Questions for the Men

[TheRealCallie]

Guys, what if she owed the cafe/restaurant? Would that make a difference? Still works there, technically.




No

That misses the point of the question. I wanted to get some idea about whether a lack of education or career status is a problem for men.

No. to me status wouldn't be an issue. but you said "not any plans" so I said "No".  Having no plans means they have that secret plan .
An interesting question to me is, would a girl date me if I worked at a cafe and had no plans and education? Although, i personally don't believe in the ideology of "when a woman says no/yes it means no/yes" because i have seen tons of examples of the otherwise happening so that question is not worth discussing.

I would date a guy who worked in a cafe.  Just because he doesn't have a college degree doesn't mean he's not intelligent.  Just because he has no plans doesn't mean he never will and it doesn't mean he isn't hard working and it doesn't mean he doesn't have integrity.  At least he has a job.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Well  again , i personally don't believe in the ideology of "when a woman says no/yes it means no/yes" because i have seen tons of examples of the otherwise. 

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I'd date a waitress (used as an example of supposedly low-paying job). There are plenty of ways to "contribute" to a relationship besides money/finances. A partner can help with chores, saving time, balancing the budget and being frugal. True love doesn't come around very often. If she's a waitress, so be it!

 

[DarkSelene]

I'd date a waitress (used as an example of supposedly low-paying job). There are plenty of ways to "contribute" to a relationship besides money/finances. A partner can help with chores, saving time, balancing the budget and being frugal. True love doesn't come around very often. If she's a waitress, so be it!

Do you believe that those other ways to contribute are as valuable as helping financially and the burden that comes with it (working lots)?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

^ I believe it can be. I believe it's up to the individual(s) to determine what they value and how they weight those things. I'll tell you what... I was with a woman for eleven years who made good money and I was unhappier than I've ever been. I'd rather share a cardboard box with someone who genuinely loves me. Have lived it. What we are really talking about is "contribution" and "reciprocation." And my argument is that there are many ways (yes, some just as meaningful - if not more meaningful) to do that beyond finances. This is a subjective thing for every person.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Guys, what if she owed the cafe/restaurant? Would that make a difference? Still works there, technically.

That misses the point of the question. I wanted to get some idea about whether a lack of education or career status is a problem for men.

Yes, I get that. But I didn't change the status of said education. Owning a restaurant doesn't mean that education has leveled up any. I didn't ask to change the point of your question. I was asking my own.

 

[ardour]

Guys, what if she owed the cafe/restaurant? Would that make a difference? Still works there, technically.

That misses the point of the question. I wanted to get some idea about whether a lack of education or career status is a problem for men.

Yes, I get that. But I didn't change the status of said education. Owning a restaurant doesn't mean that education has leveled up any. I didn't ask to change the point of your question. I was asking my own.

Owning and running a business is a level of success well beyond a low paying 'service' job.  I'd consider such a person ambitious. But I'm not really talking about income or education per se, but having some goals.

If someone had none.... I don't know. It'd feel weird to date such a person.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Owning and running a business is a level of success well beyond a low paying 'service' job.  I'd consider such a person ambitious. But I'm not really talking about income or education per se, but having some goals.

If someone had none.... I don't know. It'd feel weird to date such a person.

I don't know if it's just my imagination, but it feels like lots of people don't have many goals though. It seems that all most people do is try to move up the ladder at work, take their one vacation per year, eat junk food at restaurants, get drunk, and have sex, or chase it if they don't already have it, and that's pretty much it. I'm not even trying to be rude here, but it really does seem to me that most people's goals are very mundane, or they don't really have them at all. But if they have looks for women or charisma for guys, it doesn't seem to matter. They can either not have goals, or have very ordinary goals, and still attract someone anyway.

 

[TheSkaFish]

What do you do for a living again?

Nothing yet, but I have a bachelor's degree in business.

In the hypothetical dating scenario, I was thinking long-term.  Could I date someone like that now or in the near future?  I guess.  But it could not stay like that long term.  It's not even that I care all that much about them getting the prestige of a different job or thinking it looks bad.  It's more because of inflation.  Most jobs these days barely support one person, let alone two or more.

Ah, the dreaded after college job search. Everyone wants you to have experience as well. Good luck. I'm sure something will turn up soon. 

I can understand long-term... I might be more concerned about why they don't have any interest in the future. If they loved their job though, like joturbo suggested, and they were seeking advancement in that industry then I wouldn't think it would be as big of a deal.

If I could do it all over again, I would have definitely gone for something more specific.  It seems you have to really specialize these days.  The world is hard for me, because basically the only two choices for a decent life is to be a star at something or go into STEM, and if you don't know if you can possibly ever get good at anything and STEM doesn't interest you much...you're kinda left here scratching your head.  

I do sympathize, though, with those who don't have any interest in the future or who seem like they don't.  They might not know where they belong, might not feel like they are capable of anything, or just feel like the future is bleak.  That's pretty much where I'm at, myself.  I feel like society is too quick to label people as "lazy", when it can be more complicated than that (not saying you did, by the way - just explaining my point of view).  

Anyway, thanks, I hope something will turn up soon as well so I can move past this.

 

[DarkSelene]

I don't know if it's just my imagination, but it feels like lots of people don't have many goals though. It seems that all most people do is try to move up the ladder at work, take their one vacation per year, eat junk food at restaurants, get drunk, and have sex, or chase it if they don't already have it, and that's pretty much it. I'm not even trying to be rude here, but it really does seem to me that most people's goals are very mundane, or they don't really have them at all. But if they have looks for women or charisma for guys, it doesn't seem to matter. They can either not have goals, or have very ordinary goals, and still attract someone anyway.

Most people are more realistic about their goals, have different priorities than just being attractive to the opposite sex, try things that they can actually achieve and like to move forward instead of being stuck in theory.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Most people are more realistic about their goals, have different priorities than just being attractive to the opposite sex, try things that they can actually achieve and like to move forward instead of being stuck in theory.

They don't need to make being attractive to the opposite sex a priority, because for them, it takes care of itself.  I haven't been able to do that, but I'm also not interested in being MGTOW.  It is absolutely a priority of mine to have this experience for myself that others have been taking for granted since they were teenagers, that I've been shut out of, all my life. I hate this feeling of being locked out. I really want to triumph over this, so I can know what it's like.

But it's a problem, kind of along these same lines.  If I'm very limited in what I'll ever be able to do and can't ever do anything that great, then I honestly would rather just read books, play video games, watch movies, and drink, myself.  If I can't get much more out of life than that anyway, then it feels like the game is already over. It just doesn't feel worth it.

 

[ardour]

Most people are more realistic about their goals, have different priorities than just being attractive to the opposite sex, try things that they can actually achieve and like to move forward instead of being stuck in theory.

They don't need to make being attractive to the opposite sex a priority, because for them, it takes care of itself.  I haven't been able to do that, but I'm also not interested in being MGTOW.  It is absolutely a priority of mine to have this experience for myself that others have been taking for granted since they were teenagers, that I've been shut out of, all my life.  I hate this feeling of being locked out.  I really want to triumph over this, so I can know what it's like.

But it's a problem, kind of along these same lines.  If I'm very limited in what I'll ever be able to do and can't ever do anything that great, then I honestly would rather just read books, play video games, watch movies, and drink, myself.  If I can't get much more out of life than that anyway, then it feels like the game is already over.  It just doesn't feel worth it.

So would you say occupations such as teaching or nursing were mundane and pointless?

 

[DarkSelene]

Most people are more realistic about their goals, have different priorities than just being attractive to the opposite sex, try things that they can actually achieve and like to move forward instead of being stuck in theory.

They don't need to make being attractive to the opposite sex a priority, because for them, it takes care of itself.  I haven't been able to do that, but I'm also not interested in being MGTOW.  It is absolutely a priority of mine to have this experience for myself that others have been taking for granted since they were teenagers, that I've been shut out of, all my life. I hate this feeling of being locked out. I really want to triumph over this, so I can know what it's like.

But it's a problem, kind of along these same lines.  If I'm very limited in what I'll ever be able to do and can't ever do anything that great, then I honestly would rather just read books, play video games, watch movies, and drink, myself.  If I can't get much more out of life than that anyway, then it feels like the game is already over. It just doesn't feel worth it.

I wasn't commenting on the top 20%, I was talking about the majority of people.
Don't say people take things for granted, you don't know their struggle or how they feel about their love life, and again talking about the majority of people not your anecdotal bad boy whatever.

The thing is, you don't know if you're limited. You don't know what you can do, what you like or what would be important to you because you haven't tried absolutely anything. Your perspective would change a lot when your priorities change, and they would change if you started moving... But if you think that not doing anything until you get a girlfriend is better for you, ok. You're missing amazing parts of life that could actually help you attract someone too.
What are you going to do when your parents die? Have you ever thought of that?

P.S.: I find it funny that on everything I mentioned, this was your only focus.

---

So would you say occupations such as teaching or nursing were mundane and pointless?

That's not fair, haha. It's hard for others to empathize with the gratification and contentment those career paths bring...

 

[TheRealCallie]

So would you say occupations such as  teaching or nursing were mundane and pointless?

That's not fair, haha. It's hard for others to empathize with the gratification and contentment those career paths bring...

Yeah, but at some point in life of ANYONE, they have benefited from a teacher or a nurse.  Their life was helped by one of those people.  So regardless of whatever they can empathize, those careers are very important for everyone.

 

[kamya]

What do you do for a living again?

Nothing yet, but I have a bachelor's degree in business.

In the hypothetical dating scenario, I was thinking long-term.  Could I date someone like that now or in the near future?  I guess.  But it could not stay like that long term.  It's not even that I care all that much about them getting the prestige of a different job or thinking it looks bad.  It's more because of inflation.  Most jobs these days barely support one person, let alone two or more.

Ah, the dreaded after college job search. Everyone wants you to have experience as well. Good luck. I'm sure something will turn up soon. 

I can understand long-term... I might be more concerned about why they don't have any interest in the future. If they loved their job though, like joturbo suggested, and they were seeking advancement in that industry then I wouldn't think it would be as big of a deal.

If I could do it all over again, I would have definitely gone for something more specific.  It seems you have to really specialize these days.  The world is hard for me, because basically the only two choices for a decent life is to be a star at something or go into STEM, and if you don't know if you can possibly ever get good at anything and STEM doesn't interest you much...you're kinda left here scratching your head.  

I do sympathize, though, with those who don't have any interest in the future or who seem like they don't.  They might not know where they belong, might not feel like they are capable of anything, or just feel like the future is bleak.  That's pretty much where I'm at, myself.  I feel like society is too quick to label people as "lazy", when it can be more complicated than that (not saying you did, by the way - just explaining my point of view).  

Anyway, thanks, I hope something will turn up soon as well so I can move past this.

You realize most of us aren't stars and very few people are in STEM careers in proportion to people outside of STEM right? Yet, a lot of people seem to get along just fine. 

I think some people just expect certain things to come to them, do the bare minimum, then whine when they don't get their way. Meanwhile others roll with the punches and keep working towards their goals. Doing whatever they need to do until they reach what they're after. If you were in the latter you'd be quick to call the lazy people lazy too.

I feel this clip from a podcast I listened to recently applies.
[Youtube]cqrflU5oJpU[/youtube]

 

[DarkSelene]

So would you say occupations such as  teaching or nursing were mundane and pointless?

That's not fair, haha. It's hard for others to empathize with the gratification and contentment those career paths bring...

Yeah, but at some point in life of ANYONE, they have benefited from a teacher or a nurse.  Their life was helped by one of those people.  So regardless of whatever they can empathize, those careers are very important for everyone.

I know that, but in this specific case I don't think that line of reasoning will get through to him.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So would you say occupations such as  teaching or nursing were mundane and pointless?

That's not fair, haha. It's hard for others to empathize with the gratification and contentment those career paths bring...

Yeah, but at some point in life of ANYONE, they have benefited from a teacher or a nurse.  Their life was helped by one of those people.  So regardless of whatever they can empathize, those careers are very important for everyone.

I know that, but in this specific case I don't think that line of reasoning will get through to him.

Will any? Some people refuse to see reality because they are too busy living in their fantasy.

 

[Xpendable]

Busting my ass for an uncertain future. That's what happens when you follow your passion.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Busting my ass for an uncertain future. That's what happens when you follow your passion.

So you don't enjoy it?  I would rather bust my ass to do something I'm passionate about than just slide through life doing something I'm not passionate about.

 

[Xpendable]

I'm also passionated about not starving to death.