Really Dont Know How I'm Going to Cope

[Littlemadam]

Hey everyone,

I am really sorry this is going to be a long pitiful post. I feel so so alone, it is my 1st wedding anniversary this Sunday and me and my "husband" have been not talking for the best part of 5 months.

It's really hit me and I am just sitting at work with tears in my eyes trying to work, but all the hope and happiness I felt this time last year has all been lost and I feel lost, like I have nothing and no one.

We have split because of his anger and abusive problems, but still live under the same roof, and even this morning he got angry because he was teasing the cat who then clawed him to get to the food. He just loses it, and I look at him and hate him. I feel angry that all my hopes and dreams have gone because he couldnt love me enough.

I have a few online friends who are great, and so helpful and my brother, but I still feel so alone, sitting in the bedroom every night on my own.

Does anyone have any advice? I am going to try and be as busy as possible, but its hard as I have no cash and no friends to sit with.

Really do hate me life right now

xxx

 

[LucieMay]

You need to take action or this horrendous stalemate will suck the life out of you. You have two real choices:

1) Sit down and have a proper conversation with him to see if you can work at things: couples counselling etc.
2) Leave and start divorce proceedings.

Whichever choice you make, make it and work at it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I agree with LucieMay.

Sounds like your husband has some real anger issues, he should seek help for that. Getting mad at the cat because he was teasing it? He deserved what the cat gave him, I'm sorry but what a tool.

Whatever you do, do it for yourself. If you do truly still love him and want to try and work things out then do so. If you don't and you are just hanging on to what was then leave and start a new life. You don't deserve to be so unhappy an crying in your room every night. That's not right.

 

[Littlemadam]

Thanks Sci Fi and Lucie for your responses.

I agree I need to get out, and would if I had somewhere to go. We recently purchased a flat together, and I have asked him to leave so many times as he has a car and can move back to his parents. My mum is no longer talking to me, as she disagrees and thinks I should stay with an abusive guy.

I want to leave, but dont know how with the mortgage xxx

 

[LucieMay]

Which country are you in? If you are in the UK, try the Citizens Advice Bureau. They are a charity that offers free advice about a whole range of matters- housing, money, legal etc. There is ALWAYS a way out. You just need to keep your strength and positivity up to fight your way out of this. x

 

[Why_Me]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation and believe you have good advise up here.

I do not know if I will be able to help much except the fact that I am on the very same condition you are in, but I am on the male side.

My advise would be that if you are on a deteriorating relationship that has gone sour so fast and you don't see hope after counseling, chats with your husband etc. You may just consider moving on.

My wife and I had a serios fall out 10 years after marriage, I know a bit more than you, we did counseling together and separate.
We thought the way to mend things would be to have children and we did. The two most beautiful girls in the world.
Guess what, the scars were still there and now the canyon between us is deeper and wider. We don't fight or hit each other. We just don't talk, sleep together or have anything in common.

We live under the same roof but we are total strangers.

I find myself longing to have someone to love and be loved. I am so alone I feel there is no hope, like I am trapped. Mortgage, cars and THE most important thing in the world for me, my beautiful loving smart girls.

That is it, I do not want to leave them alone and hurt them. So you see, you may consider keeping things with him loose so you don't fall in the same prison I am. If you only have to worry about a flat consider yourself lucky.

Easy to say for me, but we humans are on this earth for a very short while and we must make the best of it. Don't have to hurt anyone in the process, yet in the process of trying to be happy you may (could) hurt a loved one.
In this case I would be inflicting pain to my girls because of my immaturity of thinking kids will bond us together and things would work out.

Don't know what else to say to you, but the fact that you are not alone in this and you are in a lot better spot than others.
I just ran into this place and I am already learning from others, I sure hope you find help here.

Joe