Please Help - Intrusive Morbid Thoughts

[TheSkaFish]

Intrusive morbid thoughts are unwanted thoughts that constantly pop up in someone's mind, of a morbid subject like harm or death of the self, loved ones, or anyone. I've been getting them a lot lately.

I remember getting intrusive thoughts as a kid, but they were mild compared to the ones I have now. This is going to sound utterly ridiculous but it all really happened and when these thoughts trap me, they feel so real.

For example, when i was a kid, whenever i heard or thought about the Middle East or Islam or terrorists, i had this thought that i couldn't play for the whole day or else something terrible would happen (by the way, this was a good 5 years before 9/11, so it wasn't caused by that particular event). I was not meaning to be racist, but in my 10 year old mind, i guess the appearance of people and culture so different than what i was used to scared me, especially when its only representatives in my life were terrorists on tv. it was an almost automatic reaction that froze me stiff.

i also remember feeling like i had to walk carefully around certain shapes or cracks i saw on floors or the sidewalk - in this scenario, something about it made me think that if i didn't avoid these shapes, the devil would kill me by causing a freak accident to happen. i know this started when i heard about a devil movie. i didnt even watch it, i just heard about it. but i guess somehow i thought it was really going to happen.

Eventually, these things went away on their own. One day i stopped thinking about or caring about them, and the thoughts went away. i wasnt planning to stop or fighting the thoughts, they just stopped by themselves. Looking back, those thoughts seem ridiculous and i dont know how i ever believed them.

But now they are back again, and feel more intense and morbid than ever before. I feel a little voice in my mind that wishes incredibly horrible things on those i love, not only those i love but those who have never been anything but sweet and good to me. i dont understand why. it happens usually when i am trying to finish something or make a permanent change to something, so i get this feeling to do whatever it is over again, without the horrible "wish" in my head, so that i'm not reminded of it every time i see the thing i changed. i know these "wishes" aren't my true feelings, because i know i want those i love to stay alive and i love having them in my life and i know i'd really miss them if they were gone, i know i'd feel a sense of emptiness where they used to be and i'd wish they could come back again.

In fact, what i do wish is for these stupid morbid thoughts to go away and never come back! i hate them. sometimes i'm able to concentrate really hard and make the thoughts go away but they always come back. Like i said, when i used to have those thoughts before, they eventually went away on their own. but this time im having a hard time getting rid of them.

I know this sounds laughable and stupid but it really bothers me. Does anyone have any ideas on why this is happening or how i can make these morbid thoughts go away?

 

[Tealeaf]

I think you've mentioned it before, but that absolutely sounds like OCD.

For me, the best I can describe it is that my brain takes the normal task of making associations and goes full-throttle on the most random things that it comes into contact with. If I'm not careful, my computer wallpaper, the color of windows, or the shirt I'm wearing can wind up being a threat to the quality of my work and whether or not someone is going to read past my cover letter. Have an argument with someone - > randomly focus on the color of something - > snap association. I forgot the entire "reason" why I don't set anything to 52, even, or why I've started putting all volumes at 8 or multiples of 8.

What really helps is just being conscious of the separation between that whirlwind of thought and objective reality; that what will happen is going to happen based on mostly concrete external factors like whether or not the cover letter has all the required information and what other people are doing. If I can catch it before it becomes severe, in a reasonably good mood, and redirect, I can usually slow or stop it entirely. Something like playing a video game is usually small and innocent enough for the "wrong" criteria. It's a matter of gently retraining associations for me.

A general sense of control helps, because I think it also makes people very prone to looking for ways to preemptively prevent problems they fear they won't be able to handle or exercise control over. More confidence in my writing means that the general sense of obsession and perfectionism to try to counter the myriad of potential problems is less urgent. There's a good chance this will go into overdrive and start latching onto ridiculous things to try to "protect" you if you're feeling unsafe or in an unhealthy phase of life.

As for the bizarre thoughts in particular, it's the old issue of thinking about not doing something just being another way to think of it. Reacting to it is still a form of strengthening it and associating it to other things you may be thinking or doing.

You'll probably catch yourself doing a little bit here and there all the time... there are a lot of songs on Pandora I skip for no reason just because they reminded me of something weeks ago that I no longer remember. It's just important to understand how it works for you, realize that you are not your thoughts, and to keep it away from the things that are actually going to influence your health, your relationships, and your livelihood.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Absolutely, it's OCD. I won't go into the experiences I had when I was a kid (it's just not something I'd speak of here) but - and I think I've mentioned this to you before - you do have symptoms of OCD. In some people, it's worse when they are younger (children to teens) but they are lucky enough to outgrow it. It sounds like you grew out of it, but maybe some of the symptoms have returned. My guess is, the more you concentrate and focus on the thoughts you are having, the worse they will become. Distract your mind and do so daily.
Good luck.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Intrusive morbid thoughts are unwanted thoughts that constantly pop up in someone's mind, of a morbid subject like harm or death of the self, loved ones, or anyone. I've been getting them a lot lately.

I remember getting intrusive thoughts as a kid, but they were mild compared to the ones I have now. This is going to sound utterly ridiculous but it all really happened and when these thoughts trap me, they feel so real.

For example, when i was a kid, whenever i heard or thought about the Middle East or Islam or terrorists, i had this thought that i couldn't play for the whole day or else something terrible would happen (by the way, this was a good 5 years before 9/11, so it wasn't caused by that particular event). I was not meaning to be racist, but in my 10 year old mind, i guess the appearance of people and culture so different than what i was used to scared me, especially when its only representatives in my life were terrorists on tv. it was an almost automatic reaction that froze me stiff.

i also remember feeling like i had to walk carefully around certain shapes or cracks i saw on floors or the sidewalk - in this scenario, something about it made me think that if i didn't avoid these shapes, the devil would kill me by causing a freak accident to happen. i know this started when i heard about a devil movie. i didnt even watch it, i just heard about it. but i guess somehow i thought it was really going to happen.

Eventually, these things went away on their own. One day i stopped thinking about or caring about them, and the thoughts went away. i wasnt planning to stop or fighting the thoughts, they just stopped by themselves. Looking back, those thoughts seem ridiculous and i dont know how i ever believed them.

But now they are back again, and feel more intense and morbid than ever before. I feel a little voice in my mind that wishes incredibly horrible things on those i love, not only those i love but those who have never been anything but sweet and good to me. i dont understand why. it happens usually when i am trying to finish something or make a permanent change to something, so i get this feeling to do whatever it is over again, without the horrible "wish" in my head, so that i'm not reminded of it every time i see the thing i changed. i know these "wishes" aren't my true feelings, because i know i want those i love to stay alive and i love having them in my life and i know i'd really miss them if they were gone, i know i'd feel a sense of emptiness where they used to be and i'd wish they could come back again.

In fact, what i do wish is for these stupid morbid thoughts to go away and never come back! i hate them. sometimes i'm able to concentrate really hard and make the thoughts go away but they always come back. Like i said, when i used to have those thoughts before, they eventually went away on their own. but this time im having a hard time getting rid of them.

I know this sounds laughable and stupid but it really bothers me. Does anyone have any ideas on why this is happening or how i can make these morbid thoughts go away?

I can relate to what your saying....I'm not sure what the route cause is...I think it may be likely that it's a form of anxiety.....the person, the pet, the family member that you love and cherish...what's the worst that can happen?...and your ridiculous brain being adept at creativity suggests that you have the capacity to become a homicidal maniac/ uncontrollable sadist and that you are the potential threat...it is total nonsence but your brain having created this scenario is very reluctant to let it go. I have experienced this in the past without harming or dispatching anyone ...well apart from that one incident...but they were willing to accept a plea of self defense
Recognize it for what it is....as completely absurd thinking ...don't engage with it...if you feel that you are having more difficulty with it than you can manage.....speak with your Doctor....this is not unique to you...many will have experienced the same symtoms and many of them will not of approached their Doctors because of fearing how they would be perceived.

 

[Batman55]

Absolutely, it's OCD. I won't go into the experiences I had when I was a kid (it's just not something I'd speak of here) but - and I think I've mentioned this to you before - you do have symptoms of OCD. In some people, it's worse when they are younger (children to teens) but they are lucky enough to outgrow it. It sounds like you grew out of it, but maybe some of the symptoms have returned. My guess is, the more you concentrate and focus on the thoughts you are having, the worse they will become. Distract your mind and do so daily.
Good luck.

Hello Eve. Do you have OCD? Just curious.

 

[Therapon]

It sounds like OCD.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That's strange, because I get them as well. I hate it, and I have no idea why I even begin to think like that. I would love to know if I had some sort of OCD as a child, although I don't remember if I had these kinds of thoughts back then. I'm sure I did knowing myself. And even though I'm not officially diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I have some form of mild OCD.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Absolutely, it's OCD. I won't go into the experiences I had when I was a kid (it's just not something I'd speak of here) but - and I think I've mentioned this to you before - you do have symptoms of OCD. In some people, it's worse when they are younger (children to teens) but they are lucky enough to outgrow it. It sounds like you grew out of it, but maybe some of the symptoms have returned. My guess is, the more you concentrate and focus on the thoughts you are having, the worse they will become. Distract your mind and do so daily.
Good luck.

Hello Eve. Do you have OCD? Just curious.

Not so much now. I had it when I was a kid/teen. I eventually grew out of it. I do still have a few of the tendencies, but it manifests in things like personal space issues and the like. I don't allow too many into my personal space and don't like people using my things and not putting them back where they got them. I consider myself very fortunate that those are the only ones that lingered.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I asked my therapist about these kinds of thoughts years back, and she seemed to not have an answer for me, that they were just going to remain. So.

 

[Tiina63]

It is OCD. I have it as well, and feel I have to do certain things to stop the entire universe from descending into complete chaos. And the horrible thoughts about horrible things happening to those around you are a common feature of OCD as well. These thoughts can be very distressing, but they are not your fault.

 

[SilentComfort]

I've had a form of this. I got pictures in my mind of doing violent things to those close to me, and I wanted to avoid "dangerous" objects to make sure the images in my mind didn't become reality. It sounds insane yes, but it's just OCD and many people have this / suffer from it.

I think it's liberating and helpful to talk to someone about it as much as possible, even though you might be afraid that people will think you're crazy or a "danger", you are not so in the least. I think part of the reason why the morbid thoughts appear is because we actually care so much about those people that appear in our imagination, and we are conscientous beings, and so we want to have our own selves "under control", to make sure we don't do something to them we absolutely shouldn't. But the thoughts aren't significant, they don't mean anything in themselves.

From my experience (and what I've been heard), it doesn't help to try force the thoughts away, but rather to face them, expose them, and treat them as if they aren't significant. Like it's just another random thought from imagination.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Bump.

Does anyone else here struggle with this issue?

Has anyone else here actually overcome it, and would care to share some strategies in eliminating intrusive morbid thoughts?

I'd love to hear your stories on this.

 

[Peaches]

there's an app for that

---

about your question: I did, kind of, but I think weaning off all kinds of tranquillisers that were keeping me agitated (! yes, that's what they do if you take them for too long) did half of the job

 

[TheSkaFish]

there's an app for that

---

about your question: I did, kind of, but I think weaning off all kinds of tranquillisers that were keeping me agitated (! yes, that's what they do if you take them for too long) did half of the job

---

Oh how I wish it was as simple as having an app to get rid of it, but since I do not have a smartphone, that wouldn't do me any good.

Anyway. You said you got rid of them. Were you experiencing constant, irritating thoughts inside your head telling you that you "wished" bad things on those you loved? That's what I get. I really dislike it.

What were these tranquilizers you got rid of? I have never been on any sort of medication for an extended period of time. I also only drink in moderation and I quit smoking marijuana almost three years ago. So other than caffeine, there aren't really too many more substances I could remove from my life.

 

[Aisha]

I did have thoughts similar to those you've described when I was younger. I try not to think about that. They stopped on their own, as you said happened with you.