How do you feel when you find out that someone you used to know is getting married?
In this case, we weren't friends of course. The total opposite actually. He was one of the worst bullies I ever encountered, and had to endure for 9 years. And ever since, when I've run in to him, he's never changed. But, that aside, I get the feeling that I know I should be happy for them, or at the very least, I shouldn't care. What's it to me?
It brings up the feelings of, "When will it be my turn?". And, "What's so wrong about me ....?". Why do they get a chance? Why do they get to find someone who cares about them that much? Why do they get the chance to love .. and be loved .. like that? I look in the mirror, and see a guy who hasn't really, honestly, been loved. Who has had his love rejected, walked over, kicked around, used, abused, laughed at, and ignored. I see a 37 year old virgin, who hasn't had his first kiss, or held hands, or even cuddled or hugged. I haven't been close enough to do those things, and there's nobody to just 'do them' with.
They look so happy in the photos. All smiles and laughter. And yeah, I know not all marriages work out. Most today probably don't. But at least they have someone to share the walk along the path of life with, even if only for a while. At least they get to try. At least they have THAT chance ....
Why can't I?
In this case, we weren't friends of course. The total opposite actually. He was one of the worst bullies I ever encountered, and had to endure for 9 years. And ever since, when I've run in to him, he's never changed. But, that aside, I get the feeling that I know I should be happy for them, or at the very least, I shouldn't care. What's it to me?
It brings up the feelings of, "When will it be my turn?". And, "What's so wrong about me ....?". Why do they get a chance? Why do they get to find someone who cares about them that much? Why do they get the chance to love .. and be loved .. like that? I look in the mirror, and see a guy who hasn't really, honestly, been loved. Who has had his love rejected, walked over, kicked around, used, abused, laughed at, and ignored. I see a 37 year old virgin, who hasn't had his first kiss, or held hands, or even cuddled or hugged. I haven't been close enough to do those things, and there's nobody to just 'do them' with.
They look so happy in the photos. All smiles and laughter. And yeah, I know not all marriages work out. Most today probably don't. But at least they have someone to share the walk along the path of life with, even if only for a while. At least they get to try. At least they have THAT chance ....
Why can't I?