Seems like I have no chance at all...

[Socially_Impaired]

Heres why
1) I'm Asian (That in itself is a disadvantage, with all the stereotypes and what not
2) The stereotypes actually fit me.. All the BAD ones that is..
3) Being short
4) Being skinny and slender
5) Being geeky and nerdy (I'll admit I am more on that side then anything)
6) Being quiet and shy
7) Having few friends (Why I'm here) <-- Like it or not in this life our social standing counts for something.. I guess its just the dirty truth...
8) Absolutely no confidence in myself
9) Very low-self esteem
10) No backbone
11) Being a nice guy (Yes I admit this too, we all know what they say about nice guys, they finish LAST..)
12) I'm not a very fun or interesting person I'll be honest, I have interests that most people don't have interest in... I've never had much success in making friends much less find a girl (The bottom essentially)
13) I'm a loner
14) I don't have many "redeeming" qualities, not a lot of special things to set me apart from other people, as a result I end up being too "normal" sometimes and thats boring...

Sigh.. people in this world have such high standards theres no way I'm ever gonna find someone like this.
I'm from NYC btw... We have tons of social elites to compete with, no chance... no chance like this...
I'm male btw... college age..

 

[Sylver]

Hugs, Socially-Impaired!

I'm going to start with an obvious comment.. I think you're being *way* too hard on yourself.

To be completely honest, I have no special qualities, myself. I can't say I'm normal, since I'm rather quirky and weird, but I'm predictable, simple and not original in the slightest. In my bad moments I, too, think that I have no redeeming qualities and question why anyone would bother to be around me..

BUT - I've been lucky.. I've found niches where people have similar interests to me and I found incredible people to love and support me. I now look at myself very differently.

While I might not be original, I'm very, very caring. I may be predictable, but I'm optimistic and happy, and the people around me seem to appreciate that. So there are many sides to a person and many ways that each side interacts with the environment.

Tell me about your interests - I'm thinking you just might not have met the right people.

And one last thing - *please* don't judge yourself so harshly. If you're attacking yourself, it makes everything so much harder.

Hugs!

 

[Okonkwo]

Although some of the traits you listed are beyond your control (being short and asian), it is definitely possible to change most of them. Try working out. Kick your geeky habits. That should give you plenty of time to spend on more socially acceptable hobbies.

 

[Badjedidude]

Everyone has a chance.

 

[Socially_Impaired]

Hugs, Socially-Impaired!

I'm going to start with an obvious comment.. I think you're being *way* too hard on yourself.

To be completely honest, I have no special qualities, myself. I can't say I'm normal, since I'm rather quirky and weird, but I'm predictable, simple and not original in the slightest. In my bad moments I, too, think that I have no redeeming qualities and question why anyone would bother to be around me..

BUT - I've been lucky.. I've found niches where people have similar interests to me and I found incredible people to love and support me. I now look at myself very differently.

While I might not be original, I'm very, very caring. I may be predictable, but I'm optimistic and happy, and the people around me seem to appreciate that. So there are many sides to a person and many ways that each side interacts with the environment.

Tell me about your interests - I'm thinking you just might not have met the right people.

And one last thing - *please* don't judge yourself so harshly. If you're attacking yourself, it makes everything so much harder.

Hugs!

Hi all, thanks for the replies...
I know I'm being hard on my self but sometimes I like to think that I'm just practical about the situation, I'm not gonna sugar the fact that if things don't change I'm so ****ed in the long run, I'll never be able to make friends much less find dates... I find that sometimes I have to beat my self up otherwise I lose focus on the whole situation..

And yes.. maybe not all of them are permanent but you've got to admit, thats ALOT of obstacles to go through.. kinda destroy's your hope..

---

Everyone has a chance.

Maybe.. but when the chance is like 2% then heh... what can you say about that...

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah, you are being way to hard on yourself but don't we all. Bad habit. Out of all the "asian stereotypes" you listed there's one you didn't so there's something. LOL You said you're college age so you still have some growing up to do, the next few years will probably be key to you developing beyond your insecurities. Just remember one thing, never give up, never surrender. Be true to yourself, be honest with yourself and most important be the person you want to be.

 

[atomlight]

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

 

[sunny]

being skinny is great, asians are cool too. and you do have some friends. now think what else do you have

 

[NOAH_FX]

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

It's amazing that in one post you made me loathe everything about you.. I didn't think that was possible.

To the OP: It took me 23 years to find good friends... But i found them... From that, i've met alot of people, some i like, some i don't but it would never have happend at all if I didn't meet the firt one.. The rest was just about time and growing to love myself... Seriously, how can you expect someone else to love you if you can't love yourself?

Belive it or not, no matter how pretty, cool, whatever they are, no one's better than you... That is unless you let them be.

 

[Badjedidude]

Maybe.. but when the chance is like 2% then heh... what can you say about that...

You have absolutely no proof on which to base that statistic. There are so many variables involved that it's impossible to generate an accurate statistic regarding your "chances" at living a great life or at meeting friends or a girlfriend.

fresia the odds, anyway.

Go do your thing and MAKE happen what you want to happen.

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

You're ******* stupid. And you're not going to last long around here, I can tell you that.

Grow up.

 

[ThatOneDude]

Dude, you are being way too hard on yourself. I mean WAAAY to hard on yourself. I know that being confident when you don't see anything in yourself to be confident about is hard, but fake it. I'm sure that soon you'll find that a good portion of the things you thought were wrong with you are all in your head. Example: you're nerdy. You say that like it's a bad thing. this thing about nerds is, they tend to congregate. FIND OTHER NERDS. There is nothing wrong with being a geek. If you have to change who you are to find friends and relationships, you're doing it wrong. Be proud of being different.

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

Now you sir, you have got to be either the lamest most unimaginative troll on the internet or the biggest prick on the site. I didn't think it was possible to fit so much ignorance and dickishness into one post but you have amazed me. It's no wonder why you're lonely.

 

[apathy]

Listen, fresia the stereotypes. Okay? Tai-Hyun right next to you might be yellow and geeky, but everyone has their differences. The fact that you let these stereotypes get to you just shows that you’ve boxed yourself up or you’ve based your self-worth on what other people think of you. I know that you think this way because you've probably been hurt by others... but you don't have to change yourself for those people. Think about it, people who don't give a crap about you.. throws nasty comments at you.. calling you little gherkin etc etc.. you gonna let these bastards get to you? You're gonna cry about it? Ok, so after crying for ten minutes.. now what?

What’s normal and abnormal really? Without “abnormal” qualities, the majority of people won’t be able to act “normal”. There’s nothing wrong with being nerdy or geeky either, it’s just a stupid label that people thought of for the smart or bookish people. Now tell me, what’s wrong with being smart or bookish? Wha- the chicks don’t like you smart?
To hell with them, any girl with half the brains would know that both the smart and athletic guys have their qualities. What attracts any girl to a guy is confidence. To be confident, you have to first accept yourself (things that you can’t change).
If you don’t like how you look, do something about it. You don’t like being skinny or slender? Make up a plan for cardio or whatever sport you’ll be alright in.
I’d say if you can work on what you don’t like about yourself, at the very least you’ve moved away from square one.

Why do people hang out with different groups? People all have different interests, find a group of people with similar interests to yours no matter how “normal” you think your interests are. The fact that your interests, INTERESTS you shows that It really isn’t NORMAL to YOU. Now, THAT’S important.

If you’re afraid or think that you’re not good enough... think to yourself then, what’s good enough to you? Work towards your ideal self.

 

[Socially_Impaired]

Yeah, you are being way to hard on yourself but don't we all. Bad habit. Out of all the "asian stereotypes" you listed there's one you didn't so there's something. LOL You said you're college age so you still have some growing up to do, the next few years will probably be key to you developing beyond your insecurities. Just remember one thing, never give up, never surrender. Be true to yourself, be honest with yourself and most important be the person you want to be.

True.. I have to try to keep that in mind.. being in a Commuter college sometimes sucks, it feels like your not moving ahead, living in a dorm and what not but yeah..
And LOL regarding the stereotype (won't say anymore since idk how strict the forum rules are here =p

---

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

Hey atomlight, even though some of what you say have a grain of truth to it don't you think your approach to this is a bit pessimistic? Even though I still struggle with a lot of things, I have learned one thing in my years of struggle; that being pessimistic about the whole situation will only make things worse.

---

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

It's amazing that in one post you made me loathe everything about you.. I didn't think that was possible.

To the OP: It took me 23 years to find good friends... But i found them... From that, i've met alot of people, some i like, some i don't but it would never have happend at all if I didn't meet the firt one.. The rest was just about time and growing to love myself... Seriously, how can you expect someone else to love you if you can't love yourself?

Belive it or not, no matter how pretty, cool, whatever they are, no one's better than you... That is unless you let them be.

I think thats a good point.. I never was able to get that down about myself.. I always didn't like who I say in the mirror and I guess that makes an impact on how others see me.. maybe alot more then I think.. its just hard cause I was bullied in middle school and always felt "below" everyone else? I have inferiority complex issues.

---

@thatonedude
I get what your saying man.. I know i gotta think more like that. I know that there are good aspects in the things I'm interested in, being geeky and what not. Sometimes its just hard cuz of the way culture is in America (if you live in America you know what I mean) But I guess your right, I'm putting way too much emphasis on what people think..

---

Listen, fresia the stereotypes. Okay? Tai-Hyun right next to you might be yellow and geeky, but everyone has their differences. The fact that you let these stereotypes get to you just shows that you’ve boxed yourself up or you’ve based your self-worth on what other people think of you. I know that you think this way because you've probably been hurt by others... but you don't have to change yourself for those people. Think about it, people who don't give a crap about you.. throws nasty comments at you.. calling you little gherkin etc etc.. you gonna let these bastards get to you? You're gonna cry about it? Ok, so after crying for ten minutes.. now what?

What’s normal and abnormal really? Without “abnormal” qualities, the majority of people won’t be able to act “normal”. There’s nothing wrong with being nerdy or geeky either, it’s just a stupid label that people thought of for the smart or bookish people. Now tell me, what’s wrong with being smart or bookish? Wha- the chicks don’t like you smart?
To hell with them, any girl with half the brains would know that both the smart and athletic guys have their qualities. What attracts any girl to a guy is confidence. To be confident, you have to first accept yourself (things that you can’t change).
If you don’t like how you look, do something about it. You don’t like being skinny or slender? Make up a plan for cardio or whatever sport you’ll be alright in.
I’d say if you can work on what you don’t like about yourself, at the very least you’ve moved away from square one.

Why do people hang out with different groups? People all have different interests, find a group of people with similar interests to yours no matter how “normal” you think your interests are. The fact that your interests, INTERESTS you shows that It really isn’t NORMAL to YOU. Now, THAT’S important.

If you’re afraid or think that you’re not good enough... think to yourself then, what’s good enough to you? Work towards your ideal self.

Hmm I think you point out something important.. I was hurt.. I was bullied by people in middle school..
Other then that I think a lot of what you said is so true.. My challenge has always been getting myself to work toward some of these things because for a long time I lost hope in thinking that I can improve even if I tried my hardest. I guess the challenge now is to.. well challenge that belief and defeat it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Then theres always an anomaly like me
Uncandy. Miystical. . A freak of nature Or a miracle to prove all the experts wrong.lmao

MathA ******* r just humans and and dont have all the answers to the misteries of life.

my first gf was a perfect 10. She set the bar.hahaaa
my HS gF was on of the prettiest in school.
I lost my virginity to a super model.
My fianciee was drop dead gorgeous
My Exwf is beautiful. She could of had any guy she wanted..
My ex gf always had men hitting on her.
Jenni was very beautiful all eyes gose to her when she enters a room...
THEY ALL ASKED ME OUT..All caucasian women...

Kelsie looks just like her mom..
Shes drop dead goregous...
I just post pics of her innocent ones.lol

The hatred comes mostly from males..

I also suffer from the I'.ll show you sons of bitches.hahahaaaa

I'm Thai. The hatred forced me to be tough. I had to grow some serious balls to survive that honeysuckle..it effect me no doupt...but on the flip side
Women love tough guys not dickheads..

 

[only me]

Heres why
1) I'm Asian (That in itself is a disadvantage, with all the stereotypes and what not
2) The stereotypes actually fit me.. All the BAD ones that is..
3) Being short
4) Being skinny and slender
5) Being geeky and nerdy (I'll admit I am more on that side then anything)
6) Being quiet and shy
7) Having few friends (Why I'm here) <-- Like it or not in this life our social standing counts for something.. I guess its just the dirty truth...
8) Absolutely no confidence in myself
9) Very low-self esteem
10) No backbone
11) Being a nice guy (Yes I admit this too, we all know what they say about nice guys, they finish LAST..)
12) I'm not a very fun or interesting person I'll be honest, I have interests that most people don't have interest in... I've never had much success in making friends much less find a girl (The bottom essentially)
13) I'm a loner
14) I don't have many "redeeming" qualities, not a lot of special things to set me apart from other people, as a result I end up being too "normal" sometimes and thats boring...

Sigh.. people in this world have such high standards theres no way I'm ever gonna find someone like this.
I'm from NYC btw... We have tons of social elites to compete with, no chance... no chance like this...
I'm male btw... college age..

I'm a WASP and I can't see at all why being Asian is a disadvantage. I like Asians. (except for this one chick I work with, but that's another story) Almost everybody has self-esteem issues and I wish you good luck with that one. But as others have said YOU'RE BEING TOO HARD ON YOURSELF.

Good luck to you.

 

[apathy]

Hmm I think you point out something important.. I was hurt.. I was bullied by people in middle school..
Other then that I think a lot of what you said is so true.. My challenge has always been getting myself to work toward some of these things because for a long time I lost hope in thinking that I can improve even if I tried my hardest. I guess the challenge now is to.. well challenge that belief and defeat it.

I don’t know what would motivate you to work on challenging that belief and defeating it, you would know that yourself. Personally, for me... my motivation comes from a lot of anger and the feeling of not being good enough. What did you feel or think when people in middle school had pushed you around? What did you wish you could have done to them or yourself? Think about that.

You're doomed.
These other posters are telling you the typical nicey-nice everything will be fine b.s.
Move to Asia?
Odds are you'll be alone for a very long time. I bet you'll develop a mental illness, such as depression.
You might benefit from reading sociology books, reading about social network theory, to understand the social hierarchy.
The infuriating thing about society is that most people will never tell you the truth. Most people are playing a double game. Everyone is pursuing sex and status while denying what they are doing.
If you want a relationship you should probably pursue the women that nobody else wants.
Your family might hold the best hope of growing a social network.
Joining a church or other organization could open social opportunities.
I wish you well, but humanity is what it is: a despicable hierarchy of self-deceived primates, living lives of pretensions.

My best advice is to remember that people are merely animals. Treat them accordingly.

Hey atomlight, even though some of what you say have a grain of truth to it don't you think your approach to this is a bit pessimistic? Even though I still struggle with a lot of things, I have learned one thing in my years of struggle; that being pessimistic about the whole situation will only make things worse.

I hate to be a ***** but... I don’t think atomlight’s a troll. He’s just telling it as it is, which you guys may or may not agree with. Keep in mind that everyone’s been through varying degrees of negative experiences, he’s a product of his environment and so is everyone else. Haven't any of you ever felt bitter about humanity ever? I'm pretty sure I did.

“Treat them accordingly”, he puts it bluntly but he’s got a point. Basically, I think he’s just telling you to not let those who don’t matter, get the best of you. Though, the opinions of your friends who RESPECT you, would matter. However, I don’t agree that you should pursue the woman that nobody else wants. That women believes that nobody else wants her as she’s got a low self esteem. Two people with low self-esteems.. how would that work out?

“Even though I still struggle with a lot of things, I have learned one thing in my years of struggle, that being pessimistic about the whole situation will only make things worse.”
That’s the thing. See, you don’t have to be pessimistic about the WHOLE SITUATION. I think pessimism makes your situation worse because you’re constantly doubting yourself, thus staying put on square one.
Pessimism isn't all that bad. Let’s think about it, nobody always gets what he\she wants or needs. There is always a possibility of failure. But don't blame yourself for every failed experience, alot of factors contribute to failure which may or may not be in your control.
As long as you keep that in mind, this “pessimistic” view prepares you for the worse to come, keeping you emotionally and mentally prepared. In my own experience, this lessens the impact of failure. Worry less on what you can't control and work on what is in your grasp.

To be honest, moving to a foreign country might not do the OP good. No matter where you go... with a low self esteem, you won’t really put yourself out there. Okay, maybe you would. But then, what? You’re going to be feeling awkward or not show the best side of yourself. Then you’re going to regret, brood over the situation and doubt yourself again. The vicious cycle is going to repeat.
Everyone has their ups and downs, now are you going to try taking baby steps or not? If you don’t, you’re staying at square one. If you do and tumble, you’ll get a few scrapes and bruises.. but you might gain some wisdom from your predicament.

 

[Mr. Sir]

It's good that you have acknowledged these issues as problems, because now you can start knocking 'em off your list.

With you being Asian, I am sure you have the self-discipline and the drive to go on a self-improvement course.

 

[ChiCowboy]

Heres why
1) I'm Asian (That in itself is a disadvantage, with all the stereotypes and what not
2) The stereotypes actually fit me.. All the BAD ones that is..
3) Being short
4) Being skinny and slender
5) Being geeky and nerdy (I'll admit I am more on that side then anything)
6) Being quiet and shy
7) Having few friends (Why I'm here) <-- Like it or not in this life our social standing counts for something.. I guess its just the dirty truth...
8) Absolutely no confidence in myself
9) Very low-self esteem
10) No backbone
11) Being a nice guy (Yes I admit this too, we all know what they say about nice guys, they finish LAST..)
12) I'm not a very fun or interesting person I'll be honest, I have interests that most people don't have interest in... I've never had much success in making friends much less find a girl (The bottom essentially)
13) I'm a loner
14) I don't have many "redeeming" qualities, not a lot of special things to set me apart from other people, as a result I end up being too "normal" sometimes and thats boring...

Sigh.. people in this world have such high standards theres no way I'm ever gonna find someone like this.
I'm from NYC btw... We have tons of social elites to compete with, no chance... no chance like this...
I'm male btw... college age..

Get all this out of your head. Stop caring about these things and focus on school and whatever else you truly enjoy. We humans do give off "vibes." If you carry this negativity around with you, people will sense that, and they will be repelled. Attitude is everything. Change your attitude, and that will change your life.

 

[cubycue]

[/quote]


Hey thats too hash!!!! Try being black and add all the other things to it. You're in america? have fun, I'm in a country where everyone looks like an elephant and I'm so skinny with flat bum and no hips its miserable I get looks and wispers each time I move around....
just live your life and know that there certainly are people who have worse things to deal with. Be happy you're not missing a limb, blind or deaf, be happy you can read and write, have fun

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dudes...women r mean and cold bitches to each other...The pretty ones get picked on too...thats how women compete with one another..

She might not fit into rest of the herd
but shes going to be one of the prettiest ones...shes also very intelligent and have high selfesteem
becuase she not going suck the entired clang.s dick just to fit or peer pressure.
CONFORMITY is WEAKNESS
Her beauty makes her a minorty too. Youi just gatta know how to relate to beautiful women....