Quest for confidence

[Flood]

^^^ Yes

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

I'm still faking it though.

 

[Haven]

Spare really just sang my song on a cappella I was going to post the same thing I dont know if should be happy im finally communicating with people or mad that I had to by this stupid expensive laptop to do it.

 

[Jesse]

Ya know alcohol can give you some false confidence

I usually won't even look at a woman, let alone talk to one, but this one time I was drunk and somehow was talking to a whole group of ladies. One of them asked me to spank her friend's behind and I gladly did. That one I spanked even seemed to like it.

 

[Haven]

the syptoms of alcohol are the following boost of confidence boost of libito and sex you may regret for the rest of your life.

Dont take if your pregnate,nursing,operating heavy machinery or in a serious relationship.

 

[luciddisconnect]

No matter how drunk I get, alcohol has NEVER been able to kill that fear of judgement that kills my confidence. It might make me a little reckless, but the inhibition is still there.

I think to some extent confidence is a conditioned response kind of thing. That's why some people seem "born" with it. Because others always responded positively to them.

For the rest of us, we really have to confront our fears to overcome them. Force yourself to do what you're afraid of. And when you fail, force it again. Easier said than done.

Obviously, you'll never gain confidence socially if people never respond to you positively. That's the ***** of it. Confidence isn't just within yourself. It's a gift given to you by others.

 

[luciddisconnect]

^^^ Yes

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

I'm still faking it though.

I'd rather suffer than be a faker. What's the goal we're talking about anyway. I've never seen a relationship last between two people that weren't honest with one another.

Of course there's a difference between being honest with your emotions and just being pathetic. I'd like to believe that if you carry yourself with dignity then you don't have to put on some kind of bullshit machismo attitude to attract the ladies. Course I haven't mastered the "I've got no game" game yet either. Probably because at a certain point the sense of worthlessness begins to show though, which is anything but dignified.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You already have confidence....the honeysuckle is all in your head.

Learn how to master your minds, thought and emotions.
Or at least what the they are.

Errr...how in the hell can you be faking it...if you're doing it already?
the simple phrase "fake it tell you make it"...is just another way of saying have faith or self discipline.
You're into action already.

If you took positive actions inspite of your fears...that is confidence and courage...
mmm...what kind of freaken confidence would i need if things were easy or i didn't felt any fears ?...(none)

Honesty is able to said "ya know what babe...please don't slap my ass when I'm pinching your tits...
I don't like that"

if you already experince rejections...you experince the worst already.
It's all down hill (easier) from that piont.

The truth of the matter is...everybody gets rejected at one time or another ...even the hawtest
babe in a room had been through rejections.

if you know this...a hawt babe is just another human being...she's no more or no less than you.
So why in the hell would you lack confidence just inneracting with another human or person?

Ask yourself these types of stupid questions???lol

come on now.,..we all heard of David and the Galiath.
The bigger her titays are the more I wanna squeeze them

 

[Jesse]

Hmn well I just feel that women are generally disgusted by my presence and I do them a favor by not talking to them.

 

[Flood]

^^^ Yes

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

I'm still faking it though.

I'd rather suffer than be a faker. What's the goal we're talking about anyway. I've never seen a relationship last between two people that weren't honest with one another.

Of course there's a difference between being honest with your emotions and just being pathetic. I'd like to believe that if you carry yourself with dignity then you don't have to put on some kind of bullshit machismo attitude to attract the ladies. Course I haven't mastered the "I've got no game" game yet either. Probably because at a certain point the sense of worthlessness begins to show though, which is anything but dignified.

When you have no confidence looking pathetic is a stone's throw away. I don't actually encourage being a fake person. For example I meant "faking" more along the lines of forcing yourself to act cool and collect in a social environment or situation where you may feel the opposite on the inside. Basically getting by and trying to improve as you go (makin it). So that's all I meant.

Otherwise I agree that you should be honest with yourself and others.

 

[Flood]

Basically if you have no confidence doesn't mean you should let it show.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

it's the same as having courage...

courage is not without fears....courage is stepping through the fears inspite of feelings of fear.

it's the samething as laziness...self discipline is taking positive actions inspite of what gose
on in your head and the freaken vioce you hear in your head..."I can't do this"
Simply accept your inner vioce and replace the "I can't " tape with "I CAN"

it's the same as compassion...compassion is forgiving another person inspite of how much hate or anger
you have towards that person.

In other words ...don't do whats always the easiest..(that enclude chicks..lmao)
Learn how to get out of your comfortzone.
Learn how to BE okay with being uncomfortible in the face of adversities.

You might as well do something positive or move forward in your life ..if you feel like honeysuckle at the moment anyway.lol

 

[Spare]

Naturally, I have been thinking about this a lot. I analyzed my life quite closely, and broke it down into two groups; things I'm good at, and things I'm not (one is significantly larger than the other). To be good at something one surely must have self-confidence, right? At least, one must have self-confidence in regard to that particular activity.

I'm an avid trap shooter. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, it is a shotgun sport involving clay targets. I've been shooting trap for years, and have become fairly good at it. When I'm at the trap range I'm perfectly at ease with the crowds, full of vim and vigor and ready to go out and shoot a good score. I'm confident. But how could this be? I normally have the confidence of an eggplant, for crying out loud! There are some who would say "well, obviously it's the shotgun in your hands", but that isn't it (for the most part, anyway ). It's because I KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I put in the time, I practiced a lot, and I learned what I need to do to be the best shooter I can be.

The point I am wordily trying to make is that confidence is learning. It's practice. You have to learn by doing, whether it's a sport, an activity, or interacting with the opposite sex. Like Lonesome says, it gets easier the more you do it.

It takes time (it does for me, at any rate). Baby steps are the key. Start with one aspect of your life, work at it until you're you know it through and through, and move on to the next. After all, you can't compete in the decathalon until you're good at all the events.

I hope this approach helps. It is slowly but surely working for me.

 

[crystal]

Hi Spare, yeah. I'm just new here but I can sense the warm crowd. Maybe because all of us have some issues here that made us understand other members with other issues too. We feel what they feel and I think that's the thing made a connection to all of us here. Regarding with low self-esteem, I feed myself with self-help book like the "Fabulous Self-Esteem" e-book by Amy Twain that could be downloaded in www.fabulousselfesteem.com. It is so uplifting. Reading books is my first step in getting the help that I need. I am shy with people so it's hard for me to approach others. The good thing is that, books offered me good advices that I applied gradually in my life and it worked. Now, I know how to mingle with people and I'm not that shy anymore. I also realized that I don't have to please other people just to be accepted. I know my worth now and I'm confident enough to be my real self.

 

[Spare]

Hi crystal!

Thanks for the link! I'm definitely going to check it out. I'm glad it helps you.

 

[MiKeY]

Spare,

You're an awesome guy.... i've really enjoyed getting to know you through chat. You should be confident; you have a winning personality and a lot to offer!

Mike

 

[cheaptrickfan]

But how does one go about growing confidence? Can it actually be done? Has anyone here overcome self-confidence issues? If so, how the hell did you do it?

The times in my life when I have felt my most confident were when I was doing something at which I excelled: when I was teaching at a university, when I had a gallery show of some art, when I shared some of my writing with a select few people.

Granted, some of it is ego-stroking, but that's not always a bad thing. A little stroking of the ego can boost self-esteem and confidence.

Lately, I feel pretty damned good when I make the effort to go out to my local figure drawing group. On those nights when I am surrounded by people who share a love for drawing, and i'm sitting there loving every minute of it, I feel great.

My problem is overcoming apathy. More and more it's becoming difficult for me to get up and leave the house. It's as though I am voluntarily turning myself into a reclusive shut-in. When I a shut up in my house I feel agoraphobic, but when I am actually out there doing what I love, I feel fine, no anxiety. There seems to be some sort of a mental block I have to shove aside.

I see from your profile that you like to write. Now, you must be good at it, right? Is there any possibility of a local writers' group you could join? I don't know how far in the boondocks you are, but you never know what there might be available.

 

[Spare]

That's a good suggestion, cheaptrickfan. There is a local writer's group, but I have a scheduling conflict with the night they meet. I'm trying to work it out.

Thanks!

---

Spare,

You're an awesome guy.... i've really enjoyed getting to know you through chat. You should be confident; you have a winning personality and a lot to offer!

Mike

Thanks MiKeY! That's very kind of you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

BTW..some women are like syders...they kill thier mates after sex

NOT HELPING THE FEAR THING

*Pees herself laughing* LMAO

 

[cheaptrickfan]

That's a good suggestion, cheaptrickfan. There is a local writer's group, but I have a scheduling conflict with the night they meet. I'm trying to work it out.

Thanks!

I hope that you figure out a way to make it work.

Another possibility is to create your own group for writers via Meetup.com.

honeysuckle, I should take my own advice here...

 

[crystal]

You're welcome Spare, ;-) This could help others too with low self-esteem. Having low self-esteem is a disadvantage. It could mess your life.