Terrible thing, to live in fear.

[Guest]

Who knows why I am here right now... typing this... thinking the things that I am? I just am... and this is the way it has always been. I'm 24 and i haven't lived a day in my life. I have a couple friends that have me around to make themselves feel better about themselves. They make me feel envious every time i hear them talk about life experiences... Parties, women, life lessons..... the things people my age should be learning but I am not. The things people my age should know but I do not. I dont konw much of anything.. and its all because the world doesn't accept the person I am... or rather.. im too afraid to get up and do somehting to better myself.  It may seem like normal walks of life for "normal" people, ya know, go places, meet people share interests instead of being embarressed by them, try to get a girlfriend even if rejection awaits. Its difficult to muster up the courage to do something life altering.... especially if you dont think you will be a better person in the end... just a different one. I'm not a bad person I dont want to harm anyone... im not a jerk or some lonely thug someone doesnt understand. Im a compassionate being that doesnt understand who chose what virtues would matter most in life to get what one wants to achieve. To me its brainwashing...its something that my brain cant even process.. its nonexistence...its a fate worse than death. Its my biggest fear... and holy crap is it hard to overcome. But thats the harsh reality of things.The greatest obstacles have to be hurdled to reap the greatest rewards. and my rewards are simple and modest. A home to live in and maybe someone to say I love you to... and maybe even say it back. Its a Terrible thing to live in fear...I hope if anyone reads this that you arent like me.... that it hasnt taken you this long to realize that if you havent held some ones hand that cared for you that wasnt your mother that there is somehting wrong. And if you are... i know you are stuck in a dark place... and all you wanna do is get out. Anything to get out....All I wanna do it get out.


I hope and prey to whoever that soul is that they know, you are not pathetic.. you deserve better... and it is not you who are undeserving of this world.. it is the world that doesnt deserve you.


I hope you get out.

 

[mimizu]

I'm probably a lot like you... I also have no experiences, and I'm 21. My life is empty and pointless. I don't even have a couple of friends, I have zero. -_-

I hope you get out too... I know that feeling... it's like you are sinking deep.. many kilometres below the surface of the ocean, and choking. I also have a feeling like I am being squashed by walls.

 

[Guest]

I'm probably a lot like you... I also have no experiences, and I'm 21. My life is empty and pointless. I don't even have a couple of friends, I have zero. -_-

I hope you get out too... I know that feeling... it's like you are sinking deep.. many kilometres below the surface of the ocean, and choking. I also have a feeling like I am being squashed by walls.

Its a shame. I feel that most ppl that are alone dont deserve to be. And are probably decent indeviduals that just have no power over themselves. Or maybe its passion... to be who they wanna be in the face of adversity. One often has to fight power at great risk to themselves... we did not chose this. I feel as if we are all leaders of a great nation of the needy only none of us have to will to lead.

 

[mimizu]

It's not a passion, I'm just to scared and too asocial... I don't know how to speak to people, and I'm afraid of rejection... and have been ignored and rejected too much to try anymore. -_-

 

[Guest]

if it isnt passion then its desperation... everyone has there breaking point. the ppl that can take more are the less fortunate. Somehting has got to give... and drive one over the edge. It may be the greatest thing to eve rhappen to you... or the worst. The question is which way is it gonna go. Somehting drives everyone to there destiny... and that which we have to drive us we must be thankfull for even if it is nothing. If you have lost all will to reach your goals that is and of itself is your motivation. Its a vicious cycle....the greatest enemy is the enemy within...again, we did not chose this. These are the hurdles we are presented with.... they are I feel the hardest to overcome. This is what people do not understand. Anyone that blames there situation on society is viewed as a coward using scapegoats. And anyone stating the truth is viewed as a person with no will. I view us as visionaries held in our own prisons by an arrogant world. We fear because we are the way we are.... we fear cuz the world is they way it is. We fear the risk of losing ourselves... most ppl cant relate. To change ones self is to kill ones self.. so whats the alternative? :/

blah im ranting. and using big words i shouldnt.... Theres always somehting driving you to your destiny. its all in how fast you get there.

 

[Guest]

I hope you get out too. Just gotta keep on truckin.... keep a posotive attitude. Our day will come and it will be a glorious one