really shy of posting

[Tuppence]

I read your threads, I want to help, I can't.

If I try, I come out with rubbish and I have no idea if it made sense or not. A lot of what I say gets ignored so maybe it didn't make sense. Maybe it was offensive. If I've ever offended you, I'm sorry.

But I think this makes me lonely. Either I don't know what to say or I say something and regret it, rightly or wrongly. Then I withdraw.

I don't want to withdraw from here. You do seem to be nice people which isn't true of every site. And if I can't talk to people who feel the same way as me, how am I going to talk to anyone else?

My plan is to get a job when A starts school. She's 6 months old, so it won't be happening for a long time. But the more time I spend away from people, the more trouble I have when I do find myself in company, and the more I doubt my ability to do a job. I've never even had a Saturday job. I've worked for my mum, that's it - and that was difficult. I was so afraid of making mistakes, and I often did.

 

[sueRare]

Hi Tuppence

I've been here for a couple of months but I don't post a lot. Yes, I read the threads and some of them I can relate to. Some of them I just cant seem to get. Most of the times, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I struggle to put my thoughts into words. I think I do backspacing more often than clicking that post reply button. But hey, here I am...answering your post Just keep on posting; same thing I tell myself. Feel free to send me a pm if you are more comfortable with that.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hi Tuppence. *hugs*

I used to have the same problem. Never knew what to say, just lurked around the forum, learn from other people's issues and just chat with people. On my worst days, I only resort to PMing people. You're right, there are quite a lot of wonderful people on this site who are very friendly. You don't have to help to be on this site.

Honestly, making mistakes is one of the sure ways to learn something. You make mistakes, you learn from them and make sure you don't do it again or ensure you prevent it from happening.

Don't pressure yourself for not knowing what to say. Sometimes I don't too. I just blurt out a whole load of rubbish, sometimes not even sure if it makes sense lol but I post it anyway hoping it would, sometimes responded to, sometimes ignored - but that's okay. Just from reading your posts, I already like you!

Also, if you feel like anything at all, just write about it. I'm sure you'll get some very insightful and awesome advice or listening ears from the people here.

Take care, *hugs*

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Hello Tuppence, it's okay I understand where you're coming from. Lately I've been stuck in a rut and sometimes I have been finding it hard to reply to threads for some reason. I love this forum and I continue to come back but sometimes I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing to someone and set them off. I always try to give good advice to people who are having a hard time dealing with socializing and feeling lost, or anyone who's upset. Wish I could help everyone cause I'm such a giving person but sometimes I feel stuck on what to say. Not sure if this even makes sense or not. I tend to just ramble on, lol.

 

[Tuppence]

Hi, thank you both for the replies

I've done the backspacing as well, Sue. I really appreciate that you felt able to reply to me, and it's nice to meet you! I suppose there are such a variety of lonely people, all with different experiences, we won't be able to get every post. Let's both try to keep on posting

Aw thank you, ladyforsaken I like you too from reading your posts. I'm sorry you used to feel like me, but it is encouraging. You obviously find it easier now, and you're obviously liked and appreciated by others. Everything you write makes perfect sense to me. I would like to be able to help others like you do. I agree about making mistakes, but it was very much frowned upon when I was growing up, it was a sign of weakness. So it's hard for me to get out of that mindset. I hope I'm more patient with others than I am with myself.

Thank you again to both of you *hugs*

 

[Tuppence]

and thank you Wallflowergirl, sorry if you thought I ignored you, our posts muse have crossed.

You have always given me very good advice, I remember you've commented on a couple of my posts. I'm sorry you've felt stuck in a rut but I do think it's okay to take a break from giving advice. I feel guilty about doing it myself as I've hardly been here five minutes, but it does take up a lot of mental energy, especially when so many lonely people are sensitive - understandably so, most people who are lonely have been hurt or have low self esteem. I'm sure you help people just by being around - sometimes even seeing the name of someone you like can give you a lift, or seeing a kind post someone's written for someone else, because it reminds you there are lovely people in the world.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I'm not sure if this will be of benefit to anyone who struggles with posting but I've found that my greatest ally for expressing myself has always been reading. I read all types of different literature (even tried a Harlequin Romance once- I think I've fully recovered...) and learn a bit from all of it. I still have a dictionary handy for the rare word that comes up that I'm not 100% clear about and on occasion I'll do a Google search to further understand what I've read.

When there've been periods of my life where I've been unable to read for any kind of lengthy period of time I find myself struggling in conversations and expressing myself writing, when I get back to it I regain my confidence, clarity, and train of thought.

Don't know if anyone will take on what works from me, I'm just very aware that it works.

One last thought, I'm more drawn to reading the deeper thoughts of someone who is a more infrequent poster than someone who feels the need to post on the majority of threads that come up- cluster posting seems like verbal diarrhea....

 

[Blush]

I definitely know what you mean. I myself hardly ever post because I just never know what to say :/ So I just stick to lurking. Even with PMs sometimes I'm just like, "uhhhhh..." It really sucks. Makes me feel kinda dumb. I even had a hard time trying to write this reply. But I'm glad you made this post because now I feel a bit better knowing that others feel the same way that I do.

 

[9006]

I read your threads, I want to help, I can't.

If I try, I come out with rubbish and I have no idea if it made sense or not. A lot of what I say gets ignored so maybe it didn't make sense. Maybe it was offensive. If I've ever offended you, I'm sorry.

Hi.

This is something that will go the more you post (Ironnic?), It's just the initial part of posting. I think it's something I also used to feel when posting in forums, but try not to worry about it making sense or whatever, it's your opinion or advice on someone's situation, and if it's taken into account, that's a bonus.

Don't feel that that it's no point in posting because it's not recognised, it could be your post that make the difference one day.

As I say to people who join this forum; don't be afraid to post! (Except for spammers!)

 

[MeiLi]

:0 I thought i was the only one who feel like this.
Your post make me feel better..

 

[painter's radio]

There is a forum I have been a member of now for over 10 years. In that time I have gone through a few periods of not knowing what to say, trying to say something, deleting it. It happens sometimes. During one of these phases I made a conscious decision to post everything I wrote, to never back out and delete it, no matter how boring, offensive, or stupid it was. The response was good, and they were probably some of the best things I've ever written.

Stop being a wimp and hit reply!

 

[Tuppence]

That's really interesting, WildernessWildChild. I love reading, my favourite writer is Agatha Christie. But I don't seem to have much time to read adult books. When I was 10, I would often read five books in a day. Now it usually takes me over a week to read an adult book. I read Peppa Pig a lot! There are a lot of great children's books, but they probably don't really show you how to talk to other adults. I actually hate reading aloud, it terrifies me, but my elder daughter loves being read to (and the younger one doesn't usually complain) so it has to be done. I have to read to them in Welsh as well. Their dad is Welsh, but I'm not. I read with a Welsh dictionary handy.

I used to love Harlequin romances, but once I'd got over giggling at the sex scenes (I was about 12), they weren't nearly as much fun.

But I'll try reading more. If nothing else, it'll be fun. Thanks for the idea

Psycho Love, I'm glad I made you feel better! I haven't had that many pms on here so it hasn't been as bad, but I do have a problem with emails. I never know what to say, what to leave out. I've lost touch with people that way.

9006, thank you for the encouragement. I suppose it's like lots of things in life - the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. I feel awful for complaining about not being recognised. I suppose I am a bit of an attention seeker.

MeiLi, you're not the only one! It is a relief to find that out, but kind of a mixed feeling, I'm sorry you feel like I do! But I'm glad I've made you feel better.

painter's radio, I had no idea the forum had been around for that long! I imagine a lot of forums don't last nearly as long as that. I'll try not to be a wimp, but it does come so naturally to me! Thank you

 

[ilios]

Hello tuppence!

If you read my posts you wont worry about making a fool of yourself im the queen of babbling and loosing the red thread, and people seem to accept me so dont worry, just post!

 

[Tuppence]

Hello Illios! Thank you for your reply It's nice to know I'm not alone in my babbleness.

Sorry for quick reply, my head is killing me, I'm going to bed! But I do appreciate your reply.

 

[ilios]

Hello Illios! Thank you for your reply It's nice to know I'm not alone in my babbleness.

Sorry for quick reply, my head is killing me, I'm going to bed! But I do appreciate your reply.

No you are not babbling in the dark! And don't apologise for replying quickly im boooooored anyway! sleep well!

 

[Believer_11]

I feel the very same way. My reason is because i'm afraid of being ignored and afraid that someone might disagree with me. I'm kind of a people pleaser and i'm trying hard to work on it.

 

[Cavey]

Try not to worry about it, Believer. I have posted quite a bit in the few days I've been here and I know everyone won't agree with everything I say, but without taking the risk, I would not have received the many nice comments either.

I have no problem communicating over a text based medium where I can ponder over the exact words to use, but get me in a real time conversation and I pretty much fall apart and sound like a barely literate baboon.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I feel the very same way. My reason is because i'm afraid of being ignored and afraid that someone might disagree with me. I'm kind of a people pleaser and i'm trying hard to work on it.

Yeah I feared that too to be honest. Just be yourself and speak how you feel from the heart. I was in fear of upsetting people to whenever I posted cause I have a way of speaking my mind but if you're passionate about your own feelings you should say how you feel. Don't worry I get how you feel though cause I kinda have the same problem sometimes, lol. Hang in there!