FreedomFromLiberty
Well-known member
I am comfortable only showing negative or neutralic behaviors to other people. I rarely show other people any kind of affection or approval or really anything that would clearly indicate that I like them. I just expect that they would know, or that they would pick up on the tiny hints I drop along the way. I never invite people anywhere or ask them to spend more time with me. I just go about my daily business and hope for the best really. Other people don't seem to understand my behavior and become confused and uncomfortable around me. It has happened time and again. I just make people uncomfortable. If I am nice to them, they realize that I am showing affection, but not enough to make them comfortable to show any back. I've always thought that I was a friendly person but I have to actually convince somebody else besides just myself that I am friendly. To me, showing of love is simply sticking around and spending time with someone. I think it just goes to show how much my upbringing has skewed my perceptions in regard to physical affection and showings of love. I mean if you were to ask me whether or not I thought my parents cared about me (I don't use the word "love" deliberately), I would begrudgingly have to say yes. I don't think I have been shown love in very healthy ways, but ultimately, because my parents are still willing to have me around when I visit is probably how they show that they care. Positive showings of emotion are as rare to me as violent fights with your parents are to other people. My average day growing up consisted of pretty much nothing but affectionless, neutralic behavior from my parents and siblings. Nobody ever cared what I did, how school was going, what I was feeling, etc. I was never held, hugged, or kissed; physical touching of any kind pretty much never happened, except when I was being beat. I know what obvious displays of affection are. But when you can't be comfortable showing them to your own family, it's hard to just show them like it's no big deal to other people or even strangers. I'm sure that meeting new people would be far, far easier for me I could learn to comfortably express affection. Because ultimately, I have always felt that I am a very friendly person, and on the rare occasions when I am comfortable and happy with myself, I can see the difference in how people react to me.
What should I do? How do I learn to become comfortable showing affection to others? Or has that boat simply passed already?
What should I do? How do I learn to become comfortable showing affection to others? Or has that boat simply passed already?