Hi, My name is James, I am 27 years old. I have had a fair few girlfriends in my life but usually I get hurt as when the honeymoon period wears off they discover my many flaws and personality problems and then just leave. I have suffered depression for many years. I started taking drugs when I was 13, started with weed then moved on to speed, pills, lsd, dmt, mdma and coke. Recently I have found that mixing sleeping pills with alcohol is excellent for numbing my mental anguish. Anyway thats abit about my past but my real problem is this....
I've been seeing this girl for around 10 months now, she is a few months older than I am. We get on really well and I fell in love with her (not the way girls sometimes say 'love' for the hell of it, I mean real love...I'd happily give up my life for her) She has 3 children of the ages 11,9 and 5. One night we were talking and she confessed to me that she had been abused. When she was 15 she dated an older guy who controlled her and used physical violence against her. He wanted a child and forced her to go ahead with his sick plans to trap her. She became pregnant at age 15. He continued to abuse her both physically and mentally until finally she gained the courage to try break it off. He then got into her house one night and raped her. She fell pregnant again from this. She finally got away from him and went through numerous 'relationships' which were just scum using her for sex. Then she fell pregnant again after a one night stand. Some years later our paths were to cross and we had an instant connection, perhaps due to us both having troubled backgrounds. She tells me she has never loved anyone before but with me she thinks she does. So my problem is this.... after I learned of the abuse she suffered I had nightmares, I was phyiscally sick on one occasion from the thought of it. It has totally ruined my appetite. I had an argument with her because I was so upset about what I had heard, I kind of blamed her saying why did you allow this to happen to you, why did you not get the police involved. Now when I see her kids they are like reminders of what has happened to her. I love this girl and I think this time it might be true love but her past is haunting me. I believe that one day I won't be strong enough to battle my depression any more and I will give in to my thoughts of suicide. I think this experience has brought me closer to that. I am having thoughts of killing myself but I know if I do that then I could miss out on a life of love with her. This situation and these feelings i'm having are messed up! I'm so sick in the head right now. Any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks for reading
I've been seeing this girl for around 10 months now, she is a few months older than I am. We get on really well and I fell in love with her (not the way girls sometimes say 'love' for the hell of it, I mean real love...I'd happily give up my life for her) She has 3 children of the ages 11,9 and 5. One night we were talking and she confessed to me that she had been abused. When she was 15 she dated an older guy who controlled her and used physical violence against her. He wanted a child and forced her to go ahead with his sick plans to trap her. She became pregnant at age 15. He continued to abuse her both physically and mentally until finally she gained the courage to try break it off. He then got into her house one night and raped her. She fell pregnant again from this. She finally got away from him and went through numerous 'relationships' which were just scum using her for sex. Then she fell pregnant again after a one night stand. Some years later our paths were to cross and we had an instant connection, perhaps due to us both having troubled backgrounds. She tells me she has never loved anyone before but with me she thinks she does. So my problem is this.... after I learned of the abuse she suffered I had nightmares, I was phyiscally sick on one occasion from the thought of it. It has totally ruined my appetite. I had an argument with her because I was so upset about what I had heard, I kind of blamed her saying why did you allow this to happen to you, why did you not get the police involved. Now when I see her kids they are like reminders of what has happened to her. I love this girl and I think this time it might be true love but her past is haunting me. I believe that one day I won't be strong enough to battle my depression any more and I will give in to my thoughts of suicide. I think this experience has brought me closer to that. I am having thoughts of killing myself but I know if I do that then I could miss out on a life of love with her. This situation and these feelings i'm having are messed up! I'm so sick in the head right now. Any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks for reading