Online Dating?

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think anyone is saying that women have it easier, just that men don't have it harder....

 

[user 139760]

I don't think anyone is saying that women have it easier, just that men don't have it harder....

Practically every post in this thread is indicating that success or lack thereof is DIRECTLY the consequence of the OTHER sex's actions or beliefs. Literally.

Kind of the opposite of the point of dating websites. Or dating in general. You want to meet someone, not start off by saying it's their fault.

It kind of starts with that, no?

So my conclusion is it's bad lol. As much as it sucks picking girls or men at bars or the library, it's the better bet.

 

[ManitobaBrit70]

In my opinion the only way online dating is successful is if you have to pay for it! the free ones like POF are mostly full of idiots (Men and Women) who are either after sex, hooking up for money or millions of other sexual fantasies that may be involved! The minority on there are genuine! And the genuine ones slip through the net because the others ruin it for them!
I talked to one guy who said he had been on there for months and not had one reply! And he's not in any way unattractive, another guy said that all the messages he was getting from women were for one night stands..... So women and men are as bad as each other!

Whereas if you have to pay a subscription then the customers are more genuine! Because who wants to pay for trying to get a one night stand right!

And Richard you are in the minority......In my entire life I have NEVER had a guy talk to me on a bus, walk me out of the subway, ask me randomly for coffee and I'm a decent looking girl with a sociable personality. That's because society tells us to avoid contact with strangers. I came from a city where there was at least one murder and multiple rapes every single day so you definitely don't talk to the random guy sitting next to you no matter how nice he may be.....That's sad but very true!

So there is no winning, online dating sucks, meeting strangers is rare, going for a blind date with your best friends friend sucks.......Its a cruel world!

 

[user 139760]

In my opinion the only way online dating is successful is if you have to pay for it! the free ones like POF are mostly full of idiots (Men and Women) who are either after sex, hooking up for money or millions of other sexual fantasies that may be involved! The minority on there are genuine! And the genuine ones slip through the net because the others ruin it for them!
I talked to one guy who said he had been on there for months and not had one reply! And he's not in any way unattractive, another guy said that all the messages he was getting from women were for one night stands..... So women and men are as bad as each other!

Whereas if you have to pay a subscription then the customers are more genuine! Because who wants to pay for trying to get a one night stand right!

And Richard you are in the minority......In my entire life I have NEVER had a guy talk to me on a bus, walk me out of the subway, ask me randomly for coffee and I'm a decent looking girl with a sociable personality. That's because society tells us to avoid contact with strangers. I came from a city where there was at least one murder and multiple rapes every single day so you definitely don't talk to the random guy sitting next to you no matter how nice he may be.....That's sad but very true!

So there is no winning, online dating sucks, meeting strangers is rare, going for a blind date with your best friends friend sucks.......Its a cruel world!

I was on POF...care to look me in the eye and call me an idiot?!? ;-) lol

I'm not the minority. Happens every day in my city, although less and less. I think geographical locations and countries social context play a role in how society behaves.

But it doesn't change the fact that actual human contact is much different than a computer based one. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a different personality. You might write about it for 10 pages, it does NOTHING to someone else to explain exactly how you are. And for many, if not all of us in interpersonal relationships, that sparks makes the difference. Instead of accumulating failiures online that might be eternal, is it not better to accumulate failiures offline until that odd moment when your personality does in fact spark with someone else?

Hell, it's exactly the reason people tell bold faced lies on websites, as much MEN AS WOMEN; they're frustrated with it. It works one in a million times, when two actual people decide both to be honest with each other and open. That NEVER happens, even offline. So what are the odds online? Of course, dating websites will only publish those lightning in a bottle success stories and not tell you they only dated 6 months, to a year, if even that. That's if those testimonials are in any way legit, which they are probably not anyway, but hey, they get 20 gullible fools out of 2 BILLION to believe it and pay, so much the better for them right? Considering the next to nothing costs for maintaining a website, it's straight in their pockets!
A paying website is not a guarantee of success; it's a guarantee you'll only meet people with means. Are the rich and shameless the best of society? Don't think so. Nicest man I ever met was out of jail for murder. Not to mention the fact that the concept of filling some nowhere schmuck's pockets with money for no reason because something like this should be free abhors me. I'd rather feed starving kids in Malasia than make sure some morons make money in their basements preying on other people's senses of hope or loneliness.

Maybe you shoul move lol. Your city sounds like a drag. My city, someone gets stuck in the snow in his car and we offer to help push. Just for shits and giggles ;-)

Anyway, all that to say online is a very narrow enterprise. And it creates friction and frustrations far more than getting shot down in real life.

But it's "safer". That's the only difference. This thread shows however it creates more negative than positive. How many of you are with someone you met online, right now? For how long did it last? We're a couple hundred here, is there even 1?

 

[Tealeaf]

Gave it a try last night and already decided I'd rather stay single. I don't feel it's worth it when many of the ones who don't immediately get rude are incompatible, anyways.

I'm looking for events for hobby musicians so maybe I'll meet someone there. At least we'll have one thing in common, and they'll have to be interested enough in connection to stop scouring the Internet for women 20 years younger to send weird messages to and go hang out.

 

[user 139760]

Gave it a try last night and already decided I'd rather stay single. I don't feel it's worth it when many of the ones who don't immediately get rude are incompatible, anyways.

I'm looking for events for hobby musicians so maybe I'll meet someone there. At least we'll have one thing in common, and they'll have to be interested enough in connection to stop scouring the Internet for women 20 years younger to send weird messages to and go meet people.

Yahvol.

 

[ManitobaBrit70]

In my opinion the only way online dating is successful is if you have to pay for it! the free ones like POF are mostly full of idiots (Men and Women) who are either after sex, hooking up for money or millions of other sexual fantasies that may be involved! The minority on there are genuine! And the genuine ones slip through the net because the others ruin it for them!
I talked to one guy who said he had been on there for months and not had one reply! And he's not in any way unattractive, another guy said that all the messages he was getting from women were for one night stands..... So women and men are as bad as each other!

Whereas if you have to pay a subscription then the customers are more genuine! Because who wants to pay for trying to get a one night stand right!

And Richard you are in the minority......In my entire life I have NEVER had a guy talk to me on a bus, walk me out of the subway, ask me randomly for coffee and I'm a decent looking girl with a sociable personality. That's because society tells us to avoid contact with strangers. I came from a city where there was at least one murder and multiple rapes every single day so you definitely don't talk to the random guy sitting next to you no matter how nice he may be.....That's sad but very true!

So there is no winning, online dating sucks, meeting strangers is rare, going for a blind date with your best friends friend sucks.......Its a cruel world!

I was on POF...care to look me in the eye and call me an idiot?!? ;-) lol

I'm not the minority. Happens every day in my city, although less and less. I think geographical locations and countries social context play a role in how society behaves.

But it doesn't change the fact that actual human contact is much different than a computer based one. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a different personality. You might write about it for 10 pages, it does NOTHING to someone else to explain exactly how you are. And for many, if not all of us in interpersonal relationships, that sparks makes the difference. Instead of accumulating failiures online that might be eternal, is it not better to accumulate failiures offline until that odd moment when your personality does in fact spark with someone else?

Hell, it's exactly the reason people tell bold faced lies on websites, as much MEN AS WOMEN; they're frustrated with it. It works one in a million times, when two actual people decide both to be honest with each other and open. That NEVER happens, even offline. So what are the odds online? Of course, dating websites will only publish those lightning in a bottle success stories and not tell you they only dated 6 months, to a year, if even that. That's if those testimonials are in any way legit, which they are probably not anyway, but hey, they get 20 gullible fools out of 2 BILLION to believe it and pay, so much the better for them right? Considering the next to nothing costs for maintaining a website, it's straight in their pockets!
A paying website is not a guarantee of success; it's a guarantee you'll only meet people with means. Are the rich and shameless the best of society? Don't think so. Nicest man I ever met was out of jail for murder. Not to mention the fact that the concept of filling some nowhere schmuck's pockets with money for no reason because something like this should be free abhors me. I'd rather feed starving kids in Malasia than make sure some morons make money in their basements preying on other people's senses of hope or loneliness.

Maybe you shoul move lol. Your city sounds like a drag. My city, someone gets stuck in the snow in his car and we offer to help push. Just for shits and giggles ;-)

Anyway, all that to say online is a very narrow enterprise. And it creates friction and frustrations far more than getting shot down in real life.

But it's "safer". That's the only difference. This thread shows however it creates more negative than positive. How many of you are with someone you met online, right now? For how long did it last? We're a couple hundred here, is there even 1?

Richard I did move! To the other side of the world......Its still the same here apart from not as many murders and rapes! Only here in Manitoba people get their kids stolen and heads cut of with samurai swords....... Its the same everywhere!

I'm only speaking for my own experiences. I have way more stories of people I know who have found success from paid dating sites than free ones. However I don't disagree with what you are saying at all! No one should have to pay to find love! EVER!

And I am on POF, today I put my profile back on as id hidden it due to the lack of any intelligence on there! The first message was "Do you want some fun" and a repeated barrage of disgusting questions thereafter. I replied "no id rather have fun with myself than a creep like you!" I then got the "Boring" reply back so once again I swiftly made my profile hidden!

And I never said EVERYONE on POF is an idiot I said its "FULL OF THEM!"

 

[user 139760]

Only here in Manitoba people get their kids stolen and heads cut of with samurai swords....... Its the same everywhere!

Um, no lol.

Pretty sure that happenned only once. On a bus.
But it could've happenned anywhere, let's not exagerate.
We have about 30 murders a year here in Montreal (as opposed to like, 100 or so in the US). That doesn't really correlate with dating success, however.

You know, there's a parallel that exists with your dating profile and real life; if you're hidden...how's the right person going to be able to message you?
In that same sense, if you stay locked away in fear and never talk to anyone because you,re scared of katanas....how's the right person going to talk to you? lol.

Sure. It's scary. Sure, there's lunatics. But what about the others? How you gonna find them if you don't even try? lol.

Talk to people. If no one talks to you on the bus, you talk to them. You going to recoil in fear because he might be carrying a machete? We should go out our doors then lol.

NO, no, fine, I get it, I'm an idiot, I get it, no need to rub it in...........

 

[ManitobaBrit70]

Only here in Manitoba people get their kids stolen and heads cut of with samurai swords....... Its the same everywhere!

Um, no lol.

Pretty sure that happenned only once. On a bus.
But it could've happenned anywhere, let's not exagerate.
We have about 30 murders a year here in Montreal (as opposed to like, 100 or so in the US). That doesn't really correlate with dating success, however.

You know, there's a parallel that exists with your dating profile and real life; if you're hidden...how's the right person going to be able to message you?
In that same sense, if you stay locked away in fear and never talk to anyone because you,re scared of katanas....how's the right person going to talk to you? lol.

Sure. It's scary. Sure, there's lunatics. But what about the others? How you gonna find them if you don't even try? lol.

Talk to people. If no one talks to you on the bus, you talk to them. You going to recoil in fear because he might be carrying a machete? We should go out our doors then lol.

NO, no, fine, I get it, I'm an idiot, I get it, no need to rub it in...........

Again your taking my words Literally.......YES IT DID HAPPEN ONLY ONCE! But it happened! Every single place on earth has problems socially, murder, rape, shootings and so on which is why we teach our kids about "Stranger Danger" !!! In England we used to get leaflets through the door telling us to keep our eye on our kids as a pedophile has been relocated into the area! That area was a family friendly seaside resort and is also where they put the bad guys as rehabilitation! So you drum it into their heads DONT TALK TO ANYONE YOU DONT KNOW! And it sticks into you adult life because you just don't know who you are sat next to..... That's all I was trying to say! Canada has one of the lowest crime rates in the world period and quite often Canadians don't realize how bad it is in other countries!

But in my experience you are still in the minority! Mostly people don't randomly go and talk to someone on a bus or wherever.....It hardly Happens... And yes its a shame that society has reached this point!

And after 50 messages mostly involving Dick pics and would I like a threesome and so on I hide the profile because I'm sick of it! Now I like a nice dick but seeing them over and over and over again becomes boring and makes me realize it will take a hell of a lot of patience to ever find anyone decent on POF! But it may happen, who knows.

As for being scared around strange people YES a lot of people are, I'm one of them! That's not something that you should RUB IN! When you've been raped, held at gunpoint, had your finger bitten off given a skull fracture and been abused all your life then your feelings for the human race may be a little different to others! Oh and did I miss the terrorist that had a bomb strapped to him on the train! That happened too and he was sat opposite me...........You've got to be careful out there.

Plus maybe my opinions are different because I'm a mental health nurse who has worked with said murderers, rapists and Child molesters.....I've been inside their brains and know how they tick!

That's as much as I will say on this subject

 

[user 139760]

As for being scared around strange people YES a lot of people are, I'm one of them! That's not something that you should RUB IN! When you've been raped, held at gunpoint, had your finger bitten off given a skull fracture and been abused all your life then your feelings for the human race may be a little different to others! Oh and did I miss the terrorist that had a bomb strapped to him on the train! That happened too and he was sat opposite me...........You've got to be careful out there.

Plus maybe my opinions are different because I'm a mental health nurse who has worked with said murderers, rapists and Child molesters.....I've been inside their brains and know how they tick!

That's as much as I will say on this subject

And I've been one of it's victims, like you. If you've read a bit of my story you'll know that despite that...I still refuse to let fear govern my life. Despite my better judgment sometimes I feel there are more good than bad people out there and so far, I have not been disappointed.
My daughters have been raped, I've been held at gunpoint several times and I've fought people who've threatened my life. The fact that there are dangerous people in the world does not mean that it's so intense you need to hide from the world. Being careful, yes. Not being human...no. Humans talk to each other. Try to be nice for no reason. Ive also sadly been exposed to the inside of their brains; difference is, I don't care how they tick. They should stop ticking. That doesn't correlate with not being able to talk to that old nice lady on he street and be civil then have a nice conversation. Avoiding your neighbhor at all cost no matter who he is is hiding from the world and cowering from it.

It's your choice as to wether or not to do so, and your freedom to chose it. But on casting out everything, you cast out the best and the worst together.
Again, this has no confluence on actual dating websites. Doubt there's poles around on the matter but I have an inkling child molesters and mass murderers prefer different avenues.... The decision to be or not be on a dating website should not be based on the fact that there are maniacs in the world. Because there's maniacs everywhere. Canada's one of the places where there's the least of that. Probably should be mildly easy to meet someone who doesn't want to rip your throat out.
Dating websites are a waste of time because of the artificiality of the thing. Not because there's maniacs everywhere. That's true and entirely unrelated.

That's all I will say on that particular subject.

 

[ardour]

"Incompatible". Huh. Well that's what it's like to have options, at least, and the ego validation that goes with it.

 

[Tealeaf]

"Incomptable". Huh. Well that's what it's like to have options, at least, and the ego validation that goes with it.

I mean, if you think I should date a guy who feels completely differently about having children, religion, politics, what's important in life, mental health, and various other key topics... sure, judge away. I'm just a mean ol' ***** out to raise my ego by refusing all the "nice guys".

 

[DarkSelene]

Who sounds bitter now? Lol

 

[ardour]

"Incomptable". Huh. Well that's what it's like to have options, at least, and the ego validation that goes with it.

I mean, if you think I should date a guy who feels completely differently about having children, religion, politics, what's important in life, mental health, and various other key topics... sure, judge away. I'm just a mean ol' ***** out to raise my ego by refusing all the "nice guys".

I don't, but it's nice to feel visible to the opposite sex nonetheless, and it suggests the possibility of someone compatible turning up at some point.  "Nice guys" don't experience any of that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

"Incomptable". Huh. Well that's what it's like to have options, at least, and the ego validation that goes with it.

I mean, if you think I should date a guy who feels completely differently about having children, religion, politics, what's important in life, mental health, and various other key topics... sure, judge away. I'm just a mean ol' ***** out to raise my ego by refusing all the "nice guys".

The "nice" guys aren't so nice when they are refused. Might as well follow your instinct. There are reasons why people are turned down, and more than a handful of the people who claim to be nice aren't anyway.

 

[Tealeaf]

"Incomptable". Huh. Well that's what it's like to have options, at least, and the ego validation that goes with it.

I mean, if you think I should date a guy who feels completely differently about having children, religion, politics, what's important in life, mental health, and various other key topics... sure, judge away. I'm just a mean ol' ***** out to raise my ego by refusing all the "nice guys".

The "nice" guys aren't so nice when they are refused. Might as well follow your instinct. There are reasons why people are turned down, and more than a handful of the people who claim to be nice aren't anyway.

Not even that, just that if the most that can be said is we both like movies and we're both single, we're probably not going to be happy in a long-term relationship where you have to think about spending years with that specific person or living together.

Bitter guys will be bitter no matter what though. They just want to blame women. I'd get heat all the same if I dated these guys and didn't fall in love with them, or dated these guys and was burned by them despite knowing there would be problems.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The "nice" guys aren't so nice when they are refused. Might as well follow your instinct. There are reasons why people are turned down, and more than a handful of the people who claim to be nice aren't anyway.

Not even that, just that if the most that can be said is we both like movies and we're both single, we're probably not going to be happy in a long-term relationship where you have to think about spending years with that specific person or living together.

Bitter guys will be bitter no matter what though. They just want to blame women. I'd get heat all the same if I dated these guys and didn't fall in love with them, or dated these guys and was burned by them despite knowing there would be problems.

Bitterness blames anyone and anything.

 

[Xpendable]

Bitterness never comes before rejection. Remember that. Bitterness never comes first.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Bitterness never comes before rejection. Remember that. Bitterness never comes first.

No one has to become bitter. Remember that. It's a choice.

 

[ardour]

So you're equating your own situations of not having the options you would like, with those who have never received any romantic attention from anyone.

It's easier to cope with loneliness when you know at least some members of the opposite sex consider you attractive enough to send you a message, start a conversation, try to get to know you, ask you out, etc.