules - something I'm sure was intentional as they have a history of this. So what is more important here - the environment that the rules are supposed to create and protect, or just obeying rules and authority, for the sake of obeying rules and authority? And if it's the second, how is that conducive to creating a respectful and welcoming environment? Or does that even matter?

Like, come on - go back and read the posts, OP's antagonist knew what he was doing, and he got a sick sense of amusement from it. It's immaturity. OP even called him a teenager, because, well, that's what he was acting like.
But that's what we want to protect and promote here? That's the kind of person who should be allowed to stay? Seriously? As I said - it's a mockery.

If we are going to say that bullying and harassment are facts of life that we can do nothing about and should do nothing about, then we should also say that self-defense is also a fact of life that we can do nothing about and should do nothing about. If OP should have just toughened up and grown a thicker skin, then I don't see why all parties involved shouldn't also have been expected to just toughen up and grow a thicker skin. The stronger of the two will win. Might makes right...doesn't seem like what this site should be about, though.

Things like this shouldn't happen here, we should have a higher standard of maturity and emotional intelligence.

Cheers to you, LoadedDog, wherever you are. Hopefully you're doing better.

 

[Just Games]

Feel personally gutted about the loaded and his suspension this week.l remember the encouragement he gave me on my intro post over a year ago.Really made me feel welcome and encouraged me to just be myself and not worry how I come across to people...won't forget that.

Also understand the all enveloping pain of being left by a woman and possibly like me for another man and his need to vent on here I'm positive I would have done the same.

Anyway he deserves the right others have had to come back ,so hope we see him again if he even wants to come back.

Apologise I know this thread doesn't really involve me being a bit on the sidelines but I still think about her occassionally and Bingo here we are again. It took my two following girlfriends and a wife in the end to get over her.Some women have that effect on you especially the ones that are beautiful inside and out and are really good friends as well. I can understand how upset he was feeling.Just thought I'd comment I being on the original thread an all. This hot milk is really not helping me sleep :club: