So very alone

[Obsidian]

I feel lost and have no idea where to turn. I have no friends, no job, anxiety and depression. I'm married to a wonderful man but he doesn't know how to support me or to make me feel better.

I so very much want a friend, someone to lean on, someone to listen to my problems, someone who cares if I exist or not.

Part of my problem is I don't have many "lady like" interests. I don't care about fashion and I don't want to hear about your children/grandkids. I'm not into dressing up and hitting the town (lives in very small town). I also don't drink which for some reason makes people think I'm stuck up.

I like animals, gardening and gaming. I'm happy sitting by the river and listening to nature. I often feel like I'm not worthy of friends, that I'm just too boring.

I'm going through a bad spell with anxiety right now so I know I'm excessively needy but even when I am feeling good, people seem to have no interest in me. Isn't there anyone else out there like me?

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Hi Obsidian,

I don't think you sound boring at all, you're just going through a difficult time where things can seem very bleak. I hope you can find & be in touch with some like minded souls both on here & out there in the widey world too.

Even if people don't have the exact same interests it can be possible to help one another along.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Isn't there anyone else out there like me?

You'd be surprised how many there are....

 

[Pike Creek]

I feel lost and have no idea where to turn. I have no friends, no job, anxiety and depression. I'm married to a wonderful man but he doesn't know how to support me or to make me feel better.

I so very much want a friend, someone to lean on, someone to listen to my problems, someone who cares if I exist or not.

Part of my problem is I don't have many "lady like" interests. I don't care about fashion and I don't want to hear about your children/grandkids. I'm not into dressing up and hitting the town (lives in very small town). I also don't drink which for some reason makes people think I'm stuck up.

I like animals, gardening and gaming. I'm happy sitting by the river and listening to nature. I often feel like I'm not worthy of friends, that I'm just too boring.

I'm going through a bad spell with anxiety right now so I know I'm excessively needy but even when I am feeling good, people seem to have no interest in me. Isn't there anyone else out there like me?

Yup, I'm just like you. I like living a simple country life. Only difference is I don't feel the need for friends, my bf is really all I need and I'm lucky he does understand me and makes great efforts to help with my own anxiety and depression. He's like me too and doesn't have much interest in being a social butterfly so we both got lucky we found each other. Sorry you're having that trouble, I know this may sound obvious, but have you communicated to him in detail what he can do to help you? He may just need some specific guidance. I don't think you are uninteresting, you just haven't found a friend with similar interests...it's hard these days to meet someone like-minded that you can count on. I found it especially aggravating that most women my age are moms and all they talk about are their kids...that turns me off quickly.

 

[Badjedidude]

I'm married to a wonderful man but he doesn't know how to support me or to make me feel better.

I so very much want a friend, someone to lean on, someone to listen to my problems, someone who cares if I exist or not.

See, it's just very curious and strange to me that you'd say your husband is a wonderful man, and then in the very next sentence you remark upon how you want someone who cares if you exist.

Perhaps I've misunderstood.

What makes your husband a wonderful man? If he's not a friend, someone you can lean on, someone who can listen to your problems, someone who cares if you exist or not... then what is he?

 

[ringwood]

I don't think you are uninteresting, you just haven't found a friend with similar interests...it's hard these days to meet someone like-minded that you can count on. I found it especially aggravating that most women my age are moms and all they talk about are their kids...that turns me off quickly.

I echo this, you don't sound boring at all. Rather, you sound like a person who is deep-thinking, and comfortable enough in your own skin that you don't feel the need to 'belong' just because. You are searching for people who are genuine. I'm a woman in my 40's and while I dress lady-like (skirts, dresses, no pants) I am decidedly un-lady-like in my interests and generally don't have a lot in common with the typical women I meet (I'm a mum to a 5-year old - put me in a room with a bunch of other moms all yapping about their kids and my skin crawls! I live with my kid 24/7, God knows I love him to death but there's way more to me than my kid.)

Anyway, give me a shout if you feel like chatting one day, I'm always around. P.S - I love gardening too (nor do I drink). Cheers!

 

[Obsidian]

Thanks everyone, you make me feel better My hubby is wonderful because he is kind, caring and supports e in whatever I want or need to do. He just isn't very in touch with his emotions and that can make it difficult when I'm having issues. My therapist also thinks I need to tell him what I need from him but I'm afraid, I'm so closed up I don't know how to express myself any more.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Thanks everyone, you make me feel better My hubby is wonderful because he is kind, caring and supports e in whatever I want or need to do. He just isn't very in touch with his emotions and that can make it difficult when I'm having issues. My therapist also thinks I need to tell him what I need from him but I'm afraid, I'm so closed up I don't know how to express myself any more.

How about the two of you doing the love language thing? I don't think it's the end all to be all but it gives a defined playing field to work from.

 

[Pike Creek]

Thanks everyone, you make me feel better My hubby is wonderful because he is kind, caring and supports e in whatever I want or need to do. He just isn't very in touch with his emotions and that can make it difficult when I'm having issues. My therapist also thinks I need to tell him what I need from him but I'm afraid, I'm so closed up I don't know how to express myself any more.

I'm kind of in the same boat. My bf is also very caring and wonderful, but he has his moments when his emotional maturity is lacking, I guess we all have that once in a while no matter how emotionally mature we think we are. I was really clear with him though, for example...I told him sometimes when I'm having anxiety, I need more affection and hugs to help me over it, and I'm afraid to ask for it because I don't want to be rejected or thought of as needy. He said all I have to do is ask because he doesn't always perceive that that's what I need. I agree with your therapist, you need to find a way to open up to him and ask him for help because you say he's so wonderful, I'm sure if he knew what to do, he'd be eager to help you out. It's not an easy conversation for someone who is closed up and has trouble expressing themselves, but I think that it will bring more closeness and trust if you take that step. I hope so.

 

[Omnipotent Soul]

Thanks everyone, you make me feel better My hubby is wonderful because he is kind, caring and supports e in whatever I want or need to do. He just isn't very in touch with his emotions and that can make it difficult when I'm having issues. My therapist also thinks I need to tell him what I need from him but I'm afraid, I'm so closed up I don't know how to express myself any more.

I too agree you should try to open up, although I've never experienced it so don't take my word for it.

 

[Obsidian]

I'm trying to be more open but its scary.

 

[Pike Creek]

I'm trying to be more open but its scary.

I know, it's a process. It won't happen overnight but the great thing is that you can definitely take small steps towards being more open. If you start by telling your husband that you want to be more open but it will take you a while and that it is scary for you, I think (based on how you've described him), he would totally support you.

Just generally speaking, taking steps to build a better life for yourself is difficult because (I think) people tend to want to stay comfortable in their misery. It's easier to be lonely and feel sad than it is to step out of that place and face a big fear. That's not bashing anyone who is in a bad place, I'm speaking from my own experience living with anxiety, panic and depression. It was much easier for me to avoid people, stay alone for too many years, feel sad about not having a bf in my life and be idle about taking steps to improve my situation, than it was for me to face my fears, get my health back, start being social again and start dating. It actually took many years to get to that point, but I made a commitment to myself and kept it. I did fall back now and then, but I did make it. That first step is the hardest I think.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I'm trying to be more open but its scary.

Just generally speaking, taking steps to build a better life for yourself is difficult because (I think) people tend to want to stay comfortable in their misery. It's easier to be lonely and feel sad than it is to step out of that place and face a big fear.

You know it PC, I was very much paralyzed by indecision for a couple of years- felt like everything I did went to hell. If it wasn't for Kid and a job to go to I might've stayed mired in uncertainty. I took a major chance, switched careers, and basically forced myself out of indecision. It seems like I've been able to measure progress almost monthly- I've gone from wretched, indecisive, and feeling very, very alone to regaining my former confidence and sense of accomplishment. I'm aware of what put me in that dark place so I avoid the things that put me down like they're the plague. The approach I have to life now might not be for everyone but I appreciate every person and opportunity that comes along and enhances for me. I've learned good friends come in ways unexpected, that putting yourself out there can be incredibly rewarding, and to enjoy every experience that comes along to the utmost.

 

[Nuke1967]

I always had trouble finding close friends, me and my brother always had issues with that, while my sisters could find a group of friends no matter where they went. Do count yourself luck you have a partner in marriage, I never even had that.

I just think some peope just have a personality that makes friends easy, while others don't, but again you do have someone that loves you and you love them back, so I would say in that regard your a very lucky person indeed.

 

[Tiina63]

I think that you are wise to want to make friends as it can be hard for one person to meet all of our needs no matter how close and loving your relationship is.
Many women find constant fashion/family talk dull after a time and want friends with a wider spectrum of interests.
Could you do some voluntary work in a local animal shelter as you would be with people who also love animals and might be able to connect with them? And it would give you some useful work experience to put on your CV which may lead to employment in future.
Or could you join a walking group which would go on country walks? Or maybe join an environmental group which wants to preserve tranquil spots ? There may be a greater chance of your meeting kindred spirits in places which attract like minded people.

 

[badhairday]

Hi Obsidian. I am very much in a similar position and I'm sorry I can't offer you any constructive advice. My husband also does not understand my lonliness and anxiety, he is very much a homely sort with no desire to connect with other people, he is also very quiet. I have told him what I need but he said he doesn't know why he can't do what I ask.

I have no female friends and also find it hard to connect with women. I can't have children so when I hear women talking about their kids it's like being kicked in the stomach it hurts so much.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone x

 

[ladyforsaken]

Obsidian *hug*

 

[Obsidian]

I did it! I finally broke down and talked to him. It was really hard and I cried a awful lot, especially when I told him how lonely I feel. Its helped, he now knows how much I need him and he's reaching out to me more.
Thank you all for your kind words, you are all so very helpful, wish I cold hug you all

 

[ladyforsaken]

Glad to hear the good news, Obsidian.

Hi Obsidian. I am very much in a similar position and I'm sorry I can't offer you any constructive advice. My husband also does not understand my lonliness and anxiety, he is very much a homely sort with no desire to connect with other people, he is also very quiet. I have told him what I need but he said he doesn't know why he can't do what I ask.

I have no female friends and also find it hard to connect with women. I can't have children so when I hear women talking about their kids it's like being kicked in the stomach it hurts so much.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone x

badhairday, I just saw your post.
I'm sorry. *hug*

 

[Tiina63]

I am so glad that you opened up to your partner and that he was kind and supportive. I am sending you a hug.