Rant about fate and the one that got away (Warning Long!)

[onmyown1979]

Do any of you feel like fate conspires against you? I think about this a lot because it seems like I'm always too little too late, like if I was in another location a little earlier that my life would be a lot easier and better. For instance there is this woman who I felt I should've ended up marrying but because of circumstances beyond my control it didnt happen. Here goes the story.

There was this girl that I met in kindergarten, I know it was a long time ago, lol. One of our first days in school we became friends and one day this small group of boys were bothering her, so she runs up to me and gets behind me and asks me to help her. I didn't fight the boys or anything but I told them to leave her alone the best a five year old could and they eased off. She thanked me and that whole year we were like two peas in a pod. That summer I couldn't wait to see her in first grade and then...she wasn't in school, neither the second or third day. This upset me and I told my mom about it, and my mom was familiar with her family and she told me that she moved to another school across town I didnt have another connection like the one I had with her the rest of the time i was in elementary school. Of course I would see her off and on over the years but it was always in a passing moment and wasn't much time for talk. Fast forward to like 2004, she worked in a building that I frequented so one day I said the hell with it and asked her out. She said that she was already in a relationship but if she wasn't she would've went out with me, like that was supposed to make me feel better but whatever. I said cool, told her to take care and walked away. Two years later when Myspace was the ish we were friends and she was complaining how this guy didn't trust her and would always get upset whenever she went out with her friends. I left her friendly advice and that she was too good to be treated like that. Lo and behold she marries this same guy and now they have a family, and little did I know that this guy was a distant cousin of mine that the rest of the
family knew about but I sure as hell didnt.

Now that were in the Facebook era and of course were friends I get to see how beautiful their wedding was, their kids and how much she loves him. Hopefully he's treating her good, but at the same time it makes me sick to my stomach because I feel that because of fate he ended up with the woman that I should've had and not trying to be arrogant, but I try to keep myself in good condition and lets just say that doesn't seem to be a priority for him. Had she never moved I feel in my heart that we'd be together now.

And my mom doesn't help matters, everytime she sees the girl out in public she acts like she's her freaking daughter in law. Thank God I wasn't there but one time at Walmart she saw her, it was raining and my mom offers to watch her daughters while she ran to her car so she can drive up and her daughters wouldn't get wet. I mean it was a nice thing to do, but I feel she should ease up on all of that. IDK, I know I need to move on because nothing is happening there, but ever since I've had a hard time finding a woman with her same spirit and in the rare times that I do, she's not interested or whatever is the case, it just sucks.

 

[Revengineer]

I feels you bro. Been through something like that myself... it's like your heart is saying, "This isn't how it's supposed to be!" and never really lets go of the idea of being with her, no matter how unlikely it is you'll end up together. And you try to find other people who remind you of her in some way or another, but it never works out. "Moving on" sounds so simple but it's really not the easiest thing to do...

The thing is, people change. The person you loved 10 years ago isn't the same person she is now. Her husband used to be a jerk to her, but it looks like he was willing to change himself for the better (and good for him). And believe it or not, you've changed in some ways also. If by some miracle you ended up together with this girl tomorrow, it's very likely the relationship would go nowhere. Life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel. It's sad but there's a reason certain things should be left in the past.

At least you have an idea of what qualities in a woman appeal to you. You just gotta keep trying until you find someone. It's like the saying about missing keys... they're always in the last place you look.

One more thing: Facebook really does not help the situation. The pictures will only make you feel jealous and lonely. It might be a good idea to unsubscribe from her updates, at least for a few months. If you're friends with the guy, do the same for him as well.

 

[onmyown1979]

I agree with everything you wrote. I just felt that circumstances weren't in my favor over and over again during my life, and that's not the only time something like that has happened to me. The Facebook thing is a good idea, I think I'll try that. Thanks Revengineer.

 

[Revengineer]

No problem. Best of luck!

 

[lostatsea]

I'm a few years younger than you. Not much. I have my own issues. I've never had a real relationship. I'm such a pansy I never make the first move. I've had girls ask me out, or try start something physically. But I've never been attracted to any of them and shut it down.

Now I look back in life, and the last time I thought a girl was really attractive, and into me was waaaay back in high school. I was a sophomore, and she was a freshman. We just got along well. We'd talk and laugh in school. I remember I bumped into her in the hallway, and we were walking down the hallway talking, and this miraculous thing occurred. Every 2 feet, somebody would see me and say "What's up N-----?!" It was like 20 people in a row. She was so impressed, and was like wow you're so popular. There is no doubt in my mind we had a definite connection and if I had taken any initiative I would have at least gotten a date.

Anyway she ended up transferring in freshman year to a different high school, and I was heartbroken. She gave me her number and told me we need to stay in touch. But I was a stupid baby of a boy. So instead of just saying sure and doing it, I lashed out. I threw away the number, acted a bit coldly toward her. She came to visit the high school a year later, and she saw me, and said Hi!! really enthusiastically.... but I kind of just waved and skulked away out of shock. As dumb as it is, I think about her all the time. That if I had gotten my first real relationship that young, my entire life would have been different. It would have fueled confidence and experience to the point where the years after her I would have taken more chances, and met even more girls and so on.

Your story is definitely far longer reaching. You've known and stayed in contact with since Kindergarden, almost 90% of your life ago. But in the end, we never know what was going to happen. We might have gotten that date and who knows maybe even a girlfriend. But that doesn't mean it would have been happily ever after. By probability the odds are it wouldn't. We also have to face the fact that we are living in the past. The FAR FAR distant past. There are things in life we can change, and there are things in life we can't. Her and you and what happened years ago is a can't. So we need to take away the high points. There are girls out there that we will like, who will like us. It's just a matter of us going out there and actually finding them. It is far easier said then done, and if I knew the answer I wouldn't be in the same boat as you.