So I've been turned into a fly

[Twitchy]

Sorry to bother you all, but I have a bit of a problem.

Well... as a result of a botched experiment in teleportation, I've managed to turn myself into a giant housefly. I really should have checked the telepod for contamination, but I certainly wasn't expecting this kind of thing to happen.

I've made several attempts at decoding my own DNA in hopes of separating our two species, but I've had limited success. It looks as though I may have to accept my fly "parts" for the time being. If anyone out there has some experience in gene splicing, your help would be greatly appreciated.

As if I wasn't socially awkward enough BEFORE this. Now I have to adapt to a new lifestyle. How do I explain this to relatives? What do I say to people at work or parties? It's just too much to deal with.

At least dating should prove less complicated:

I guess I'll stop whining for now. I noticed there was a lovely pile of honeysuckle at the front of the lawn this morning. I suppose I should go hover aimlessly over it for awhile.

P.S - Thanks for listening everyone. It helps to get all this out in the open and off my thorax.

 

[Nyktimos]

I know how you feel. I used a telepod years ago without realising there was a useless tosspot in it.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

You should go find all the people you don't like and sting them...

 

[Nyktimos]

You should go find all the people you don't like and sting them...

Or at least walk on their food.

 

[Zak]

FLIEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

[Spare]

I have a Transmogrifier you could borrow, if you think it could help. Or, if you would like, I could talk you through the making of your own. Here's a list of parts and supplies you'll need:

1. Large cardboard box
2. Black crayon
3. Stuffed tiger

Transmogrifier technology is surprisingly self-explainatory, and very user-friendly, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble taking it from here.

Good luck!

 

[Twitchy]

I know how you feel. I used a telepod years ago without realising there was a useless tosspot in it.

How do you cope? Are there support groups for this?

 

[Twitchy]

1. Large cardboard box
2. Black crayon
3. Stuffed tiger

Transmogrifier technology is surprisingly self-explainatory, and very user-friendly, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble taking it from here.

Good luck!

I understand everything except how to use the black crayon.

 

[Nyktimos]

I know how you feel. I used a telepod years ago without realising there was a useless tosspot in it.

How do you cope? Are there support groups for this?

There are no support groups for people who have turned into useless tosspots. It's safer for everyone for us to be removed from society. I've tried explaining to people I'm a useless tosspot because of a science experiment that went wrong years ago, but they just mutter something about excuses and throw live haddock down the back of my shirt.

 

[Spare]

1. Large cardboard box
2. Black crayon
3. Stuffed tiger

Transmogrifier technology is surprisingly self-explainatory, and very user-friendly, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble taking it from here.

Good luck!

I understand everything except how to use the black crayon.

The black crayon is for constructing the Transmogrifier control dial (this step may prove difficult for one who lacks opposable thumbs). I forgot to mention the paper arrow and tack. Sorry.

Using your black crayon, you can modify the control dial to include a "Twitchy" option. You'll be back to your bipedal self in no time!

 

[Minus]

 

[Twitchy]

Using your black crayon, you can modify the control dial to include a "Twitchy" option. You'll be back to your bipedal self in no time!

Thanks! Is there nothing that can't be learned from Calvin?

 

[Twitchy]

Dammit! I looked everywhere for that photo and couldn't find it anywhere. I may have to steal it from you.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

Being a fly isnt all that bad, most people are quite accepting in todays multicultural and ethnically diverse world. Once you have regurgitated digestive juices onto your food and then slurped the steaming remains back up a couple of times, people become accustomed to this natural and refreshingly original mode of eating and will gladly welcome you back to any dinner party.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Being a fly isnt all that bad, most people are quite accepting in todays multicultural and ethnically diverse world. Once you have regurgitated digestive juices onto your food and then slurped the steaming remains back up a couple of times, people become accustomed to this natural and refreshingly original mode of eating and will gladly welcome you back to any dinner party.

Hmm, it might possibly become the new way to eat...barf on it and then eat it again!

 

[Minus]

Dammit! I looked everywhere for that photo and couldn't find it anywhere. I may have to steal it from you.

it's yours

 

[Sodium]

Just try not to get swatted and stay away from anything sticky.

 

[SophiaGrace]

aw do you feel like a fly on the wall? omg you could stalk hot chicks and they would never even know...

****, now I want to join you O_O

 

[Nyktimos]

aw do you feel like a fly on the wall? omg you could stalk hot chicks and they would never even know...

****, now I want to join you O_O

You didn't strike me as a stalking hot chicks kind of person.

Twitchy, maybe you can answer one of life's biggest mysteries. Why do flies fly around light fittings on the ceiling, even though they are not switched on?

 

[Naval_Fluff]

ZOMG! You could recruit an army of flies to do ur bidding!