The devaluation of sex.

[Phaedron]

Then i meet someone new...now I see that the older guy was not best for me ..this new guy is.

I doesnt mean the relationship before was meaningless. it just means this one suits me better

We're going in circles. Let me put it this way.

What if the man you're with does his absolute best to please you in every way, and is devoted nearly all of the time, exceptions being when he wants alone time to do some things of his own.

Then you get to meeting someone with whom you have a little more in common, is wealthier, and you seem to have better chemistry / get along with each other more.

Do you then betray the person you're with?

 

[jales]

totally depends
if you cheat; YES.


if you leave the person; NO.

Then i meet someone new...now I see that the older guy was not best for me ..this new guy is.

I doesnt mean the relationship before was meaningless. it just means this one suits me better

We're going in circles. Let me put it this way.

What if the man you're with does his absolute best to please you in every way, and is devoted nearly all of the time, exceptions being when he wants alone time to do some things of his own.

Then you get to meeting someone with whom you have a little more in common, is wealthier, and you seem to have better chemistry / get along with each other more.

Do you then betray the person you're with?

 

[AlertKid]

I really do believe sex should really be performed between two people who truly love each other, despite if in the future things do not work out. I do not like the idea of one night stands, but I do not think I have the right to tell people not to do it either. Really, I believe the idea of sex and how it is used depends on the persons life style.

 

[Phaedron]

I really do believe sex should really be performed between two people who truly love each other, despite if in the future things do not work out.

Heres an interesting question: Which is more arousing? The idea of straight sex with your soulmate or something dirty? You have to admit there is a certain zest to the forbidden.

I have often said that defining good and evil was itself a statement of our inherent flaw. Good creates an impossible standard no one can follow, and evil is the equal and opposite reaction to that action. As children we are innocent and playful, knowing neither. As we grow older we lose something along the way, we become too serious for one thing. But even under the premise of this belief I still desire only one lover in my life.

 

[AlertKid]

I really do believe sex should really be performed between two people who truly love each other, despite if in the future things do not work out.

Heres an interesting question: Which is more arousing? The idea of straight sex with your soulmate or something dirty? You have to admit there is a certain zest to the forbidden.

lol I'm gay...so are you saying my kind of sex is dirty?

 

[Phaedron]

lol I'm gay...so are you saying my kind of sex is dirty?

I know nothing about you, so no. I have a friend whose gay. I personally don't agree with it, but I'm not here to judge anyone. At least you're following a way that doesn't lead to any hypocrisy.

 

[AlertKid]

lol I'm gay...so are you saying my kind of sex is dirty?

I know nothing about you, so no. I have a friend whose gay. I personally don't agree with it, but I'm not here to judge anyone. At least you're following a way that doesn't lead to any hypocrisy.

lol well xD I would be straight if I could help it, but for some reason I am
not attracted to the female body. And I love my boyfriend to death, I would
really do anything for him, since he's helped me in so many ways. =)
I think something dirty would be like...including masochism into sex. xD
I am NOT fond of it xD I really have a fear of pain. ^^; I would like to
enjoy normal sex with my boyfriend. But I guess you can't really call it
normal, depending on what you believe of course.

 

[Phaedron]

Pain goes with pleasure like night goes with day. Think about it. If there is only light then the light is the same as darkness.

Try it sometime. Challenge yourself to love him even when he does something to you that is painful. Then after the pain will you not appreciate the pleasure even more?

People who get into bondage just want to feel alive.

I think that people sometimes cheat because its exciting, its sexy, its forbidden, its the joy of getting away with it. This is a troubling thought, but role play definitely helps.

It's kind of hard to find someone who desires to live life to the fullest and wants to stick with a single person.

 

[AlertKid]

Pain goes with pleasure like night goes with day. Think about it. If there is only light then the light is the same as darkness.

Try it sometime. Challenge yourself to love him even when he does something to you that is painful. Then after the pain will you not appreciate the pleasure even more?

People who get into bondage just want to feel alive.

I think that people sometimes cheat because its exciting, its sexy, its forbidden, its the joy of getting away with it. This is a troubling thought, but role play definitely helps.

It's kind of hard to find someone who desires to live life to the fullest and wants to stick with a single person.

Well you have a very interesting way of thinking, and I like it. xD
But my view on some things are different.
If I ever cheated on my boyfriend I would not think "oh how thrilling
I got away" instead I would be thinking "how could I do something so
horrible! -guilty-"
And with pain...I actually WOULD do some stuff like that if my boyfriend
enjoyed it, but I would hope not to do it too often. I think the closest
thing to pain we got to was talking about me scratching his back because
he was doing such a good job >w>;; . . . and that it was my way of
''owning'' him. heheheh...

 

[Phaedron]

If I ever cheated on my boyfriend I would not think "oh how thrilling
I got away" instead I would be thinking "how could I do something so
horrible! -guilty-"

Thats my view as well. I'm just saying that I understand the appeal.

I would never cheat. Here is a deeper explanation of my view:


LIVING IN YOUR HEAD

Everything in life is a sensation, and the brain is what interprets that sensation. I've imagined myself in countless situations, as countless characters, even as the opposite sex. In a way I'm the god of my own world.

Imagine what life would be like if we had a virtual world such as the holodeck on Star Trek. In that case why not be a saint? The outer life is free to become efficient as all desires are satisfied from within. Having a child would become a genetic decision. One could be outwardly free of all sins, yet know them all from within.

This is the lesson solitude has taught me. This along with my passion for psychology and capability to generate climatic emotions and maximize appreciation at all times is why I feel I would make a good partner.

I am able to commit to my partner with a level of devotion and obedience that is more then they can handle. My energy level is literally through the roof. Of course I can't just explode all over her, the key is to take it slow and make the little things significant. I'm also creative to a point that it might seem like waking up to a new person everyday, but underneath all of it I'm still the same person and I'm still the absolute devotee of the one I am with.

I know I don't have much real experience, but my understanding of what is real is very close and in many ways more then most others will learn.

I find everyone beautiful so appearance isn't big with me. I do like long hair more then short. The things I hate most are anger problems, closemindedness, and lack of emotions. Also being secretive and stabbing people in the back.

I'm a Gemini and tend to relate to everyone. There is a side that loves and a side that hates all things. Still I do need someone who can learn to appreciate my interests. I'm the type who loves someone because of their mind and their feelings. I'm more on the giving side of love then the taking side. My ideal mate is also my best friend.

I approach life with a sense of boredom. I might as well do this or I might as well do that. Either way I'll have some fun. Sometimes I feel more inclined to do one thing or the other, but for the most part I could go either way. I'm sure I could have fun with just about anybody. However I would insist on exploring my interests with a partner, perhaps in an attempt to relive the nostalgia from my past.

I really love to show people things. Games, music, videos, whatever I'm into. I get a real jolt out of showing that to someone else especially if they haven't seen it before. I don't know why I just enjoy it.

 

[AlertKid]

wow i like your mind more and more catharsis ^^
i think you'll make a great partner for someone one day =D

 

[Phaedron]

wow i like your mind more and more catharsis ^^
i think you'll make a great partner for someone one day =D

Thanks. I'll try to remember this on those days when I'm consumed with despair and thinking it impossible that I ever find someone.

 

[Estreen]

I have a question, when you were talking about past relationships:

What if you've never loved the people you dated in the past? Maybe a strong like, or infatuation/crush, but you knew it wasn't actually love? Because, at first I used to think a few of my past relationships were kinda wasted to the point where I'd almost regret them, but then, after having met my current boyfriend, I didn't mind them at all; in fact I was grateful, especially for the worst (and previous one) because it led me to him, or at least influenced events to happen that led me to him. And he's my first, and only, love. So I definitely wouldn't label my past relationships as mistakes, just a few learning/life experiences I needed to go through before finally finding the person I would actually fall in love with.

As for your question about temptation... I'm not going to lie: there are some really attractive guys out there, and maybe there are some that may share a few more common interests with me, and wealthier guys as well (not that I give a s**t about money when it comes to love), and while I acknowledge that, it doesn't matter to me. Let the guy with the six pack and the lean, muscular body come up and wave a whole stack of $100 bills in front of me and try to hit on me. He can try, but it just doesn't matter to me. My boyfriend isn't perfect, and even though he doesn't have a six pack, etc I couldn't think of anyone sexier/more attractive than him. Sometimes I wish we had a few more interests, sure, because being in a long distance relationship, a lot of it relies on conversation so it sucks a little when we run out of things to say, but the fact that I know I can tell him anything, say anything, act really goofy...whatever, and not be embarrassed...its a great feeling. He loves me, he understands me on a deep level, and I know he's there for me, no matter what, and that will always win out over the muscular, hunky, interesting millionaire; ALWAYS.

(Yes I know, I'm a hopeless romantic.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Unfortunately real world events dosn't really match with what's in my head.
There is fantacy or illusions that my mind will generate.
Through meditations practices , I'm been able to BE in the moment.
In the NOW, in the presence. Where life is ...where truth is.
Not how things ought to be, not what is was or how I want it to be.....but IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Sometimes Acceptance is a son of a *****.
Never the less the lesson is Acceptance.
Would i allow myself to accept perfect love as it is...or do i have my own idea of what truth is.
Some have even term this is a state of BLISS or enlightenment.
In other words...to be in the PRESENCE of god (life) not my mind.

Not everyone is going to agree in this concept or even know what the hell I'm talking about.

I've also study the coruse of mirracles upon many other ventures.
The very first lesson in the course of mirracle is..."my thoughts are meaning less".
This simply implies whatever thoughts...weather it be poeple, places, things or conceptions
I've have assign values or meanings to them.

Example:.....a ROSE.
Is a rose beautiful or ugly ?
Why is that especific flower call a "ROSE" ?
Dose the lable "rose" change that flower or the vaule or meaning I have assinged to it ?
What thoughts or images dose my mind generate when the word ROSE is mention ?
What do you associate a rose to ?

Take 5 mins of your time to observe any objects in your room...Obverse how your mind function.

What dose this have to do with anything or a relationship ?
Well....unfortunately the instent gradification dosn't last too long in a relationship.
An analogy...planting a seed for grow a ROSE.
You'll have a general idea of what a rose plant might be...but you're not going to know
exactly what the rose plant will look like or be.
You mind can imagine about that rose until the sun don't shine....but the actual
ROSE will never be exaclty how you imagine it.

There's the sensations of touch, smell, sounds and taste...that my mind can't produce.
Not like in realility, not like what is.

My wife was a like a rose. (she was perfect as she was/is in that moment of her life).
Not what I wanted her to be.
Yes, a hard lesson learn. She fit my idea of what a perfect woman should be...
but it was very hard for her to keep up with the idea i had in my head.
Yes...it bugged the honeysuckle out of her if she gained 5 pounds...this also applies in many other aspect of our relationship.
In other words Love is not a prisoner.

Yes...I love beautiful long blonde hair.
I remember the day we got our divorced very well....She freaken cut off almost all of her hair to be free.
Did i treated other women I've met afterward the same as i treated her?.....surely not.

My relationship with her was a like a rose.
My life is like a rose.

Non of which fits perfectly into my idea of what perfection is.
The universe is perfectly unfolding at this very moment....my mind just has to catch up.
Or better yet...I should to get out of my mind to experince perfection.

In a perfect world my duaghter would be living with me...
The realilty was a pain in the ass to accept.
I struggled for years...I thought no one can love my daughter as much as I love her.
But my 2 step duaghters came into my life and gave me a lesson I needed.
It was the love i have for step daughters. I love them as if they where my own.
It was that peace of knowing...as messed up as i was, I was capiable of ture love.
If i can love my 2 steps duaghters as much as I love them....I know there's a man out there that's
capiable of loving my daughter as well.

well...obviousely my GF didn't think i was dirty for getting a divorced or been with another woman.
I didn't have the conner on the market of what love and freedom is....
What I want for myself surely i must also allow for others....better yet, relized they don't need my seal of approval.

As far as up grading.....the under educated folks version....lmao
" A divorce is better than murder"........

The enlightenment souls versions
Sometimes when a plant grows in a pot....you must replant
the plant in a bigger pot. The plant will die or not grow...becuase the roots bottom out.

 

[Phaedron]

Yes, acceptance and forgiveness is part of the answer. So is willingness to change and grow together. When pursuing love it is to become the devotee of the other, and in some ways love is something bigger then both of you that you seek together.

I'll come right out and tell you that I believe in the messages of this page http://www.circleoflight.net/soulmates1.html I'm skeptical about the spiritual aspects, but the message is inherently right. It's a very interesting site, even the stuff about animal communication.

A scary thing happened to me lately in the past two months. Aside from all the intensity of swinging through the pendulum of having all the answers and having only despair, each time with greater intensity.

There have been times I have actually felt like the person I will come to love is there with me, guiding me to her. Perhaps connected through the collective unconsciousness by the sheer intuitive determination to connect. I'm a very intuitive person. I've had psychic premonitions before but I ignored them and someone close to me died. Or it might just be my mind playing tricks on me. Either way I expect to find out late november, early december.

According to my astrology info this is going to be a once in a lifetime period of extreme benevolence where things in my favor and my influence is at its strongest. These last couple months have been hyperdrive compared to the rest of my miserable lonely existence. I've felt myself changing, becoming more committed, dealing with issues once and for all in a way I never could before. It got a point where everyday I redefined the meaning of life and experienced some kind of profound awakening that brought tears to my eyes.

Have you ever yearned for the partner who matches you perfectly? Of course you have. We all have! There is a good reason for these feelings. You do have a SoulMate, unique and belonging only to you. Deep in the heart of every human lies the knowledge of his or her SoulMate.

People are feeling a silent connection to their SoulMate.

Also, because Love on our planet has been associated with GETTING rather than GIVING, people do not yet know how to respond to this changing energy of the decade of the SoulMate. They continue to change partners with the goal of getting more and more personal needs met. This only creates musical chairs for partners and does not bring lasting joy. It is now time to change our view of relationship, instead of changing partners, and to begin exploring Love from giving, from the heart!

As we raise ourselves by opening our hearts, our SoulMate will come into view. Our SoulMate has always been with us but until we reach a certain openness of heart, we cannot see him or her. When we ask God's help to open our hearts to our SoulMate, the molecules which make up our ever moving energy field go into motion, and our SoulMate actively moves toward us . We do not have to go anywhere or do anything special. We do not have to change partners. As we become Love, that Love will show itself in us and before us in our partner. We will literally call and draw our SoulMate to us into our current partner, or a new partner.

As we grow on the SoulMate path, we understand that the person in front of us will always reflect to us perfectly the state of our Love. Even the simplest law of spiritual attraction is that "like attracts like." In our relationship, then, we are able to see immediately if we are living from the heart or from the ego because our partner will reflect this back to us. If you want more Love, what is the practical thing to do? Give more Love. God asks us to look within ourselves deeply and honestly. But are we truly open to Love? It takes a strong person with a great desire for Love to admit feeling closed to Love. For some people this may be accompanied by tears or other ways of letting go of the armor and shielding we have falsely thought we needed. This opening inevitably brings the SoulMate.

As a couple in a relationship makes the decision to choose Love, to open their hearts, their relationship will transform. The decision to live from the heart, to put the other person first, must be made again and again and again, on a daily basis. As Love becomes the priority, the couple's lives will shift dramatically. Then the SoulMate relationship is realized and Love becomes a living reality. This turns on that genetic SoulMate code within which awakens us into our true state – the Love that brings us Home.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I've recently scan through an astrology text book that I have. i have some interest in it.
I like to learn. There's so much i don't know about.
I'm not sure if i'm really for it at the moment.
For some reason I can't grasp it.
My spiritaul advisor also told me....to not worry about such matters.
When I'm ready from lessons, the universe will send them to me or I will start grasping concepts.
Please god....no more lessons.lmao

My conceptions of forgiveness has also changed through out my life.
At first I thought forgiveness was about the other person. Such as i forgive people that hurted or traspassed me.
Later I learned that forgivness was more about me....weather intensionally or un intensionally I was hurt.
I was the person that was hurt or carrying that pain inside of me.....not the person that hurted me.
So i forgave to not have to carry the hate, revenge...negative emotions or emotional bagage with me.
Not so much that it made me more enlighten or closer to god.

I still have a rough time applying the concept of FORGIVENESS IS NOT A REQUIREMENT.
It's hit and miss. Alot of it also has to do with my well being.
It sort of makesence if you belive nothing absolutely nothing happens by mistakes,
or the sentance i use..IT IS WHAT IT IS or PERFECTION
Forgiveness is sort of a bridge or a toy that i needed....however it is not a requirement.
This conception simply implies....judge not...or simply be an observer or transparent.

The principle of meditation will also give you insight in this concept.
When practicing meditation...one simple observe the parade of countless thoughts.
One dose not control it or judge it. One simply let thoughts flow.
Eventaully the mind will becomes still.


Judging a thought simply imply a sort of attachment.
Judging a person simply imply a sort of attachment....(a thought of a person)

It's easier said than done ....especailly in the heat of a battle....lmao

 

[ClosetGeek]

I read some more posts from you and now I know who you really are.
First of all....I am not fat and very pretty and intelligent....I wanted to say this so you know from who this is coming from.
As long as you judge women.....according to whether they are fat and ugly etc.........don't be disturbed when women judge you on whether you are rich or poor. Superficiality.......attracts superficiality.
So now you can stop whining.

I see. Men who critize women who want exclusive relationships are:
a) are men who are not capable of pursuing a normal relationship cause they have mental or physical problems.
b)are actually.....closet gays.......and pretend to be playboys all their life long
So there you have it.
There is nothing wrong with being exclusive with someone.
Whoever mocks that.......he has a problem himself.
The only delusion there is that he blames women for his problems.
Can we cut the PUA crap? Neil Strauss......is an ugly mofo with mental issues and I am not sure why men look up to him as a guru.

Your mistake is to think I call this a bad thing. Personally yes, but objectively no. In fact I respect the viewpoint of sharing passion and love with many. I know money isn't the primary attraction. Of course not. Its temptation, there will always be someone better. There are those who follow the temptation and those who don't.

What I don't understand is why such a light hearted attitude about relationships leads to even bothering to want them to be exclusive? It seems like a delusion to me.

 

[Phaedron]

I read some more posts from you and now I know who you really are.
First of all....I am not fat and very pretty and intelligent....I wanted to say this so you know from who this is coming from.
As long as you judge women.....according to whether they are fat and

Whoa I do not judge women according to whether they are fat, I don't know where you got that idea from. I judge myself for being a bit overweight. I don't mind fat at all, in fact my one real girlfriend was kinda chubby (The one from in my teens.) In fact I'm most attracted to that veluptous state often considered fat, but I think it's just right. If anything I'd rather be with someone whose too fat then someone whose too thin. The women who starve themselves, ugh.

I don't know you think I am, but I'm not someone you know. Appearance is not big with me, I am all about the inside. I'm sorry if I said something stereotypical that offended you. Say something typical about guys if you want. I know there are special people out there and I hope to find one.

As for the rest of your post, I have no idea where it's even going. I am all about wanting someone exclusive, the point I was making was that if you like the idea of having so many relationships then whats the point of being exclusive. Whatever it's been argued to death already.

and now you can stop whining

Can I have a decent discussion? I guess not. Why are you so hostile with me? I think we're just not seeing eye to eye.

Try to understand. I was born into that hardcore Christian mentality. You seek one person and stay with them. To do otherwise is a sin. In truth its always sickened me that people go through many relationships, especially because they put so little value on them. To me those kind might as well just get into free love, but the others here have shown me their dedication and I'm satisfied.

 

[Red_Apple]

I totally agree with you Papabear. I don't think it's too much to ask of you at all.

 

[Naleena]

Heres an interesting question: Which is more arousing? The idea of straight sex with your soulmate or something dirty? You have to admit there is a certain zest to the forbidden.

Define straight sex and dirty sex.....lol