So apparently I suck at life D:

[Estreen]

Lately it seems like I just can't do much of anything right when it comes to socializing...even with people whom I normally feel comfortable around and whatnot. I hardly ever have anything of interest to say...to ANYONE really. v_v Most of the time I don't even know what to say to when people say certain things, or when I want to try to cheer someone up. I hate it, but no matter how hard I try to think, my mind comes up blank.

And maybe I don't reach out as often as I should to people maybe, or talk as often as I should. Maybe I'm seen as just selfish/self-absorbed, I dunno. All I know is that my friends and family are important to me and I'll always try to be there if/when they need me, but maybe that's not good enough.

I'm not good enough.

Maybe this is why I don't have that many friends, because of my under-developed social skills, my mediocre looks, and my presence that probably emanates with low self esteem/confidence.

I know I'm being terribly negative at the moment, and the only way to change or improve myself is to work at it, but I'm just in this sort've rut lately where I feel so inferior to everyone I know because I lack basic social interaction skills that I hadn't really realized that I was lacking in before.

I apologize for the rambling. I'm kinda just pouring it out as the thoughts form the words on the tip of my brain.

This is the only place I can really discuss this though, as no one in my real life will understand where I'm coming from...

v_v

 

[Steel]

Personally, I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's not necessary to talk incessantly.. as long as you are polite and friendly when you do talk, nobody will think badly of you.

The problem is, as soon as you are involved in a conversation and worried that you will "dry up" it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I have never heard anyone say "I don't like so and so because he/she doesn't talk enough." However, I have heard plenty of people say "I don't like so and so because I can't get a word in edgeways"

 

[Oceanmist23]

The first thing I would like to say to you is that you know just as well as I do that your looks are far beyond mediocre lol.
You're really pretty, and I'm not saying this to cheer you up, but to state a fact, the truth.

Secondly, I hardly ever have anything interesting to say to people either. This applies mainly to my family. The less that goes on in my life the less I have to talk about. I end up talking about things I've read online lol. I have no job, no studies, no kids (thank god), no hobbies. So it's limited what I have to talk about.

I also find it hard to know what to say when people say things to me. Like a few days ago, my sister told me she doesn't know if she can be together with her boyfriend of 7 years any more. How does one reply to such a thing? I ended up telling her I just didn't know what to say, but she said she wasn't expecting me to say anything. It was just good for her to tell someone about it. So you never know, that might sometimes be the case when people tell you things too. That they just need someone who'll listen.

In other cases where people will tell you about everyday things, what they did at work/school, hobbies they've been busy with, a great restaurant they had dinner at etc., I'm not great with replying to those things either. I often just S&N - Smile and nod lol. As they're talking my brain is working like mad trying to find questions to ask about what they're talking about. It doesn't matter if it's a genuine question or not, I just ask to be polite lol. It's easier when a person is talking to you about something you have an interest in or can relate to.

There's no rules on how much a person should talk. That's entirely up to you and how you feel. For many people it's very up and down. Sometimes they'll have loads to say, other times nothing.

Yes, you are good enough. You're a great person and you care about your family and friends very much. Like I said, sometimes people just need someone who'll listen. That can help them a lot. Also, be honest with them. Let them know that you might not be able to reply to what they tell you, that your mind becomes blank now and then, but that you'll listen to them. Try it, I'm sure they'll understand.

*Hugs*

 

[jasmin]

The good thing is that ruts don't last forever. I agree with Steel you are being very hard on yourself. Give yourself a break, and try not to put pressure on yourself to respond to people.
I hope you start to feel more positive soon

 

[Eric]

It gets worse in your 40's. Count your blessings, you've got plenty of time to address everything I just read. If by chance you have a series of accidents(or mistakes), you can find yourself in middle-age worse off than when you are young. It's harder at this age to make friends as most people by this age have their lives set, their ways set, no flexibility. This is why 2 years ago I abandoned internet dating sites. I gave it a good try but realized the time and effort yielded nothing. I have my dog, and I look at him and think: "You give me so much love without all the hassle, truly a superior life-form." When I was in my 20's I was burning inside from rejection, having to kick, scratch and claw for every human contact I could make, dogs meant nothing to me I just wanted "human contact". But 20+ years later, I know it's always a losing battle. So I retired from trying. But if I went back in time with the attitude I have now.....I bet I would have fared a hell of a lot better. People respond to that "I don't give a sh%^ if you like me" attitude with "Hey! Why don't you care? Come back!" Even tho I cant travel back in time, you can still change your future. Forget the problems you are having and focus on "your" secure future. Then you will have freinds at 47, and not live alone with your dog. Get good at something now to secure your future. My 2 cents worth.

 

[Needles]

Just pull a Scrubs and talk about whatever comes to mind. For instance, that awesome episode of Home Movies you have in your avatar. Or the one where they babysit alexandr the cat.

 

[Estreen]

o_o You recognized my avvie. ^.^

Yeah, maybe I am being a little hard on myself; I usually tend to be, I guess so that others don't get the chance to point out my flaws. Instead I try to beat them to it. Heh. ^^;

Reason I'm thinking this way is because twice recently I've had people upset at me for this sort of thing. My boyfriend last week felt that I wasn't "being a good girlfriend" although the next day he apologized and said he was being stupid, but I felt bad that I didn't make him feel better the way he makes me feel better when I'm a little down. =\ Then a friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country now, abruptly signed off on me, claiming that I "only talk to her when I'm fighting with my boyfriend" which, the last time we had a long convo it started off with her venting out to me about her...umm, ex now I guess, and then after that things between my bf and I came into the convo, but we've talked since and I was talking to her this time too, but she said it was "kinda annoying" (about me supposedly only talking to her when things are bad with the bf) and signed off straight after she said that. I'm kinda pissed off about it, but at the same time, I'm wondering what actions I've done specifically that's caused offense so that I can figure out if she has a right to feel that way or if she is just being sensitive.

So lately I either don't say the right things or I don't talk enough or whatever. I don't know. I guess I'll just wait to see what happens with her, and in the meantime just gear up for my birthday.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I have gone through the same things, Estreen.

Before my methods would work in trying to cheer people up and try to show that I care for them, but everyone has their limits. First they would let me listen to all their troubles and interests, then after a certain amount of time they would just shut me out because I "say the same things over and over again", or say "All you are ever going to say is that you are sorry I went through that". What can I do though then? To me it shows that they have given up and I should just do the same. I feel like its not even worth trying anymore with anyone.

Here's to one of us maybe having some better luck soon when it comes to social interaction with others.

 

[Unacceptance]

Yeah but everyone else sucks at life too.

 

[Estreen]

I have gone through the same things, Estreen.

Before my methods would work in trying to cheer people up and try to show that I care for them, but everyone has their limits. First they would let me listen to all their troubles and interests, then after a certain amount of time they would just shut me out because I "say the same things over and over again", or say "All you are ever going to say is that you are sorry I went through that". What can I do though then? To me it shows that they have given up and I should just do the same. I feel like its not even worth trying anymore with anyone.

Here's to one of us maybe having some better luck soon when it comes to social interaction with others.

I have gotten complaints from my boyfriend sometimes about how I repeat certain things, but, like you, it's because I really just don't know what else to say and I try to make it sound different and not sound like a broken record, but ugh. It's a little comforting to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this.

Yeah but everyone else sucks at life too.

So I'm among friends, hooways! =D

 

[Unacceptance]

I have gone through the same things, Estreen.

Before my methods would work in trying to cheer people up and try to show that I care for them, but everyone has their limits. First they would let me listen to all their troubles and interests, then after a certain amount of time they would just shut me out because I "say the same things over and over again", or say "All you are ever going to say is that you are sorry I went through that". What can I do though then? To me it shows that they have given up and I should just do the same. I feel like its not even worth trying anymore with anyone.

Here's to one of us maybe having some better luck soon when it comes to social interaction with others.

I have gotten complaints from my boyfriend sometimes about how I repeat certain things, but, like you, it's because I really just don't know what else to say and I try to make it sound different and not sound like a broken record, but ugh. It's a little comforting to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this.

Yeah but everyone else sucks at life too.

So I'm among friends, hooways! =D

Or at least temporary allies. Or Maybe carnivores who aren't currently focused on eating you.

Something like that.

 

[Punisher]

Yeah but everyone else sucks at life too.

Sadly you're right again Unacceptance sir

 

[SilentThinker]

I lost quite a few friends simply because I dun give the attention they need.I guess the advice I could give is that relationship need to be worked on constantly and it needs to be mutual.A mutual acceptance and treatment of each other as friends.

Hope it helps.xD

 

[SophiaGrace]

Maybe you are over-analyzing things when you see these people.

relax. Dont worry about the consequences. be yourself and care about others and you'll be fine

When you start to feel anxious tell yourself there's no reason to be worried! There isnt!

But dont ignore gut feelings if you meet a person that just feels "off" and makes you feel anxious. Then you should walk away from said person.

 

[Estreen]

Thanks Sophia. I think I'm better at it if it's in person, just online conversations....I get like, distracted and lose track of things sometimes. =\

Unacceptance:
You made me laugh, thanks! *hugs*

SilentThinker:
I'm kinda like that. But there are times where I pay a lot of attention but after a while when nothing happens, then my focus eithers shifts to something or someone else for a while, but then I come back to that person eventually.