Self mutilation

[ratboy]

I think it is more common than most people imagine, and a big misconception that only 13 year old girls resort to it.

I think I started doing it as a cry for help, but after a while I made a habit of it and it turned into a real "release".

For years I did it and now I'm trying to remove some embarrassing scars. Can't tell you how stupid and ashamed I am that I did it

Don't know why I posted this. Just another long, boring day.

 

[eris]

Self mutilation is a very huge part of Borderline Personality Disorder. It is so much so that i'm willing to bet that most people that have it do it. I have BPD and had strange urges to burn myself when I am upset, or even if I'm not. I would snuff cigarettes out on myself and I have some scars that are from like 15 years ago that haven't gone away. Age helps with personality disorders so if youre under 20 it can be really really bad ( usually mental illnesses are degenerative, but personality disorders arent chemical) and I don't do it anymore

If it's really a cry for help you may have depression or anxiety...but if you have URGES to do it I bet its BPD.

Read this, it'll tell you more about BPD so maybe you can see if you have other symptoms.

http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/FAQ.shtml

 

[ratboy]

Well, I haven't done it in about a year. I got out of a really messed up situation and something triggered in me and I stopped. Appreciate the info about Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of those symptoms hit very close to home. I'm also a full blown recluse, and apparently there's something called an "avoidant-borderline mixed personality". It's scary seeing all of my most esoteric, extremely personal experiences written about to the T on these websites. I really wish I had the means to see a therapist.

 

[septicemia]

One of my best friends has done some major damage to her arms, deep, deep scars. I didnt even notice them until she pointed them out to me, so try to not feel too self conscious about it, I bet people dont notice as much as you think. You could always get full sleeve tattoos, they cant tattoo on the scars, but it would def. distract from them!

 

[iBreathe]

This makes me feel a little ache deep in my heart and it bothers me. I can't help but wonder at the intensity of emotions that would cause someone to feel the need to intentionally hurt themselves as a release.

I'm not trying to belittle this, nor am I attempting to mock the choices... I just wonder about it. About the people, and if they're happy now or if they feel any better. Does it ever go away? The need for the release?

 

[eris]

It's scary seeing all of my most esoteric, extremely personal experiences written about to the T on these websites.

I just wanted to give you a few facts that arent on the website or arent explained very well.

Something BPD patients very often do is do or say something that you really honestly don't want to do. Like if you break up with someone you really don't want to break up with or yell at a little old lady. 10 minutes later you are like WTF did I do THAT for ? ( ask Just_Some_Dude ... i yelled at him once and Im very sorry and didn't even mean it )

Also, it is called "Borderline" because it is thought that you are on the borderline of psychosis. It is very easy for a really really bad situation to make a person start having schitzophrenia-type symptoms.

 

[QuietGuy]

This makes me feel a little ache deep in my heart and it bothers me. I can't help but wonder at the intensity of emotions that would cause someone to feel the need to intentionally hurt themselves as a release.

Self mutilation is one of those shocking things that you don't understand and would never consider doing... until you find yourself doing it out of desperation.


I was just posting about this yesterday:

When I was about 16 or 17, I suffered from bullying and horrific emotional pain. In my bedroom, I would often screw up my eyes, clench my teeth, find something metal and sharp, and repeatedly and forcefully scar my upper arm with it. This intense physical pain allowed me to release my emotional pain. The scars looked terrible, which is why I made them on my upper arm, so no-one would see them.

It's not fun, but it can help.

I'm not trying to belittle this, nor am I attempting to mock the choices... I just wonder about it. About the people, and if they're happy now or if they feel any better. Does it ever go away? The need for the release?

Yes, it does go away (at least it did for me). Fortunately this period of my life only lasted a few months.

ratboy, I'm glad you haven't done it for a year now. I hope you never need to do it again.

 

[Sean]

Yep, visible horizontal scars up my right leg, my hairiness covers them pretty good though.
And a few barely visible scars on my left hand.

Started with somewhat duller objects that wouldn't break the skin like broken pieces of a pen . . . then eventually used razor blades.
There were many times that I cut my hand/fingers in class. Most of the time it didn't bleed that much (more than 2-5 mins). A little while before I stopped I started using hand sanitizer on the cuts for further pain/stinging.

Usually just cut to take my mind off things, sometimes to feel something, sometimes cause I was just so sad.

Last time I did it was a few days ago . . . small but deeper then I usually cut with a razor blade on the side of my thumb. . . . and before that I hadn't for several months.

Yeah well that's my story, and DO NOT WORRY, I would never take my life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It makes me sad that some people resort to hurting themselves physically because they are hurting mentally/emotionally. I can't really imagine putting myself in the shoes of those who do, but I wouldn't imagine it making things any better. It may feel like a release and escape, but it's really only temporary.

As for the scars, getting rid of them will be something you'll have to work on for a while. Some scars never go away for some reason. But try some cocoa butter cream or lotion. It helps with scars and such. Smells good too.

 

[Mysis]

Scars are permanent.

There are laser surgery options, however they only produce minimal results treating old scars.

Anyways... One home treatment involves a pinwheel device and liberal application of vitamin E ointment. I have no idea if it works or not, but it's out there if you want to try it.

Ultimately though, no treatment can remove a scar completely. It's permanent.

 

[eris]

I never actually used this but I've heard of it from other people.

There are something called "scar patches" that you put on a scar. It is supposed to act like an extra layer of skin to promote healing even if they are really old.

 

[Badjedidude]

I like scars.

But self-inflicted ones aren't impressive at all.

BATTLE SCARS FTW!!

 

[dead]

I like scars.

But self-inflicted ones aren't impressive at all.

BATTLE SCARS FTW!!

hmm. what if you are having a battle with yourself, hmm?
i have both kinds. i suppose that by now i kinda like them. signs of past wars.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Those Silicone sheets suck. I was in a car accident and used them for the scars on my face. What you want to use is Pure Vitamin E oil. That will clear it up far faster than anything else.

 

[dead]

hmm. that sounds like a decent idea to try.
:/

i don't personally mind scars, but goddamn, the looks are... tiring. ah, people like sticking their nose into others' business. oh-well.

SkuzzieMuff, that sounds terrible
i am glad you made it through alive though.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Aw, Dead. Sympathy completely unnecessary. It's been awhile and most people don't notice the scars anymore... But thank you....

 

[Limlim]

Looking around Google, it looks like it might be possible to cover up your scars with some creative tattoo work if that is a route you're interested in going.

 

[Haz]

I used to cut myself a little when I was younger, more because I just thought it was a thing people should do when they are depressed rather than having any real reason for it.

Still i've developed a taste for masochism recently, this is a tricky one for me. I'm not depressed, but I choose to make myself endure certain levels of pain. It feels like a way of testing my physical limits, and is a cleansing process to my mind which always leaves me feeling a sense of self-elation.

I wouldn't advocate this for everybody, but the amount of adults into such practices is rather astonishing.

 

[Drama]

forgetting pain with another pain..

 

[stuff4096]

forgetting pain with another pain..

Well put dramaqueen. I think in my case that is partially true. For me, the cuts are there simply as a means of externalizing the pain I feel inside and to serve as a reminder of how long I have been in pain. It is not a cry for help like it may be for some people. Long ago I made a vow to add another mark each year on the anniversary of the day I was born if I was not happy. I also do it when I am sad beyond the point where I can rationally cope. In particular, the last year plus has resulted in numerous new marks. I am not sure what is more disturbing, the fact that I do this or the fact that I see nothing wrong with doing it