People with problems vs people with none?

[kelbo]

This sounds like a weird question to ask, but it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately (strangely enough!)

I find it very hard to talk to people who have had a happy, successful life. I know that sounds mean, but they'll start asking you the "so where are you from? what did your parents do? what?! you moved out when you was 15? what?! you don't talk to your parents? why?!" etc and it just makes me feel awkward. Then you have to hear about how they've done all this lovely family crap, how they probaby have been to university - got top grades and now are earning stupid amounts of money a month. :club:

But if you are talking to someone who has been through things too then it isn't as bad...because then you're not just some crazy problem person.


I don't want someone to pity me, or never understand me. I want someone I can talk to who will listen and even try to relate or empathise with me. And vice versa.

What are your thoughts on this? Problem or no problemos? What do you dig?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I get it.

But if you are talking to someone who has been through things too then it isn't as bad...because then you're not just some crazy problem person.

It is a very powerful thing to find someone who not only can sympathize with you, but who can actually empathize because he or she has been there too. It's not as simple as "misery loves company" either.

I find it very hard to talk to people who have had a happy, successful life.

As long as I can find some sort of common ground, I don't have difficulty in talking to someone else. They may not always understand me, but then again, they might not be sharing everything about their past. You never know the secrets that people have. Not everyone wears adversity like a badge.

 

[mintymint]

Well, I think those people are just trying to relate to you through what they know... And for better or worse it's a standard social procedure to size someone up by asking about their job, education and family. I can't stand it either though And it sucks when people need to inundate you with pointless questions as they try and wrap their mind around the fact that yes, you are coming from a different place. It's been refreshing to me in social situations when someone walks up and simply says: so, what do you like to do? instead of so, what do you do? As for those people who project having the perfect life with the perfect family, I like to think that they have plenty problems but just haven't realized them yet

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Everybody has problems or challenges Kelbo...They ask about your's so they don't have to talk about thier's

It dosn't matter how rich or how poor you are. It dosn't matter how sucess you gotten.
I know lots of sucessful people in bussiness, some are close friends...
Some had became friends.
Well... I talk or interact with them all the time. Having a conversation with someone for 10-15 mins at first.
people don't really unfold all thier cards or keep it bussiness or it's really non-of my bussiness.
But life is life...and throws everyone curve balls...
As our relationship develope...people start talking about thier living problems or challegens to me in general.
Some get really into personal details. Mostly likely becuase they're too afraid to go to talk to shrink. A turst and friendship
I've develope with them. So i just listen and take the time to listen. Most of the time they don't want my opinions, pity or advice..
They just need to talk to someone about it...

Yes...it's nice to talk to someone that you can relate to or had gone through simular experinces that you have...
People get less judgmental and have compassion. It's also theraputic.

Yes Kelbo...i feel very much the sameway as you do. I don't want sympathy or pity. Maybe a little bit of understanding.

 

[Wolfe]

I tend to get along better with people who understand and have had similar experiences I have had. I do try to give 'happies' a chance too

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya people without problems suck i despise them D<

like smart and pretty people it's just not fair

 

[oarivan]

Everybody has problems or challenges Kelbo...They ask about your's so they don't have to talk about thier's

Quite right. I don't talk much about my problems cause I feel like a broken record so I nod my head and listen. What irritates me most of all is when someone who has battled alcoholism or self harm says I have no idea what I'm talking about and goes on and on about their own battles.

It irritates me almost as much as someone who hasn't gone through such things patting me on the back and saying it's not hard to get out of it and live life to the fullest.

 

[h i]

i like poor people.

i hate rich people.

happiness doesnt matter though.

 

[Badjedidude]

People without problems? No such thing.

Those guys who are earning top marks and huge amounts of money? Maybe their wives are cheating on them. Maybe they have testicular cancer. Maybe they're hidden cross-dressers, desperately hiding the secret from their uber-perfect family. Maybe they're deeply racist, bitterly (but covertly) raging against a certain color or minority.

My point here is that no one is perfect...and that those people who are sooooooo happy are probably putting up a fake happy face. In my opinion, those who show their unhappiness are more honest, because EVERYONE has some set of deeply-rooted, serious problems...and to try and convince others that we don't is cowardice and pathetic, IMHO.

----Steve

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Everybody has problems or challenges Kelbo...They ask about your's so they don't have to talk about thier's

Quite right. I don't talk much about my problems cause I feel like a broken record so I nod my head and listen. What irritates me most of all is when someone who has battled alcoholism or self harm says I have no idea what I'm talking about and goes on and on about their own battles.

It irritates me almost as much as someone who hasn't gone through such things patting me on the back and saying it's not hard to get out of it and live life to the fullest.

well...I hate it when my father acts like a gardenia. It's a constant reminder for me not to get messed up....

mmmm..aside of from me not drinking anymore. I have trust issue,
abandement issues, abused issues, racist issues, depression issues, relationships issues, finacial issues, co-dependcy issues, children issues
and dickheads telling how I ought to live issues

I'm in a really fucken bad space at the moment...I don't belive you
can understand where I'm coming or how I feel..
Even if you did...there's not a god **** thing you can do the help me
or change me....
Without wasting you fucken time, everybody's else time and my breathe.

I like to keep it short and sweet...."I don't really give a fresia"....

There.... I don't have anymore fucken problems. Why even bother to work on any of this honeysuckle.

I don''t belive you understand. Here's the thing... SHE DIED. She dosn't have anymore fucken problems...
She wasn't just a piece of ass that I sholve my dick into...
Nothing i say or anyone else say, do, think, feel, belive will bring her back to life.
Also MY CHIILDREN DIED...Nothing absolutely nothing will bring them back...

 

[Estreen]

People without problems? No such thing.

Those guys who are earning top marks and huge amounts of money? Maybe their wives are cheating on them. Maybe they have testicular cancer. Maybe they're hidden cross-dressers, desperately hiding the secret from their uber-perfect family. Maybe they're deeply racist, bitterly (but covertly) raging against a certain color or minority.

My point here is that no one is perfect...and that those people who are sooooooo happy are probably putting up a fake happy face. In my opinion, those who show their unhappiness are more honest, because EVERYONE has some set of deeply-rooted, serious problems...and to try and convince others that we don't is cowardice and pathetic, IMHO.

----Steve

Definitely. It's almost safe to say that those who constantly seem happy, often have something wrong in their life that keeps them from fully enjoying their life. Either some ongoing inner struggle, too much stress, or what have you. Difference is their personality prohibits them from showing it to others, whereas I have a hard time *not* wearing my heart on my sleeve...although I've gotten better at it over the years.

 

[CAS]

This sounds like a weird question to ask, but it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately (strangely enough!)

I find it very hard to talk to people who have had a happy, successful life. I know that sounds mean, but they'll start asking you the "so where are you from? what did your parents do? what?! you moved out when you was 15? what?! you don't talk to your parents? why?!" etc and it just makes me feel awkward. Then you have to hear about how they've done all this lovely family crap, how they probaby have been to university - got top grades and now are earning stupid amounts of money a month. :club:

But if you are talking to someone who has been through things too then it isn't as bad...because then you're not just some crazy problem person.


I don't want someone to pity me, or never understand me. I want someone I can talk to who will listen and even try to relate or empathise with me. And vice versa.

What are your thoughts on this? Problem or no problemos? What do you dig?

I'll generally give anyone a chance. I don't hold with the idea of snubbing somebody just because their circumstances are different (whether it be superior or inferior) to mine.

However, that said it's obviously better to be on a similar kind of wavelength with the person you're talking to otherwise the whole 'we have nothing in common' thing may arise.

 

[Estreen]

This sounds like a weird question to ask, but it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately (strangely enough!)

I find it very hard to talk to people who have had a happy, successful life. I know that sounds mean, but they'll start asking you the "so where are you from? what did your parents do? what?! you moved out when you was 15? what?! you don't talk to your parents? why?!" etc and it just makes me feel awkward. Then you have to hear about how they've done all this lovely family crap, how they probaby have been to university - got top grades and now are earning stupid amounts of money a month. :club:

But if you are talking to someone who has been through things too then it isn't as bad...because then you're not just some crazy problem person.


I don't want someone to pity me, or never understand me. I want someone I can talk to who will listen and even try to relate or empathise with me. And vice versa.

What are your thoughts on this? Problem or no problemos? What do you dig?

I'll generally give anyone a chance. I don't hold with the idea of snubbing somebody just because their circumstances are different (whether it be superior or inferior) to mine.

However, that said it's obviously better to be on a similar kind of wavelength with the person you're talking to otherwise the whole 'we have nothing in common' thing may arise.

That's absolutely right; a person's circumstances should not be the deciding factor in how you treat them; it's how they act and treat you that should determine that.

 

[dontwant2beelonely]

Everyone have problems.

 

[Minus]

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

 

[shells]

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

 

[Justanotherperson]

Everyone has problems, no one has no problems =(

 

[kelbo]

Well, I think those people are just trying to relate to you through what they know... And for better or worse it's a standard social procedure to size someone up by asking about their job, education and family. I can't stand it either though And it sucks when people need to inundate you with pointless questions as they try and wrap their mind around the fact that yes, you are coming from a different place. It's been refreshing to me in social situations when someone walks up and simply says: so, what do you like to do? instead of so, what do you do? As for those people who project having the perfect life with the perfect family, I like to think that they have plenty problems but just haven't realized them yet

I know it is the standard social procedure to get to know people or 'size' them up by asking such questions...but really some people really do just go out of their way to make you feel so...inadequate about it. It really just makes me feel so awkward and think why did they even bother, before I realise - oh yeah - to make themselves feel fantastic about their stupid boring lives.

Perhaps this is the reason for all of my chaotic relationships...because I simply give off the vibe that unless you are traumatised or have been damaged in the past then I don't want to know you? Blee. I hope it isn't....

Quite right. I don't talk much about my problems cause I feel like a broken record so I nod my head and listen. What irritates me most of all is when someone who has battled alcoholism or self harm says I have no idea what I'm talking about and goes on and on about their own battles.

It irritates me almost as much as someone who hasn't gone through such things patting me on the back and saying it's not hard to get out of it and live life to the fullest.

Yeah I am the same. I don't really talk too much about my feelings etc, most people assume I am a confident happy go lucky girl and so whenever I flip and actually go a bit insane for a while, they are totally shocked because they don't know the reasons why, they don't understand it and they couldn't have prepared for it. But I prefer it that way. People who know your pains can use them against you. Best to keep to a distance me thinks, saves you looking like somebody wanting pity also!

People who whinge on and on about their lives can also be draining. I like the happy medium I think..somebody who is dark and perhaps depressing, but who is unpredictable and a little insane with it - rather than crying and moaning about it. Is this wrong to like that those characteristics in people? It sounds it now I've re-read it....

Everyone has problems, no one has no problems =(

I think that is wrong. There are people with no problems.....or their problems are so tiny and trivial that they are almost nothing. Or there are people who over-react with their problems and feel like the entire world is caving down on them because of the most smallest issue. I know I shouldn't judge people on how they respond to their own problems and how they deal with them - but everyone makes judgements - it's a lie if you say you don't - I guess it is just trying to curve those judgements or keep them inside so they don't hurt others.

I don't go out of my way to avoid people....but I hate happy social situations with people who I know have had fantastic lives because it just drains me of all my energy and enthusiasm. They'll tell me about their travelling adventures, or where they hope to go in the future, of their education or good paid job and how they enjoy it, of their partners, their families, their children and their amazing friends. Which leaves silly old me feeling like honeysuckle and thinking 'why on earth do I keep friends like this?' Because it only makes me look at what I lack in comparison. Blah, maybe I am just nasty perhaps, and judge people too much...

 

[Justanotherperson]

kelbo, it's alright to feel that way. It's especially annoying when people try so hard to convince and brag about how perfect their lives are. Sometimes people say it to make themselves feel better; but really, everyone has problems including those who appear to be so happy - we just wouldn't know.

 

[marfles7]

This reminds me about a talk i had with a girl-friend last week while we went out to dinner. We're both single, never married and in our late 30s. We were at Olive Gardens, surrounded by mostly families. We were discussing this issue and she looked around and asked me, "how did they figure it out?". I was like "what do you mean" and she said " how did they manage to find THE one and make a family?". And i answered her with another question, "how do you know they figured it out" "how do you know they're happy?". And most of all, how the heck do we know if they don't have even more issues than we do??

Bottom line, there is no one without a problem. And like Lonesome Crow said, it's probably easier for them to talk about our loneliness than their own issues which are probably bigger cause they involve more people. I probably sound like someone who's not hurt but i am. I do get tired of being alone and sometimes being around by people who are "not" alone and being asked "omg WHY you're not married????" As if there's an answer to that. When people ask that question i wonder if they really know what they're asking, and if they're really expecting like an explanation to it.

Most my friends are single. One divorced, and the rest are like me, never married. And i try to stay in that group cause i do agree that it sucks to be around people in different situations like yours because the conversation turns awkward. But in no way i can be sure they're happier than me. That's our first thought because we wish to have what they apparently have. But we don't know that for sure.

Like Emerson said, "Envy is ignorance. Imitation is suicide."