Roommates

[LadyDaria]

So I have come to determine I would like a roommate. Well, I don't really want one but I can't pass up the money one could bring in. Also I would like to have someone to alert the authorities if I were to not come home. I have decided I probably will not do this unless I lose a job.

But I still feel like I want to.

I see a few problems though...
- I probably would not feel comfortable with a guy roommate. I think that would be a major leap for a shy person. Though I am willing to be open minded.
- I would feel comfortable with a woman heterosexual roommate. But I feel that would really expose me to rumors of being a lesbian. You know the way people are. Not that it would really bother me that much except my brother is convinced I am one already. (this could go away if I lost my job)
- I have a cat and I would worry that the roommate would hurt the cat. I have seen video's of roommates doing such things as passive aggressive ways to get back at you.
- If things went south, I would never want to have to live with someone I was mad at. And I am sure things would go south (I am kind of that sort of person who gets upset easily)
- At 41 it is considered "weird" to do the roommate thing. (again could go away if I lost my job)

But still $700 a month is a lot.

Has anyone had a good roommate experience?

 

[Grackle]

I had a good roommate. One reason for that was because we both worked long hours, as cooks. We didn't really spend a lot of time together. Worked great until he got a girlfriend

 

[Goblin]

- I would feel comfortable with a woman heterosexual roommate. But I feel that would really expose me to rumors of being a lesbian. You know the way people are. Not that it would really bother me that much except my brother is convinced I am one already. (this could go away if I lost my job)

I've never heard of this before... sounds bizarre. You're gay if you have a same-sex roommate, and perhaps you're boinking them if you have an opposite-sex one?

 

[Sci-Fi]

It is rare to find a good roommate, but it would be good training for when you one day meet that special someone. You'd have experience cohabiting. But there are A LOT of risks having a roommate, even with all the research you could do. Like Grackle mentioned, the other person having a girl/boyfriend, that seems to always cause problems. Plus, you can never really trust the person not to leave you hanging, that happens a lot it seems. Always hearing stories of how one moved out leaving the other with rent and bills. If one of you have a bad day the other isn't going to want to have you bring them down, it's not either persons responsibility to cheer the other one up. Then you have to worry about the other persons habits, even if they are a clean person they might not be your standard of clean. Parties, drinking, stealing, lots of bad things.

Then you could get that one person you live with just fine and have a great experience.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

So I have come to determine I would like a roommate. Well, I don't really want one but I can't pass up the money one could bring in. Also I would like to have someone to alert the authorities if I were to not come home. I have decided I probably will not do this unless I lose a job.

But I still feel like I want to.

I see a few problems though...
- I probably would not feel comfortable with a guy roommate. I think that would be a major leap for a shy person. Though I am willing to be open minded.
- I would feel comfortable with a woman heterosexual roommate. But I feel that would really expose me to rumors of being a lesbian. You know the way people are. Not that it would really bother me that much except my brother is convinced I am one already. (this could go away if I lost my job)
- I have a cat and I would worry that the roommate would hurt the cat. I have seen video's of roommates doing such things as passive aggressive ways to get back at you.
- If things went south, I would never want to have to live with someone I was mad at. And I am sure things would go south (I am kind of that sort of person who gets upset easily)
- At 41 it is considered "weird" to do the roommate thing. (again could go away if I lost my job)

But still $700 a month is a lot.

Has anyone had a good roommate experience?

Doesn't sound like you really NEED a roommate, so that puts you in a position of power. You can be as picky as you want and ask potential roomies as many questions as you need to until you feel comfortable. Also, make sure you get them to sign some kind of lease or agreement that stipulates the terms under which you would terminate the rooming situation. I've been in too many deals that have gone south without figuring out an escape plan first. I've bolded the last sentence because it's of the utmost importance and will do a lot to keep you feeling in control and comfortable.

The people I have roomed with happened more out of desperation/need on my part than a desire to live with someone, so I don't think they really apply that well to your situation. But I will say that a bad roommate definitely has the potential to ruin your life. Just do everything you can to screen the bad ones out.

 

[LadyDaria]

Also, make sure you get them to sign some kind of lease or agreement that stipulates the terms under which you would terminate the rooming situation.

Oh definitely. I am a lawyer so I don't do much without a written agreement but I also know the limitations of them... especially in a situation where someone is IN your house. It is just a piece of paper.

I have been on a "roommate" matching site since November and so far I haven't seen a ton of good candidates. If they are young they seem irresponsible.. and seem in it to "party". If they are old... there seems to be something amiss about them. Like how can you be 50 and need to live with someone?

At the moment I am hoping that the season from like May to September will get a lot of good candidates. I live in an area where people come for school and I hope I can find a good graduate school candidate.

I wish my brother didn't think I am a lesbian but he will use ANY excuse to justify that to himself. He cannot understand someone who just is a loner. Because he isn't that way. So I guess like the only way he can minimize me is to do that. I am kind of at the point where I don't care.

 

[jaguarundi]

^ Sure, being over 50 and lonely, or a bit broke and wanting to live with somebody certainly has to mean that you have something wrong with you, or are a loser/perv/ psycho - or hey, maybe a lesbian also?

Gosh, the fact that I am over 50 and therefore OLD and might not mind having a new partner certainly means that there is something amiss, like, how can I be over 50 and need to live with someone? honeysuckle, why don't all OLD people just get a freaking divorce and live on their own - it isn't as if anyone gives a ****, is it?

 

[LadyDaria]

^ Sure, being over 50 and lonely, or a bit broke and wanting to live with somebody certainly has to mean that you have something wrong with you,

I also pointed out that there were younger people who seemed like partiers... but yes.. it is a little out of the usual to see older people wanting to be roommates. I admit it for myself. If there is some reason for it... on the websites it is hard to determine and often isn't said. While most of the younger people do say it. Otherwise I don't think it is bizzare to assume that by age 50 you should have the ability to live on your own.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Seems like you're overthinking the 'older' roommates thing. It can be for any number of reasons, most likely economic necessity, that someone in their 40's, 50's or whatever are looking for somewhere to stay and be able to share expenses with.

As for the male living with a female thing, I've lived with females strictly as roommates and they liked having me around- they said I was quieter, neater, more reliable, and more trustworthy than female roommates they'd had. The last time I rented was just a few years ago as I had to go to another city to work for about a year. I had my own home, a wife (at the time) and the apartment I found was walking distance to my site office. There were no issues, we got along great, and we rarely saw each other as I went home to my family most weekends. She was pretty bummed out when I gave my notice, apparantly I was the 'dream roomie'.

Having said the above though I've got to be honest and add that I much prefer living in my RV than having a roomie as I value my peace and quiet. If I had to do it again I would but I've found an option that works for me.

Anyone who assumes two women living together are lesbians needs to grow up a bit btw.

 

[Jaguar]

... it is a little out of the usual to see older people wanting to be roommates.

They know better lol.

I've never had a roomate, never "needed" one. I've heard enough horror stories from everyone else to ever consider getting one.

 

[black_cat]

There is nothing weird about wanting to be around other people, I think. We're social animals.

In response to your question, though, although I've had many poor experiences with roommates, it was usually when I was younger and had less of an idea of what I'm willing to put up with. (I now know I am not willing to put up with drunk ******** kicking down my door, for instance :/)
But these days I'm living with some friends from childhood, and honestly I'm very happy with it. They're used to my crazy, and I'm used to theirs. The financial thing is a plus, but really for me the reward is having people I care about close by.

 

[Grackle]

I would probably be suspect if I was to answer an add for a room. I could also benefit from having a room mate but my place is too small, especially for a stranger.

 

[daughter of the moon]

With all the concerns you explained in your introductory post, it sounds like moving in with someone you already know (a friend even?) would be way better than finding a random person. Especially with the cat thing, which - although I'm hearing that for the first time today - sounds like a valid point for worrying.
Have you ever lived with someone (boyfriend,...?) at all? It's incredibly challenging. I don't know how much of a private person you are, whether you're introverted/extroverted.... but it's going to be awfully hard to adjust if you're used to living alone, and there's going to be heaps of conflict.
If it's just about having someone to notify the authorities in case you don't come home (what's that about anyway? lol), then I'm not entirely convinced it's worth the sacrifices. But, obviously, do what you think will make you happy

 

[LadyDaria]

With all the concerns you explained in your introductory post, it sounds like moving in with someone you already know (a friend even?) would be way better than finding a random person.

It is hard to decide. Most people that tell the horror stories of a roommate weren't receiving the financial remuneration so I feel like maybe that would go a long way. Also there is the argument for stretching out of your comfort zone. I have lived with family before and man that was hard. I could not wait to get out of there. But again, I wasn't getting money to put up with them. But also, it was 5 people in a 2 bedroom house .. and I put up with that.

I don't really have any friends that are looking for a roommate. 41 and all they seem to have them already in the form of husbands.

I found a pretty good website on the subject.
http://www.rentingoutrooms.com/

And BTW, the roommate hurting my cat came from a real life event I saw a few years back where the female roommate suspected her roommate was hurting her cat when she was out and she set up a teddy cam and yes... it was quite graphic. Though I know that was an isolated incident.