Should I change my strategy?

[cool_breeze]

Hello. I am wondering if I should change my strategy on sex and love? I usually hold out for sweet girls. I still want them to be very sexual, but sweet and the opposite of a nasty, slutty girl basically.

I don't really like how people treat sex these days. I like to find a beautiful woman and take care of each other and express love and appreciation for each other. Sex can, and I think should, be a special thing.

Unfortunately it can be a long time in between this. In the meantime I will usually do dating, but that's usually boring.

I guess the question is should I be some kind of manwhore? I was never in the chain smoking, hookup crowd really. There's a chance I'm a manwhore and I just don't know it. I don't know.

Am I thinking about this wrong or something? If a girl will just give her body away to someone after an hour of talking to them at the bar, it makes me a lot less interested in her.

I like sweet girls who will have very loving sex. I've never had a one night stand so I don't have anything to compare it to, but I'm pretty sure the way I do it is a lot more intense and fulfilling. But it doesn't come around so often either.

I want to do something about this soon. Any ideas? In retrospect I probably could have slept with a lot more girls than I actually have.


It's actually making me fairly depressed at the moment. I have a bit of a long distance thing and it's not really going the way I want it to right now. I just want real love.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I don't think experimentation hurts. I knew what I wanted from life, but that didn't stop me from trying out various experiences. You don't know until you try it, really.

 

[nerdygirl]

So... you reject a lot of females who are fine in all aspects other than how promiscuous they are?

 

[user 9172]

You're obviously confused. On the one hand you say sex is a special thing that should be reserved for lovers, and on the other you indicate a desire to have sex with numerous women.

I agree with IgnoredOne... try it the other way and see if that helps you decide what your real viewpoint is?

 

[SofiasMami]

Can I be blunt here? Sounds like you're horny. That's a bad reason to start a relationship and being a "manwhore" is not the right strategy to find a great relationship. I agree with the experimentation idea too. It might help you expend some energy while you're waiting for the right person.

Teresa

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Until true love comes, sex is just going to have to do....

I read that from a self help book or being happy.

 

[cool_breeze]

Thanks for the responses. Let's address some replies.

I don't think experimentation hurts. I knew what I wanted from life, but that didn't stop me from trying out various experiences. You don't know until you try it, really.

Sort of true. I love trying stuff in life. Would you try hard drugs though? Certain things don't really need to be tried.

So... you reject a lot of females who are fine in all aspects other than how promiscuous they are?

Not fine in all other aspects. Also, who wants a promiscuous girl? Normal girls have sex as a result of a relationship. If they're just out ******* every guy who gives them a little attention at the bar, it seems to take all the specialness and meaning out of it.

You're obviously confused. On the one hand you say sex is a special thing that should be reserved for lovers, and on the other you indicate a desire to have sex with numerous women.

I agree with IgnoredOne... try it the other way and see if that helps you decide what your real viewpoint is?

I think it's ideally for lovers. I'm not too confused. The trouble is the world basically has taken a crap on my love life for a long time. I'll have great intentions and then it still won't work out.

That's why I started this thread. Maybe I need to change my strategy...

Can I be blunt here? Sounds like you're horny. That's a bad reason to start a relationship and being a "manwhore" is not the right strategy to find a great relationship. I agree with the experimentation idea too. It might help you expend some energy while you're waiting for the right person.

Teresa

I am horny. I would say the opposite though. I think being horny isn't a good reason to have sex. People talk about sex these days independently of the person it's with. That doesn't really compute with me. I like to have sex with someone because I love them. I think it's a lot more fulfilling and healthy. Also, did you contradict yourself? Don't manwhore yet experiment?

Until true love comes, sex is just going to have to do....

I read that from a self help book or being happy.

It's possible. See, I mostly hold out for love. And love doesn't seem to come easy.


Last thoughts. Do you guys know that with each new partner your brain changes and it actually makes it chemically harder to have a really serious LTR or get married?

I don't want to do anything I will regret. What if in 20 years I think **** I wish I didn't bang all those sluts, I can't feel close to anyone anymore. On the other hand what if I wonder, wow I should have had more sex in those periods in between love. Hmm...

---

This is really the only reason I'm on this board. I have a fair amount of friends. Most people like me. I get along with people and make good conversation.

I'm just looking for deep love. And the lack of that actually makes me feel quite lonely.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It won't change anything chemically for you; it might make you more cynical but that's hardly a /bad/ thing. You should not be having so much difficulty finding people who haven't had that much experience, though - I think you're not looking at the right places.

Obviously you wouldn't want to experiment with hard drugs, but having had more than a few partners for a guy is /normal/. If anything, you'll probably regret it in the future for not having enjoyed life while you could. Though to be honest, you'll probably end up regretting your past no matter what you do - its what the brain does to us.

 

[LostInside]

So... you reject a lot of females who are fine in all aspects other than how promiscuous they are?

Not fine in all other aspects. Also, who wants a promiscuous girl? Normal girls have sex as a result of a relationship. If they're just out ******* every guy who gives them a little attention at the bar, it seems to take all the specialness and meaning out of it.

Not to mention a higher probability that she is STI infected....

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Im my experince. I never had problems
or issues while dating different women.

Most of my problems came when I was in relationship.

Renae...my fiance. I totally fell madly
in love with her. I didnt want anyone
else after her. She was it..
The love of my live..turly love.
Our relationship wasnt perfect
When that fell apart. I went throught
the..."Ill never love again"

Then I met my ex wf. I was still in that
mentally of not being able to love again. She actaully had to ask me out.
So I gave it another shot..Then that fell apart. Then I went through...Ill never..
never be able to love again.

Women are hitting up on me left
and right So I finally started dating.
I never had any problems with the women I was dating or having casccual
sex with.

Then I got back with Renae again
after my devorce..
The romance and love making was
still very. Very specail to me and her.
She can still recalled what we did
21 yrs ago. She remembers making
love to me..So it was special for her
too..

---

We got back together again...
It was natrual. The fire and passion
had never left...Its just theres forces
in our lives thats keeps coming bettween us...Theres so much love
between us..She was so so happy.
And the love making was awesome.
Thats what she tell me...Im her soulmate...its like that when Renae and I have sex or make love.

But were seprareted agaiin....

In a way Im kind of like you.
Im trying to re think this
True Love , the love of my life or soulmate stuff...

In the back of my head and heart
I beleive she gonna come back to
me..again ..

so I kind of like u
Do I wait forever as life passes me by?

 

[SofiasMami]

I think you already have the answer to your question figured out for yourself.
I had to giggle at the idea of your body's chemistry changing with each new partner. Well, of course it does. Why should this be something to be avoided? Choosing to stay single and celibate also changes your chemistry. So does eating a taco or laughing at a funny movie.
Not sure if I believe that each new partner makes it chemically harder to have a serious LTR or get married. Care to cite your sources on this?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You won't know until you try. In the end I cannot tell you what is best for you. What is the worst that happens? You learn that you do not enjoy tons of sluts and sex?

One thing that I have noticed is that the sweet ones RARELY want to be as sexual as sluts. After all, they want you to love them for their minds. After all, sex is not everything right?

What is the best that happens? You realize you were wrong about sweet girls and your life is more fun and interesting by banging tons of sluts?

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

Meaningless sex sucks ass, believe me. You'll do some girl, then a week later your buddy will call you saying "Dudeeee I just got laid!" (by the same girl). It will be fun at first, but give it some time and your life will be packed with drama. Crazy girls, pissed exboyfriends. They'll find out sooner or later.

 

[beans]

I still want them to be very sexual, but sweet and the opposite of a nasty, slutty girl basically.

There are no such girls.

 

[cool_breeze]

I think you already have the answer to your question figured out for yourself.
I had to giggle at the idea of your body's chemistry changing with each new partner. Well, of course it does. Why should this be something to be avoided? Choosing to stay single and celibate also changes your chemistry. So does eating a taco or laughing at a funny movie.
Not sure if I believe that each new partner makes it chemically harder to have a serious LTR or get married. Care to cite your sources on this?

I wish I had the answer. Ya I want love and loving sex. That doesn't seem so easy though. I'm not trying to be single/celibate just not finding anyone special very easily.

Regarding chemicals, I thought that was common knowledge. When you have sex with someone you feel more connected with them on a chemical level. So it increases your feeling of bonding. But that effect basically wears off more with each new person. Can't find where I've read it before right now but I'll be able to link a website later...

What is the best that happens? You realize you were wrong about sweet girls and your life is more fun and interesting by banging tons of sluts?

It's possible. I'm just about to start sluts even though I want love. Something has to change...

Meaningless sex sucks ass, believe me. You'll do some girl, then a week later your buddy will call you saying "Dudeeee I just got laid!" (by the same girl). It will be fun at first, but give it some time and your life will be packed with drama. Crazy girls, pissed exboyfriends. They'll find out sooner or later.

See that's basically what I think. It has drama, baggage, a price to pay. It's because there was no love in the first place.

I still want them to be very sexual, but sweet and the opposite of a nasty, slutty girl basically.

There are no such girls.

The last girl I was with was like that basically. She was just a little too young and wasn't really what I was looking for overall. I wanted more emotionally and a different type of personality.


This just seems lose/lose to me basically. I don't really like the idea of pointless sex but I'm not finding love very easily either.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I think you're working very hard to make things self-defeating, to be honest. You seem to find fault with any girl.

 

[cool_breeze]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

 

[allanh]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

sorry, I just have to smile at these requirements I thought I was picky.....

 

[Ak5]

I think you should stay with your current strategy. Absolutely every human being, from age 13+ wants sex. Doesn't matter what type of personality they have, they'll still want sex. So it shouldn't be very hard finding a nice, kind, girl who wants sex.

I'm a good guy, not a bad boy. But every time I go out I just can't help noticing some of those girls on the street. And I am absolutely positive that they feel the same way towards males.

But maybe I'm not perfectly fit to give advice on this topic, I'm only 15 and my hormones are raging :O.

 

[nerdygirl]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

sorry, I just have to smile at these requirements I thought I was picky.....

Uhm. That's actually a pretty short list!