Terrified of males

[goodmorning]

I am tired of being so shy and scared of males. Whenever I see a male I am even a little bit attracted to I make sure not to make eye contact and ignore them at all costs. Talking to them is a nightmare. I always come off as unfriendly I hate this about me!

I am turning 21 on Tuesday and I haven't been asked out on a date in a very long time.

How can I change my ways? I am seriously starting to plan on spinsterhood. I think the ignoring comes of poor self esteem. I don't want a guy to think that I am attracted to them because I don't want to weird them out.


Oh, and this is what I look like as of two days ago. I normally wear glasses.

 

[Tino Tsutchie]

Just work on it. It takes time. Try talking to a few guys is a casual atmosphere. Talk about the weather, or news, anytging really. If he's wearing an ACDC shirt, ask about music. Keep thinking in your head, "this is practice, this is practice", and when youre speaking, remember these things:

1. Keep your chin up, and not tucked down.
2. Make eye contact. Dont shy away and avoid it, but dont stare either.
3. Smile and enjoy the conversation.
4. Be confident. Think of all the good qualities you have and keep them in the back of your mind when youre with people (I know it sounds cheesy and motherly, but trust me it works. Ive started to do it, and its brought me out of my shell around women). Intelligence, humor, attractiveness (I'll say it, youre a very attractive girl). Guys want to talk to gurls with good qualities. Relax, and practice the steps and youll see progress.

 

[Badjedidude]

Just smile.

I love it when women smile at me. Even if it's some random girl on the bus, smiling for no particular reason.

You're quite pretty anyway, I can't imagine that guys would feel uncomfortable about being around you, so... just assume that they'll be OK with you. And don't worry so much about how you seem to others... spend more time talking to random guys, even if just for seconds at a time. Eventually, you'll become more comfortable with talking to dudes. Practice makes perfect.

I think you'll be fine.

 

[Dark_Poet]

I am tired of being so shy and scared of males. Whenever I see a male I am even a little bit attracted to I make sure not to make eye contact and ignore them at all costs. Talking to them is a nightmare. I always come off as unfriendly I hate this about me!

I am turning 21 on Tuesday and I haven't been asked out on a date in a very long time.

How can I change my ways? I am seriously starting to plan on spinsterhood. I think the ignoring comes of poor self esteem. I don't want a guy to think that I am attracted to them because I don't want to weird them out.


Oh, and this is what I look like as of two days ago. I normally wear glasses.

You have no idea how well I can relate to this.
I do this with females though.

What has been helping me is to slowly challenge my thoughts.
I still have such a way to go.
Whenever your mind starts to panic, when you feel you can't handle things anymore, try and find your happy place.

Whenever I make eye contact or something like that, it's so scary.
Just try and do it as much as you can feel comfortable.
Find someone you can trust to talk about these feelings.
Since I can relate to this idea very well, I'll listen if that can help you.

It's not something that goes away tomorrow, or even a week from now.
It's something you have to fight very long and hard to achieve.
Just don't try and overdue it. It can knock you back so much.

It's also not something a lot of people seem to understand.
At least, not to the extent as some of us.
I wish you good luck, and if I can help, just ask.

Take care

 

[Jack _]

I do the exact same thing, except with girls. I have this real fear of rejection, so any time i'm attracted to a girl I just don't do anything about it. I get this feeling sometimes that there's no way they'd be attracted to me back, so I don't approach them. It makes me look unfriendly and rude, which obviously isn't the case, but I can't help it.

 

[dannyr22]

I am turning 21 on Tuesday and I haven't been asked out on a date in a very long time.

Don't worry too much things should improve one day. If it makes you feel better I've never been asked on a date in my whole life. Try talking a little to the friendly guys who work in stores, try asking about a product or something (I do this with women) if anything the small conversations will build confidence

 

[ajdass1]

I used to get this way about girls an awful lot. I think for you, small steps might be best. You said that you try not to make eye contact - I'd say that's a good first step. Just try to make eye contact - forget about talking to them or smiling at them; that's a little much to be thinking about to start with. Just make eye contact - and if you can do that - success!

That's what I would suggest, anyway. After all, if you try to make eye contact, and have a conversation, and smile, and try to appear confident, and try to remember all your good points - that's far too much pressure to put on yourself. So just get the eye contact thing down. Maybe whenever you go out, try to make eye contact with the first three guys you see, no matter who they are. And just do that until you feel comfortable doing it and feel like you can handle a little bit more. That's how I got over much of my social anxiety... teeny, tiny, baby steps. But eventually it all starts to click.

Like some of the others have said, it's so nice when girls make eye contact with me. You should get good responses.

However I think all of the replies have been from male perspectives so far. Are there any women on ALL who've had this problem or are having this problem? Please chip in!

 

[tproc]

Any half decent guy wouldn't be weirded out by you liking them. Judging by the picture there you're gorgeous- and you seem like a smart, kind girl.

If a guy seems uncomfortable around you, it's probably because he's just as terrified as you. I know from experience how terrifying talking to an attractive girl is.

 

[Phaedron]

I am tired of being so shy and scared of males. Whenever I see a male I am even a little bit attracted to I make sure not to make eye contact and ignore them at all costs. Talking to them is a nightmare. I always come off as unfriendly I hate this about me!

I do the same thing with females, or at least I used to prior to my giving up on love entirely.

When you see one that you like, there is the immediate fantasy of being with them and thus the burden of loss and tension of wanting things to go right. Unfortunately, this experience creates the very loss you are trying to avoid and thus sabotages the moment. You have to learn to not care when you want to care, as well as care when you do not care. Such is the paradox of life.

The straight and narrow path is a tightrope that must be crossed with arms stretched out perfectly balancing the left and right.

 

[Stars]

Omg, you're so hot...I'm not sure if this is just a trolling post or if you're just fishing...no offense meant.

To even look "half-pretty", I gotta slave it away in the bathroom. >_>

Anyway, I'd totally trade you look-wise. >_> SIGH.

 

[The_Old_Soul]

I love it when women smile at me! In my case, I have a hard time with eye contact too, but I have found some people more in inviting, if that makes sense. I think I have a harder time making eye contact with people who intimidate me or I feel are higher up the social ladder. I will admit it is tough making eye contact with women, but not impossible...again certain ones seem more inviting.

beleive me, aren't going to weird out any guys.

 

[Stranger]

With those gorgeous looks, how will you ever make males terrified of you? I suggest scary make-up, unconventional dress (maybe Goth or Hippie?), and taking several cats with you whenever you go out. When people are scared of you, you can be fearless!

PS Sorry just joking. But seriously, you're beautiful, you've got nothing to worry about! I'm sure men are paying attention to you

 

[Gutted]

I used to be like that with Girls. I was fine in primary school and had a group of female friends. But then in secondary school I was a good boy and I had a tough family time so I kinda lost all confidence. When I was in college I started to get better but was still very shy. Now, 3 years on I am fine around Girls :]

If that's you then you're fine. You just need to have a little confidence in yourself. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. 8 billion of them I think x]

 

[AFrozenSoul]

0_0 KITTY!!!! That is all, I do not know anything about females and I know that none want me so I try to not advise on something I am too stupid to comprehend.

 

[Iceman1978]

I feel the same way, only I'm afraid of talking to women. If they would at least smile at me I might be able to approach them, but they just look at me like I'm a nobody.

 

[Lost Soul]

I am tired of being so shy and scared of males. Whenever I see a male I am even a little bit attracted to I make sure not to make eye contact and ignore them at all costs. Talking to them is a nightmare. I always come off as unfriendly I hate this about me!

Same with me, except it's about girls, and I'm not scared of them, just don't like the ones that judge me, which literally 99% of all girls that see me, judge me as a creep or weirdo.

I find a lot of girls attractive, and I feel something in my heart, don't know, but sometimes it feels like a heart attack. I hot/cold flashes, like the kind you get when your about to be sick, and I don't feel well at all, if she is really attractive.

A lot of times, I tend to gawk. They judge me wither I gawk or not, but I can't help it when I find them attractive.

My sister and her friend which we go GeoCaching every now and then, make jokes of how I almost got into a couple car accidents because of girls. Last winter, I've seen one when I was driving, and almost took a heart attack. We were parked at a red light (two separate cars of curse). I look over, but she didn't see me. I was going straight, she was turning left to go into the plaza near the highway at on the Hammonds Plains Road b Upper Tantallon. As I drove off, I almost took a heart attack. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen often, especially when I'm driving. It happens more in the summer.

 

[Lua]

I've also felt terrified by males until around half a year ago. I went to an all girls school and never really had male friends after elementary school, so I wasn't used to talking to boys and that made it scary. I still don't have a male friend, but I do have a few acquaintances from university, or friends of friends, and I can usually chat with them quite casually.
What helped me was talking to guys in a "safe" environment, when other girls were there, too. That way I was more relaxed because the conversation didn't depend on me being talkative. If I didn't say anything it was okay because the others kept the conversation going. And if you then push yourself to just say something every once in a while and try to make eye contact, you'll find that even attractive boys are just human beings who actually like talking to you.
A few months ago I even managed to start talking to a boy from a Spanish class on whom I had a crush, so I guess you just have to keep trying... I still often feel awkward around guys, but if you try to overcome your fear and take baby steps, it does get better

 

[wolf359]

Any half decent guy wouldn't be weirded out by you liking them. Judging by the picture there you're gorgeous- and you seem like a smart, kind girl.

If a guy seems uncomfortable around you, it's probably because he's just as terrified as you. I know from experience how terrifying talking to an attractive girl is.

I think you nailed it, that's just what I was thinking. That's not only been my experience in the past, I've heard it from other women too. I used to work at a place where the owner would always hire pretty women, some did some modeling work. And most of them said the same thing; they would never get asked out because men were scared as hell of them. Because they were so pretty. (I talked to them ok because I'm with someone, but if I had to ask them out, different story) And judging by your picture, I think it's more than a possibility. If you made eye contact or flashed a smile to one of the guys you like, he'd probably melt. Then see what happens!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am the same way, but with women.

And I would definitely look twice at you. You're cute! Although I would be too intimidated to approach you.

 

[Lost Soul]

I would be too intimidated to approach you.

I'm too intimidated to approach any girl. Especially the attractive ones. I hate when I go on arrends for my Dad and I have to talk to someone attractive. Doesn’t happen often, but still.