Somebody's got to help me. And fast. (PHOENIX area)

[anthonyS13]

Can anyone please help me escape this lonely, monotonous life I am living? I'm going nowhere, I'm working a minimum wage job, and there's absolutely no one around who wants to help get me out of the house. Somebody needs to help me before I go insane. I've been stuck here for much too long, and I need to find someone to possibly move in with that shares similar interests with me. I've been without friends for much too long and I never seem to enjoy my days as much as I can.

Things need to change so badly. I never have time to myself, my work is taxing, and there's never a reward for me after a long, hard week. Somebody in the PHOENIX area has to get me out of here for good, and help me move forward. Please, I'm so desperate...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Someone else can't help you with that stuff. I mean, yeah, they could help by being a roommate, but that doesn't mean that it would work.

Look for another job, look for people needing a roommate, go out when you have the time, meet new people, change your mindset and start thinking more positively. You have to do all that stuff on your own, no one else can do it for you. Change it up, do something different.

 

[anthonyS13]

Someone else can't help you with that stuff. I mean, yeah, they could help by being a roommate, but that doesn't mean that it would work.

Look for another job, look for people needing a roommate, go out when you have the time, meet new people, change your mindset and start thinking more positively. You have to do all that stuff on your own, no one else can do it for you. Change it up, do something different.

I don't know where to go, what to do, or how to start. Again, I have hardly any time to myself to do as I please. And when I have time outside of work, my mother keeps forcing her housework on me. After it's all done, it's basically time to go to work. I work until late and after the day is done, I sleep. Every single monotonous day of my life... Weekends are worse, as my father bosses me around when it's time to do yard work, on top of going to work yet again. I get no weekends off.

 

[kamya]

Move out. Working all those hours you can afford your own place somewhere right? But really like Callie said, this is something you have to do on your own. Don't make excuses.

 

[anthonyS13]

Move out. Working all those hours you can afford your own place somewhere right? But really like Callie said, this is something you have to do on your own. Don't make excuses.

No, that is the problem with the system we're all under, but that's another story. No matter how many hours they'll make me work while getting paid minimum wage, I will not be able to get by enough. I've already tried reaching out to other jobs that pay living wage, to no avail. Somebody please help me get out of here.

I can't stand jackasses that think one can do everything on their own when we are one of the most social species on the planet. We can't function without the help of others, and it sickens me that no one will reach out in my time of need...

 

[TheRealCallie]

You also can't function if you expect everyone else to do the work for you. I'm sorry, but yeah, you are just making excuses. If you make minimum wage, there has to be SOMEWHERE that you can rent or a place to find a roommate or something. Look harder.

And if you live with your parents, yeah, you're going to have to do stuff. Do you pay them rent? If you don't, stop complaining. If you do, oh well, it's their house. Such is life.
If you are NOT living with your parents, well, just tell them no.

If living is so expensive there, go somewhere with the cost of living is cheaper. Look for jobs in those areas. Welcome to the real world, where life isn't always fun and you have to make hard choices.

 

[anthonyS13]

You also can't function if you expect everyone else to do the work for you. I'm sorry, but yeah, you are just making excuses. If you make minimum wage, there has to be SOMEWHERE that you can rent or a place to find a roommate or something. Look harder.

And if you live with your parents, yeah, you're going to have to do stuff. Do you pay them rent? If you don't, stop complaining. If you do, oh well, it's their house. Such is life.
If you are NOT living with your parents, well, just tell them no.

If living is so expensive there, go somewhere with the cost of living is cheaper. Look for jobs in those areas. Welcome to the real world, where life isn't always fun and you have to make hard choices.

Phoenix is a hard place to find somewhere to live when making minimum wage. You have to be willing to live in the presence of gunshots every night, gangs, and drug dealers on every streetcorner. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to find someone who will help me relocate somewhere more northwest.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Phoenix is a hard place to find somewhere to live when making minimum wage. You have to be willing to live in the presence of gunshots every night, gangs, and drug dealers on every streetcorner. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to find someone who will help me relocate somewhere more northwest.

As I said, find a job somewhere away from where you are where cost of living is cheaper and you can manage on your own. It's on YOU to make your life better, not anyone else. Stop relying on other people and find a solution for yourself. If you say there isn't one, you aren't trying hard enough.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's a little of both. Ultimately it is you that has to change your situation somehow, but at the same time, it's also that the system does indeed suck. I definitely empathize with people who get frustrated and annoyed at the "pick yourself up by your bootstraps!" crowd because they always say everything is your fault and refuse to acknowledge the other part of the problem, which is that the system is crap. It's not always that simple and it's not always helpful to hear that when you feel trapped in a bad situation.

Anyway. I think you need to make some kind of plan. It looks like you need to move out but in order to do so you need to make more money. You won't be able to move out on minimum wage anywhere really, so I think making more money is your best bet.

If your home situation is absolutely unbearable, could you ask a family member or a friend who lives elsewhere to move in with them?

If that won't work, then I'd say see if you can get a raise or see if you can apply for a higher-paying job within the same company. I've heard that it's much easier to move around within an organization than to get in from outside of it. If you can't get a raise or a different job at the same company, then maybe you could apply for the same job elsewhere at a higher pay rate.

If neither of those work, could you take some time off from working and return to school of some kind? I say take some time off of work because it seems unlikely your parents will stop asking you to do housework, and if your job isn't really helping you anyway your time would be better spent learning a skill which will pay you more.

Or, if you have to keep your job, then could you ask your parents to give you temporary relief from your housework so that you could work your regular job and go to school? I'm sure that if you tell them that you are trying to better yourself and make more money, they could hardly argue with you for that since it will help them as well.

Those are just some ideas. The system does indeed suck, but it IS beatable. It's easy to forget that sometimes, but you can beat it.

 

[kamya]

Most places you can survive on your own with a minimum wage job. I did it, and while doing it, I knew a ton of other people doing it too. Was it fun? No. You just have to deal with it and keep trying until something goes your way. There isn't really much else to it.

Unless you have kids that you are taking care of there should be no problem. Find a roommate or look to rent a room on craigslist. Move out. Apply for SNAP. I was able to get that for a year. It wasn't essential but it did help a little bit. I didn't even apply until a couple years of being eligible. That's food and housing solved.

Public transportation for work. I worked with many people that used the bus or their bikes to get to work. There are ways to make it work.

Shitty as the system may be, whining about it isn't going to fix your situation. If you aren't willing to try these things and deal with the unpleasant reality of supporting yourself while trying to find a better job, then the situation isn't going to change. No one is going to come swooping in to make everything better for you.

It's a struggle. And the excuses bother me because Ive been in some truly shitty situations in the past few years trying to support myself with crappy jobs. Similar to you. And I just hate that attitude because it will get you nowhere.

People that have issues with people that have dealt with similar situations telling others to "pull themselves up" are just lazy. I really believe that.

You are not cut out for being an adult if you can't put a roof over your own head or aren't willing to do what it takes to make it happen. For real. Stop making excuses. Help yourself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

From your posts, I see that you want a best friend for a roommate and no one else, you want rewards for being a grown up, you want someone else to do the hard work for you, your job is hard, mommy and daddy make you do horrible things (even though you are likely living with them for free), you blame society and the government for your problems and you won't live where you can afford.

You are making excuses. You claim desperation, but refuse to do what it takes to get what you want. Sometimes, in the real world, in the grownup world, it takes doing things you don't want to do, getting jobs you don't want, living where you don't want, applying for government or state help/housing.

So yeah, you get the "pick yourself up by your bootstraps!" response, because you are acting like a whiny little child that wants someone else to do for you what is "too hard" to do for yourself. It's not about LIKING your life or your job or your responsibilities. It's about TAKING CARE OF THEM ANYWAY. Then eventually you will get to a place where you can get a better job and a better place to live and have more time for yourself. Life's a *****, deal with it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

People that have issues with people that have dealt with similar situations telling others to "pull themselves up" are just lazy. I really believe that.

I just don't think it's ever that simple, and to suggest that it is seems condescending and insensitive. To put it into perspective, it would be like someone asking you why you didn't finish college, then not even listening to your response and saying it's because you're just lazy and stupid.

---

It's not about LIKING your life or your job or your responsibilities.

But this isn't the medieval era when life was "brutish, nasty, and short". We know, and have known for a while, that it doesn't have to be like that anymore. In the first world, enjoyment of your life is very possible. I would say that life is very much about liking your life, being someone you like, and enjoying your existence.

Besides nobody should have to live in the conditions OP described, with gangs, drug dealers, and gunshots. That's nothing short of insane. Telling someone that that's what they should have to settle for is bad advice, especially when you didn't grow up with a background to survive in that environment. It's like taking someone who has only ever lived a sheltered civilian life and shipping them off to war immediately with no training whatsoever.

Life's a *****, deal with it.

And there it is, the classic worker's mantra that has lead so many to just giving up on life completely, to alcoholism, hard drugs, and total abandon.

"Not everyone makes it. You're probably going to fail. Just roll over and die and get it over with."

This isn't what OP or anyone like him needs. I strongly believe that a person needs to feel like that things are going to get better and that they're going to make it. I feel you need to have some self-worth and be able to feel good about yourself, and that you can't get far without those things. OP needs hope, not defeatism.

---

OP, is there anything you'd like to study or pursue? Maybe you could make a plan on what field to get into, what your interests are, what your salary goals are, where you want to move to, and find a way to make them all meet.

You said you wanted to move to the northwest. That's a start, now get it more concrete. Do you mean northwest Arizona or the northwest United States?

 

[TheRealCallie]

You do what you HAVE to do to get where you want to be. That means taking stupid jobs you think are beneath you, working two jobs, getting assistance, living where you don't want to live until you CAN get a better job, until you CAN get a better place to live.

That is NOT what leads people to do drugs or become an alcoholic because guess what, people who have time, people who live in nice places, people who have had money all their lives do the same thing. That's another bullshit excuse.

This is the REAL world, not the world you want. You aren't entitled to anything. If you want something, that means you WORK for it, even if it's a job you don't like. Even if it means doing things you don't want to do and living where you don't want to live.

Plain and simple, if you aren't prepared to do what you need to do to get where you want to be, then stop blaming others, stop complaining that your parents make you earn your keep. If you don't like it, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Complaining that you need someone to do it for you is lazy, because no one else CAN do it for you. End of story.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Thank you, Sarah Palin. That nickname is catching on.

You do what you HAVE to do to get where you want to be. That means taking stupid jobs you think are beneath you, working two jobs, getting assistance, living where you don't want to live until you CAN get a better job, until you CAN get a better place to live get shot and killed during a mugging or gang crossfire.

I don't think anyone should have to settle for living in fear. I just don't.

That is NOT what leads people to do drugs or become an alcoholic because guess what, people who have time, people who live in nice places, people who have had money all their lives do the same thing. That's another bullshit excuse.

It's not the only factor, but it is definitely a major influence. More likely it first influences you to give up on life, give up on your hopes and dreams. And once you've done that, why not drink every day? Why not smoke some crack, shoot some heroin and get a little relief from despair? Cause it doesn't matter what you do anyway....

This is the REAL world, not the world you want......

We get the world we are willing to accept. If you let life low-ball you, it will. If you become a person who refuses to be treated like garbage, you start to feel good about yourself and people like others who feel good about themselves. It's not arrogance, but the confidence that is so important to everything in life. I get so angry with you because it's as if you are trying to argue that a person should not have any self-esteem, self-worth, pride, or dignity and allow themselves to be broken. What do you think happens to someone who becomes submissive and servile? Nothing good. People have to stand up for themselves, they have to stand up and say to life "no, that's not good enough".

Anyway, the point of all this is to help the OP. I knew better than to enter this thread but felt I had to because nobody was telling him to DO anything except surrender to defeat. Why don't people at least give him job ideas? No one's even asked what job he's in or what he'd like to do instead. That's a start.

---

OP this is something I've been looking at lately that might be useful to you:

https://www.reddit.com/r/getemployed

You can ask people questions on here about employment and other such topics. I've seen a lot of people ask what job they should do when they don't know, and it seems like there's a lot of people saying there is good money in either skilled trades or computers, some of which have certifications you can get at a 2-year community college for a lot less than a 4-year university. I am beginning to debate learning something computer-related myself, even though I've never had an interest and have always struggled with them because the world is becoming more computerized. Just some ideas.

 

[lifestream]

Hi anthony. I just wanted to say that I hope things turn out okay for you. Just hang in there and you'll find your way out again. Good luck.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

It really does start with you saying that you have had enough with your situation, and YOU taking the first steps forward. Write up a resume and start handing it out to jobs that have potential for growth. They may be minimum wage now, but you can work yourself up. Or a job that is at least slightly better for you than what you have now. What are your skills? What do you enjoy doing? Perhaps you can look into college courses. It's not about settling, it's about pushing yourself forward in whatever way you can.

Thank you, Sarah Palin. That nickname is catching on.

It really isn't. Because unlike Sarah Palin, she has lived, learned and actually gathered some intelligence. The tossing around nicknames like that is a very Sarah Palin thing to do, though.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It really isn't. Because unlike Sarah Palin, she has lived, learned and actually gathered some intelligence. The tossing around nicknames like that is a very Sarah Palin thing to do, though.

I wasn't the first to say it, and I was far from the first to feel that way.

Do you have any helpful suggestions or at least words of encouragement for the OP?

 

[TheRealCallie]

It really isn't. Because unlike Sarah Palin, she has lived, learned and actually gathered some intelligence. The tossing around nicknames like that is a very Sarah Palin thing to do, though.

I wasn't the first to say it, and I was far from the first to feel that way.

Do you have any helpful suggestions or at least words of encouragement for the OP?

Okay, Mr. Kardashian. Did you happen to notice the paragraph she wrote BEFORE she said that?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Did you happen to notice the paragraph she wrote BEFORE she said that?

Sure did, but what she said is exactly the trouble. The problem with minimum wage jobs is that they really don't grow into other opportunities. That's one of the big issues that's going on in the world today. People don't learn very transferable skills there, and also don't make enough to re-train. It's a no-man's-land of sorts.

Okay, Mr. Kardashian.

lollercoaster!

---

Maybe we can get back on topic here and have OP weigh in on how he feels about what he wants to do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You do what you HAVE to do to get where you want to be. That means taking stupid jobs you think are beneath you, working two jobs, getting assistance, living where you don't want to live until you CAN get a better job, until you CAN get a better place to live get shot and killed during a mugging or gang crossfire.

I don't think anyone should have to settle for living in fear. I just don't.

Have you heard of exaggeration? Because I bet he was. If he thinks that's the ONLY place he can get, he needs to look harder. Kind of my point, he's not looking hard enough.

That is NOT what leads people to do drugs or become an alcoholic because guess what, people who have time, people who live in nice places, people who have had money all their lives do the same thing. That's another bullshit excuse.

It's not the only factor, but it is definitely a major influence. More likely it first influences you to give up on life, give up on your hopes and dreams. And once you've done that, why not drink every day? Why not smoke some crack, shoot some heroin and get a little relief from despair? Cause it doesn't matter what you do anyway....

No, I don't believe it is a major influence. Yes, some people do that, but just as many that do are not poor and don't live in those areas. It's also an excuse.
The fact that you DO NOT have hopes and dreams and go after them is what gets you stuck in a rut in the first place. Not doing what you have to do and working your way up because you don't feel you should have to, because you don't want to, because you don't want to take risks to get to a better life. I believe I already said that too.

This is the REAL world, not the world you want......

We get the world we are willing to accept. If you let life low-ball you, it will. If you become a person who refuses to be treated like garbage, you start to feel good about yourself and people like others who feel good about themselves. It's not arrogance, but the confidence that is so important to everything in life. I get so angry with you because it's as if you are trying to argue that a person should not have any self-esteem, self-worth, pride, or dignity and allow themselves to be broken. What do you think happens to someone who becomes submissive and servile? Nothing good. People have to stand up for themselves, they have to stand up and say to life "no, that's not good enough".

Anyway, the point of all this is to help the OP. I knew better than to enter this thread but felt I had to because nobody was telling him to DO anything except surrender to defeat. Why don't people at least give him job ideas? No one's even asked what job he's in or what he'd like to do instead. That's a start.

Yes, you get the life you are willing to accept, you get the life that you work for, you get the life that you choose. If you do nothing to get out of that life or sit around waiting for someone else to give you that life, you will get nowhere. You will end up complaining and giving excuses and blaming everyone else except yourself.
How exactly do you expect anyone to have self worth and dignity and self respect if they don't do the work themselves? You don't get those things by having things handed to you on a plate. You get them by taking risks and having goals and doing what you have to do to get by. What you have to do to begin the journey of where you want to be. Sorry, but VERY few people get to start at the top, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up.
When you have nothing and have done no work to get out from where you are, I don't really believe you get to say "no, that's not good enough." At some point, you have to say, "Okay, that's a start, I can work with this until I am a little better off."

You really do have selective reading, don't you?

---

Did you happen to notice the paragraph she wrote BEFORE she said that?

Sure did, but what she said is exactly the trouble. The problem with minimum wage jobs is that they really don't grow into other opportunities. That's one of the big issues that's going on in the world today. People don't learn very transferable skills there, and also don't make enough to re-train. It's a no-man's-land of sorts.

Really? Because one would guess that a mailroom job at a larger corporation would be a minimum wage job and there is PLENTY of opportunity for advancement in that situation.