Parental infidelity

[Mr.YellowCat]

For those who have been in a family that has experienced infidelity by one of the parents.
Lately, I have been reading some research papers that deal with this topic, and I was wondering how many people in here have experienced such a thing, and how does it affected them.

The researchers agreed that witnessing such a thing (no matter the age) may lead to some serious issues that affect our way of handling relationships.

To cut it short.

Did one of your parents cheat on the other?
How did thing turn out?
How did you handle it? What was your situation at the time?
And do you think you are, even as an adult, affected by this?

I thank in advance to those who are brave enough to answer such a thing.
Please feel free to modify the questions, or abandon them all together, so you can tell the story as you wish.

 

[Omnipotent Soul]

My father has cheated although I'm pretty sure nobody knows. I'm fine. I was probably about 12.

 

[Sci-Fi]

What about being on the other end of the cheating and the product of?

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

What about being on the other end of the cheating and the product of?

If you have anything to say regarding the issue, please fell free to express yourself.

 

[Sci-Fi]

My mom was the mistress, my father was the type who told her he was miserable and wanted to leave his wife, typical of a cheater. My mom loved him and she wanted a kid. They talked about it and he made her all kinds of false promises. He wanted a son since he had 3 girls and his wife didn't want anymore kids. His last child he did have twins, a boy and a girl but the boy died. My mom ended up having twins boys. We rarely ever saw our father, whenever he did come over he was drunk. He died when we were 14. Our dad barely helped our mom, she would have to ask him to help out if she needed it, which she rarely did because she is too proud a woman. He was never around for anything, not Christmas, birthdays, nothing. She used to have to call him and bug him about visiting us. We went 7 years without seeing him, since he died when we were 14 that was half our life without seeing our father.

Growing up we never had much of a male influence, I can't speak for my brother but I was never comfortable around my friends fathers or grown men. They scared me. I had both male and female friends but as I got into high school I found it easier to be friends with girls since I had no interest in things most boys did like cars or sports. I grew up in a time where playing video games and being into comic books was made fun of. I grew up hating my father and even after he died I still hate him to this day.

My mother did a good job raising us but there are things a mother just can't teach sons. There are things only having a father (or other male influence) can teach their son. My mom admits this too, and wishes our father took more of an interest in us. He was just another scum bag lying cheater who made all kinds of promises but never came through on them.

So there you go, a story from the other side of infidelity.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

Did one of your parents cheat on the other?

My mother

How did things turn out?

miserable. She was having an affair with this guy so she could leave my dad. Things fell through, she was either abusive or withdrawn. My dad always trying to accomodate her. Mostly because if she divorced him, he would be bankrupt. I think love had little to do with it. Pops did admit he conspired to murder her.

How did you handle it? What was your situation at the time?

I was a really young boy at the time. She was always withdrawn and abscent. She would literally be away from home for days at a time. I've been told about how I used to hug on mom's leg when she returned. and how it would tear on my dad for him to see that.

There was also a lot of fighting/yelling. Mom and dad could wake the dead with their fighting. They use to 'go out for a drive'.. nothing romantic about it, it was because they were discussing things they did not want us in earshot about.

And do you think you are, even as an adult, affected by this?

very much so. my sisters as well. My sisters turned out to be aggressors in their relationships. Myself, too gun shy to pursue marriage. All I saw was a life of pure drudgery up until I would hang out with friends who had parents who... seemed to be into each other and really friendly. It always frustrated me that way. I feel something is inherently defective with me because I can't see myself in that spot.

For the past ten years though, mom decided to change her attitude. dad decided to forgive her. I get along with them on the most part, but there is a gap of closure that needs to be addressed if we are to heal, or something. It's just a 'no fly zone'. I want things to be better, and I want us to be a family again. We just keep being verbally abusive or withdrawn to each other.

I feel sad and hurt thinking about things like this.. I'm deeply sorry for those who had to go through something like this.

 

[Omnipotent Soul]

Did one of your parents cheat on the other?

My mother

How did things turn out?

miserable. She was having an affair with this guy so she could leave my dad. Things fell through, she was either abusive or withdrawn. My dad always trying to accomodate her. Mostly because if she divorced him, he would be bankrupt. I think love had little to do with it. Pops did admit he conspired to murder her.

How did you handle it? What was your situation at the time?

I was a really young boy at the time. She was always withdrawn and abscent. She would literally be away from home for days at a time. I've been told about how I used to hug on mom's leg when she returned. and how it would tear on my dad for him to see that.

There was also a lot of fighting/yelling. Mom and dad could wake the dead with their fighting. They use to 'go out for a drive'.. nothing romantic about it, it was because they were discussing things they did not want us in earshot about.

And do you think you are, even as an adult, affected by this?

very much so. my sisters as well. My sisters turned out to be aggressors in their relationships. Myself, too gun shy to pursue marriage. All I saw was a life of pure drudgery up until I would hang out with friends who had parents who... seemed to be into each other and really friendly. It always frustrated me that way. I feel something is inherently defective with me because I can't see myself in that spot.

For the past ten years though, mom decided to change her attitude. dad decided to forgive her. I get along with them on the most part, but there is a gap of closure that needs to be addressed if we are to heal, or something. It's just a 'no fly zone'. I want things to be better, and I want us to be a family again. We just keep being verbally abusive or withdrawn to each other.

I feel sad and hurt thinking about things like this.. I'm deeply sorry for those who had to go through something like this.

That sounds terrible. I Hope you're okay.

 

[Blush]

Dad cheated on my mother. I found out by him being a complete moron and making it real ******* obvious, so I caught on real quick. My mother found out by herself a little bit down the line. The whole family knows and he knows we know. Never apologized to any of us. Well he 'apologized' to me but only because my mother told him to do so, so it really means jack honeysuckle to me. Burned up all the money to the mistress to the point we couldn't make our rent and were facing eviction (not the first time this has happened to us). Unfortunately divorce isn't an option, at least not now, but hopefully sometime in the future. To this day whenever I hear his cell phone go off (because mistress used to call him) I get sick to my stomach, get cold all over, etc. I don't know, nothing will ever be the same with us, really. He unfortunately continued the cycle in the family where the father fucks up /shrugs. How this will effect me in the future, God only knows.

So, there's my story. Tried to sum it up as best I could.

 

[Minty]

Did one of your parents cheat on the other?
How did thing turn out?
How did you handle it? What was your situation at the time?
And do you think you are, even as an adult, affected by this?

Yes, my father. About 20 years ago.

He stayed with my Mum in the end. They have just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.

Ok this is going to sound weird because I really do love my Mum, but she has a serious alcohol problem and treats my Dad appallingly - always has. So when he told me (I think I was about 17 years old), I actually told him that I didn't blame him. He had a full blown affair and has since told me that he was really happy with this other woman he only didn't leave my Mum because he thought it would have been cruel and she is almost 70 now so I think he feels duty bound to stay with her now even though I can see that he is not happy. I actually feel sorry for him but I know my Mum would be destroyed and possibly spiral into an even worse situation with her alcoholism if he left. I wish for him that he had left her but I am glad for her that he didn't.

I never thought that it did affect me, but I do have a difficult time believing a man could fall in love with a woman and that they will always be looking for something better. So maybe on some subconscious level it did. Although I was more or less an adult when it happened so I guess that's no excuse.