I'm writing this with an uncomfortable feeling that's been nagging me in the last few weeks. Something that feels like ''been there, done that'', some apathy, some annoyance. I don't feel I can talk about it with anyone around me.
When people talk I can't relate unless it's some very basic things. People talk about buying a house, getting married, renovating their kitchen, their cars, their dogs, their garden, their trips. I listen, I may ask questions but I don't know anything about any of the above. I live in a very ''limited way'', materially speaking, so I don't have most of what people have or experience most of what others experience.
I've just finished a course of study. It's not worthless but it didn't change anything in my life. The job I have is not badly paid and is a good environment. It's the best thing I can get, the most money I can get from a job now so I'm staying there. If I had had it for the last 10 years and not have studied so long, I might actually be in an excellent position now. I find I have so much debt (nothing unmanageable, though) to pay off I cannot think of moving in better living quarters, so to speak. After I've paid everything I need to, some days I have only a bit of money left to eat until the next paycheck comes around. And round it goes.
That's it, I'm thinking, it doesn't get any better than this. Everything's going well but nothing's happening. All I can do when I have a day off is think of the ways I could capitalize on some very vague business ideas that would basically require no capital as I have none. Thoughts of blogging-for-money, e-books, enter my mind and leave with a trail of desperation. Going for more studies is out of the question. I'm thinking of possible sidelines or small part-time businesses.
All that for THIS. I've been ''around the block'' a few times, we could say and now I'd like to LIVE. I don't want to have any regrets but I do. The only way I can handle things now is by going forward and by trying to make the right decisions. I've never been a materialistic person but now I want to enjoy material possessions I never had, and the experiences that come with it (small trips, more living space, etc.)
I feel stuck and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a late-bloomer who hasn't bloomed.
When people talk I can't relate unless it's some very basic things. People talk about buying a house, getting married, renovating their kitchen, their cars, their dogs, their garden, their trips. I listen, I may ask questions but I don't know anything about any of the above. I live in a very ''limited way'', materially speaking, so I don't have most of what people have or experience most of what others experience.
I've just finished a course of study. It's not worthless but it didn't change anything in my life. The job I have is not badly paid and is a good environment. It's the best thing I can get, the most money I can get from a job now so I'm staying there. If I had had it for the last 10 years and not have studied so long, I might actually be in an excellent position now. I find I have so much debt (nothing unmanageable, though) to pay off I cannot think of moving in better living quarters, so to speak. After I've paid everything I need to, some days I have only a bit of money left to eat until the next paycheck comes around. And round it goes.
That's it, I'm thinking, it doesn't get any better than this. Everything's going well but nothing's happening. All I can do when I have a day off is think of the ways I could capitalize on some very vague business ideas that would basically require no capital as I have none. Thoughts of blogging-for-money, e-books, enter my mind and leave with a trail of desperation. Going for more studies is out of the question. I'm thinking of possible sidelines or small part-time businesses.
All that for THIS. I've been ''around the block'' a few times, we could say and now I'd like to LIVE. I don't want to have any regrets but I do. The only way I can handle things now is by going forward and by trying to make the right decisions. I've never been a materialistic person but now I want to enjoy material possessions I never had, and the experiences that come with it (small trips, more living space, etc.)
I feel stuck and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a late-bloomer who hasn't bloomed.