Physical Attractiveness & The Death of Sanity

[wannabeXL]

This is a rant. This is only a rant.

Why does physical attractiveness still matter after all this time? They told us in elementary school, middle school, and sometimes high school that "beauty is skin deep" and "it's the inside that counts." I've always believed that and it's one of the reasons I never bother to wear make-up or dress up in pretty clothes (the other reasons included practicality, laziness, and lack of money). Yet I find that once you're past high school most people find these sayings outdated and begin caring about looks more than they ever did before. The boys routinely go to the gym hoping to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, while the girls get breast implants and buy themselves more beauty products than they need. Obese people are told to lose weight "so they can live longer," but I think the real reason is more like "so they can look more attractive." I mean, I'm all for promoting health, but with the focus being on losing weight (which will only change your outer look) than on actual lifestyle changes (which will have more effect on your actual health) shows like The Biggest Loser just drive me crazy!

As a female, I find this obsession with physical attractiveness rather bothersome and mildly offensive. I don't understand why people tell me I should get contacts and wear my hair differently so I could look "pretty" when I'm still the same freaking person underneath it all. I don't understand why, when I'm dressed up for a party, I should take "you look really beautiful tonight" as a compliment. Doesn't that statement suggest I don't look beautiful the rest of the week? Do I want to look beautiful for someone who thinks make-up and a fitting dress have the magical power to turn an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan? And what's up with that story anyway? Why would an ugly duckling want to be a beautiful swan just to impress other people?

I think I'm slowly turning into a bitter feminist. Or maybe I'm just bitter.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

As much as I hate to admit it...I'm still attractive to certain type of women with certain types of physical features.
It's even worst than that...I'm also more attrative to certain women with certain types of traits with those features.

I belived I short changed myself in the process.

I can't really blame the media for bombarding my freaken brain with eye candy 24/7s
and the type of messages that's coming across. It dose play a major, major role though.

As much as I want to work on myself and try to change my thinking and behaviors.
I caugth myself today as a matter of fact...going GAA..GAA over a woman with certain physical features.
yet..i don't even know her in great depths.

Penni...looks almost just like my ex-wf. They can be sisters.
I have a major..major physical attraction to her

To be honest...All the women I've been with are pretty and some of them are really beautiful.
Yet they all have these very symtoms that you speak of.
Yet they all were afraid I was going leave them if they gain wieght.
I'd catch my ex-wf or GF...throwing up after having meals.
My ex-wf was a super model for crying out loud. She had guys hitting on her constantly,
even when we where married. Yet she always questioned her beauty or looks.

Even my best friend's Girl had the same problem..She's extreemly beautiful...
Guys where always talking about how hawt she was.
Yet while at home or living with her...if you get to know her better.
she struggles with self esteem and worries about her looks.

Even Jenni had the same problem.
The woman had a perfect body and a beautiful face.
Yet she was always questioning my about her wieght or how she looks all the time.
Jenni looks way...way prettier with less make up.
It kind of bother me..when Jenni dyed her hair blonde
I over heard her speaking to someone about her apprearace and how she should dress or dyed her hair.
I think it messed her up afterward....she was going through a weird stage.
I'm glad she dyed it back to her natural color...becuase she freaken had a resymblance of my ex-wf.
I kid you not....I like it a lot..alot. I notices my body reacted differntly when i saw her with blonde hair.
I went into total lust mode.
Yes..as i said. There's certain features that i was attracted to...She bascailly had the same face features
and hazzel eyes as my ex-wf.
It was the first time in my life I went out with a brunette....I kid you not.
That's how obsessed I was with blondes.

Sherry did exactly the samething...No matter how much I complitmented her
or told her how beautiful she was...She simply didn't belive me or worried about her looks.
Sherry is a very attractive woman physically and she'll play those cards when she wants things to go her way.
Sherry also knows I'm very attracted to her...That's why I've always had a hard time letting her go.
The past 5 years of my life had been a living hell becuase of that physical and emotional attachment I had for her.
In a nutz shell...Sherry treated me like honeysuckle...but i constantly had sex with her all the freaken time.
She has deep beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair and a nice set of tits.
Guys hit up on her all the time in front of me...becuase they don't know I'm her ex.
Her freaken personally is honeysuckle !!!

I think the media had really, really fresia up a lot of women's mentality about thier appearance..
Of course...single young men and women out of high school are mostly targeted with advertising.
They have more money to spend than high school kids...

I still like to be slick , hip and cool. It's tone down a bit...but it's still there.
yes..i work out to stay tone and I'm not over wieght.
I too had a eating disorder myself...I didn't eat. I was 10lb under my natural wieght.

 

[Nyktimos]

If there were more women like you around, insecure men like me would feel less, well, insecure.

Obese people are told to lose weight "so they can live longer," but I think the real reason is more like "so they can look more attractive." I mean, I'm all for promoting health, but with the focus being on losing weight (which will only change your outer look) than on actual lifestyle changes (which will have more effect on your actual health) shows like The Biggest Loser just drive me crazy!

I knew someone who was at the gym every morning and was slim and I suppose not bad looking. She was obsessed with the guys where she worked seeing her all the time, and what they thought. She also smoked because she felt if she gave up she'd put on weight, and spent half her life under a sun bed to get a tan that was ruining her skin. Behind her back, all the guys called her Leatherface.

 

[Minus]

As a female, I find this obsession with physical attractiveness rather bothersome and mildly offensive.

I guess i don't understand what being female has to do with it. I too think there is to much emphasis on the superficial.

 

[catwixen]

Maybe you are not bitter at all, maybe you are seeing through the bullshit in society. If there were no media, men would not even be aware of those beauties, the statistics are one in one thousand are outstandingly beautiful...women would not be aware of the Brad Pitts without media. It is total made up media crap.
You are not bitter my lady....you are smart!
Go for it!!!! Do not feel bad about yourself, just be aware some are not so clued in and be gentle with them...LOL!!!!

 

[wolfshadow]

In my last job, a cleaner was dismissed from her position and replaced by someone who was much closer to the vision of classical beauty.
It was pretty much an open secret across the building site that the only reason for this change was to have a more aesthetically pleasing member of staff on hand.
Most of the tradesmen I spoke to on this were in accordance that it was deeply unfair but as soon as they clapped eyes on the new girl, all of these misgiving went straight out of the window.
Now this wasn't because every single person on site was a drooling, salacious pervert, although I have no doubt there were a couple, it was because they found the presence of youth and beauty uplifting.
That unfortunately serves to highlight how fickle human nature really can be.

 

[Spare]

It is a shame how jaded and shallow are society has persisted in being. This problem is not solely rooted in the media or pop culture, however. It's imbedded in our genetic make-up.

Why do elk and deer have antlers? Why do turkeys and peacocks fan their tail feathers, and why do ruffed grouse puff out their chests and drum? The size of antlers, the splendor of plumages, and the pungencies of scent glands are all tools utilized in the animal kingdom for attracting a mate. Personality doesn't enter into it; the buck with the biggest rack gets the doe.

Primitive humans typically didn't have antlers, and rarely did they come with a majestic spread of tail feathers, but this doesn't mean physical characteristics weren't the barometer for finding a good mate. Life was hard, and if you, man or woman, appeared to be healthy and strong despite the trials of a savage world, chances are your offspring would be healthy and strong, too. This was how the species was propagated.

Now, think about this. Physical attractiveness may still carry the most weight in the human search for companionship, but more and more people are finding themselves able to see beyond this, to judge others by their inner beauty more acutely than the outer. That even a minority of people can fly in the face of our genetic programming is kind of amazing, and is yet another example of our status as the most evolved species on the planet. Evolution takes time, though. Perhaps someday inner beauty will be determining the factor in advancing the species.

Here's to hoping, anyway.

 

[wolfshadow]

It is a shame how jaded and shallow are society has persisted in being. This problem is not solely rooted in the media or pop culture, however. It's imbedded in our genetic make-up.

Why do elk and deer have antlers? Why do turkeys and peacocks fan their tail feathers, and why do ruffed grouse puff out their chests and drum? The size of antlers, the splendor of plumages, and the pungencies of scent glands are all tools utilized in the animal kingdom for attracting a mate. Personality doesn't enter into it; the buck with the biggest rack gets the doe.

Primitive humans typically didn't have antlers, and rarely did they come with a majestic spread of tail feathers, but this doesn't mean physical characteristics weren't the barometer for finding a good mate. Life was hard, and if you, man or woman, appeared to be healthy and strong despite the trials of a savage world, chances are your offspring would be healthy and strong, too. This was how the species was propagated.

Now, think about this. Physical attractiveness may still carry the most weight in the human search for companionship, but more and more people are finding themselves able to see beyond this, to judge others by their inner beauty more acutely than the outer. That even a minority of people can fly in the face of our genetic programming is kind of amazing, and is yet another example of our status as the most evolved species on the planet. Evolution takes time, though. Perhaps someday inner beauty will be determining the factor in advancing the species.

Here's to hoping, anyway.

A very good post Spare.

When primates walked the earth and within the animal kingdom to this very day, natural selection was/is largely dependent on the subjects capacity for survival and procreation. A physically attractive specimen will always be the host of the most desirable genetic data.

Within the confines of modern human society I believe that is changing and will continue to do so.
Language, art, science etc have forever altered and diversified the nature of what is considered good breeding material.

TBC

 

[ledchick]

I can't really blame the media for bombarding my freaken brain with eye candy 24/7s
and the type of messages that's coming across. It dose play a major, major role though.

We play a little game when the tv is on, I mute it and then we try to guess what it is they are selling.....almost all the time when you just watch and dont listen to the commercials....it is SEX! Sex sells and it embeds itself into our thoughts even if we think it does not.

I personally think that if you are happy with how you look that is all that matter. I really could give a flying fresia what other people think, because most other people are just ******* idiots and who wants an idiots opinion?

 

[ChessGuy42]

Evolution takes time, though. Perhaps someday inner beauty will be determining the factor in advancing the species.

Here's to hoping, anyway.

Excellent post, Spare. Hopefully the rate of evolution will speed up too, given how slow of a natural process it is.

I'd also like to note that women can be, and often are, just as superficial as men. I know I'm a good man... I've spent the last two years actively becomming the person I want to be. I literally have my dream job, I've developed a wide range of hobbies including: digital photography, jazz(since I enjoy dancing), working to learn several languages other than English, and reading classic literature.+ I can only surmise one of two things: my personality is not attractive, or that my personality is not enough to compensate for my aesthetic deficiencies when women are sizing up my potential.

I consider myself to be an pretty average looking guy. I'd say... maybe a 5 or 5.5 on the 1-10 chart. I weight more than I should even given my stocky frame, but I'm not unhealthy: I walk about 3 miles every day to/from work, I go the gym when I can, and I'm involved in martial arts. My diet could be better, but I'm working on that. I have a gap right in the middle of my upper row of teeth because my parents couldn't afford braces when I was younger and I haven't had a chance to get them surgically fixed yet (student loans aren't cheap), but I brush several times per day and use a whitening tray once every few days. I do have long hair, but I take excellent care of it. In fact, women frequently tell me that I must take excellent care of it. Lastly, I'm extremely pale, despite the fact that I frequently try to tan when I can... although being a computer guy doesn't give me much of a chance.

I think the problem is this: the women in my area(a wealthy college town that is so small is can barely be called a village when the students aren't there) around my age(25) who aren't already in serious relationships tend to be looking to 'hook up', rather than 'date'. By 'hook up', I mean either one night stands or flings that last no longer than a month or so. I think I'd be a pretty good guy to 'date', but I'm lacking qualities that make me suitable to 'hook up with', such as: being super attractive, being a 'bad boy', etc. This might be caused by the town's college atmosphere, but I'm not sure. Have any other guys noticed this?

 

[wannabeXL]

As a female, I find this obsession with physical attractiveness rather bothersome and mildly offensive.

I guess i don't understand what being female has to do with it. I too think there is to much emphasis on the superficial.

It is far more important to be physically attractive when you're a girl than when you're a guy. I'm sure most people who are on a forum called alonelylife would beg to differ, but GENERALLY speaking, guys care more about how a girl looks than the other way around. You ask a guy what he looks for in a girl, the first thing that comes to mind will probably be something like "cute" or "hot." Meanwhile, you ask a girl what she looks for in a guy, and more likely than not she'll put money personality or sense of humor as a priority. I don't know if the trend is going to change any time soon what with more females demanding gender equality, but from my observation guys seem to be able to get away being plain-looking as long as they have .

Another example I can think of doesn't even have anything to do with finding romantic partners. Remember back when we were little kids? You know how all the boys were encouraged to run around, be tough, "build character," and whatnot? You know what the girls were encouraged to do on the other hand? Learn to be as physically attractive as we could be, that's what. They taught us to grow our hair and wear plenty of accessories. They complimented us for being "pretty," not because we had a personality. Sometimes they did compliment us for being smart, but for the most part we understood that being smart was secondary to being pretty. While I'm sure that guys have their own problems, I really doubt they could really understand the pressure to be physically attractive that women have to face in this society.

 

[Jesse]

It is far more important to be physically attractive when you're a girl than when you're a guy. I'm sure most people who are on a forum called alonelylife would beg to differ, but GENERALLY speaking, guys care more about how a girl looks than the other way around. You ask a guy what he looks for in a girl, the first thing that comes to mind will probably be something like "cute" or "hot." Meanwhile, you ask a girl what she looks for in a guy, and more likely than not she'll put money personality or sense of humor as a priority. I don't know if the trend is going to change any time soon what with more females demanding gender equality, but from my observation guys seem to be able to get away being plain-looking as long as they have .

Another example I can think of doesn't even have anything to do with finding romantic partners. Remember back when we were little kids? You know how all the boys were encouraged to run around, be tough, "build character," and whatnot? You know what the girls were encouraged to do on the other hand? Learn to be as physically attractive as we could be, that's what. They taught us to grow our hair and wear plenty of accessories. They complimented us for being "pretty," not because we had a personality. Sometimes they did compliment us for being smart, but for the most part we understood that being smart was secondary to being pretty. While I'm sure that guys have their own problems, I really doubt they could really understand the pressure to be physically attractive that women have to face in this society.

Well that kind of makes me feel worse because if my physical appearance isn't why girls don't like me then I must just be so weird or strange to them and that's what turns them off.

 

[luciddisconnect]

Remember back when we were little kids? You know how all the boys were encouraged to run around, be tough, "build character," and whatnot? You know what the girls were encouraged to do on the other hand? Learn to be as physically attractive as we could be, that's what. They taught us to grow our hair and wear plenty of accessories. They complimented us for being "pretty," not because we had a personality. Sometimes they did compliment us for being smart, but for the most part we understood that being smart was secondary to being pretty. While I'm sure that guys have their own problems, I really doubt they could really understand the pressure to be physically attractive that women have to face in this society.

Generally speaking, the boys were encouraged to fit into a male gender role: Dominant, loud, aggressive, athletic, etc. While girls were encouraged to fit into a female gender role: Submissive, quiet, passive, pretty, etc.

I DON'T claim to fully understand the pressure on women to appear physically attractive. A person couldn't understand unless they were female.

On the other hand, I'll bet most of the guys on this site don't fit the stereotypical male gender role very well.

I DO think that I've been judged negatively at times for being too thin. I'm afraid that I don't do the whole gym thing.

Most women would prefer their mate to be heavier than they are, the same as most men would prefer their mate to be smaller than themselves. I'd like to think that I have some measure of choice in the end. We all have our own preference in physical type. We also have the ability to see beyond it.

Gender roles screw over anyone, male or female, that doesn't fit the status quo.

Consider this issue: Shyness is a HUGE turnoff for most women, who are judging you based on the confidence that you project. This is a character flaw that has screwed me over time and again. Ever hear of a girl making the first move. No? That's 'cause it almost never happens.

But if you happen to be a moderately pretty girl who's extremely shy, you'll still going to have plenty of chances to meet the boy of your dreams. Assuming that you're smart enough to weed him out from all the chauvinistic ******** that come your way.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Errr....you tell a pretty girl she's smart and you tell a smart girl she's pretty.

Avion, Marry kay, Operah signature brands...all these products are endore and own by women themselves.
So for fucken Oprah to have Dr Phil me off to say all guys want is fucken sex..sex...sex eye fucken candy.
Whos's fucken feeding the women the Bullshit and getting Rich of off it ??? The women themselves.

You hardly hear a guy tell another guy. "gees Bob...you're ass looks tight or you the fucken stripes
on your boxer looks cool on you dude..."
" btw...you smell good too homeboy"...lmao

All the women I've had ever gotten involved with...ASKED ME OUT.
And hell no..i don't look like fucken Brad Pitt.
And yes..They all can be a fucken Barbie.

BTW...I'm Thai as in ASIAN and all the women I've been with are blondes...not just any blondes.
Definitely not the status quo...I stand out like a fuken door knob.
And people hate me just for fuken breathing.

I turn on certain types of women. I'm attarted to certain types of women.
A lot of it has to do with the way I carry myself and my don't give a fresia attitude.
A lot of the women I've been with feel the same as i do...They hate the fucken status quo.
Some of them get with me...to a certain degee as an act of defience or rebelling.

I got that attitude at a very young age becuase when I walk into a room of people
I can feel the hate and tessions and I'll never be a status quo or fit it.
Somewhere alone the line of feeling so much god **** pains and hatered towards me...
I just didn't give a fresia or care what others think about me anymore.

It can be a double edge sword. Over the years I've learn how the use the correct edge.

Lmao...as babies we were enourage to walk and talk.
As children we were told...." sit down and shut the fresia up".
As Teenager we are told... "Grow the fresia up "
As adults we're told " Find your inner child FFS".
ERRRRR!!!!...error...error...mixed fucken signals to keep you guessing and wonder who moved the fucken cheese

The ultimate slaves or pawns...behaviors embeded and re enforce from generations to generations..
If you have had enough or come close to figuring the honeysuckle out..why you're messed up.
There's new fucken ills for all the fucken pills you can take to keep you delusional.
Haha...get married for a fucken tax breaks...freaken pawns.
Buy your wife the biggest fucken shiney Rock you can...bust your fucken ass for it too.
That's right pawns...Diamonds last forever and is a girl's best friend.
She won't settle for less...she deserve the fucken best. Show her the vaule of your love for her. Fucken buy it.
She wants you to buy it...She's all messed up in the head too becuase she'll fucken cry if you don't...lmao

 

[Spare]

It can be a double edge sword. Over the years I've learn how the use the correct edge.

This is a GREAT analogy.

 

[ChessGuy42]

Errr....you tell a pretty girl she's smart and you tell a smart girl she's pretty.

Heh, absolutely right.

Whos's fucken feeding the women the Bullshit and getting Rich of off it ??? The women themselves.

Hit the nail right on the head here too.

 

[Nyktimos]

Whos's fucken feeding the women the Bullshit and getting Rich of off it ??? The women themselves.

Hit the nail right on the head here too.

This is correct. But let's not forget that 'The Women' in question are not all women. Generalisations are never correct!

 

[ChessGuy42]

all[/i] women. Generalisations are never correct!

This is a fair point. I once tried conducting an ad hoc survey of people I know about this issue, though. My findings... the women I asked tried to 'better' their physical appearance because of what other women thought more frequently than because of what men thought. Also, men's descriptions of what they find attractive don't always conform to the steriotype that women are fed (and for which men are nearly universally blamed).

 

[wannabeXL]

First of all, I have a lot less problem with women caring about what other women think than with women caring about what men think. That's beside the point.

Second of all, so we all agree that people care more about physical appearance than they should. Yay.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I wouldn't say everybody cares more about physical appearance.
Some do...but I don't have the resourse to take a poll of the earth's population to get the figures.

Though i would be totally ignorant to say that physical apprearance dosn't matter and it dose effect
a lot of people or even I my own life.

Second I'm not a woman and beats the hell out of me how they think or feel.

Third..I don't know how the hell other men compltely thinks either...
I can only relate what I can relate to...wheather it's from a female or male.

Forth
I can only work on myself...My perception. My attitude. My self esteem.
Take care of myself. Know myself...Know how I process information or data
I recieves outside of me and what I do with that data.
Also understand how I create data from within myself.

The more i understand myself, the more I'm able to live with myself..
Sometimes i can rule out bullshit that other people are feeding me
Other times i can also rule out bullshit that I'm feeding myself..
In this way...I stopped going fucken crazy or insane.

The more I'm able to live with myself..the more I'm able to live with others.

For me its the samething as some poeple thinks money is the root of all evil
and being rich is evil and all kinds of hell to danmations.
Err...a poor man can be just as evil and a selffish prick too.

mmm...I'm not going to rule out a pretty woman that I'm physically attracted to
just becuase some poeple used physical attractions to their advantage or abuse it.

This is some of the things I've been working or going through..
For a while..I simply couldn't seperate my ex-gf from other women.
I simply judge other women from what my ex-gf had done.

I went through that stage of thinking and feeling that all women where the same...hawt or not, I felt all women
where life force sucking bitches.

Of course life has a way of showing me that I'm wrong..lmao
A hawt beauty just had to reach out to my ass...
My first reaction was.."what fresia dose this ***** want from me?"
I had major, major trust issues. Big titays, long blonde hair with deep blues eyes just totally had me on my heels.
I kept her at a distance..just becase of her appearance too...even if she was phsically attractive.
Over time i allow myself to get to know her...get beyound her appearance and just inneracte with her as just
another human being.
No...she was not my ex-gf. She dosn't act like my ex. She help me healed my perceptions
Slowly i allow more female into my life as I allow myself to trust again.

In my experince..physically attractive people are just people..they all have problems and challenges in there lives too.
Some poeple are attractive on the inside and the outside. To them it's not a be deal.
They have good hygenes, take care of themselves or thier bodies and look totally awsume in rags..lol