Same old story...

[PyramidHead]

I wondered why an (online) friend wasn't writing me anymore ... heard today that she has a new boyfriend. Since this always seems to happen, I really have to ask:

Does friendships normally end, once one of the friends find a partner?

Or is it just because of the fact, that all I have left are online friendships, who in general don't seem to care much about me, unless I'm useful. (In terms of someone to have fun conversations with while being single, or to cry about the mean ex-boyfriend)

 

[duff]

She might start writing to you again once the novelty of her new fella wears off !

 

[DeBe]

If it ends coz somebody's found a new partner, then it wasn't really a real friendship, was it? And in that case: isn't it better if it finishes before things got too far and you've trusted too much? To my mind, people leaving you /even if it's for some time/ just because somebody 'better' has come along aren't worth your time. No exceptions.

 

[PyramidHead]

She might start writing to you again once the novelty of her new fella wears off !

I'm sure she will do, but to be honest, I don't really like this anymore. I know that I don't have much friends, so I shouldn't be picky, but I still don't like it. It's not how I recall a friend, like from the time when I still had real ones... the more these things happen, the more I feel like I should question it.

I know I'm not perfect, but I do think that I would deserve friends who don't just use me as nice company once they feel like it. But I guess I don't have much of a choice. Without these friends, I would truly have none... I don't know if I could handle this situation again.

 

[annik]

I used to find this a lot when I used to have pen pals. A lot of guys would stop writing as soon as they got a girlfriend. If I was being cynical I'd say it was because thats all they were ever really looking for so once they found it they had no interest anymore. Though on the flip side you could say it was because they were excited at the start of a romance with their days busy and their thoughts taken up by their partner. Sorry to be so flowery about it!

So I guess either could be true here.

Funny thing is though, just going back to my theory, when I had female pen pals who got boyfriends they tended to stick around. Heck though maybe letters and gossiping is just more of a girl thing I don't know!

I guess thats the thing though you never really know whats going on in someones head. All you can really do is know you deserve real friendships and all the things you want out of them and not put up with being used if thats what you feel is happening.

 

[PyramidHead]

I used to find this a lot when I used to have pen pals. A lot of guys would stop writing as soon as they got a girlfriend. If I was being cynical I'd say it was because thats all they were ever really looking for so once they found it they had no interest anymore. Though on the flip side you could say it was because they were excited at the start of a romance with their days busy and their thoughts taken up by their partner. Sorry to be so flowery about it!

I kinda feel like I entered the Twilight Zone now... you just blew my mind.
It really is interesting, somehow funny, and yet, not comical...

I kinda came to an new idea: Would it be a bad/good idea, to ignore such friends, as soon as they start to seek my attention/companionship again? To show them how it feels or just to don't waste too much time on them in order to use it for something better. Like finding real friends? Or an own relationship (since this seems to not leave much time left for friends)

 

[Lost Drifter]

Would it be a bad/good idea, to ignore such friends, as soon as they start to seek my attention/companionship again? To show them how it feels or just to don't waste too much time on them in order to use it for something better.

Life’s too short to hold grudges. I’ve had pen pals go silent on me for no reason; quite rude really but the way I see it is that if they’re that fickle about friendship then it was a lucky escape on my end. Life’s too short for grudges and pandering to other people’s poor attitudes, chalk them up as having different priorities and move on, there are plenty of other decent folks out there.

 

[TomTam]

I wondered why an (online) friend wasn't writing me anymore ... heard today that she has a new boyfriend. Since this always seems to happen, I really have to ask:

Does friendships normally end, once one of the friends find a partner?

Or is it just because of the fact, that all I have left are online friendships, who in general don't seem to care much about me, unless I'm useful. (In terms of someone to have fun conversations with while being single, or to cry about the mean ex-boyfriend)

It's a fact and it happened to me several times, if they have other interests, they don't communicate anymore

---

and I'd add that the value of friendship has been limited to benefits nowadays, pity, and because of the tens of social networks around us, we've ended up - something like - standing in the crowd, every one thinks loosing a friend is not important or has no value because there are hundreds more out there. It's really sad :-(

 

[PyramidHead]

I wondered why an (online) friend wasn't writing me anymore ... heard today that she has a new boyfriend. Since this always seems to happen, I really have to ask:

Does friendships normally end, once one of the friends find a partner?

Or is it just because of the fact, that all I have left are online friendships, who in general don't seem to care much about me, unless I'm useful. (In terms of someone to have fun conversations with while being single, or to cry about the mean ex-boyfriend)

It's a fact and it happened to me several times, if they have other interests, they don't communicate anymore

---

and I'd add that the value of friendship has been limited to benefits nowadays, pity, and because of the tens of social networks around us, we've ended up - something like - standing in the crowd, every one thinks loosing a friend is not important or has no value because there are hundreds more out there. It's really sad :-(

---

And again, you really speak what I feel... thank you.

 

[TomTam]

[/quote]

And again, you really speak what I feel... thank you.
[/quote]

It's from my experience and it really makes me sad.
By the way, thanks for the +ve reputation, you've got one too, I like your threads, they're good.

 

[annik]

I kinda came to an new idea: Would it be a bad/good idea, to ignore such friends, as soon as they start to seek my attention/companionship again? To show them how it feels or just to don't waste too much time on them in order to use it for something better. Like finding real friends? Or an own relationship (since this seems to not leave much time left for friends)

I must say it is a bit of a cliche common complaint that friends get ignored when people start relationships. You suddenly want to share all your time with one person, for a while anyway. If they do come back to you after a while maybe thats all it was and they do value your friendship. We all get busy.

I think maybe quiet periods are felt more in online friendships because there isn't the opportunity to just bump into each other and perhaps no mutual friends to keep you in the loop.

As I say they may be fickle or they may be not. While I agree they might not be the kind of person you want to waste time over I'd say maybe chat about it with them before blowing them off. Always best to hear the other side.

 

[HumanZ]

Does friendships normally end, once one of the friends find a partner?

This happened to me (I ignored my friends) and now the friends I had known since I was three don't want to call or hang out with me anymore. Sometimes I regret it but on the other hand many things have changed so much that I think I need to look forward and forget the past.