short guys at a real disadvantage?

[Timbobway]

There used to be guy on youtube named Kent (Kent tv, Kentray Brown) he is 5'2 and has a big problem dating also.  Women instantly reject him because of his height and due to that he has gone through a lot of depression and anger issues.  So it is something that exists.  I am 6'1 and I can't get a girl to be interested me either.

I know a guy who is right around 5 foot.  He's married to a girl who is 5'7.

That is great for him.  How old is he?

He's 35 now.  They met when he was 30 and she was 27.
 
All it takes, regardless of height or weight or age or whatever is to find the right person.  If you constantly live in a negative mindset, your chances of finding anyone even remotely close to the right person is significantly harder than if you were to stay positive and stop focusing so much on it.  (This rant isn't directed at you, Timbobway, just a rant in general for the masses.)  Stop blaming the world and start being more positive.

I am assuming he has had girlfriends in the past, right?  If so, he must have had the experience and social skills required to win her over.  A positive mindset can help but it seems that that isn't enough sometimes.  You can be the most positive person and even be told that by a girl, like I was, but not stand a chance in the end.  Kent said the same, that he was being positive, but it never works out.  But who really knows.  He lacks the social skills required and I do too.  So perhaps height does play a small factor but in the end doesn't mean much.  It is all about lacking certain skills.

 

[kamya]

Man what a thread .. people trying rile up others on purpose, with nothing but shallow, ill-thought out responses. The quality of topics has really gone down as of late. Let's just stop this here? If you have some unfinished urges or pent-up frustration, go outside for a walk.

This post fits right in here then.

Guess it's time to go outside for a walk.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There used to be guy on youtube named Kent (Kent tv, Kentray Brown) he is 5'2 and has a big problem dating also.  Women instantly reject him because of his height and due to that he has gone through a lot of depression and anger issues.  So it is something that exists.  I am 6'1 and I can't get a girl to be interested me either.

I know a guy who is right around 5 foot.  He's married to a girl who is 5'7.

That is great for him.  How old is he?

He's 35 now.  They met when he was 30 and she was 27.
 
All it takes, regardless of height or weight or age or whatever is to find the right person.  If you constantly live in a negative mindset, your chances of finding anyone even remotely close to the right person is significantly harder than if you were to stay positive and stop focusing so much on it.  (This rant isn't directed at you, Timbobway, just a rant in general for the masses.)  Stop blaming the world and start being more positive.

I am assuming he has had girlfriends in the past, right?  If so, he must have had the experience and social skills required to win her over.  A positive mindset can help but it seems that that isn't enough sometimes.  You can be the most positive person and even be told that by a girl, like I was, but not stand a chance in the end.  Kent said the same, that he was being positive, but it never works out.  But who really knows.  He lacks the social skills required and I do too.  So perhaps height does play a small factor but in the end doesn't mean much.  It is all about lacking certain skills.

Exactly, but you can learn those skills with practice, as long as you don't let the negativity take over.  People can see that, if they pay attention, whether you think it shows or not. 

As for the guy I know, he didn't have a lot of experience in dating before he met his wife, but he did have some.

 

[nibbysaurus]

My boyfriend is shorter than me, mostly because of the wheelchair, I actually have no idea how tall he is if he was to stand up next to me. But since that's not likely to happen, that point is moot. I wasn't attracted to his height, because he is usually about eye level with my elbow anyway. Almost 2 years together now. Also his first "proper" girlfriend

 

[Lowlander]

Man what a thread .. people trying rile up others on purpose, with nothing but shallow, ill-thought out responses. The quality of topics has really gone down as of late. Let's just stop this here? If you have some unfinished urges or pent-up frustration, go outside for a walk.

This post fits right in here then.

Guess it's time to go outside for a walk.

Joke's on you, I can't. As you know

 

[ardour]

All it takes, regardless of height or weight or age or whatever is to find the right person.  If you constantly live in a negative mindset, your chances of finding anyone even remotely close to the right person is significantly harder than if you were to stay positive and stop focusing so much on it.  (This rant isn't directed at you, Timbobway, just a rant in general for the masses.)  Stop blaming the world and start being more positive.

It's waste of time arguing with you, but we don’t get  the option to work on anything or meet that person.  I don’t know  one  around my age who might be single. Doesn’t matter if it’s at work, at social  or activity groups, wherever.
 
There needs to be a smidgen of good will and an actual chance at conversation first.

 

[TheRealCallie]

All it takes, regardless of height or weight or age or whatever is to find the right person.  If you constantly live in a negative mindset, your chances of finding anyone even remotely close to the right person is significantly harder than if you were to stay positive and stop focusing so much on it.  (This rant isn't directed at you, Timbobway, just a rant in general for the masses.)  Stop blaming the world and start being more positive.

It's waste of time arguing with you, but we don’t get  the option to work on anything or meet that person.  I don’t know  one  around my age who might be single. Doesn’t matter if it’s at work, at social  or activity groups, wherever.
 
There needs to be a  smidgen of good will and an actual chance at conversation first.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you knew every person.  There couldn't possibly be someone you haven't met yet.  What exactly do you mean you don't get the option to work on anything?  LIFE is an option to work on everyone.  If for no other reason than to be a better person than you were yesterday.

 

[Timbobway]

I know a guy who is right around 5 foot.  He's married to a girl who is 5'7.

That is great for him.  How old is he?

He's 35 now.  They met when he was 30 and she was 27.
 
All it takes, regardless of height or weight or age or whatever is to find the right person.  If you constantly live in a negative mindset, your chances of finding anyone even remotely close to the right person is significantly harder than if you were to stay positive and stop focusing so much on it.  (This rant isn't directed at you, Timbobway, just a rant in general for the masses.)  Stop blaming the world and start being more positive.

I am assuming he has had girlfriends in the past, right?  If so, he must have had the experience and social skills required to win her over.  A positive mindset can help but it seems that that isn't enough sometimes.  You can be the most positive person and even be told that by a girl, like I was, but not stand a chance in the end.  Kent said the same, that he was being positive, but it never works out.  But who really knows.  He lacks the social skills required and I do too.  So perhaps height does play a small factor but in the end doesn't mean much.  It is all about lacking certain skills.

Exactly, but you can learn those skills with practice, as long as you don't let the negativity take over.  People can see that, if they pay attention, whether you think it shows or not. 

As for the guy I know, he didn't have a lot of experience in dating before he met his wife, but he did have some.

I understand what you are saying, but I have to say the older you get the harder it is to learn those skills and put them to use.  Your friend has had experience in the past.  Guys like me will always be behind because we have to work on things that most don't have to and have already accomplished years ago.  While they are planning for the future we are just trying to get to the point they have been to in the past.  We will always be playing catch up.  Due to that a negativity mindset sets in and it becomes a losing battle.  I don't mean to sound like a defeatist but it seems that this is the reality.

 

[Lowlander]

Then change your mindset. I know it isn't easy, but it's a start.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I understand what you are saying, but I have to say the older you get the harder it is to learn those skills and put them to use.  Your friend has had experience in the past.  Guys like me will always be behind because we have to work on things that most don't have to and have already accomplished years ago.  While they are planning for the future we are just trying to get to the point they have been to in the past.  We will always be playing catch up.  Due to that a negativity mindset sets in and it becomes a losing battle.  I don't mean to sound like a defeatist but it seems that this is the reality.

But that's exactly my point.  How can you have any hope of getting what you want out of life if you already decided you failed before you even start? 
I'm not saying it's easy, but if you are determined, you will find a way.  There is someone out there for everyone, and while that might just be my opinion, you haven't failed until you have completely given up and stopped trying.  Do something different, find a hobby, get a new routine, go somewhere new.  And keep working on the issues you don't like about yourself that you can change. 

I don't know how old you are, but at what age did you decide that it was a "lost cause"?  What did you do before that didn't work?  What types of girls are you going after?  What do you think you can do to help yourself get to where you want to be?  There are a million questions and a million possible answers.  You just have to ask yourself the right ones and be extremely honest with yourself.  But that's part of where the problem comes in.  You can answer those questions with what you think are honest answers, but are they really honest.  Now before anyone rushes in to attack, I am NOT calling you a liar and I don't think you would lie about the answers.  BUT, I used to be a complete mess.  My ex left me, I was scared of my own shadow, I couldn't stand leaving the house, I couldn't stand being around people, etc etc etc.  I asked myself those questions and while I didn't think I was lying to myself at the time, in retrospect, I was.  I wasn't really trying.  I was putting in the minimal effort to say I tried everything and called it quits.  I was worthless, no one was everyone going to want me again, he was everything I was ever going to have, so why keep trying, it's not working.  It wasn't until I let that honeysuckle go that I was really able to be honest with myself. 
Okay okay, enough with the long winded babbling. lol  My point is that you need to be okay with yourself, be content with your life before things will start to fall into place in other areas.  Find out who you are if you don't know, find out what you want to do, what will make you content.  Notice I have not said the dreaded word "HAPPY."  Happiness is overrated, overused word that most people don't achieve.  Not saying it's not possible, because it really is, but it's not as important as people think it is.  So, stop trying for that and just work on being content with yourself.

 

[kamya]

Man what a thread .. people trying rile up others on purpose, with nothing but shallow, ill-thought out responses. The quality of topics has really gone down as of late. Let's just stop this here? If you have some unfinished urges or pent-up frustration, go outside for a walk.

This post fits right in here then.

Guess it's time to go outside for a walk.

Joke's on you, I can't. As you know

That was kind of the point. Glad you got it. It's a pretty rare thing in this thread.

 

[ardour]

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you knew every person.  There couldn't possibly be someone you haven't met yet.  What exactly do you mean you don't get the option to work on anything?  LIFE is an option to work on everyone.  If for no other reason than to be a better person than you were yesterday.

It's the likelihood of something, not  a generalization for all individuals. You know this already though, just trolling for reactions as per usual. Single women usually aren't comfortable with inexperienced single men because of a fear unwanted attention and various stigmas we have to deal with (we are basically one big Red Flag). We don't get chances to develop the social skills most men did during adolescence. Perpetual non-starters women actively avoid. And in the rare event we do we need to do everything exactly *right*, play the masculine role perfectly, and that's where the essential life experience that's lacking comes into it. (Timbobway's post.)

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you knew every person.  There couldn't possibly be someone you haven't met yet.  What exactly do you mean you don't get the option to work on anything?  LIFE is an option to work on everyone.  If for no other reason than to be a better person than you were yesterday.

It's the likelihood of something, not  a generalization for all individuals. You know this already though, just trolling for reactions as per usual. Single women usually aren't comfortable talking to inexperienced single men because of a fear unwanted attention and various stigmas and 'red flags'  we have to deal with (we are basically one big Red Flag). Even if we do get chances we need to do everything exactly *right* and play the masculine role perfectly, and that's where essential experience most men learn during adolescence comes in. (Timbobway's post.)

All you have to do is be a decent human being (not saying you're not, btw) and meet people.  That's usually all single women want is a man who is going to treat them well.  Yes, you have shallow women out there who want someone tall and good looking and muscular and blah blah blah, but contrary to popular belief (here, at least), there are quite a few women out there that don't care about that stuff.  Yes, you have to attract them, but you can't do anything if you've already given up.  Maybe you go out and try, but it seems kind of obvious that even if you do that, you already think you failed before you walk out the door.

 

[ardour]

"That's usually all single women want is a man who is going to treat them well."

No, that's far from all. Otherwise they'd be initiating.

Men are usually expected to initiate then take the 'lead' in the relationship. That has not changed and probably never will. A man who can't fails on a fundamental level. A short/unattractive/overweight/low income man with a sufficiently strong outgoing personality has a reasonable chance, however someone who doesn't is at a serious disadvantage.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That was kind of the point. Glad you got it. It's a pretty rare thing in this thread.

You can stop being so unnecessarily rude now. People don't agree with everything you say to pacify you. Get over it.

 

[kamya]

That was kind of the point. Glad you got it. It's a pretty rare thing in this thread.

You can stop being so unnecessarily rude now. People don't agree with everything you say to pacify you. Get over it.

I can be rude if I want to be. Get over it. Doesn't make anything I'm saying any less correct.

Now if only certain people could stop being so unnecessarily stupid.

 

[DarkSelene]

They're saying they tried, just because you don't believe they did more than the minimum doesn't mean they didn't. They're trying to explain how hard it is to learn those skills when you don't get a chance to work on them, because almost no women their age will give them the time of day exactly because they have no experience/skills and because of it they are generally more awkward and shy. They're explaining how hard and almost near impossible it is to just change a mindset when their lives have been a series of failed attempts and nothing else.
How hard it is to understand that people can't just change or develop skills without a base for it? How they can't build that base because dating is not the same as getting good at cooking, you don't do it alone with some ingredients, you have to actually deal with others and what they want and what they want generally is not them. 

How hard it is to give someone the opportunity to share their difficulties without having to shame them for not doing enough because you believe they didn't do enough or this other person believes they just need a positive mindset when there's so much proof and their lives are proof enough that just being nice or trying it with a good mindset won't work for them?

It's not coming up to the situation as if it's already a failed attempt, it's taking your car out of the race because you're tired of trying and not succeeding... or it's just calling out bullshit advice but keep trying for themselves. It's not about you, or your freaky experience that no one cares about because it's so off from what happens in the largest portion of society.
"Just be yourself, just be positive, just find confidence" that's all bullshit. Absolute crap.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, that's certainly redundant....I'm done repeating myself.
Continue to be what you are, instead of trying to change what you don't like. All that stuff you keep saying over and over again CAN be changed if you work hard enough. If you let go of the honeysuckle you are holding onto so tightly. It's mostly all excuses.

Ardour, I hope you don't let the negativity and bitterness completely take over, because I really do believe there is a chance for you.

 

[kamya]

Well, that's certainly redundant....I'm done repeating myself.
Continue to be what you are, instead of trying to change what you don't like.  All that stuff you keep saying over and over again CAN be changed if you work hard enough.  If you let go of the honeysuckle you are holding onto so tightly.  It's mostly all excuses.

Ardour, I hope you don't let the negativity and bitterness completely take over, because I really do believe there is a chance for you.

The thing is none of that has anything to do with the thread or the point of the thread. No one is saying it CAN'T possibly be done, only that it is a little harder for short guys than tall or average height guys. It isn't really an opinion.

That is what they are complaining about. Go back and read the original post. Or even your own first reply where you mention preferring taller men. Take two men that are exactly the same except for one is shorter than you and one is taller than you, which one would you pick? By your own words you'd pick the taller one. THAT is what the guys mean by disadvantaged.

It's no different than women complaining about job discrimination based on their gender. Having equally or slightly lesser qualified men being picked over them for jobs or being paid less just because they are women. 

I don't know how these threads always morph into "Wah men complaining and making excuses. You can change. It's not impossible. Some women don't care about height. Work on yourself." Oh wait, yes I do.

You can say someone is going to have a harder time because of height and still hold all of your same opinions about it not being a deal breaker. It doesn't change the fact that it's still harder. Which is the point of the thread.

 

[TheRealCallie]

While I DO prefer TALLER guys, it doesn't always break the deal if one is shorter than me.  Quite a few of my exes were actually shorter than me.  So it's not like I wouldn't date one shorter than me.  Besides, I'm pretty tall, so I usually find guys are either my height or shorter.
But, it's not really about how tall someone is, it's about WHO the person is and how you feel about him/her.  

Okay, fine, let's dig up this post from SEVEN YEARS AGO....

Did you see the last line?  My opinions haven't changed.  Would it be nice to look UP to a guy for once, would it be nice to rest my head on his shoulder without getting a neck cramp?  Yeah, it would.  But, if you read ALL of my statement, IT IS NOT REQUIRED!  I don't choose who I date based on how tall someone is or whether they are muscular or whether they are "OMG, HE'S SO HOT." 

As for the rest....lol