The devaluation of sex.

[Phaedron]

Define straight sex and dirty sex.....lol

lol I'm going to crash soon. I want you to know I respect your position. What I did basically was question the sincerity of exclusive relationships under the premise of having had many of them. If you take anything from the post where I linked that site, its the idea to "give" instead of "get" and raise the quality of relationships instead of playing musical chairs with new ones.

I know I'm not experienced enough for people like you, but believe me there is little I can't deal with. I'm there through the good and bad. If anything theres a danger I'd wind up with an abusive relationship. lol
I plan on doing my best and hope to find someone who shares that view.

Peace.

 

[Naleena]

My point is if you can't call a failed relationship a mistake, then you're saying you're glad it happened. Glad to have fallen in love with the wrong person. This tells me you would rather be with them then me and it makes the prospect of failing in your current relationship okay.

In my opinion, no relationship is a failed realtionship if you have learned from it. Perhaps a person is with the right person at that time? You see women with low self esteem with men who beat them. They are perfectly matched in an imperfect relationship. They are both working on issues that they have. Now let's say the woman learns from this that she is worthy of being valued. She has learned what she does not want in a relationship. How could this be a failure? Some people need to learn by experience. That man was the right man for her at that time. Now, if she were to look back and think that she was glad to have learned from that, it doesn't mean she wants to be with the man she was with and it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with the person she is with now (who treats her better).

This tells me you would rather be with them then me and it makes the prospect of failing in your current relationship okay.

One has nothing to do with the other, in my opinion I don't believe people want to change relationships like they do thier underware. It's not easy giving your heart to someone and becoming vulnerable. It hurts. Whether someone has had one relationship or four[/quote]ty, they still have a heart that can break. Just because someone can look back and take meaning from the relationships they had doesn't mean they want to keep having new ones. I think we all want that special once in a lifetime love to come along.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

Heres an interesting question: Which is more arousing? The idea of straight sex with your soulmate or something dirty? You have to admit there is a certain zest to the forbidden.

Define straight sex and dirty sex.....lol

Hey, I remember sex!
I had dirty sex once but it took so long to get the mud out of my ears I give it up.
Straight sex is great, a little taboo is even better.

 

[Satyr]

This thread really took off...

Despite my user name and past history of silly suggestive comments, I've never treated sex as a mere pastime. I haven't been with anyone lately, but in the past I've had a fair share of young ladies that were kind enough to be my girlfriend. The most enjoyable and successful of these relationships were built on the fact that we were good friends first and foremost. Sex was the dessert to an already incredible meal.

I've never cheated on anyone in my life. When I'm with someone, she is my world and my goddess. I've been pretty consistent with that attitude and it will never change. Any woman that is kind enough to let me into her life, will never have to worry about being taken for granted, being cheated on or lied to. I know what being alone is like and I recognize the rarity and importance of love. It's much too precious a thing to squander away with deceit and games.

I kind of think sex is a bit like drugs or alcohol. If you use it too much, it doesn't have as potent of an effect. Eventually you become immune to it and simply treat it as something to do for no particular reason. I think the best sex comes from not having done it for awhile, and having the experience of being with someone you are extremely attracted to and care about. It's that moment, late in the evening after you've been sitting on the couch talking and simply can't stand keeping your hands off eachother another second. THAT is an incredible feeling.

My rant for the day...

 

[Naleena]

When I'm with someone, she is my world and my goddess.

Awwwwwwwwwwww. *sniff sniff* That's soooooo sweet!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Heres an interesting question: Which is more arousing? The idea of straight sex with your soulmate or something dirty? You have to admit there is a certain zest to the forbidden.

Define straight sex and dirty sex.....lol

Well....Nalee if you really wanna know....pack your bags !
Better yet....give me your address and put the silk sheets
on your bed.
I'll be straight with ya. You can go dirty on me if U want
just don't get too kinky on me.....

P.S. have the hand cuffs and whip ready too.
Inviting your sexy hot female next door nighbour for a 3 some is also negotiable.....lmao
No hot wax....though. I belive wax would make silky sheets messy.

 

[Satyr]

When I'm with someone, she is my world and my goddess.

Awwwwwwwwwwww. *sniff sniff* That's soooooo sweet!

Thank you...

It's also true.

 

[Phaedron]

When I'm with someone, she is my world and my goddess.

[/quote]

That is exactly how I feel. Just in case I haven't made it clear yet with all of my other not so intentionally poetic statements.

 

[Satyr]

That is exactly how I feel. Just in case I haven't made it clear yet with all of my other not so intentionally poetic statements.

Happy to hear it...

I'm glad we've all agreed not to devalue sex.

So, anyone wanna go to the strip club with me? No? Well ok...your loss.

 

[Frostburn]

Before I write anything I just want to state that I am 18, virgin and I have never been in a relationship.

I view sex for just pure enjoyment and lust immoral. As I see the very casual approach to sex has lead oversexualization of modern culture and especially the media. In my eyes I think it has lead many people thinking other people are just sexual objects that have value equal to the value of sexual pleasure they can produce. I am not saying all people who have had sex with no strings attached are these type of people, but many people these days seem to just have one night stands. I am also put off how these days younger and younger people are trying to be sexually active, when they can barely grasp what having sex with someone really means. The whole concept of being ”uncool” unless you have lost your virginity in some teenage drunkfest to a person you probably never even met before is saddening.

A lot of my type of thinking stems from my personal opinion that sex is something only people that share deep mutual love should have. For me sexual contact is something sacred and I feel just putting it in line as just another way to pass time or just something to fulfil our primal needs is devaluing it. Though even when I feel this way I don't go around pointing people with finger that they are pure evil for what they do. As long as both parties understand what is going to happen then that is their personal choice. But I still have my own opinion and I have no reason to change it.

I have sometimes thought my opinion might be influenced by my bitterness of being totally neglected by the opposite sex. That might be at least partly true I guess, for if I would have had sex earlier in my life I would view it differently. But I then again I could speculate endlessly what I could think of things if my life would have been different.

I very much hope I someday find someone who I love and who I am ready to have sex with. Sometimes I am sceptical if that will ever happen. However, I decided long time ago that if don't meet anyone worthy (who considers me worthy as well) then I am not going to have sex just for the sake of having it with person I don't love. I just wouldn't be able to do it. No matter how strong physical desire to have it would be.

 

[jales]

I think this is a very interesting topic
the concept of 'devaluation of sex.'

And my opinion on it is strong lol. People tend to think that they are very different from others when in this case I really believe that we are not. And that we are all the same.

To me.
In life we all have certain needs... food, rest, companionship ...whatever they are. These needs exist.

And these needs have priority. I need food a lot more than I need sex.
Maybe what we need and the importance we place on it varies per person... but the way I see it is that it only varies based on things you can not control.

For example if my mother got really sick when I was a teenager and ..passed away.. I might happen to be health-freak when I have kids. Because I happen to fear putting my kids through what I went through. In that case health my be a bit more important to me than to others.. And then what if i preach preach preach to my kids...'healthy food is good. eat healthy'..they might be health freaks as well.

The same way someone taught that sex is the most important thing in the world might place more value of sex than someone who's mom had sex with a different guy very week. Or someone who saw their parents split because of infidelity just might be more careful not to cheat in their own relationships....sure

But in general even with this apparent difference in 'value' we still have basically the same sort of need and those needs more often than not determine how we treat sex. In general for most humans.. food is more important than sex, love is more important that sex, and who we have sex with is generally important to us as well.

But in life sometimes we are in positions where we need one or two of these vital things very much and we offer sex in exchange for it. Sounds bad; but seems true to me. Yes certain things have supreme value. Life has supreme value, but it can still be traded. Even though historically people value their own lives so much; still people have traded their lives and killed themselves for something they saw as a 'greater good'.

It doesn't mean something has less value to you when you trade it for something else. But it does mean that something else has more value. And I really believe that in most cases what we trade sex for is ....the best world that comes to mind is HEALTH ..lol

Health meaning.. food (money) or mental health (which usually comes from love and the feeling of having worth e.t.c). And I truly believe that if ANY ANY ANY ANY of you did not have health and could not get it in another way you'll would trade sex for it as well.

You might look at the people who have one night stands and think that they are trading it for something else but they arent. The same love you are waiting to trade your sex for is the same love (or whatever it is we all seek) they trade theirs for. You'll just use different methods. Everyone's case is unique. But from the people who do things like this that I know. they usually say something like this...

"Right now..I dont want to hurt anyone or to get hurt or and of that relationship stuff. Relationships arent for me.. and I cant live without sex..soo."
- A person who says this ..may have been hurt and doesn't want to get hurt again..they are protecting their health. Many of them have egos which in the past have been fed through sex and don't know of another way to feed it.

Or they might say
"I do it simply for pleasure. I'm young and waant to live life to the fullest and explore yadda yadda yadda"
- To me a person who has sex only for pleasure really is lacking 'pleasure'. They are miising something (most likely real love). And it's a hole they are trying to fill.


Now I'm not saying that all of us here dont have holes to fill, and arent just as desperate for 'health'. But in seeking that 'health' we explore different methods....like www.alonelylife.com ...And that's great but from what I see.. if we thought that we could get what we seek by having sex with a random guy from a bar, and we werent to shy or could easily do that..or were being offered this option. We'd do it too. So yes everyone is different to me. But we are very much all the same as well. And when it comes to sex most times we are looking for the same health....according to how much of it we lack.

Again yes everyone is different, so maybe you are different. And maybe I'm totally wrong in my generalizations. But just I felt like stating an opinion.

=)

 

[Symphony in Black]

The latest that I've written, dealing slightly with this ('this' being, the physical, although the song touches on all aspects):

----------------------------------
"The Human Residue"


A weather weary face
Hollow, sunken eyes
Lips that cannot kiss
Diseased from deep inside

A worn, abandoned place
A fortress made of lies
How did it come to this
A man so horrified

They'll put themselves beside you
They'll brand themselves upon you
Standing in line with lust in their eyes to possess you

With scar after scar
The things we choose to do
Please take me apart
From the human residue

Scar after scar
The things I couldn't do
I've ruined my heart
With human residue

A soul that's stretched and thin
A body filled with sin
The weakened voice within
Not again....no, not again

They'll put themselves inside you
They'll force themselves onto you
Waiting in line with greed in their eyes to afflict you

With scar after scar
The things we choose to do
Please take me apart
From the human residue

Scar after scar
The things I couldn't do
I've ruined my heart
With human residue

I've thrown myself in misery
For the sake of normalcy
Move on, and on, and on and on
Feed the people's fallacy

The lake of flesh, the piercing burn
More filthy than it's dirt of birth
For all the bliss forgiveness is
It doesn't heal the pain on Earth

I can't hate more intense
We've impaled all continence
Objects draining objects
Collecting innocence

A regret is all I am
And regret is all I have
If I could turn back time
And do it all again

To touch
To know
To feel deep inside

To have
To love
To hold against the tide

To stave the thirst
To give so vast
To rule among, to share with none
To stay safe in a promise cast

To be the first
To be the last
To be the one, the past undone
To make love under stained glass

I cry
I die
I've cried a thousand times
I cry
I die
I've died a thousand times inside

Scar after scar after scar is all we do
Washing our spirits away with human residue
-------------------------------------------

I've been having an extremely hard time lately with a lot of things. In my life, the purpose I've felt in my heart to be a great husband to a woman has often resulted in and entertained me with endless sorrow. I have realized more and more lately that I've become an extremely damaged person because of...well, the lyrics explain decently, without getting too much into it. I feel so ruined psychologically that there is just no way I can ever be with someone else again who has been with someone else physically - although I can certainly be close friends, sympathize and so forth. Before you say that's not fair and point to the 'normalcy factor' with all of the mature and enlightened judgments you have thrown in let me first say I've been there and done that, and let me also say that if any woman were to reject me on the same premise they have every right to do so. Things have consequences in this world and it's about time we start seeing it, when it comes to one another and our hearts. I for one do still respect..respectful ideals and choices and living examples of those. I am definitely 'better' than noone in a lot of ways. All of that aside, the point is I can definitely speak for myself when I say I've been hit pretty hard by this topic, from being on almost all sides of the fence, and so on. It has caused me indescribable grief and poison since the first barrage. And I don't see it getting any better in society, unfortunately. God help us all.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't really provide much comfort or answer to anyone.... it's just a mere portion of my thoughts, that I decided to contribute.........to further the thread, or whatnot.

Hi btw.

 

[Phaedron]

You have the lyric style of Slayer lol. Quite nice, could imagine it as a metal song for sure.

Well theres not much to say here anymore. I don't know how this woman brings you sorrow, but I'd gladly be tortured by one day and night so long as she still regarded me the center of her world. You can never control what life gives you, and its great to tell fate that karma is load of bull. Dealing with life... learn to enjoy pain, it's the only way. No one enjoys his meal like a starving man.

 

[Phaedron]

I have sometimes thought my opinion might be influenced by my bitterness of being totally neglected by the opposite sex. That might be at least partly true I guess, for if I would have had sex earlier in my life I would view it differently. But I then again I could speculate endlessly what I could think of things if my life would have been different.

Yeah Frostburn we share the same opinion. This is a crucial thought because were you are a girl I can guarantee thered be a whole line of horny men wanting you. This is just how it is and like you said were any of us desired it may have changed things. So do yourself a favor and if you do happen to meet one that shares your opinion, cherish her deeply.

 

[Naleena]

Sex is part of a relationship. It isn't the relationship. It's important not to confuse that. It doesn't matter if someone is a virgin or if they have slept with other people, what does matter is who they are. What matters is what kind of person they are inside and what is in their heart. After all, EVERYONE in the world, including those manipulative people some of you fear, where.....are you ready for this?.....VIRGINS! To think someone who hasn't has sex has some kind of qualities that is exclusive to remaining a virgin is ridiculous.

Manipulation and breaking someone's heart doesn't have anything to do with whether or not someone has had sex. And just like Jales brought up many good points, some people prostitute to eat. What about those mothers in third world countries who prostitute to fed thier kids? They are good people and anyone who says any different is gonna have a fight on thier hands.

You'll have to excuse me as I have an intolerance for arrogance and ingnorance. Some of you gripe about what other people have done to you but, I ask you, what part did you play in it? Can anyone do anything to you without you letting them? If you get with the wrong person, get the hell out. Don't hang around and ***** about it. Love isn't for cowards. Finding that right person is never easy. You have to go through some relationships and yeah, your heart gets broken. Join the club. You don't have the corner market on pain. It's up to you to get back up and brush yourself off and say your not going down like that and your not gonna lose faith. Your not gonna let a few ******** leave you bitter. You have two choices- you can lay down and die in your misery and ***** about it or you can get up and keep going. Don't blame your failures totally on the other person because some where down the road, you played a part in it.

Most people who have love, have worked for it. They have done thier emotional/spiritual/self work and gone through the bullshit. Don't envy them, do what they did. Stick it out. Have some faith. Stop judging a person by thier sexual partners or lack thereof and for god's sake, stop judging yourself. It's ok to have a failed relationship. It's ok if you played a fool. We are all human and we f*ck up and then we learn from it.

And if you are one of those people who get it right the first time, I'm happy for you. You are the exception and definately not the rule.

For the rest of you who want to take my advice, be proactive. Go out and find love! And if you can't find love, then find some @ss!
Nooooo, just kidding. Scratch that last comment...lol

 

[Symphony in Black]

It didn't take long for someone to not only not put any thought into what I said, but also grab some stuff out of thin air and slap that good old broadbrush on. Well, I'm honored to be the latest manifestation of your mind, I guess. I understand it's easier to go about things that way.

The only reason I don't completely let loose is because I'm "new" and who knows how long that will last anyway with people like you around. If there's a polite way to say 'piss off', then please apply it and don't bother speaking to me directly or indirectly again. Thnx.

 

[Steel]

Very well said Naleena *applauds*.

 

[Symphony in Black]

Seriously, I mean that, you probably have a blog, if you have something to say, just blog somewhere about "that type of person", whatever group it is you're no doubt making sure to stuff me in. Hopefully someone with a brain will come along and kind of say, "Hey, I slightly get where you're coming from and respect your choices." and not take every single little chance to assume a whole load of nonsense EVEN WHEN I SAID TO PLEASE NOT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE *RIGHT IN THE FREAKING ORIGINAL POST*.....

Ugh.

 

[Steel]

Seriously, I mean that, you probably have a blog, if you have something to say, just blog somewhere about "that type of person", whatever group it is you're no doubt making sure to stuff me in. Hopefully someone with a brain will come along and kind of say, "Hey, I slightly get where you're coming from and respect your choices." and not take every single little chance to assume a whole load of nonsense EVEN WHEN I SAID TO PLEASE NOT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE *RIGHT IN THE FREAKING ORIGINAL POST*.....

Ugh.

Who are you talking to Symphony?

 

[Naleena]

Seriously, I mean that, you probably have a blog, if you have something to say, just blog somewhere about "that type of person", whatever group it is you're no doubt making sure to stuff me in. Hopefully someone with a brain will come along and kind of say, "Hey, I slightly get where you're coming from and respect your choices." and not take every single little chance to assume a whole load of nonsense EVEN WHEN I SAID TO PLEASE NOT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE *RIGHT IN THE FREAKING ORIGINAL POST*.....

Ugh.

By reading the post on leaving, I can see you thought I was talking to you. I wasn't. You weren't even on my mind. If I had replied to you, you would have seen the comment box. There are 10 pages of posts here and other posts all over the forum that discuss relationships and this paticular one discusses sexuality. You assumed something that isn't true. I don't know why you thought I was talking to you specifically out of all the people who posted in this thread, get over yourself already and yes, Im pissing off.