After the n-th mysterious/crazy behavior from a guy, it's not like I am losing sleep over it but it would be nice to know if it is something that I do that turns guys bad, this one seemed so nice and harmless, I was really sad that he turned so mean. Perhaps you can see some cause-and-effect there?
This is the story (hope it doesn't come out long), with all the possible red flags:
Much younger guy, overweight but not ugly, some style, very cultured, didn't seem shy, very very funny, professional musician, single since a few months, "long" normal relationship before. We met socially and immediately got along without any pretense especially on my part, what do I need pretense for with a kid? although I don't look my age, so maybe he didn't realize the major age difference (15 years).
After meeting socially three times, connects on Facebook the second time, we meet to play together, really great time for me at least, and I suspect he leaned in to kiss me but wasn't sure. When I go home, I see a long message that I actually liked, saying "I really like you and would like to know you better, if you like me a little bit it would be great, if not I will be happy to hang out and make music". I became really nervous because every time a guy says he likes me out of the blue, something bad happens (yells, stands me up, get angry because I don't sleep with him on the spot and badmouths me with everyone else etc), and I answered him that i was having a difficult period, kind of depressed and didn't feel like dating but i would love to know him better.
Fast forward 3 weeks: we meet three times, two to play and once with a friend of his (also close to my age), very nice, very normal I have a lot of fun. We chat sometimes on Facebook but, even if a bit flirty on both sides, nothing personal.
Another strange feeling comes one night when he writes something like "you know too many things" and " that will always make you unhappy", and then he apologizes saying that he is in a bad mood.
I try to leave hints to start talking about my life situation that is a bit particular (struggling to regain health with a chronic illness) but he doesn't
bite, and I try to share my enthusiasm about fitness (also in the hope that he loses weight, because as he is now, I couldn't see how I could find him physically attractive, maybe by falling head over heels in love, but I didn't see that happening) but he didn't talk about it and he never asked any questions.
After the 4th meeting, where we play and we go out with another of his friends (unlike me, he has friends) he sees my scooter, which is a very pretty disability scooter, is surprised but also doesn't ask any questions, even if I say something like "just ask! (winkle)".
He didn't also ask questions about my sentimental situation if I was seeing someone, my view on relationships or guys, nothing. He did mention his previous relationship, how he was not happy and they split after 3 years, but didn't inquire about mine. I try to keep conversation light but also not avoid "serious' talk, nothing.
Another slightly weird thing is that, unlike other guys who expressed interest, he never Likes or comments on anything I write on Facebook, even if he is kind of active. Still, he seeks me to chat and it is usually him who initiates a conversation (i did too, but him more).
Last weekend the bad thing happens: we meet at his place, he seems in a strange mood, very sarcastic, we try the piece that we wanted to prepare and he starts doing some very difficult improvisations. I try to keep up, because I am a perfectionist, but unlike him I never went to the Conservatory and I just don't know how to do some things. I stop a couple of times asking him if he wants to share what is he trying to do so that I can understand, and he says something vague like "I don't want to make you feel inferior, don't be intimidated" and then starts again with even more difficult things without explanation, no mention that I am clearly getting upset. Because I DO feel inferior, I bite my lip and try to keep up, and it gets more and more difficult, and then he repeats two more times "you shouldn't feel intimidated" (is that what he was trying to do?!) and then I prepare for leaving, I am shaking, he doesn't really apologizes, sends an sms saying " the next time it will be better" I don't even bother answering because I am busy crying for an hour, after that no more contact, and now it is a week.
Now, I don't need mean guys in my life so I am not in a hurry to see him again, ever, but any idea why this really nice guy could have done something like that? It really seemed intentional, he was observing me getting more and more upset, and didn't do anything. I really can't imagine behaving like that with someone I like, especially for no apparent reason. If he just decided that I was a dead-end street, couldn't he just have said that he was busy and didn't have time to meet anymore? Why be mean?
Ahaha, this is like a novel!
I totally understand if nobody has time to read this. Maybe I will cancel it later.
This is the story (hope it doesn't come out long), with all the possible red flags:
Much younger guy, overweight but not ugly, some style, very cultured, didn't seem shy, very very funny, professional musician, single since a few months, "long" normal relationship before. We met socially and immediately got along without any pretense especially on my part, what do I need pretense for with a kid? although I don't look my age, so maybe he didn't realize the major age difference (15 years).
After meeting socially three times, connects on Facebook the second time, we meet to play together, really great time for me at least, and I suspect he leaned in to kiss me but wasn't sure. When I go home, I see a long message that I actually liked, saying "I really like you and would like to know you better, if you like me a little bit it would be great, if not I will be happy to hang out and make music". I became really nervous because every time a guy says he likes me out of the blue, something bad happens (yells, stands me up, get angry because I don't sleep with him on the spot and badmouths me with everyone else etc), and I answered him that i was having a difficult period, kind of depressed and didn't feel like dating but i would love to know him better.
Fast forward 3 weeks: we meet three times, two to play and once with a friend of his (also close to my age), very nice, very normal I have a lot of fun. We chat sometimes on Facebook but, even if a bit flirty on both sides, nothing personal.
Another strange feeling comes one night when he writes something like "you know too many things" and " that will always make you unhappy", and then he apologizes saying that he is in a bad mood.
I try to leave hints to start talking about my life situation that is a bit particular (struggling to regain health with a chronic illness) but he doesn't
bite, and I try to share my enthusiasm about fitness (also in the hope that he loses weight, because as he is now, I couldn't see how I could find him physically attractive, maybe by falling head over heels in love, but I didn't see that happening) but he didn't talk about it and he never asked any questions.
After the 4th meeting, where we play and we go out with another of his friends (unlike me, he has friends) he sees my scooter, which is a very pretty disability scooter, is surprised but also doesn't ask any questions, even if I say something like "just ask! (winkle)".
He didn't also ask questions about my sentimental situation if I was seeing someone, my view on relationships or guys, nothing. He did mention his previous relationship, how he was not happy and they split after 3 years, but didn't inquire about mine. I try to keep conversation light but also not avoid "serious' talk, nothing.
Another slightly weird thing is that, unlike other guys who expressed interest, he never Likes or comments on anything I write on Facebook, even if he is kind of active. Still, he seeks me to chat and it is usually him who initiates a conversation (i did too, but him more).
Last weekend the bad thing happens: we meet at his place, he seems in a strange mood, very sarcastic, we try the piece that we wanted to prepare and he starts doing some very difficult improvisations. I try to keep up, because I am a perfectionist, but unlike him I never went to the Conservatory and I just don't know how to do some things. I stop a couple of times asking him if he wants to share what is he trying to do so that I can understand, and he says something vague like "I don't want to make you feel inferior, don't be intimidated" and then starts again with even more difficult things without explanation, no mention that I am clearly getting upset. Because I DO feel inferior, I bite my lip and try to keep up, and it gets more and more difficult, and then he repeats two more times "you shouldn't feel intimidated" (is that what he was trying to do?!) and then I prepare for leaving, I am shaking, he doesn't really apologizes, sends an sms saying " the next time it will be better" I don't even bother answering because I am busy crying for an hour, after that no more contact, and now it is a week.
Now, I don't need mean guys in my life so I am not in a hurry to see him again, ever, but any idea why this really nice guy could have done something like that? It really seemed intentional, he was observing me getting more and more upset, and didn't do anything. I really can't imagine behaving like that with someone I like, especially for no apparent reason. If he just decided that I was a dead-end street, couldn't he just have said that he was busy and didn't have time to meet anymore? Why be mean?
Ahaha, this is like a novel!
I totally understand if nobody has time to read this. Maybe I will cancel it later.