Should I change my strategy?

[IgnoredOne]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

Yeah, good luck. You're looking not only for the usual male impossibility of a virgin slut, you want an areligious virgin slut. Who isn't blonde.

 

[louMcntire]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

Any list is a long list. You should let people grow on you.

Same as with music. The single will make the billboards, you'll like it the first time you listen to it. But the real pearl is the one that keeps you coming back, but didn't caught on at first play.

I mean common! You learn that stuff in every romantic comedy...

 

[Luna]

I used to have an extensive list in my mind...my future partner would have A, B, C, D, E etc.
I met someone and he didn't meet any of it!
But we connected.
Sometimes, the unexpected happens.
I don't believe that there is a "strategy" or "solution" to finding a partner as each person is different.
All-in-all; meet new people and see where it goes.
Remember that no one is perfect.

 

[nerdygirl]

There really isn't anything wrong with having a short checklist- especially if you're including things like "non-smoker", "not slutty", and "open minded". That isn't exactly crazy talk. People who have no criteria at all often find themselves feeling lonesome while they're in a relationship, and have no clue why. I suspect most- if not all- of us have certain qualifications we need others to meet.

 

[beans]

It's possible. I don't think I find fault with *any* girl though.

Maybe I'll write what I like just for fun:

-open minded
-not religious
-shouldn't smoke
-shouldn't be too slutty
-fun/intellectual/likes trying stuff


I don't think that's so bad. Physically I think tall and big breasts are nice. I was never really into blondes either...

Thing is, ask yourself, am I someone who girls with these criterias would be attracted to? lol...

 

[cool_breeze]

Wow pretty much every kind of reply has come in. Some people think standards are good. Some people think bad. Some people think I have a short list, some think I have a long list. Haha.

The thing is, I can get dates. I go on a fair amount of them. Usually I'll meet women online or from a bar or something. I've had a couple relationships. Some flings I guess also.

I just want that classic girlfriend. The one you date for a few years. The one you consider marriage with. The one where mindblowing sex is a logical extension of an emotional connection.

I have sort of a long distance thing right now but it seems like it might be unravelling. I just feel crappy about all this lately. I'm ready for something more serious... I guess you can't really have expectations but at the same time that's what I want right now...

 

[Luna]

Well...plenty of people want what you want.
You see people searching for "the one" for years - decades even.
Stay true to yourself but sometimes what we want doesn't come right away...or maybe it won't even come at all.
Maybe there are women who are interested in you in that way but you have no interest in them.
Vice-versa is true as well.
You just gotta keep trying and see where it leads.

 

[cool_breeze]

Which brings me full circle. The sexual loneliness lately is getting to me. Should I go have meaningless sex? I probably won't like it. I might even feel worse after it for doing something so intimate with a stranger.

I think this all wouldn't be an issue if my long distance thing was going better right now...

 

[Luna]

If casual sex is something that you could enjoy - then go ahead.
Experiment all you want...just make sure you be careful.
I know a few young people who have multiple incurable STDs from foolishness.
It's easy to be foolish when there is temptation.

If casual sex is something that is strongly against your beliefs - then simply wait.
It's tiring and it sucks but it's not like you're going to spontaneously combust if you don't have sex soon.
Sex is mechanical (IMO) if it is just with random strangers...one after another after another.
It sounds like you're looking for something deeper than a quick f*** which means you need to get to know the person first; see if you share common values; form an emotional bond etc.
This all takes time and doesn't come right away.
You're not going to like everyone you meet and not everyone is going to like you.
I know a man in his late 30s who remained a virgin until marriage etc.
To many people it might seem like a "waste of youth" but he is happily married and well - **** happier than all the (lonely, miserable, bitter) people who said such things/ looked down at him for staying a virgin so long.

For your LDR...maybe try to work it out first before looking around.

 

[nerdygirl]

Bah. "Some people". Unless I missed it, I am the only one telling you it's okay to have standards. The general consensus is probably the best way to go. I mean, can so many people be wrong? I'm just... wired differently.

 

[cool_breeze]

Standards help you get girls. It shows you have some self respect and you know what you want.

I spose if you have no standards at all you can get something. But probably not anything special...

---

For your LDR...maybe try to work it out first before looking around.

It flipped. She used to want me more than I wanted her. I met her in a place I'm no longer at. She wanted me to stay/move there. The last few months I have been wanting her. She's also been having a hard time in her life and seems to be taking me for granted now. It seems paradoxical. She's being an ******* recently.