Struggling to approach women?

[CenotaphGirl]

Hey men, Ceno here, now now I know what you are thinking, I am gonna say "man up, take rejection like a man" but no no I have good advice.
I have been reading my self-help book and it says, do something that makes you uncomfortable, so... if you are worried about saying hi...
Do it! Not because it's easy and you aren't a real man if you can't but because it is a challenge, consider it a welcomed challenge...
This is for the guys that want some advice... hope it helps
Also I will be honest, understanding what man is right and wrong can be hard for a lot of women (has been an ever present challenge for me)
So dont think theres anything particularly wrong with you if we aren't all flocking... sometimes we are blind to diamonds in the rough.

Over and out! (always wanted to say that lol).

 

[user 135671]

do something that makes you uncomfortable

This is sound advice.

My philosophy, I appreciate it's not for everyone, get it out ram it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I'm always the exception to girls.
"It's okay if it's you though."

And I choke as soon as I hear that.

Because that breaks the 4th wall for me.

"Wait what?? That worked?? That wasn't supposed to work.......Why did that work??"

 

[Finished]

Hi!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

This is sound advice.

My philosophy, I appreciate it's not for everyone, get it out ram it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it.

Honestly, this sounds like scripture to me lol great method! Flagpoling is the sole reason I am here today lmaoo Be bold! You only live onceee

I'm always the exception to girls.
"It's okay if it's you though."

And I choke as soon as I hear that.

Because that breaks the 4th wall for me.

"Wait what?? That worked?? That wasn't supposed to work.......Why did that work??"

I dont get it!! One time this guy asked my friend out with a cool "fake magical trick to get her number" she hated it... and I thought... omg.. I wish he did that to meeee was super cheesy to her but super creative and cool to me lol I think he could tell I was way more impressed loool but too late, can hardly ask for my number now lool

Hi!

Why.... hello there... trimmed your claws lately? lool thats the spirit Finished !

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I dont get it!! One time this guy asked my friend out with a cool "fake magical trick to get her number" she hated it... and I thought... omg.. I wish he did that to meeee was super cheesy to her but super creative and cool to me lol I think he could tell I was way more impressed loool but too late, can hardly ask for my number now lool

I eat L's for breakfast.

 

[Ima Lone]

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Let them know Ima Lone! Like ur username btw

 

[Ima Lone]

Let them know Ima Lone! Like ur username btw

@CenotaphGirl Thank you! My mama always told me that, "If the girls don't find you to be amazing, then, by golly, at least do somethin' to show 'em that you can be amusing!" Mama said lots of things, looking back.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

@CenotaphGirl Thank you! My mama always told me that, "If the girls don't find you to be amazing, then, by golly, at least do somethin' to show 'em that you can be amusing!" Mama said lots of things, looking back.

Ooooh mama knows best!

 

[Unsigned]

In November a friend of mine visited NYC and we went to a bunch of bars & clubs.
I approached about 8 groups of girls to try to get them to come over and have drinks with us.
They all said no.
I almost never do that -- I just stick with escort agencies.
But I wanted to try to get some girls to come over so my friend would have a better time.
That was really the only thing that disappointed me. I got shot down trying to be a good wing man.
He swears he still had a lot of fun here though.

P.S.
The girls I approached were all at least 30 years younger than me.
Also, it was pretty upscale places.
I suppose the women in those joints can afford their own drinks.
Maybe we should "slum it" next time...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

In November a friend of mine visited NYC and we went to a bunch of bars & clubs.
I approached about 8 groups of girls to try to get them to come over and have drinks with us.
They all said no.
I almost never do that -- I just stick with escort agencies.
But I wanted to try to get some girls to come over so my friend would have a better time.
That was really the only thing that disappointed me. I got shot down trying to be a good wing man.
He swears he still had a lot of fun here though.

P.S.
The girls I approached were all at least 30 years younger than me.
Also, it was pretty upscale places.
I suppose the women in those joints can afford their own drinks.
Maybe we should "slum it" next time...

See this is the thing, when I turned 16 my dad told me, if a man offers you a drink say no because he’ll think he owns you after that.

So now as a woman, you reject men out of fear that even simply trying to get to know one means you owe him your whole soul and liver

 

[Unsigned]

See this is the thing, when I turned 16 my dad told me, if a man offers you a drink say no because he’ll think he owns you after that.

So now as a woman, you reject men out of fear that even simply trying to get to know one means you owe him your whole soul and liver

I've had other people tell me that offering to buy a drink is a terrible pickup line.
Even though I am always polite.
Based on my .000 batting average, I would have to say they are right.

TBH, I wasn't even looking for any "action" that weekend.
I just wanted some pretty girls to join us for some laughs so my friend would have a better time on his trip.

 

[TheSkaFish]

In November a friend of mine visited NYC and we went to a bunch of bars & clubs.
I approached about 8 groups of girls to try to get them to come over and have drinks with us.
They all said no.
I almost never do that -- I just stick with escort agencies.
But I wanted to try to get some girls to come over so my friend would have a better time.
That was really the only thing that disappointed me. I got shot down trying to be a good wing man.
He swears he still had a lot of fun here though.

P.S.
The girls I approached were all at least 30 years younger than me.
Also, it was pretty upscale places.
I suppose the women in those joints can afford their own drinks.
Maybe we should "slum it" next time...

I don't think bars and clubs are good places to meet women, for this very reason - you're just going to find a lot of egotists there, who are looking for similar/like-minded/compatible personalities - egotists looking for other egotists. If you're not like that, I don't think it's going to work.

Plus, there's no basis for a conversation - the only thing anyone knows they have in common with anyone else at the bar or club, is that they're both at that bar or club at that point in time.

I think the fact that they were 30 years younger, AND that it was upscale places, only made it harder - most likely those aren't going to be nice girls you're talking to, who might be friendly, but rather the kind of person that thinks they are better than everyone else, just for existing - and they're looking for guys with the same attitudes, beliefs, values, and views, and personality traits.

I don't think "slumming it" would work either. I don't think anything will work unless there is a good reason that brings you together. It can't be like, a "wanting" thing. Like you guys were wanting the companionship of the women, because they're women - but why would they want to come over? NOT that I'm saying anything bad about you guys. It's just that it puts you at a "disadvantage" of sorts, and there has to be some reason why you both want to talk to each other.

I think the only thing that has any real chance of working, is going someplace where you have something in common with the people there, and hopefully have enough to talk about to have real conversations and real connection.

 

[TheSkaFish]

See this is the thing, when I turned 16 my dad told me, if a man offers you a drink say no because he’ll think he owns you after that.

So now as a woman, you reject men out of fear that even simply trying to get to know one means you owe him your whole soul and liver

It's sensible advice.

I don't buy women drinks on principle - one, we're all free now, we can all buy our own drinks.
Two, it creates a power imbalance. It makes me come from a place of wanting, having "wanting" energy I guess, and it makes me look weak, and I don't want that.

The problem is, now that I've been reflecting on it, I've come from a place of wanting in lots of different areas of my life because I feel like I wasn't naturally born into strength. But it's ironic because when you're wanting, no one wants to give you anything because one, there's no reason for them to, and two, wanting is weakness so it's seen as "gross" in a way.

I understand this now, but I had to research this and ponder it for literally years. It's not second nature to me at all. I thought people were just people, things just were the way they were, but it's really not random - maybe there aren't hard and fast rules but there's at least general guidelines. I really shot myself in the foot not picking up on this sooner, and also by refusing to play the game.

 

[Ima Lone]

I've had other people tell me that offering to buy a drink is a terrible pickup line.

Yeah, anything that makes a woman laugh is usually golden, in my experience.

Even though I am always polite.
Based on my .000 batting average, I would have to say they are right.

TBH, I wasn't even looking for any "action" that weekend.
I just wanted some pretty girls to join us for some laughs so my friend would have a better time on his trip.

You know your intentions, sure but women can't read minds any better than men. Add to that the fact that they were 30 years younger than you and your friend, to them, you likely seemed at least a little creepy. No offense intended but in America, especially major cities like NYC, in a trendy place, a lot of young women go to be seen but not necessarily up close and personally so.

I wouldn't feel too badly, if I were you but maybe try chatting up women a few years closer to your own age than 30 years younger. Their fathers may not even be 30 years older than them.

And don't forget, less attractive women like attention too. Many of them have attractive friends as well. I've often seen attractive women accompanied by less attractive ones. If you were playing the wingman that night, it wouldn't have hurt for you to "take one for the team" and lower your standards, just for the evening. You say you weren't looking for action anyway so what would it have mattered? It might have made the difference in getting rejected or in meeting someone interesting. Still, a better pick up line might have also helped too.

 

[TheSkaFish]

And don't forget, less attractive women like attention too. Many of them have attractive friends as well. I've often seen attractive women accompanied by less attractive ones. If you were playing the wingman that night, it wouldn't have hurt for you to "take one for the team" and lower your standards, just for the evening. You say you weren't looking for action anyway so what would it have mattered? It might have made the difference in getting rejected or in meeting someone interesting. Still, a better pick up line might have also helped too.

I ALMOST agree with your post - there's just a few things.

I think people/society needs to throw out the idea that going for someone "less attractive" is "settling"/"taking one for the team"/"lowering your standards". An attractive person could be mean/offensive/cold, they could be boring, or you could just have nothing in common, you could be unrelatable to each other.

I think instead the focus should be on connecting with someone that holds your interest as a person and makes you care about them in some way.

Society really pushes this idea that it's all about getting the hottest girl, and the most powerful/richest/highest status guy, that you can, and that these people are "better" than others, and if you can attract such a person to you, then you are "better" than others too, you are "beating" the guys whose girlfriends aren't as "hot" as yours, or you're "beating" the girls whose boyfriends aren't as powerful as yours. But there are lots of ways that none of that is true. And I say this as someone who used to buy into that stuff, for a long time. Heaven knows my older posts were like that. But since then, I re-thought it and changed my mind.

Also I don't think pickup lines work either. By definition, it's coming from a place of wanting, which is why it's so awkward, and also comes from a place of weakness which is unattractive. I really don't think anything but genuine commonality works.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I've had other people tell me that offering to buy a drink is a terrible pickup line.
Even though I am always polite.
Based on my .000 batting average, I would have to say they are right.

TBH, I wasn't even looking for any "action" that weekend.
I just wanted some pretty girls to join us for some laughs so my friend would have a better time on his trip.

It wouldn't be if it didn't come with such scary connotations, despite my dads advice I have accepted a couple of drinks from guys but... not often. I only accepted when it was a group thing, like a group of guys offered all of us a drink.

It's sensible advice.

I don't buy women drinks on principle - one, we're all free now, we can all buy our own drinks.
Two, it creates a power imbalance. It makes me come from a place of wanting, having "wanting" energy I guess, and it makes me look weak, and I don't want that.

The problem is, now that I've been reflecting on it, I've come from a place of wanting in lots of different areas of my life because I feel like I wasn't naturally born into strength. But it's ironic because when you're wanting, no one wants to give you anything because one, there's no reason for them to, and two, wanting is weakness so it's seen as "gross" in a way.

I understand this now, but I had to research this and ponder it for literally years. It's not second nature to me at all. I thought people were just people, things just were the way they were, but it's really not random - maybe there aren't hard and fast rules but there's at least general guidelines. I really shot myself in the foot not picking up on this sooner, and also by refusing to play the game.

Well I'll tell you the truth skafishy, I have never thought, oh he wants to buy me a drink, how weak... but... the weakness feeling typically comes after he buys me a drink because thats when the never ending compliments start... which could easily translate into "please sleep with me, please sleep with me, please sleep with me" lol and thats gospel!

I agree with your last point, you gotta play the game... people on here hateee me for posting the game but... it's real life, either play it or wait for a unicorn lol

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I'd imagine approaching women these days is a guaranteed way to be labelled a weirdo and be told in no uncertain terms to "be gone", or words to that effect. I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of being able to embarrass me in that way.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'd imagine approaching women these days is a guaranteed way to be labelled a weirdo and be told in no uncertain terms to "be gone", or words to that effect. I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of being able to embarrass me in that way.

Yeah... happens, my friend said "ew..." to some poor guy that tried to talk to her, I remember thinking... wow... that would crush me, good thing he's a man... now I think, man or not, that wasn't a good thing to do to someone.