This has really been bothering me, and I just don't know what else to do. I'm not sure if this is going to make any sense, but rest assured, no matter how far you think you can fly, no matter how high you think you can get, it cannot escape the echo of what has been done... At least, not for me.
Before I continue... This is about a topic I call sexual fusion. It is where being with someone, they are so much a part of you, that you cannot escape them... I mean, you cannot escape them inside of you! Ever since knowing them, something of them is within you and there is nothing you can do about it, and it totally sucks because they turned out to be complete ********.
Ever since 2008, when I came into the truth about certain things and grew, but a door was opened, and I eagerly awaited to meet a certain soulmate. That is, someone from a former life. Strange that I saw a certain inexplicable horror at first, but it was soon replaced with beauty and a much better picture. I can't really explain it, but I wish it never happened.
Yes, horror is right, but at first beauty. 391, Venice, all I know is, I gave her a name: Ursalia, after the great library from some old tv show, but the real great library was the great library of Alexandria which was burned down in 391 AD! Same as the exact year I choose for NEARLY ALL the fantasy D&D adventures I would GM with my former best friend for about 17 years. Still I am haunted by these pictures of Venice, which I had never seen, but knew. From a former life, obviously. There upon the bridge the love was... strong.
Well, that's enough. The point is, Have you ever been with someone and felt like they have become an inescapable part of you, to where you are permanently changed? It is sex, but it does seem to require a certain depth, the point is, has anyone else experienced what I like to call sexual fusion...
Where, it is though you are no longer the person you were before, and they have rubbed off on you in such a way... I mean it's not impossible for others to have a similar effect, where it is not sexual, to some degree, and yet it's nowhere near to being the same. A fusion of flesh has taken place, and they are part of you whether you like it or not!
Is this completely crazy? Is there anyone that might have experienced something like this? Not that it matters, but I thought it would be amusing to ask. As I said, it might require a certain depth of being, but at the same thing, why is there nothing else? Not that I would seek not another, as Mary means nothing to me, but I feel like I have lost myself to a part of myself that is her, who betrayed me and who I hate.
And another part, feels totally dead because of it, and I sleep more then usual, and there is no recovery from this. Only a tale of love and betrayal that has repeated itself since 391 AD! But I always end up suffering, despite doing the right thing, and getting put into catch 22 situations.
Another aspect is that it remains dormant too long. I may have lifetimes where I see only her, and the result is horror. Then I hold regret, as like now, and wind up never being with anyone ever again, and so my resentment just builds. And then I keep seeing this person and we wind up in these situations that cause her to kill herself, possibly me too in some cases.
I mean I really don't know at this point. Just learning about this honeysuckle, and trying to fathom some innate subtle understanding beneath ALL of my past lives, or at least MOST of them, is hard enough.
Being left too broken to ever be with anyone else is ominous, as it pathes the way for further interaction with this *****, because regardless of the illusion of the choice to forgive, having seen the extreme of both sides, it is futile to even try, as the betrayal was so deep there is no chance of removing all Resentment, and at the same time there is little energy and usually there is no one else to turn to, and I die sad and alone.
Such is my fate to endure, my horror. The price for having been prophesized in song, perhaps? Then again, I seldlonly get around to doing all the things I had hoped for.
Anyway, ignoring my long story, please share any experience of sexual fusion, if you have had such a similar experience.
Please forgive my idiocy, I am drunk and compromised, but it's also somewhat amusing for me to make a vague demonstration of it. Playing the clown is just one of the many ways I sabotage myself... but onto whom I was given... I will surely finish the tasks I was appointed.
But what of life? That I wonder...
Before I continue... This is about a topic I call sexual fusion. It is where being with someone, they are so much a part of you, that you cannot escape them... I mean, you cannot escape them inside of you! Ever since knowing them, something of them is within you and there is nothing you can do about it, and it totally sucks because they turned out to be complete ********.
Ever since 2008, when I came into the truth about certain things and grew, but a door was opened, and I eagerly awaited to meet a certain soulmate. That is, someone from a former life. Strange that I saw a certain inexplicable horror at first, but it was soon replaced with beauty and a much better picture. I can't really explain it, but I wish it never happened.
Yes, horror is right, but at first beauty. 391, Venice, all I know is, I gave her a name: Ursalia, after the great library from some old tv show, but the real great library was the great library of Alexandria which was burned down in 391 AD! Same as the exact year I choose for NEARLY ALL the fantasy D&D adventures I would GM with my former best friend for about 17 years. Still I am haunted by these pictures of Venice, which I had never seen, but knew. From a former life, obviously. There upon the bridge the love was... strong.
Well, that's enough. The point is, Have you ever been with someone and felt like they have become an inescapable part of you, to where you are permanently changed? It is sex, but it does seem to require a certain depth, the point is, has anyone else experienced what I like to call sexual fusion...
Where, it is though you are no longer the person you were before, and they have rubbed off on you in such a way... I mean it's not impossible for others to have a similar effect, where it is not sexual, to some degree, and yet it's nowhere near to being the same. A fusion of flesh has taken place, and they are part of you whether you like it or not!
Is this completely crazy? Is there anyone that might have experienced something like this? Not that it matters, but I thought it would be amusing to ask. As I said, it might require a certain depth of being, but at the same thing, why is there nothing else? Not that I would seek not another, as Mary means nothing to me, but I feel like I have lost myself to a part of myself that is her, who betrayed me and who I hate.
And another part, feels totally dead because of it, and I sleep more then usual, and there is no recovery from this. Only a tale of love and betrayal that has repeated itself since 391 AD! But I always end up suffering, despite doing the right thing, and getting put into catch 22 situations.
Another aspect is that it remains dormant too long. I may have lifetimes where I see only her, and the result is horror. Then I hold regret, as like now, and wind up never being with anyone ever again, and so my resentment just builds. And then I keep seeing this person and we wind up in these situations that cause her to kill herself, possibly me too in some cases.
I mean I really don't know at this point. Just learning about this honeysuckle, and trying to fathom some innate subtle understanding beneath ALL of my past lives, or at least MOST of them, is hard enough.
Being left too broken to ever be with anyone else is ominous, as it pathes the way for further interaction with this *****, because regardless of the illusion of the choice to forgive, having seen the extreme of both sides, it is futile to even try, as the betrayal was so deep there is no chance of removing all Resentment, and at the same time there is little energy and usually there is no one else to turn to, and I die sad and alone.
Such is my fate to endure, my horror. The price for having been prophesized in song, perhaps? Then again, I seldlonly get around to doing all the things I had hoped for.
Anyway, ignoring my long story, please share any experience of sexual fusion, if you have had such a similar experience.
Please forgive my idiocy, I am drunk and compromised, but it's also somewhat amusing for me to make a vague demonstration of it. Playing the clown is just one of the many ways I sabotage myself... but onto whom I was given... I will surely finish the tasks I was appointed.
But what of life? That I wonder...
