Sexual Frustration...

[mimizu]

The whole world is depressed. It's the human condition. It's just to what degree. You can be depressed and still know you're worth something. There has to be some part of yourself that is loved no matter what.

I actually believe this is true and i agree with it.

It can't be true, because being depressed means feeling more unhappy than the average level. If we could measure happiness on some numeric scale, only those who score lower than a certain point can be counted as "depressed". If everyone is "depressed" then the word becomes meaningless. It's like saying that everything is "sacred", or everything is "beautiful". Those qualifiers are relative, so they can't apply to everything.

 

[Colette]

*Colette lurkes around the thread waiting to reply but is a little hesistant for fear of a fight with the pink-panty brigade*

*She responds anyway due to lack of self control.*

You are alone .. no sex for a while.. everynight memories haunting you.. dreams, you could touch your own thigh and feel ... good lol. So then some guy comes along; of couse you can't sleep with him just yet but naturally he wants to sleep with you ..or will want to after like a month or two.

You're an adult and can sleep with whomever/whoever you choose. What two consenting adults choose to do with their bodies is their business. There are no rules and the morality police need to mind their business.

For me now, I can't kiss the guy because I know just how much I want sex as well.. and after a week or two of kissing once we are anywhere near a bed we will f__k. Then we will break-up because we'll learn more about eachothers personalities, realise that we are two different .. or maybe I'll find that he is cheating on me... or maybe he's not someone I can have a conversation with about anything other than the intial "yea what high school did you go to?"

Marriages break-up. Not people your "seeing" or "dating" or "friends" with. There are four legal statuses: single, married, divorced, and windowed. The rest is all open to interpretation.

okay so to avoid this.. what are you doing kissing a guy that you havent connected with or you don't really like? THERE ARE NO GUYS TO CONNECT WITH AROUND HERE! lol.

It's okay because chances are he may not be that jazzed about you either so you can part ways which is rather refreshing, don't you think?

It's like all they are good for is sex, the mental side of it .. I mean I would love to pretend that I don't need to be able to communicate with a guy for a relationship to last (and for me to be happy) .. but I'd always want to be understood and to have good conversations.... to feel like I know the guy I'm with..

Everyone wants that. They just to want to feel smothered or rushed into anything. You can have sex with someone, laugh, joke, have interesting conversations. It's all communication. Or you can have others that you're not "interested" in intellectually and that's still okay because again, you're not married to them. Isn't that the whole fun of being single? Marriage is wonderful but being single does have it's perks.

Maybe guys aren't like this though.. then again maybe they are. I don't know.. but it seems they dont care about connecting mentally .. they dont mind sex, then break-up.. at least this is how it seems cause they are so willing to have sex with you after a month! or two??

Some men are afraid to talk because they know a lot of women have the priest at the edge of the bed. What the hell was the sexual revolution for if women are going to continue with this mentality?

*Colette hears the pink-panty brigade racing towards her*

why are guys like this? Why don't you'll have fears about jumping into bed with someone? Yes.. we want sex as well, and it makes it worse if you keep trying to get sex from us... thus it's horrible for females.. we are fustrated and tempted consantly (well this female)

Everyone wants sex. It's natural. I think you should look into things too much. Take it easy. Enjoy yourself. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. You have your entire life to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Dont' go rushing into every sexual or intimate encounter with ideas and projecting ahead. RELAX!

*Colette gets off her soapbox.*

 

[jales]

lol was just venting earlier.. what is the pink panty brigade?
i see what you are saying.. maybe they see it this way as well..

i wish i could find someone who sees it my way though(as in a guy).. i mean sex is where life comes from.. it's something extreamly intimate ..
it is a form of commitment ..cause if something went wrong and the girl got pregnant.. b4 even having sex with her you should have committed yourself to her in such a way that means that you are willing to be a part of her life forever.

no matter how much i try to tell myself that it's something as casual as you make it out to be, maybe because of my culture, i don't really see it that way. If i had sex and the guy walked away .. or the relationship ended soon after simply because we don't like each other. Esp. if this kept happening over and over.. that would mess with me mentally lol. As in frig up my self-esteem even more (which is frigged up already)..

What I'm saying is I just wish not as many guys here were so willing to jump into the sack with girls they aren't jazzed about. Yea you don't need to rush into a relationship.. take your time and enjoy being single .. but although you may be sexually fustrated have just a little respect for the act..

it's a natural thing .. a great thing... but it's also a very intimate thing (to me).. n it's the source of life...

Anyway all that dont really matter cause everyone's life is different ..sex means different things to different people, life on the whole need not be taken that seriously and like you said.. we are adults ..

oh as for the morality thing.. nah i don't think it's morally wrong to sleep with someone and then naturally have the relationship end... it's just hard for me because of the way i view sex. :/

 

[mimizu]

At least you can get sex when you feel desperate enough... and if you keep searching, you have a chance to find a guy you will connect with eventually.

Even if you don't like them, you still get spoken to, kissed, touched... It confirms your existence. That you aren't disgusting. That you are human.

I don't feel human. I feel like a disgusting deformed monster whom nobody would touch even with a ten foot pole.

 

[jales]

Mimizu, you will have sex once you live long enough .. trust me you will! Sorry for tending a 'sexual fustration' thread to 'sex has meaning' by the way..lol.. it only really has meaning because humans think too much.. but the fact still remains that we do think too much.. makes no senses trying to ignore your mental side ..we are animals ..but we are sexual as well as mental..
and Mimizu MUUUUUAH! lol that was kiss.. maybe I'm too disgusting and monster like and you don't want it though ...

no sure.. but you will be kissed and you will have sex... also there's always prostitution lol, if you find yourself living to long without sex. Other than that ... i'm sure that if you live for another ten years you will have sex.. most likely sooner than that though.

 

[jjam]

why are guys like this? Why don't you'll have fears about jumping into bed with someone? Yes.. we want sex as well, and it makes it worse if you keep trying to get sex from us... thus it's horrible for females.. we are fustrated and tempted consantly (well this female)

two groups: Responsible and Irresponsible

The responsible:
1. They are careful of STDs. Me? Either we've got some green light reports from the doc's office (with second opinions), or I've got some crazy limits on what I'll do with you if playing the guessing game on your health.
2. They are careful of pre-mature pregnancies. As someone who grew up without a father and cares for the well being of people (that starts with caring for the well being of children, ESPECIALLY the one(s) you bring into the world), I filter out women I don't believe I could get along with to the extent of raising a child with. I say this because I feel it is in children's best interest to have two loving parents co-working to raise them. Guys, how many hot and horny women do you come across that you lack respect for? The responsible guys aren't ****ing with them because they already know there's no wanted future with those women.

The irresponsible:
1 They are careless of leaving a woman with a child to raise on her own.
2. They are ignorant and/or careless of the dangers of STDs.

If we didn't have those two issues in the world, we'd all be a lot less careful about who we sleep with. Really. If we had a 100% STD proof solution and pregnancy solution, sex in 2007/2008 would be like... like having a glass of kool-aid. I think women and men should be equally responsible, but because of where we are in the world, women have to be extra responsible (particularly referring to child birth).

I will pass on a piece of ass without hesitation if I have the wrong vibe. Not all men are horny and careless. A lot of us are horny and careful, and it kind of sucks to be in that position, but it's better than being in the irresponsible group.

I envy the couples that are healthy, faithful, beyond content with each other sexually, and could go through the fire with each other raising a child or children. That there's just perfection. And so there's a hint into my "sexual frustration". I want to be with someone, but certainly not anyone... and that, my friends, is terribly difficult to find.

 

[Colette]

It's assumed that people will be careful for themselves and protect themselves against STD's and pregnancies. That has nothing to do with jumping or not jumping into bed with someone.

It is a woman's responsibility to take care of herself. If she gets pregnant it should not be assumed that a man must take responsibility for the child although the courts don't agree. But a woman can get pregnant and then abort the child behind the man's back and he has no right to stop her. Is that fair?

 

[jjam]

It is assumed that people will protect themselves, but not everyone has faith in the protection. And the statistics don't exactly add faith... for a lot people. It has plenty to do with it. If you're talking sex, you **** well better be talking about potential consequences. I know there's an emotional angle to it, which I think jales raised. Heart break and so on. I was just offering another angle as to why some may or may not be quick to jump in with someone.

 

[JustLost]

Some people will say "Well, honeysuckle, just go out and get laid!", but I am not really someone who goes out to get some ass. I don't know why. I feel weird about it and I'm not the greatest at it anyway. I've tried it, but I feel like a predator and I'm a little paranoid about the logistics and "risks" of one-night stands. I really don't want random pussy anyway. I'm a guy, but I really want to screw around with someone I care about. Unfortunately, I don't have any interesting females around.

I'm like this. I don't want random pussy either and I certainly don't feel bad about it. There was a time when I thought that was what i needed, but the reality is that it's kind of a hollow experience.

Sex with someone you love is infinitely more satisfying. One night stands might get the job done but you're just lonely again the next day. That's not really fun to me and it almost seems like a waste of time.

but then again, I think too much...

 

[lonelygirl]

Please note that being in a relationship doesn't end sexual frustration. In fact, it can be even WORSE to lie in bed next to someone who you want to have sex with and he or she denies you!

Please don't feel bad. Masturbation is an excellent release. Erotica or materials may be necessary.

Try not to compare the 'real women' you meet with airbrushed centerfold models, though. Those women don't even look that perfect in real life, either!

REAL women DO have stretch marks, cellulite, scars, thunder thighs, poofy tummies, etc. They may not be 'perfect,' but they are REAL. And they can REALLY love you way more than a centerfold ever could.

 

[lonelygirl]

Mimi,

You are a lovable and decent person. You are a kind hearted person with a deep sense of right and wrong. You grieve for those who are hurting.

I would touch you with my own hands, no pole necessary! (However I'm married so you are like a brother to me!)

 

[NewBirth]

its not assumed that ppl will protect themselves from stds. thats xactly y we have the high rate of stds that we do. the last time i checked the stats 4 18-25 yr olds were something around 65% infected
this doesnt sound like its assumed that ppl will protect themselves from stds 2 me

 

[NewBirth]

a woman can get pregnant and then abort the child behind the man's back and he has no right to stop her. Is that fair?

now i can say ive seen a woman question the fairness of this. never have b4. thx 4 the xperience. usually ic women ferociously supporting this

 

[Colette]

a woman can get pregnant and then abort the child behind the man's back and he has no right to stop her. Is that fair?

now i can say ive seen a woman question the fairness of this. never have b4. thx 4 the xperience. usually ic women ferociously supporting this

Yeah. You'll find I'm pretty fair. Some men can be idiots but I'm not part of the pink-panty brigade and going lump all men into one category. I feel it is unfair that women automatically get home custody of children and meanwhile the father gets to see the kids once a week (maybe) and then has to fork over 3/4 of his pay.

Trust me when I say I would never want to be a man. Society puts too much pressure on men.

 

[mimizu]

Yes, I've read some heartbreaking stories about that. It's really unfair... Thank you for being a honest person, Colette.

 

[zeneida]

I'm a girl and I think the problem you guys have exist in Western culture only. The 'I feel like a noob because she's had more sex than me' or whatever is not a common issue her. I'm from Asia, 27, a virgin and never had a bf. Now, we have 3 kinds of guys here:

1.) guys who sleep casually and get around a lot
- they obviously don't have a problem with promiscuity, it doesn't bother their conscience. When they do get married, they have mistresses and '*******' children abound, sorry but it's a reflection of Philippine society.

2.) guys who have premarital sex but never casually
- the only thing that would trouble these guys is if they were a girl's first time and the relationship goes awry since it has to do with her honor and whatnot. If she's had more experience than him (which is rare), then she'd be grateful that a decent guy came by her way.

3.) guys who wait until they get married
- the only problem they have is trying to find a girl they like to marry them but plenty get married early here (20s that is)

All these talk about the problem with experience and quantity is not that big of an issue here but guy's and girl's who are promiscuous here are looked down upon. So, be happy, at least you're gentlemen and romantics even! I'm not saying that you should find an Asian chic OK, because other Asian dudes don't like that (premarital sex), perhaps American Asians will be fine.

 

[lonelyloser]

In the US there is big pressure for a guy to "perform" and be really good at a young age, so if you aren't that makes it a lot harder to get some b/c you keep putting it off. Girls here want experienced guys and they tend to have a radar for that. So the guys who have experience early end up getting all the action, while the "nerdy" guys end up getting it late in life or not at all...pushing them farther and farther away from opportunities. In Asia people have sex just as much but its on the DL and you wouldn't think people are promiscuous because they are good at making themselves look innocent and studious. The fact that people are so open about it in America makes it harder to get some if you're inexperienced.

 

[Colette]

Girls here want experienced guys and they tend to have a radar for that.

It's not a matter of experience but a matter of wanting to learn. European men tend to see women as a whole. When they make love to a woman they make love to the woman. Whereas American men tend to be more self-centered when it comes to sex. Also Americans tend to be a little sexually repressed and not comfortable talking to their partner about sex. It's all about communication, not experience.

 

[Presence]

I'm a girl and I think the problem you guys have exist in Western culture only. The 'I feel like a noob because she's had more sex than me' or whatever is not a common issue her. I'm from Asia, 27, a virgin and never had a bf. Now, we have 3 kinds of guys here:

1.) guys who sleep casually and get around a lot
- they obviously don't have a problem with promiscuity, it doesn't bother their conscience. When they do get married, they have mistresses and '*******' children abound, sorry but it's a reflection of Philippine society.

2.) guys who have premarital sex but never casually
- the only thing that would trouble these guys is if they were a girl's first time and the relationship goes awry since it has to do with her honor and whatnot. If she's had more experience than him (which is rare), then she'd be grateful that a decent guy came by her way.

3.) guys who wait until they get married
- the only problem they have is trying to find a girl they like to marry them but plenty get married early here (20s that is)

All these talk about the problem with experience and quantity is not that big of an issue here but guy's and girl's who are promiscuous here are looked down upon. So, be happy, at least you're gentlemen and romantics even! I'm not saying that you should find an Asian chic OK, because other Asian dudes don't like that (premarital sex), perhaps American Asians will be fine.

Wow 27? Makes me wanna cry for you lol.

 

[Almond]

I think it's wonderful that you're waiting for marriage zeneida. I'm waiting too and I'm much older than you. We'll have happier long lasting marriages because of it.


What an insulting thing to say Presence.