Still not over him

[sweetviki]

Its been two months and the pain is still there. Sometimes I feel like I just want to do anything to make it go away. I've been trying to keep busy, talk to other people, ect. Nothing is helping. I've been in a relaitonship that lasted a lot longer than this one in the past and I got over it quickly. So why am I still not over a relationship that lasted only five months? I need help and I have no one that can really help me deal with this.

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

It's been almost five months for me, and still I find little things reminding me of her, and that shooting pain from your stomach through your chest and into your throat...

Heh.

It isn't right. There are few people like us.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Hi Vickie, nice to hear for you again.

I've using the LETTING GO or Releasing technique and it's helping me.
It just takes some pratace and applications.

The more I pratice doing it ...The less I hold on.
Even if i do get thoughts of my ex...they're not emotionally overwhemling.
I just accept that i love her (becuase i do/, not figuring out why i love her).
It passes through me or I let go....I don't beat up myself over it.
Then I simply move on to other thoughts or feelings. (this becomes natural)

Here are some of the suggestions or steps.....

Can you allow yourself not to try to figure it out ?
(when you're trying to figure it out you're thinking about it, therefore still holding on)

Allow yourself to accept things as they are in this moment ?
Embrace your feelings as they are...then simply LET GO or DROP IT. (what you resist...persist)
In other words..try to be transparent to you pain or losts...allow it to go through you.

If i feel like crying...I allow myself to do so as the feelings passes through me.
I don't hold back the tears. I feel better after a good cry anyway.

Sometimes I write and talk to people...Talking to people is another process of letting things out
or letting go.

Writing in my journal helps...It might bring up a lot of emotions but by doing so, I'm releasing and letting go.
I just don't write of why I love her.
I write about my fears of living without her.
My feelings anger towards her.
My feelings lust for her..
My feelings or rejections
My feelings of wanting to control her or wanting to be controled by her
My feelings or grieving of losing her..
Bascailly everything..

All of my thoughts and feelings for her are down on paper...so i just leave it there and not think or worry about it
anymore. This way I don't carry emotional (good and bad) baggages around all day or carry it into the next relationship.
Kind of like being emotionally a virgin again..

 

[Brian]

Its been two months and the pain is still there. Sometimes I feel like I just want to do anything to make it go away. I've been trying to keep busy, talk to other people, ect. Nothing is helping. I've been in a relaitonship that lasted a lot longer than this one in the past and I got over it quickly. So why am I still not over a relationship that lasted only five months? I need help and I have no one that can really help me deal with this.

Four years from me, and I just spent four hours on the sofa sleeping away my depression.

 

[Athiest #001]

Yeah try two years and its still there. =/

 

[Nyktimos]

Try eight years. And a crushing fear that I'll never meet anyone who will fill the empty space left. Even though I have a girlfriend.

 

[Athiest #001]

Well this is turning into quite the happy thread

 

[Brian]

I know, it's like all the encouragement we've ever given out in other threads has been converted in to pure despair.

 

[Athiest #001]

I know, it's like all the encouragement we've ever given out in other threads has been converted in to pure despair.

Not funny but still makes me lol.

 

[sweetviki]

When does it get easier? Why is it taking so long? I feel so bad about myself right now. I question everything

 

[Athiest #001]

When does it get easier? Why is it taking so long? I feel so bad about myself right now. I question everything

It gets easier when you live for yourself only, at all other times there will be longing.

 

[Lynda]

Five months is no time at all. These things take their own time.
It will pass eventually but is hell to go through.
Talk about it as much as you want on here, that helps. You can't go on talking about it to people in real life, they get fed up.
Feel sorry for you (been there).
xxx

 

[sweetviki]

Ok so it's been three months. I feel a bit better. It seems life is starting to flow again but there are moments like now when I feel inadequate. The pain comes back though less stronger than before. I hate the fact that I've given an individual that much power. How can one person make me question every aspect of my life? Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I hate myself for still feeling this way.

 

[Oceanmist23]

I hate the fact that I've given an individual that much power. How can one person make me question every aspect of my life? Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I hate myself for still feeling this way.

I said the same thing to myself - I hate the fact that I've given an individual that much power.
I just had to learn to let go. I couldn't have done it in the time frame I've done it if I was still single.
Sure it would've been cool to say that I had been able to deal with that stuff all on my own, but I haven't.
I learned to let go through getting to know another person, and by that I understood that my old way of thinking was not good.
I feel that I've reclaimed the power I gave that individual, and now I can relax.
It's good to hear that things are getting easier for you viki. Reclaiming your power is a learning and healing process.
I find that stopping myself from having an 'outburst' and instead thinking logically about the current situation helps me to focus and relax.
Now it goes pretty much automatically.
I wish you all the best and know that things will continue to get better

 

[DayvanCowboy]

You're almost there sweetviki. At the point where you can think of it as much as you want without it really letting it get to you. Sure, you are going to feel down sometimes, but like you mentioned it will not be as bad as before.

You have much support in this forum, and we all wish you the best.

Take care.

 

[The Depressed Shmoo]

Its been two months and the pain is still there. Sometimes I feel like I just want to do anything to make it go away. I've been trying to keep busy, talk to other people, ect. Nothing is helping. I've been in a relaitonship that lasted a lot longer than this one in the past and I got over it quickly. So why am I still not over a relationship that lasted only five months? I need help and I have no one that can really help me deal with this.

15 years for me - is that a record?

 

[sweetviki]

Well it just have been confirmed that he is indeed dating someone else now. It just made me cry my eyes out. What can she possibly have that I don't? Why do I feel like I'm not good enough, beautiful enough , smart enough?I hate it so much

 

[Nyktimos]

You are good enough, beautiful enough and smart enough. If he doesn't see that, he's made a mistake. There are plenty of people out there who will see it. A little time hating his rancid rotten guts is healthy. But if he doesn't see how special you are, then he is not good enough for you.

 

[sweetviki]

So when it seemed like I've moved on and doing great he comes back into my life. He was away in another country for a while and when he came back he wanted to hang out with me. We ended up talking a lot, cleared a few things out of the way and connected again. We had a few drinks and things happened. He didnt promise me anything we didn't agree that we would get back together but none the less to hear later that he thinks its better for us to be friends really upset me. Why do I do these things to myself? I dont know. Lesson: Dont have sex with the ex.