Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[ladyforsaken]

Inner beliefs holding me back
Does anyone have any advice on resolving inner problems like this? Are there any books I could read? Or other resources? Is it worth seeking professional help? I don’t think these are huge problems for me. I’m sure most people suffer from similar problems to some degree but it’s definitely holding me back. Not only in my social and dating life but in other areas of my life I suspect. So I think it’s something I need to address.

I also have similar inner issues like that. I can work past most of my issues from before but I realise this negative issue of feeling like i'm not good enough seems to be the hardest to overcome. It helped a bit when I went to see a therapist, but I stopped because of the cost and I stopped taking her advice so my progress went back to zero.

You could try talking to a professional. I don't know what will help since I am battling it myself for now. Hope you can work through these issues, bender, good luck.

 

[ABrokenMan]

When you don't feel good enough, or unwanted, clearing the clouds of loneliness transcends into a perpetual, never ending quest. At what point do you just give up? That is what I am asking myself of late.

 

[bender22]

I also have similar inner issues like that. I can work past most of my issues from before but I realise this negative issue of feeling like i'm not good enough seems to be the hardest to overcome. It helped a bit when I went to see a therapist, but I stopped because of the cost and I stopped taking her advice so my progress went back to zero.

You could try talking to a professional. I don't know what will help since I am battling it myself for now. Hope you can work through these issues, bender, good luck.

Thanks for your response LF. Yeah, I'm strongly considering talking to a professional. I think it would help a lot to identify exactly what these issues are, what the causes are and to have some kind of guidance about how to overcome them.

The good thing about going through a journey like this is you learn a lot about yourself. It reveals so many things about yourself that you may not otherwise be aware of. But it's very difficult to analyse it all on your own.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thanks for your response LF. Yeah, I'm strongly considering talking to a professional. I think it would help a lot to identify exactly what these issues are, what the causes are and to have some kind of guidance about how to overcome them.

The good thing about going through a journey like this is you learn a lot about yourself. It reveals so many things about yourself that you may not otherwise be aware of. But it's very difficult to analyse it all on your own.

I agree, bender. Talking to a professional or someone a lot wiser and experienced than me helped me learn a lot about myself and my core issues. The ones that are the root of all other issues I was having with people in my life. From there you can then work at resolutions.

I hope it will work out for you, bender. Good luck, if you do see a professional, maybe you could also share your progress here.

 

[bender22]

Thanks LF, I'll be sure to share my progress on here should I get any professional help

Thursday night I had a date with the girl from my journal a few weeks ago who I’d almost gone home with. Overall it went really well. I don’t think I’ve ever had a first date where I’ve been able to express myself so well and have great conversation with almost no awkward silences in between.

Before the date I wasn’t sure what to expect from her but she turned out to be a really cool girl. I felt a little nervous at the start of the night but I quickly relaxed and felt very comfortable with her. We went out to get a drink then I drove her back to her house and we kissed before she left. It was difficult to get much further than that because we both still live at home (I really should move out lol).

Last night I went out again with my wingman, Shane again. Very productive night. If I were to measure the quality of my nights by how many approaches I do, this would be one of the best nights I’ve had. I got there earlier than Shane and did some warm up approaches while I waited for him. Not much transpired from these approaches but looking back on it, I don’t think my night would have been anywhere near as productive if I hadn’t done these approaches while I waited for Shane.

One of my better interactions of the night was when I approached a girl and asked if she was Brazilian. She was. It was hard to understand her accent at times but we still were able to have a good chat. I probably could’ve tried to make the conversation a bit more fun. But I did enough to at least get her number.

Shane and I had a couple of good interactions out on the street, We spoke to one girl who was by herself. We both had so much fun with this interaction, we were just saying ridiculous things that made us laugh. The girl was cool and went with it too. The interaction gave me some great ideas about how I could spice up my interactions with more fun in the future and it also put me in a great state for the rest of the night.

We had another good interaction on the street with a group of three girls who Shane opened. One of them seemed to take a liking to me so I talked to her while Shane spoke to the other two. I had a thumb war with her which was some physicality at least. But I’m sure I could’ve got away with more. I was too slow and didn’t even get a chance to ask for her number before her friends were leaving. It would’ve been so simple to ask for her number but I hesitated a little too much and missed my chance.

I won’t go through all my other approaches but I made some notes this morning, so I’ll summarise those here.

1. I did at least ten approaches myself during the night which is a massive improvement on what I was doing earlier in the year. Doing all these approaches gave me huge momentum and put me in a really good state. Near the end of the night, my desire to maintain this momentum was really driving me to keep approaching. Sort of like when you’re drinking and you want to keep getting more drinks to maintain the buzz.
2. I’m still being far too passive and not taking enough risks. Every single one of my interactions during the night I could’ve pushed further. I could’ve been physical, I could’ve gone for numbers, I could’ve done many things to extend the interactions.
3. I was too picky with the girls I spoke to during the night. There were many opportunities to approach girls that I didn’t take because I thought the girl didn’t look like my type. It’s all about getting practice so it’s irrelevant if the girl doesn’t look like my type.

 

[bender22]

Went out on Friday night with Shane but everything was incredibly quiet. There were barely any girls in the first venue we went to. We spoke to a couple of Brazilian girls who were cool, but besides them we barely talked to anyone. This killed our momentum for the rest of the night. We tried another venue but our state had crashed and we were not in the right frame of mind to approach girls.

Last night we went out to try again. This time we made a commitment to approach as much as we could at the start of the night. One thing I’ve learnt is you can’t underestimate the importance of the first 15 minutes of the night. Your decisions in those first 15-20 minutes of the night can make or break your whole night. If you start making excuses from the beginning and don’t approach girls, it’s very hard to break out of that later in the night.

I did waste a bit of time when we got to the first bar. Just strolling around looking for girls to talk to. But I was able to approach within the first 10 minutes. I talked to a group of three girls, the interaction didn’t last long but I felt so much better after getting that first approach done.

My second or third approach of the night was my best. I saw a cute girl waiting by herself near the bar. I hesitated for a few moments before approaching. These are the best opportunities to approach a girl when she’s already by herself so I knew I had to do it. Straight away I was physical, just by putting my hand on her arm or shoulder when I spoke to her and getting close to her so she could hear me. I did this fairly naturally and it didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. This is exactly what I should be doing in most of my night interactions, especially if it’s a loud environment. Being physical (even if it is just something simple like putting your hand on her arm as you talk to her) makes you look so much more confident (and feel more confident) and it sets the tone for the rest of the interaction.

The girl responded really well. Another thing I did well was establishing a role play in the conversation. This made the conversation so much more fun and gave us plenty to talk about. Usually my interactions don’t go very well unless the girl is contributing a lot because I’ll struggle to hold the conversation otherwise. This girl wasn’t contributing lots but I was able to carry the interaction and keep it interesting.

I’m not sure why but I didn’t maintain the physicality throughout the interaction. I sort of backed off after the initial physical contact. Instead of backing off, I should have been escalating the physical contact throughout the interaction. I did still end up getting her number but if I had escalated the physical contact, I probably could have got more than a number.
Another interesting thing to note was when her friends came over, she introduced me to them as appeared excited to introduce me to them. If there’s no attraction, the girl usually won’t even bother to introduce you to her friends. I spoke to her friends for a while to get them on my side.

I probably did 5 or 6 approaches myself during the night (not enough!) and then a few more together with Shane. Most of them went okay but again I wasn’t being physical or trying to push the interaction very far.

My final approach of the night was on the street when I was walking back to the car. I was standing by myself waiting while Shane spoke to some other girls and I saw a girl walk past by herself and look over. I caught up with her and walked with her. At this point of the night I was in a really good state. It felt good talking to her and because I was feeling good, it was easy to think of things to say. We were talking for a while and Shane caught up and joined the interaction as well. I didn’t ask for her number, maybe I should have but besides that it was a solid interaction.

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Decent night out last night.

My first interaction of the night was probably my best. I approached two girls together. It was only my first approach of the night but I was already in a good state. I’d been talking to some of the other guys before and I think that helped boost my state.

While I was talking to these two girls I felt like my confidence had reached a new level, it felt like I was expressing myself like a natural alpha male would (at least verbally). I’ve often said I need to be more grounded and composed in my interactions. I was far more grounded when I talked to these girls. The girls could definitely sense my confidence and they were loving it. At times they were both competing with each other for my attention.

Only problem was, it was difficult to escalate physically while they were both together. I needed to separate them. And I wasn’t even sure which girl I wanted more. I possibly could have introduced them to some of the other guys and separated them that way, then escalated with one of them. But I wanted to talk to some more girls so I just got one of their numbers and moved on.

I did a couple of approaches out on the street by myself. One of them was a real stunner, definitely one of the most attractive girls I’ve approached in a while. The interaction was going really well. I remember thinking to myself and thinking to myself ‘wow I’m talking to this gorgeous girl, she’s fully engaged in the interaction, she’s laughing and looks like she’s having a great time.’

But then her friends came along and it was all over. I could’ve introduced myself to the friends but I wasn’t really sure what to. This happened a few more times during the night, I had an interaction that was going pretty until the friends came along and I lost the girl.

Towards the end of the night, I was standing around talking to one of the other guys. A girl was walking past and looked at me. We made eye contact and I put my hand out. She came over and I said something to her (can’t remember what) then she looked at me and kissed me. She was a bit older than me and I generally don’t go for older girls, so I didn’t push it any further.

One thing I did really well during the night was roleplays. This just means making up a hypothetical scenario that involves both you and the girl you’re talking to. I was doing this in all of my interactions during the night. It works well for a few reasons. It’s fun - for both you and the girl. It gives you plenty to talk about - as long as you have some imagination and the girl has some kind of sense of humour, you could continue a conversation based on the same role play for ages. Most guys won’t do this, so it sets you apart from the average guy who approaches a girl and just asks boring questions or says stupid honeysuckle because they’re too drunk.

If I can start combining these role plays with more physicality, I think it’s going to be extremely powerful.

A few things I could have done better last night. I’d built up momentum well, especially after the first approach that went so well, then I had a few good interactions after that. But I didn’t take advantage of this momentum. I got separated from the other guys and went a long time without approaching anyone. My state dropped a lot during this time. You have to keep approaching.

The other thing was I had a lot of decent interactions during the night. I didn’t have any bad interactions. But a few of those decent interactions could have been really good interactions if I’d taken some more risks and escalated more. The interactions I did inside, I should have been more physical. It’s difficult to escalate physically when you’re outside on the street. But I could’ve gone for a quick number close then tried to meet them later.

Especially that one gorgeous girl I discussed earlier who I approached on the street. I have an irrational belief in the back of my mind that I need to have a long interaction and get to know the girl well before I ask for a number. But a girl like this probably doesn’t want to stand around talking for hours on the street so the best option would be to ask for a number early in the interaction.

The big thing to take away from last night and the last few weeks, is how much better I have become at holding conversations. I could do this well during the daytime before, but at night my interactions would often fizzle out very quickly because I couldn’t think of what to say. This aspect has improved dramatically recently. A big part of this is using role plays as I discussed before. Now I can go into interactions with the confidence I’ll be able to talk about something fun and interesting and also hold the conversation long enough to build attraction and comfort with the girl.

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

There were a few positives and a few negatives to take away from last night.

I didn’t start the night very well. Like I keep saying, it’s so important to be talking to girls from the start of the night. If you don’t, it’s probably not going to be a good night. It was at least 25 minutes before I first approached a girl by myself and that was very brief.

Another guy came out with us last night, a friend of Matt called Kevin who has just started learning to approach girls. I approached a group of three girls together with him. It started pretty well, I had their attention, got them laughing. But then Kevin tried to take over the interaction and I started losing interest as he kept talking. So did the girls. Doesn’t matter, it was just a warm up set.

I went to another club with Kevin but I was totally stifled there. I couldn’t get myself to approach anyone and I had absolutely no momentum. We stayed there for about half an hour and I don’t think I spoke to any girls in that time. I knew I wasn’t going to turn things around in there so I suggested we go outside and talk to some girls on the street.

I saw one girl standing by herself, so after hesitating for a while I went over to approach her. She told me straight away she was waiting for her boyfriend to come and pick her up. But I still stayed and had a good chat to her for about five minutes and then I started feeling a lot better.

Soon after, we saw two girls standing outside a bar together so I talked to them. One of them was a pretty cute blonde and started showing some clear signs of attraction. We walked with them to another place.I started a roleplay with the blonde and got her to hold hands with me like we were a couple. She definitely liked me, I probably could’ve kissed her. When we got to the place they were going, I saw a friend of mine which distracted me, then the bouncer was telling everyone to move out of the walkway and amongst all that I didn’t even get a chance to ask for her number before her friend dragged her inside.

I should have been more mindful of where they were going and made sure I got her number before we got there. I didn’t really think that through at the time. But besides that it was a good interaction and made me feel better.

I approached another girl who was waiting by herself on the street. It went alright but she seemed shy and was more interested in her phone most of the time. The positive to take from this interaction, was that even though she was kinda shy and didn’t contribute much to the conversation I was still able to turn it into a decent interaction which I struggled with in the past.

My next interaction was pretty good, probably my best of the night. I saw a cute girl walk past by herself so I quickly chased after her and caught up. I told her I had a youtube channel where I talk to people and she was going to be on it. She knew I was joking but she liked it. She was telling me how she’d been on some TV commercial once. I told her that was cool in a very sarcastic way and she said she didn’t like my sarcasm.

So I used this as an opportunity to get a bit physical and put my arm around her, looked her in the eyes and told her how proud I was in a more sincere way. She liked this. We caught up with her friends but instead of just running away with her friends, she asked me for my facebook. She then went with her friends but she messaged me soon after on facebook.

I talked to a few more girls out on the street before leaving but nothing very exciting. It was an interesting night, I probably did 7-8 approaches in the end (most of which were in the space of about 30 minutes out on the street).

The big positive to take out of this night was that even though I went a long time without approaching anyone at the start of the night and I was feeling very stifled, I didn’t let it ruin the whole night. I was able to cut the cycle of negativity and excuses and made the effort to start approaching later in the night and ended up having some pretty good interactions. It probably would have been a much better night if I’d approached more at the start of the night but at least I didn’t let it defeat me. The lesson is - it only takes one or two decent interactions to turn your night around.

Another positive is I’m having a lot of fun with some of my interactions. When you approach an attractive girl and have a good interaction, it really is a great feeling. It’s very easy to snap into a flow state and often the words will just flow out of your mouth without even having to think about it.

Still need to be approaching a lot more! It’s such a waste of time if you’re just walking around a bar/club not talking to anyone and you’re not going to learn anything. But I still am approaching far more than earlier in the year.

 

[bender22]

Hopefully this report isn’t too incoherent after I’ve been out the last four nights and I’m low on sleep. Thursday night I went out by myself and only stayed for a few hours. Friday night I went out with my wingman Shane which was a very unproductive night. We turned things around Saturday night and had a much better night. Sunday night failed to produce anything interesting.

Thursday
Thursday afternoon after work I went to a park nearby to have lunch. As I’m eating my lunch, a couple of girls walk past and sit over the other side of the park. I was hesitant to go over and talk to them but I eventually decided to just go for it. I walk over and talk to them for about 10 minutes. One of them seemed pretty interested and talked a lot, the other was kinda quiet. The interaction went pretty well so I asked the more talkative one for her facebook.

After that I went into town to talk to a few more girls. It’s been a while since I’ve done this during the day so I was feeling a little rusty. First girl I approached completely ignored me, the second was very awkward but my third approach went pretty well. She was friendly and cute and we talked for a while but I didn’t ask for her number or anything. My confidence may have taken a small hit after the last few approaches.

That night I was gonna go out with some of the other guys but they bailed so I went out by myself. Thursday nights are generally pretty quiet around here so it was a tough assignment, especially being by myself. The first place I went to had a lot of Brazilian students there and I approached a few of them. I talked to girls and guys, which is very important when you’re out alone.

I went to another bar, which was very quiet inside. There was one group of three cute girls and one of them looked at me so I went over there. She responded well and a few of her friends talked to me as well. Maybe I could have got her number but I’m not sure if she would’ve been comfortable giving out her number in front of her friends so soon so I didn’t bother.

I only did 4 or 5 approaches during the night but considering I was only there for less than a few hours and alone, I think this was a decent effort. I just treated the night as a warmup for the rest of the weekend.

Friday night
I met up with my wingmen Shane and Matt on Friday night. I intended to start approaching straight away and build momentum. Which I started to do. On the walk to the bar I quickly spoke to a group of girls and that went alright.

When I got inside, I was lining up to get a water at the bar and spoke to a couple of girls next to me. Got a very bitchy response. Matt approached them a bit later and got an equally bitchy response.

There was a girl standing near Matt and I. I turned around, looked at her, extended my hand to her. She wouldn’t take it. So I go for a high five instead. Wouldn’t even give me a high five.

I think those last two interactions really drained my energy for the rest of the night. I went a very long time without doing any approaches. My state crashed and talking to girls was one of the last things I felt like doing. I persisted anyway and hung around.

While I was out on the street with Shane, I started a conversation with a couple of girls. Probably my best interaction for the night. One of the girls was definitely showing some signs of attraction towards me, even getting close and a little physical. My energy instantly lifted when I recognised these signs but probably not enough.

I easily could’ve asked for her number and probably would have got it but I was being a pussy again and didn’t ask.

There were a few other interactions I had during the night but I didn’t have the energy to make anything work. Both Shane and I went far too long without approaching any girls.

It’s funny how 6 months ago, I probably would’ve considered this a decent night. But now my expectations have increased and I was left with a lot of feelings of frustration afterward.

Saturday night
All day Saturday I had been feeling shitty and frustrated about the previous night. So I wasn’t sure if I’d been in the right frame of mind for the night coming up.

When I got into town I was feeling better. I started talking to girls as soon as we arrived at the first place. First approach was a good, quick warmup interaction with a cute girl who was standing by herself. Could’ve tried to push it further but just treated it as a warmup. Already started feeling better.

Next interaction I did with Shane. We approached a group of four girls together. Another good warmup interaction. They all seemed to like Shane and I. We spoke to them several more times throughout the night.

One of my best interactions of the night was with a girl at the bar. I was lining up to get water and spoke to her. At first I thought she was going to be bitchy, going on the way she responded to me. But I just kept talking in an unreactive way and then she opened up. I felt like I was doing a lot of things right during this interaction.

I had her laughing a lot, my body language was good, I held the conversation pretty well, I touched her on the shoulder a little but should’ve been more physical. Shane said later, that when he looked over he thought I was in for sure. But when I asked for her number she said she didn’t want to give it out. Not sure why, I’ve very rarely been turned down when I’ve asked for a girl’s number.

The conversation we had was really good but I probably needed to do more. I could’ve escalated physically, lead her to somewhere else in the bar or danced with her...anything to move the interaction forwards. Too often I’ll get into a good conversation with a girl but then I just keep talking, hoping something will happen. This happened a few more times during the night. It also just occurred to me that maybe I’m too happy to settle for a number or facebook. If the girl is responding well, I should be aiming for more than a number.

Between midnight and around 2am I was in a really good state. I’d spoken to a lot of girls, bumped into a few old friends and spoken to them and Shane was in a good state too. During this time I had some good interactions but I was still playing it too safe and not taking any real risks.

Towards the end of the night I was standing outside talking to Shane and Matt and saw two girls walking past. One of them was looking at me so I reacted quickly and spoke to her. The interaction started out pretty well but she was going in to the bar next door. The positive to take away from this interaction was the way I quickly reacted to her eye contact and approached. So often I’ll waste these opportunities because I don’t react fast enough.

Shane and I were walking back to our cars when we saw two girls in the street. We spoke to them and it goes well. They were a bit older than me but still attractive. We were all having a lot of fun with the interaction and one of the girls asks if we want to get a drink. There weren’t many places that were still open besides the casino which was a long walk.

We discover they have a hotel room just down the road with alcohol so Shane and I suggest we go there. They agreed and we all walked to their hotel. As we’re approaching the hotel, one of the girls takes a step back and says something to the other girl. She was obviously having second thoughts.

When we got to the hotel, they said oh lets go to the casino instead. Shane and I decided it wasn’t worth it and bailed. Not sure what would’ve happened if we’d got to their hotel room.

Pretty good night overall. I did about 8-11 approaches, which included some solid interactions. A massive improvement on the previous. night. But it still could’ve been a lot better if I’d tried to push some of those interactions further instead of playing it safe.

Sunday night
I wanted to go out Sunday night for a quick session, hoping I could carry on with some of the momentum from Saturday night. In hindsight it probably wasn’t a great idea. I was already pretty drained from going out the last three nights.

There were a lot of attractive girls at the place we went to. I think I was almost a little intimidated to approach many of them. Shane and I were standing around talking to each other for a long time before we finally spoke to some girls.

My energy was so low, I couldn’t even think of much to say. If I’d been in the zone like I was the night before I think it would’ve been a much different story.

I did a couple more quick approaches before calling it a night at about 11:30. Not a very productive night.

Thoughts
It was interesting to do four nights out in succession, first time I’ve done that. I really need to cut down on the number of unproductive nights I have like Friday and Sunday. If I could make every night like Saturday night, I would improve rapidly.

In the past one of my biggest problems was not knowing what to say to girls. That’s generally not a big problem anymore. My biggest problem is what to do next. Being able to hold a strong conversation with these girls puts me in a position where I should be able to escalate the interaction but I’m not doing that enough.

 

[bender22]

I went out last Saturday night which was a rather frustrating night. Went out on Friday night to catch up with some friends, which was a mostly social night but still did a few approaches. Had a fun night out last night but still not a lot to report results wise.

Kinda frustrated with where I’m at right now. Yes I have come a long way in the last year but I’m still a long way from being where I want to be. I still feel like I’m just dabbling in this and that’s not good enough if I want to really improve.

I keep wasting opportunities and I’m not sure why. On any given night I go out there will usually be at least one or two girls who like me but I just screw it up 90% of the time. Part of me is definitely still to afraid to really put myself out there and take risks. That fear of rejection is still there and maybe that’s a symptom of deeper issues.

I was also wondering whether I want this enough. Of course I would still like to meet more girls and eventually find one amazing girl but I don’t seem to have the burning desire and urgency. I need to be really hungry for it.

Not sure what I need to do to see the results I want. You can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results. But I’m not sure what I need to do differently. I wanted this journal to motivate others on here to take action and change their lives but the way I’m going, I don’t know if any one will be inspired by it.

Maybe a breakthrough is just around the corner, who knows. I’ll keep trying and keep posting on here. Hopefully things will turn around soon.

 

[bender22]

Haven’t been very active on here recently. I think I lost a lot of motivation over the past few weeks or so. Last Saturday night I went out and had a shocking night, I could barely speak to anyone.

BUT I turned things around last night. It was one of the better nights I’ve had in a while.

The first girl I approached during the night turned out to be an actress who had been in TV shows and was planning on moving to Hollywood next year. Not that I had any idea who she was when I approached her. She had an incredibly body.We were talking for a while and she told me she was waiting for her friends including her ex boyfriend. I probably should’ve tried to get her number before they got there. It was weird when her ex got there. Apparently he had a new girlfriend but she still seemed keen on him. So I just got her facebook and bounced.

Later I saw a girl walking near me then stop near me and look at her phone. I assumed she stopped near me because she wanted me to talk to her, so I did. When i go to these bars and clubs I don’t meet too many girls who I could see myself dating. We only spoke for 5 minutes or so but there was something about this girl I really liked. She was cute, had a personality and seemed a little more mature than most girls I meet at those places. I got her number, hopefully I can see her again.

I had another similar interaction soon after. The girl was super friendly but I didn’t feel the same connection like I did with the previous girl. She wasn’t really the type of girl I could see myself dating. I asked for her number anyway but she said she had a boyfriend.

I saw a girl walking near me and look at me, I reacted quickly and spoke to her. Straight away I could tell by the way she looked at me that I could kiss her. We made out then went separate ways.

Before leaving I was waiting for one of the other guys outside when I saw a girl walk past eating something. I asked what she was eating. At first I thought she was walk past and ignore me. But then she stopped and talked to me. She said she was about to catch a taxi home so I offered to give her a lift. She said that would be good so we walked towards my car. Just before we got to the car she said she might get a taxi out to her friend’s house over the other side of town instead. Kinda annoying. I wasn’t very attracted to her anyway and I’m not sure if anything would’ve happened if I’d taken her home so I just let her go.

Pretty cool night overall. I had a good interaction with a sexy actress, got a number from a girl who seemed really cool, got a makeout and had some other decent interactions. I probably approached around 10 girls during the night.

Summer is just around the corner so hopefully there should be some good nights coming up!

 

[bender22]

Went out Friday night with my friend Matt from previous journals. We went out to this temporary outdoor venue in the city which was pretty cool. I approached about six groups of girls together with Matt. At first I was really stifled and left Matt to do all the talking in these interactions, while I sat back as a spectator. But after a few interactions I started building up some momentum and getting more involved.

My best interaction of the night was as we were leaving. Matt was talking to a girl on the street, as I was waiting for him I see a group of girls walk past. One of the girls was giving me strong eye contact so I said I liked the thing she was wearing around her neck. I think she was going to stop and talk but then some other guy starts talking to her. I wasn’t sure if he was with them or not so I just let it go.

Then about 30 seconds later I notice the guy turns around and walks away, so I watch the group of girls. The one from before turns around and looks my way so I call her over. She comes over. At this point I was switched on, totally different to the start of the night. I don’t think I’d projected confidence like this in an interaction with a girl for a while.

I was talking to her and the guy from before suddenly appears next to us. I handled him very smoothly and he walked away. Many times I would be thrown off by a guy coming into my interaction but this didn’t bother me at all.

The girl loved me at this point and I probably could’ve done just about anything with her but her friends were hanging around so I just got her number.If only I could have such confidence in every interaction. Even Matt was pretty impressed afterwards.

Last night I went out with a few other guys. I had to leave early so I wanted to make the most of my limited time. Within the first 30-40 minutes I did four or five approaches. They went okay but I didn’t get far, decent warm up approaches I guess. It was a little quiet inside so we decided to go outside and wander around the streets for a while.

After leaving that first place I seemed to hit a wall and lost my motivation to approach. I did a couple more approaches before leaving but I was stuck in this mindset where I didn’t want to venture too far outside my comfort zone. It was still a better night than my last few Saturday nights out which weren’t even worth discussing but still a lot of room for improvement.

 

[bender22]

I was out on Friday night with Matt and another guy who’s been coming out with us recently - Michael. Talked to quite a few girls together with Matt and Michael. Nothing overly exciting happened during the night but I had a lot of fun with it and still went home feeling good. The night reminded me I need to lighten up at times and just try to have fun. It also served as a nice little warm up for Saturday night.

Saturday night I was really excited to go out. It was a warm night, we had a pretty big group of guys coming out and I had my santa hat ready to go. Things were a little quiet early on in the night. I approached a couple of girls outside together with one of the other guys. One of them knew me but I had no idea who it was. I just acted like I knew her, but it was a little awkward haha. Later on I figured out who it was. They were telling us how they were going to a bar nearby and it almost seemed like they were hinting we should come with them. But we didn’t.

Later on I saw a girl looking at my santa hat so I wished her a happy Christmas. It was one of those situations where I felt very comfortable talking to her and didn’t have much trouble thinking of what to say. I had a spare santa hat and let her wear it. It was going well then I saw a friend I hadn’t seen for a while and spoke to him. After talking to him, the rest of the group was taking off so I left with them.

When I got outside I realised the girl still had my santa hat so I went back in. I talked to her again and it went really well again so I got her number, took a photo of us in our santa hats, before leaving. Lucky I went back there to get my santa hat back.

My santa hat was getting me a lot of extra attention from girls during the night so that made it easier to approach. There was one girl who really liked the hat and I let her wear my spare one (I’ll call her Sarah). She loved it. I was dancing with her and her sister for a while. But the sister seemed a little quiet and lonely. I tried to get one of the other guys to talk to the sister so I could focus on Sarah but he didn’t have much success. They said they were going to get a drink but I didn’t pursue.

Later on I saw one of the other guys (Todd) talking to Sarah. I was a little pissed off considering he knew I was talking to her earlier, guess I can’t blame him. I’m competitive so I went back and talked to her again. We were sort of competing for her attention. I got the feeling she was more interested in me so I hung around. I had an opportunity where I probably could’ve kissed her, we were getting very close but I didn’t have the confidence unfortunately. I should’ve at least dragged her away somewhere else to get her away from Todd. Sarah asked if I wanted to go get a drink and Todd followed us over there. I’m not sure if she was inviting him too or he just came.

Over at the bar Todd told her he needed to go outside to see someone and asked if he could get her number. She gave it to him but I didn’t really care because at least now it was just the two of us. And I was still confident she was more interested than me. She orders a couple of drinks but knocked them over. The bouncers must have seen it happen and thought she was too drunk and they kicked her out…. Just when I finally had her alone!

So after Sarah got kicked out I was just standing around the bar myself. Sarah’s sister came over and asked where her Sarah was, she obviously didn’t see what happened lol. I told her Sarah got kicked out but she didn’t believe me. Todd appeared again and joined in the interaction. Sarah’s sister was rather attractive too so I was determined not to let Todd hijack this interaction as well.

That made me really step up my game. I teased her about Sarah getting kicked out in a very playful way. Eventually Todd walked away. I was in the zone. Even though I’d stepped up my game and I was operating on a higher level than I usually do, I still could’ve done more. I could’ve lead her to another area, I could’ve been more physical, I had an opportunity where we were looking into each others eyes and I could’ve kissed her.

Eventually she got a text from Sarah who was outside. She wanted to go out to see Sarah so I asked for her number before she left.

At the end of the night I was walking back to my car and saw a couple of the other guys approaching a group of girls. I hurried to catch up to them and joined the interaction. Both these guys are fairly new to this stuff, they haven’t been doing it as long as I have. Yet when I’m out with them I don’t really think of myself as being any better or more experienced than them.

I was reflecting on this afterwards and I was thinking if there was an outsider watching this interaction take place, the outsider probably would’ve been able to see I was clearly more experienced than the other guys. When I entered the interaction, the other guys were making the girls laugh and entertaining them but there appeared to be very little attraction. It was like they were just putting on a show for the girls.

This is where my experience showed. I came in said hello to all the girls then focused on the most attractive one. I was a lot more composed than the other guys and I was conveying a lot of attractive qualities to the girl I was focusing on. It conveniently happened that the girls were parked in the same direction as me and the other guys were parked somewhere else.

So the other guys went there way and I walked with the girls towards our cars. The whole group seemed to like me. I was still in the zone and the right words were just flowing out of my mouth. When we got back to our cars, I asked the girl I’d been focusing on for her number. She liked me and her friends liked me too so I was definitely going to get it. I’ve been talking to her a bit since and she seems keen to see me again.

The lesson from this interaction is I need to realise I’m better than I think I am. I’ve been doing this for a while now and that experience really showed in this interaction (and other interactions during the night). Even though I have all this experience now and I’ve improved so much I still think of myself as being an inexperienced newbie. It’s a poor self concept. That mindset needs to change, it’s holding me back. When I look at it objectively, I’m clearly doing better than a lot of these other guys now. My mind needs to catch up and realise that.

This night was a huge improvement on some of my recent nights. I desperately needed a night like that to keep me on track and I desperately need more nights like that...and better.

 

[bender22]

Christmas - New Years Eve

Last Friday night I had a date with one of the girls from my last journal entry. It went alright. I felt comfortable with her and she said I made her feel very comfortable, we made out but I couldn't get any further. Not sure if she's the type of girl I'd want to see again though.

Last Saturday night I went to a new club I hadn’t been to before. It was pretty good, quiet enough to talk to people and there were a lot of attractive girls there.

I approached maybe 6 or 7 girls during the night. There was one girl I approached early in the night who thought she knew me from somewhere. I didn’t recognise her. I talked to her a few times during the night and she seemed to like me, she added me on facebook too. I was probably silly not to act more on her interest. I’m sure if I’d asked her to grab a drink with me or go somewhere else to chat she probably would’ve. I really need to seize those opportunities more.

At the end of the night I had a couple of good interactions on the street that I was pretty happy with. I was just enjoying the moment and expressing myself well, it was good fun.

New Years Eve

I had no plans whatsoever for new years eve. All the guys I normally go out with were either interstate, working or doing something else. I didn’t want to stay home alone so I thought I’d go to my favourite bar/club alone and try to make the best of it. And get drunk for the first time in a long time.

I got there just before 11pm and there was a huge line outside. It looked like I might be waiting in line until next year. Fortunately the line moved fairly quickly, I got in after about 15 minutes. But while in line I thought it was a good opportunity to start talking to people and make some friends. There was a group of Canadians travelling here who were standing in front of me who I talked to for a while.

When inside I tried to talk to people as much as I could and also took advantage of the drink specials! I saw a girl standing by herself for a while so I went over and spoke to her. She was waiting for her friends to get there but we had a pretty good chat while she waited. I got her to come over to the bar to get a drink with me. This was good...actually leading the interaction, taking initiative to make something happen rather than just standing there talking. Haven’t done enough of this recently. As we were lining up to get drinks her friends arrived. She got chatting to her friends and I didn’t pursue any further.

I started interactions just by wishing girls a happy new year all night. This worked pretty well. The verbal part of my interactions was pretty solid all night but even when I was drunk I still was playing everything safe and not trying to take any risks.

I was catching the bus home and on my way to the bus I got talking to a girl on the street. Her friend was making out with some guy near us and I know I could’ve kissed her if I’d tried but I was being lame and playing it safe again. Besides that it was a pretty solid interaction, she actually asked for my number.

On the bus ride home I talked to a lot of people. There was a girl who got on the bus later on and sat behind me. I wished her a happy new year and got talking to her. It was probably about the best conversation I had all night. She got off at the same stop as me but was going in the opposite direction. I kinda got the feeling she would have a boyfriend so I didn’t ask for her number. But I should’ve asked anyway.

Wasn’t exactly the best new years eve ever but I still made something out of nothing. I had a lot more fun than I would’ve if I’d stayed at home and done nothing. It was also interesting to see the impact alcohol had on me. It definitely helped to some extent. It made it easier to stay in a good mood and helped me to relax a little. The hard thing about going out sober is it can be very difficult to sustain a good vibe and good emotions all night.

But besides that I don’t think it made a huge difference. I firmly believe for a variety of reasons that it’s better to go out sober most of the time. But maybe on special occasions like new years eve it can be fun to have some drinks.

I’ll post up a review of 2014 in the next day or two.

 

[bender22]

2014 Review

Thought it would be a good idea to do a quick review of the progress I’ve made in 2014 and reflect on what I hope to achieve in 2015. I’ve come a long way in 2014. Never in my life have I had a year where I’ve had so much success with women. During the year I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some great people and I’ve had some great experiences.

I think I should be proud of what I’ve achieved in 2014, as documented in this journal. A part of me feels unsatisfied but I shouldn’t overlook all the positives.

Major achievements
-Dated a girl for over 5 months. This is longer than I’ve dated any other girl in my life.

-Went on dates with 7 girls. Until 2014 my last date was in January 2012.

-When I wrote my first post in this journal I’d only ever kissed 4 girls. Since then I’ve kissed another 15 girls.

-Approached far more girls than I ever have. Also learnt to start approaching girls during the day, something I’d never done before.

-Got a lot of numbers. I just had a quick look through my phone and it looks like I got close to 40 girls phone numbers in 2014. In 2013 I think I got maybe 3 or 4 numbers lol. On top of those phone numbers I also got a lot of facebooks.

Highlights of 2014

-The girl I met while on vacation overseas. Probably my highlight of this journal since I began. We just clicked straight away. I remember after we first met, we made plans to get breakfast together the next day. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited about seeing a girl and that was just for breakfast haha. It’s a shame she lives so far away from me and I don’t know whether I’ll ever see her again. But I’m still so glad I met her and had that time with her.

-Dating a girl for over five months. I didn’t really share the same connection with her as I did with the girl above but she was still a great girl. It was nice to have a girl I could hang out with regularly and someone to talk to when I needed. We did become very close, which was somewhat of a new experience for me and one that I’m grateful for.
-The first night I went out after getting back from overseas. I went out kinda tired and not expecting a big night. I don’t know if I’ve ever performed so well in a single night. I made out with the first girl I met and probably should’ve gone home with her. Then I got bored with her and approached another girl who I made out with about a minute after meeting her. Incredibly fun night.

-The girl I met at my running club. This one evening I saw this extremely cute standing alone before the run started. I talk to her and she was really friendly too, we hit if off nicely. After the run finished I got her number. I was so excited because she was probably the most attractive girl I got a number from during the year. We did talk for a while after but she was going overseas for a few months, 2 weeks after we met and I didn’t manage to see her again before she left :/

-The night I went out alone and got three numbers. I’d been out solo a number of times in the past and never had any success at all. Going out solo is extremely difficult. But this night I pulled it off. I think I approached about 8 girls and got 3 numbers. Probably one of the most rewarding nights out I’ve had.

What I learned

-Meeting girls through cold approach is hard. Most guys have trouble even approaching a girl they have never met before. Even when you do approach it doesn’t get any easier. If you have a big social circle that would definitely be an easier way to meet girls. But just because something is hard that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It takes practice but clearly it can be done.

-You have to learn to handle rejection. You are going to get rejected if you approach enough girls. I’ve met a lot of guys who try to pick up girls with cold approach over the past year. The guys who get the best results are the ones who are bothered by rejection the least. As a percentage of total approaches I probably get less harsh rejections than almost any of the other guys I’ve met doing this. But when I do get those bad rejections I take it too personally. That being said, I definitely handle rejection in other areas of my life a lot better now.

-It’s easy to lose motivation and feel like giving up when things aren’t going your way. But you have to have faith that if you stay on your path you will have tastes of success. And when you experience those tastes of success you will be as motivated as ever to keep going.

-This stuff can be mentally draining. There are times where this makes you feel like honeysuckle. Those nights when you go out and don’t even have the balls to talk to any girls. Those times when a girl you like doesn’t respond to your text. The times when you feel like you’re not doing as well as you should. It can really suck, it plays with your emotions. But there are also times when it makes you feel amazing. I think the pain I went through before doing this, thinking how much I sucked with the opposite sex and wondering if I would ever do any better was much worse than the low moments I experience now. There were times when I would cry almost every week because of my lack of success with girls. I have low points now but nothing like that.

-You don’t need to be the most witty, charming, funny, charismatic guy to attract girls. When I look back on some of my best interactions of 2014, I didn’t really say anything special. I wasn’t that funny or anything, I was just a normal guy with a bit of confidence. I see so many guys trying to be really funny or loud to impress girls but this usually doesn’t work. What’s I’ve found to be more important is being in a good mood, non-verbal communication and knowing how to move things forward.

What I need to do differently in 2015

I’m still not entirely satisfied with this area of my life. If I were to stop now, I would feel like I never really achieved as much as I was capable of. So I’ll definitely be continuing to work on this into 2015. There’s still a lot of room for improvement this year. Maybe after summer I might take a temporary break from it for a while. Like I said, this stuff can be draining especially if you’re going out doing it every week. So a short break may help.

I’m also more open to the idea of a proper committed relationship now than I was a year ago. If the right girl were to come along I’d definitely be more inclined to settle down for a while. Until that girl does come along there’s plenty I can work on.

-For one, I’m going to have more nights out alone. I met a lot of great guys to go out with in 2014, which helped me but I think there are some big advantages to going out alone. It forces you out of your comfort zone, you have to rely entirely on yourself, it’s either go and talk to people or stand around by yourself looking lonely. One of the hardest things for me is the mental side of this. What better way to build your mental toughness than to grind out a night alone and still make things happen. It’s a lot more difficult than going out with friends but I think the potential rewards are much greater.

-Take more risks, don’t play it so safe all the time. This was one of my biggest problems in 2014.

-Use my time more efficiently. I can’t afford to be going out for 5-6 hours and only talking to 2-3 girls for 2 minutes each. There’s terrible use of time, I’d be better off staying at home and reading a book.

-Be more proactive about looking for a girlfriend. Screen girls I meet for qualities I’m looking for in a girlfriend.

-Form more close relationships (not only with girls). I have a decent group of friends but there’s not a lot of people I’m really close with. One of my goals for 2015 is to build a support group of 5 close new friends who are either working towards similar goals as me or have already achieved those goals.

Bring on 2015!

 

[ardour]

That's more gumption shown in 2014 than most manage in a lifetime.

Can't help noticing though; the way you express yourself sometimes, feminists would have a field day with it.

 

[bender22]

Thank you ardour. Haha yes, they probably would. Although I would say what I write is fairly mild in comparison to what you might find elsewhere on the internet lol.

 

[bender22]

Had my old wingman Shane back out with me again last night. First time in a while he’d been out. We went out with the intention of making it a fun and productive night. We were successful in both.

We made a deal to not leave until we’d approached 10 girls each. Most of the approaches we did out on the street. Our first interaction was with a group of three girls, who I spoke to first. We spoke to them for five minutes of so. It was a great warmup interaction to start the night.
We talked to a girl who was by herself on the street, who was extremely attractive and very friendly. She said she was going to a bar nearby to meet some friends and said we could come with her. We went there for a while and met her friends too. We added her on facebook then bounced.

We did our 10 approaches each so I won’t go through everyone. It was more about meeting new people and making new friends than trying to pick up or anything. The great thing was just about every interaction we had went really well. Most of the interactions were with groups of 2-3 girls and almost all of them stopped to chat with us for a while.

Most of the interactions we had a lot of fun with too. Like it was just cool being part of the conversation. Instead of sucking value from these girls like most sleazy guys will do, we were just providing value and you could see the girls enjoying it. The conversations we had ran so smoothly too, as the night went on we found it easier and easier to think of what to say to these girls. The girls were actually participating in the interactions as well, instead of just standing there hoping we’d go away.

We ended the night with about 5 new facebook friends each. Maybe we should’ve stayed around longer to take advantage of the social momentum we had but it was a little quiet around.

A lot of positives and good lessons to take out of the night.

 

[bender22]

Thursday

Shane sends me a message in the afternoon asking if I wanted to go out for a quick session that night. At first I was gonna say no because it was shitty weather but then I realised that would be lame and I need to take action.

We head to one place that’s supposed to be good on Thursdays and see there’s nothing but a group of three dudes in there. Next… The next place we went to was pumping, lots of cute 18 year old girls there.

I was walking past a group of three girls and one of them throws a cup at me. Not sure if it was intentional or not but I take it as an opportunity to talk to them. They were all laughing and looked pretty drunk. I accuse the girl who threw the cup of trying to hurt me in a playful way and she gives me a hug and apologises. I look at the others and ask them if that’s her way of hitting on guys...by throwing stuff at them. They all laugh and say it is. They were all so scatty and drunk so I didn’t pursue much further.

Next interaction was when I was standing around talking to Shane. We were being lame and just watching the girls instead of talking to them so the next cute girl who walked past, I tapped her on the shoulder and started talking. Shane and I talked to her for a few minutes, she seemed nice but then she took off to find her friends.

Shortly after, we’re still standing around in the same spot and I spotted a girl lining up at the bar. I point her out to Shane and I’m like ‘wow that girl is real cute.’ I go over to the bar to get water without any real intention of approaching her. Then I get pretty close to her and think to myself I can’t comment on how cute a girl is, come this close to her and then not talk to her. She’s talking to her friend, I interrupt and tap her on the shoulder.

I told her how I was bored lining up so while we waited, me and her were going to become best friends. She lights right up, smiles and is like yeah that’s a great idea. She has a gorgeous smile, I love that when cute girls have a great smile. It was taking forever to get served so I had a while to chat and flirt with her. Loved this interaction, we were high fiving each other, getting close, laughing. I talked to her friend as well who was nice too. It sort of fizzled out for a while because I couldn’t think of what else to say but it was still cool. I eventually got my water and said to her I’d talk to her later on after she gets served.

I talked to her quickly a couple more times during the night then just before I left I thought I have to find her again and get her number or facebook. I see her talking to some other guy and I almost thought oh well never mind, I’ll just leave. But I waited around for a few more minutes and then she was free. So I re-approach and tell her I’m about to leave but we have to be friends in real life. I went the easy route and asked for her facebook, which afterwards I kinda regretted. Should’ve gone for the number and probably would’ve got it. Her friend who I talked to before was like ‘oh add me too’ so I did. I hugged them both and said goodbye.

Even though I didn’t go for the number this was such an awesome interaction. That girl was gorgeous and she seemed to really like me. I can always follow up on facebook later.

Shane was in a kinda depressed mood all night and wasn’t talking to many people. I tried to get him in action by opening a girl and telling her my friend has a huge crush on you. She talks to both of us for about 10 minutes.

Did a quick approach where I saw a girl holding two of those red cups. I walk near her and she looks at me, I go up and tell her how the cups reminded me of an American college movie. Briefly chatted to her then bounced. This was more of an approach to keep the momentum flowing.

We’re just about to leave and Shane spots a really attractive blonde at the bar and says one of us should approach her. I tell him he should do it because he hasn’t talked to many girls during the night. He can’t do it. Part of me was thinking okay great that means I can talk to her. I walk over and there’s about four or five guys standing around her gazing at her but none of them were talking to her.

I shove my way through the crowd and tap her on the shoulder and make a comment about how I liked something on her dress. She immediately lights up and smiles like the other girl. She first thought I said I liked her toes so I joke about having a toe fetish or something. She was laughing and it felt like we were in our own little bubble for a few minutes.

Her friend was just in front of us at the bar about to get served. Blonde girl asks me if I wanted to get a drink and says just jump in next to my friend there. I’m not sure if she was trying to get rid of me or genuinely trying to be nice and helpful. I ask her what her friends name is. It’s Ruby.

I shove in next to Ruby and said hey Ruby, I just guessed your name. Afterwards I was thinking I should’ve pretended I actually knew her, we went to school together. Just for the fun of it. I chatted to her briefly until she got her drink then she took off with blonde girl. Nothing came of it but kudos to me for approaching one of the hottest girls in the bar when nobody else had the balls to.

Really enjoyed the night. We were only there for about 2 hours but I used my time well. Six solid approaches in those two hours. I like short and efficient nights like this. All the girls I talked to responded well. My conversation skills could’ve been a bit sharper and it still hurts me when I just run out of things to say but I took action and had some very nice interactions. So glad I approached that girl whos facebook I got. She was gorgeous and really friendly. Not sure if she’s exactly what I’m looking for in a girlfriend, may be a bit young. But still one of the best girls I’ve met recently.

Looking forward to the weekend. Going to post up some thoughts about 2015 soon.

 

[bender22]

Friday

Was probably a stupid idea to go out last night. Weather was hideous but we went out anyway. We go to our favourite bar and it’s super quiet (compared to a normal Friday night). Shane and I approach a group of three girls. Two of them seem sort of friendly but tell us we’re wasting our time because they have boyfriends. The other one is kinda bitchy so we bail.

There were a few other groups of girls in there and we probably should’ve approached them first but we decided to go outside and look elsewhere. We walk around for a while and it was probably the quietest Friday night in summer I’ve ever seen. Then we see the girls from before walking towards us. They get closer and I say oh you came looking for us? This time they are way more friendly, even the one who was bitchy before.

We talk to them for a while and then we all decide to walk down the other end of town together to see if it’s any better. This just goes to show that the first response you get from a girl(s) when you approach them doesn’t really mean much. Their first response to us was pretty rude and bitchy. They probably thought we were just annoying, sleazy guys hitting on them and that was their auto-pilot response. But when they had some time to think about it and get to know us better, they realised we were actually just friendly, normal guys and their attitude completely changed. Good lesson.

When we were walking down the other end of town I saw a group of three girls walking behind them. This was one of the very rare opportunities to talk to girls during the night so I thought I shouldn’t waste it. I said something to them and walked and talked briefly.

Went home at about 11:30 because it wasn’t getting any better. Won’t say it was a waste of a night but still frustrating because it was so quiet. The weather still sucks today so not sure if tonight will be much better.

Plans for 2015

In 2015 I want to make big changes in other areas of my life besides dating and social. I felt like my life lacked any real purpose the past few years, besides what I was doing to get better with girls. I’ve really just been going through the motions, with no real sense of direction. In 2015 I need to get a lot clearer on where I’m going and how I’m going to get there.

The past week I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to get out of 2015. I came up with 10 goals for the year. There’s 3 major ones I’ll try to focus most of my energy and resources on. I plan to use this journal to help keep me accountable as I work towards achieving these goals.

My three major goals for 2015 are:

1. Move out of home. I feel this is important if I want to become a more independent, self reliant adult. If I have to pay rent and other expenses each week it’s going to force me to hustle in my work more to make the money to support myself. I have a pretty good family but at times I feel like my home can be a very negative environment and I would be better away from it. And it would definitely help with my dating life to have my own place haha.

2. Improve my dating and social life. This will continue to be a major focus in 2015. I’d love to find an amazing girlfriend this year but I’m in no rush. Until I find her, I’m quite content going out and meeting new girls. I want to be able to go out and feel confident I can attract the most attractive, awesome girls. I also want to build up my social circle with positive, cool people.

3. Build a support network of 5 mentors/peers: One thing I’ve learned in the last 12 months is you can’t achieve big goals on your own. You need other people to help you and you need the right people. People who can guide you in the right direction, share their experience, provide encouragement and keep you accountable. So often I feel overwhelmed and uncertain, this is when I need people who I can go to and ask for advice and support. Ideally, I’d like to find mentors who are 20-30 years ahead of me and have already achieved what I want to achieve. But even people who are at the same point as me and working towards similar goals would be great to have on my team.

The other 7 not quite so important goals are:

4. Read at least 25 books - I’ve been reading about one book every 2 or so weeks over the past few months so this should be achievable. So much you can learn from reading good books.

5. Organise a party or bbq or get-together with at least 20 people - This is like a sub-goal for goal #2.

6. Travel interstate by myself or with a friend - I’ve always travelled with my family, it would be great to have some time away by myself or with someone else.

7. Write 3 guest posts for health and fitness blogs - this is career related...too long to explain.

8. Live more purposefully - this means living with an end goal in mind instead of just living life one day at a time and reacting to things as they happen. I have a clearer idea of what I want now (at least for this year), now I need to put my energy into getting where I want.

9. Make a habit of eating more vegetables - my diet is one area I’ve got pretty well sorted out. I already eat better than probably 98% of people. But I still don’t eat as many vegetables as I probably should, especially green vegetables. There’s not much nutrition experts all agree on except you need to eat vegetables. There’s no debate over that.

10. Become an expert on something - not sure exactly what that something is yet. Whatever it is, I’ll try to learn as much as I can about it in 2015.

Few other things I’ve been doing recently that I think have helped me:

Meditation - I’ve been doing 20 minutes every day for almost 2 weeks. So many benefits to meditation and it helps to keep my mind free of negative thoughts.

Cold showers - good way to get into the habit of going against your emotions and doing hard things when your mind is telling you not to. Plus there’s supposed to be a host of health benefits. Trying to have a cold shower for about 2 minutes once a day.

Reading - I’ve been reading a lot more for several months now. Biographies, books about self esteem, psychology, health etc… Some of the greatest minds in the world spend time to write out their thoughts and experience and you can go down to the library and read it all for free. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett were asked if they could have one superpower, what would it be? They both answered they would want a superpower that allowed them to read faster. I’ve been trying to spend at least 1-2 hours reading every day.

If anyone else reading this wants to make 2015 an amazing year send me a message. We can talk about our goals together and maybe we could become accountability partners or something like that. Like I said before you can’t do these things alone. Look forward to hearing from anyone